Title: Not Alike At All
Author: sllebswap
Beta'd by: MelissaRose85
Characters/Pairing: Miura Haru and Belphegor
Type: Two-Shot (Complete)
Genre: Romance/Humor
Word Count: 6202
Rating: T (Contains content not suitable for children)
Disclaimer: Kateikyoushi Hitman Reborn belongs to Akira-san.
Summary: TYL ficlet. When Rasiel decides to sneak into Belphegor's household under the guise of the younger twin, things does not go well for him.
Chapter Last Revised on: 27/01/13
Chapter Two
Belphegor didn't claim to understand what the two were trying to do at the moment, and even though his killing intent seemed to be temporarily under control, seeing his wife so proximally close to his brother made him twitch with a renewed surge of irritation. The fury inducing sight of the both of them in such a compromising position was going to be permanently engraved in his memory—he was going to try harder to kill Rasiel from now on, the asshole. He should have known that Rasiel would come sniffing around Haru sooner or later.
"Bel, don't just stand there and stare," Haru ordered grumpily. "Come and help deal with your fan boy!"
Baffled, Belphegor didn't even try to pretend to understand his wife's mumbles. It was not the first time she had said things that were completely incomprehensible to him, and so he had learned to tune her out whenever necessary. She was still stooped over before Rasiel, however, muttering under her breath the entire while, and that was giving him all sorts of mental issues by the minute, and so he quickly strode over, grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her away from the stiff form of his sibling.
Rasiel looked very relieved as he quickly pulled up his pants and hurriedly stepped away from the protesting she-devil before he unwittingly gave her any cause to leap his way again. The traumatized blonde resolved to never be caught with his pants down around the crazy woman ever again, pun fully intended. Pride smarting at being caught in such a humiliating fashion by his younger sibling, the Crown Prince snapped at his brother. "You better keep your rabid wife leashed properly; she has no right to randomly assault innocent men just because you fail to satisfy her in bed."
Belphegor felt even before he heard Haru's indignation at Rasiel's stupid remark. Haru was all but bristling with affront in his arms, her feathers all ruffled up and looking visibly upset. He was able to restrain her in time before she could jump for his brother's throat.
As such, Haru was only able to wave her fist impotently at the annoying Belphegor wannabe. "Oh, you take that back right now, you- you…pervert stalker! I will have you know that Bel satisfies me just fine!" The brunette was quick to retort passionately. "I bet you are just jealous because you aren't anywhere near as good as he is! That's such a cheap shot—and downright immature, too!"
In her usual fashion, Haru had certainly not wasted any time informing the opposition just what she thought of the matter at hand, and the way she had leapt to her husband's defense surprised and inwardly pleased Belphegor as well. The Storm Varia Commander was not accustomed to such displays of loyalty towards him when it came to his Crown Prince brother, the latter who had never failed to remind his younger twin at every available opportunity how he had won the genetic jackpot just by being born a few minutes early.
Not that he would ever tell her, but her loyal stance towards him was almostenough to induce warm, fuzzy feelings in the general vicinity of his chest. Belphegor scowled at Rasiel instead. "I know what you are here for, Rasiel, and you are not going to get it," Belphegor retorted sharply. "If you have nothing better to do here then you can see yourself out."
Haru nodded vehemently in agreement. "And try to get a new hobby as well," she advised in a disgruntled manner. "The way you are going, you will just remain a cheap imitation of my husband no matter how much you strive to be like him, Mr. Fan Boy."
Rasiel gaped momentarily at the idiot couple. Then, he scowled at his brother and demanded, "Make her stop calling me that, Belphegor! And while you are at it, tell that little idiot just who I am."
"Don't call her an idiot," Belphegor snapped reflexively. "And why? Not enough bootlickers to worship the ground you tread on, O' Great Clown Prince of Astonia?"
Rasiel gritted his teeth. "Just do it! Tell her our family relation!"
Belphegor, who had never been particularly obliging towards his estranged sibling even on his best days, was about to deny the other blonde just on sheer principle alone when Haru asked. "What family relation? Who is he?"
The younger male turned to look at his wife. "You really can't tell?" he asked sarcastically.
To his surprise, she frowned slightly at him and replied, "I wouldn't ask if I knew! Is he your cousin or something? Is that why he knew about your birthmark? Are all your relatives obsessed with you like he is?"
Belphegor looked incredulously at his oblivious wife, who was asking strange questions as usual. "No! What are you talking about? And does he really only look like my cousin to you?"
Haru shrugged. "Well, you both have the same hair color at least, I will give you that. Perhaps the same build as well, I suppose."
"What about completely identical physical appearances?" Belphegor added pointedly. In response, Haru just stared between him and Rasiel suspiciously.
"Are you trying to trick me?" she asked slowly at last. "What identical physical appearances?"
Both brothers gawked unceremoniously at the pregnant woman.
"You do know that I have a brother, right?" Belphegor asked, wanting to make sure that his absentminded wife knew what they were talking about in the first place. Haru nodded, not understanding what the issue was about.
"Yes…but you also said you were identical twins."
The exasperated Varia Commander quickly lost his patience with his infuriating spouse, gesturing sharply to Rasiel as he did so. "Dumbass! He's my twin!"
Haru frowned at her husband. "Don't you raise your voice at me," she snapped back at him, hardly intimidated by his bluster and completely missing the point as usual. Then, blinking as Belphegor's words finally registered, she shook her head and uttered in disbelief. "No way! You two don't look alike at all!"
It was definitely the first time in both of their lives that someone had said such a thing to them. The brothers glanced warily at each other to verify that the other sibling had not suddenly developed an ability to transfigure himself and, as always, quickly found themselves looking at a near mirror image of their own reflections.
"I thought that he was just an overly obsessive fan/stalker of yours!" Haru continued to confess blithely. "He had the hairstyle and the clothes right, but that's about it."
"That's about it?" Rasiel echoed, feeling offended for some reason. It probably had something to do with the fact that this woman had just implied she had put him side by side with his brother and then had found him completely lacking by comparison.
Belphegor was beginning to see the entire picture, mentally putting together the pieces to form a complete understanding of what had happened earlier. No doubt Rasiel had visited his household today with the intention of sowing discord and causing chaos under false pretense, and even though the servants had bought the ruse, his wife had somehow managed to see right through it straight away, though instead of reaching the logical conclusion that the man was up to no good like any normal, sane individual would do, she went completely off tangent as usual and imagined something else altogether.
A fan. She truly thought that his twin brother was an overly enthusiastic, fanatical supporter of himself. The entire notion was actually hilarious beyond belief, and just imagining the trauma and confusion that Rasiel must have had experienced as a result of Haru's unintentional mindfuckery suddenly made Belphegor feel a lot more cheerful than he could possibly imagine. Hah, he would have felt sorry for his poor brother if the latter was anyone else but his sibling; for the inexperienced, dealing with his deceptively weak-looking little wife could sometimes be a more terrifying experience than facing the entire Varia Assassination Squad combined.
"You really can tell the difference between us?" Rasiel questioned, eyeing the brunette with acute interest. His attention on Haru made Belphegor draw closer to his wife possessively, unceremoniously shooting a warning glare at his twin to get him to tone down on his focus or else. The mental image of Haru and the pantless Rasiel was still fresh on his mind, after all.
Rasiel just ignored Belphegor. This was probably going to be the only fashion in which he could aggravate his sibling through his woman. It seemed that his original plan had been doomed to fail from the very beginning, if the Consort's claim was to be believed.
Haru nodded firmly.
"How?" Rasiel demanded, dubious of her claims.
Haru shrugged. "I don't know how to explain. You guys just don't look alike at all." She squinted briefly between the two brothers. "Hmm…I suppose there's the thing with freckles," she replied a thoughtful pause, and once again, the brothers eyed each other warily.
"Freckles," Belphegor repeated flatly, not comprehending the significance of his wife's remark.
Haru nodded again, gesturing towards Rasiel as she did so.
"I noticed the small cluster of freckles on the tip of his nose earlier. Granted, they are not very obvious, but Bel—you don't have freckles." No, her husband merely had the amusing penchant for turning lobster red under the sun instead. "And Bel never calls me his Princess, or even his 'lovely blossom,'" the brunette sounded irritated at the end of her observation, as if suddenly realizing that she was missing out in the customary husband/wife-endearments department. "It's usually 'hey, you' or 'little idiot' with him, or even both." Haru scowled at her husband then, a bit miffed with her discovery, but Belphegor was not paying attention to her whatsoever. No, the blonde was too busy scowling at his brother to notice his spouse's displeasure.
"What did you call my wife?"
Rasiel just sneered back at his twin. "Well, judging by what she just said, more loving terms than you do, obviously."
Much to his delight, his snide remark seemed to set Belphegor off in a way that he had not expected. Perhaps his afternoon had not been completely ruined, after all.
"You can save those 'loving terms' for your own wife next time, provided you find some woman stupid enough to marry you," Belphegor hissed. "If you flirt with my wife again, I willkill you."
Rasiel did not look very intimidated by his brother's threat, though. A large, catty grin appeared on his face as he sauntered closer to his visibly pissed off sibling. "Is that a challenge?" he asked with taunting venom.
Belphegor's immediate urge was to plant his fist into his brother's ugly mug. Before he could actually move to do so, however, Haru quickly grabbed onto him. "Bel, he wasn't flirting with me, and I most definitely wasn't flirting with him either, in case you were wondering-"
"I didn't ask about you," Belphegor snapped back unthinkingly. "You are loyal as a damned spaniel and you are also bloody terrible at flirting- OW! What the hell was that for, woman?!"
Looking completely unflappable despite having a seething husband beside her, Haru released her fingers from the pinch-hold she had on his bicep and continued speaking as if she hadn't just tried her hardest to twist his skin right off his arm mere seconds ago. "-Besides, he turned around minutes later and called me a crazy bitch after that-"
"You called my wife a bitch?" Belphegor sounded utterly outraged, though for an entirely different reason now. Partially concealed behind his taller frame, Haru looked exasperated with the utter absurdity of the situation.
"Crazy bitch," Rasiel corrected quite cheerfully, apparently rather enjoying the vibes of his brother's anger. "I called her a crazy bitch. Shall I do it again?"
"Do it," Belphegor challenged icily, at the same time trying his best to untangle himself from Haru's stubborn grasp even as his blades glinted dangerously between his knuckles. "Let go, woman!"
"Bel, don't interrupt me! I'm not done speaking yet!" The brunette jerked hard at the arm of her spouse's jacket to gain his attention, and when he tried to free himself some more, she burst out threateningly. "If you jostle me and accidentally hurt the baby…!"
"Then, let go of me!" Belphegor growled exasperatedly, but he did quit trying to shake her off. He was still quite cross with his disadvantageous position, though. Rasiel tilted his head to the side to observe his furious brother, looking increasingly entertained by the husband-wife duo. "Someone is henpecked," the older twin mused silkily, and Belphegor bared his teeth in response, unamused.
"Oh, shut up, Rachel," Haru snapped, and Rasiel gaped momentarily at his irritated sister-in-law. After a brief pause of surprise, it was suddenly Belphegor's turn to burst into laughter and he did so in the most obnoxious way imaginable, or at least it sounded that way to his brother.
"Rachel?! My name is Rasiel, Ra-si-el! Rasiel of Tsiveone, Crown Prince of Astonia! It's a manly, graceful name fitting for a future King, and it certainly does not sound like…like Rachel!" the older blonde spat out the last word like it was a blasphemy and Haru promptly reached the conclusion that her brother-in-law was certainly a bit sensitive when it came to his name.
"Alright, I get it, sorry! It's Rasiel; you don't have to repeat it ten more times just because you love the sound of it," Haru interrupted before the other blonde could sputter some more. In the background, Belphegor was chuckling along like a maniac and since Rasiel was momentarily speechless, Haru hurriedly returned to the original topic at hand. "Anyway, I don't care what others say; you two just don't look all that alike. That's how I know Rac- Rasiel is an imposter. Also, your giggles sound completely different-"
Her innocuous observation immediately offended both brothers, and both snapped out of their respective preoccupation to reply in dual surround sound. "I don't giggle!" Then, they turned to each other, scowled, and hissed. "Don't imitate me!" The two men looked quite irritated with each other at the unintentional parroting but Haru just ignored them and continued.
"I don't know how to explain it clearly, but there's a difference," the brunette insisted, looking a bit exasperated as she explained. "I will have to admit that Bel's infernal giggles are irritating enough to hear on some really bad days, and yours can certainly compete with his on the same level of annoyance."
Belphegor transferred his glower to his wife. "Why are you badmouthing your own husband?" he demanded, even as Rasiel muttered disgruntledly. "How dare you, impudent commoner? You should count yourself fortunate to hear my royal mirth."
Haru looked askance to her husband, then she eyed her brother-in-law. The air of irritation that surrounded them was identical and impossible to miss. There and then, the brunette wondered how on earth she had overlooked the family resemblance between the two brothers in the first place. Physical appearances aside, the twins appeared rather similar in terms of personalities—at least, they were both certainly quite vain and arrogant. "Hmm, now that I think of it, you two…actually are rather alike, aren't you?" Haru commented, bemused.
The two Princes shot her completely appalled looks that were comically identical even though they didn't seem to notice it.
"No, we are not alike at all!" Again, the synchronized denial did nothing to support their overt claim, and the brothers glared bloody murder at each other, which was a rather impressive feat by itself since both of their eyes were completely concealed behind their hair. Haru wondered if the two men were aware of how utterly ridiculous they were being. One moment, they were both in a snit because she didn't find them as physically identical as they believed, and the next, they became irrationally irritated once more when she observed that they shared similar characteristics. She would never have thought that she'd get to meet her in-laws so soon and it was certainly a surprise to see this Rasiel person, even if he didn't really look all that identical to Bel.
The brunette finally released her husband and stepped back slightly, temporarily ignoring the rising altercation occurring a few paces away from her. Those two sure were taking their sibling rivalry quite seriously, thought Haru as she halfheartedly listened to the insults that the brothers were flinging at each other, both hissing and spitting like a pair of fluffed up, pedigreed felines dying to sharpen their claws on the other.
Speaking of claws, it didn't take long before the scalpels came out to play, and somehow, Haru was not very surprised when she saw Rasiel sporting similar instruments on his person as well. Why was it that men could never play nice with each other? It was the same in the Famiglia; the males of the Family always had to fight and make a huge mess of their surroundings before calling a truce and becoming buddy-buddy with each other, and they never seemed to appreciate it either when the females of the clan pointed that fact out to them. Haru doubted that it would be any different here, judging by the edgy animosity saturating the atmosphere and the way the two Princes were currently embroiled in what appeared to be a competition to out-giggle each other, which made for a rather bewildering and disturbing sight since they were also hefting knives and baring teeth, whilst at the same time emitting those maniacal, almost demonic laughter.
…if Haru still doubted that the two men were related, then her suspicions were quickly being put to rest.
Belatedly, the brunette briefly wondered if she was being a bit too blasé about the entire situation before she dismissed the notion entirely. After all, 'normal' left her vocabulary years ago when she first joined the Vongola Famiglia, and it was definitely not about to return anytime soon, especially since she had gone and gotten herself married to the Storm Prince of the Varia Assassination Squad. Her life was certainly quite eventful and filled with all sorts of unexpected adventures whether she wanted them or not, and now was one such example.
It was no wonder that she had learned to adapt to situations quickly and take everything in stride as it came her way.
Haru pulled away from her musings and reluctantly returned her attention to the brothers, who were but seconds away from coming to blows.
"Don't fight in here, you two," she interrupted the aggressive, near overflowing clash of testosterones in a timely fashion. "We refurnished this sunroom only recently and I happen to like it very much."
The two princes paused in their altercation with each other to stare at her incredulously. "Really? That's all you can say?" Rasiel snapped, aggravated by the husband and wife duo who seemed determined to drive him up the proverbial wall. His question was supposed to be only a sarcastic, rhetorical one, but evidently, Belphegor's Princess Consort had missed the memo and proceeded to reply him in a matter-of-fact manner.
"I don't want blood on the furniture," the brunette explained. "They are antiques and I'd hate to see them destroyed just because of a petty quarrel between siblings."
Said siblings sputtered at her flippant, dismissive summary of their decades-old rivalry, indignation clear on their faces. "Petty?" Belphegor exploded. "This bastard has been a thorn in my side for years!"
Rasiel just sneered back at his twin. "Your insult is inappropriate and misleading. I'm the rightful heir to the Astonian Monarchy; if there's anyone who's the bastard, it is you, the one whom even our parents have forsaken."
"Okay, now that's hitting below the belt," Haru cut in exasperatedly. "Play nice, you two."
"Play nice?" Belphegor repeated with disbelief. "Play…nice?!"
"Yes, you heard me the first time, Bel, there's really no need to repeat everything I just said," Haru retorted with a small, chiding frown at her husband, not even batting an eye over the way he had strode right up to her face and was scowling at her in an extremely scary manner. Much to his incredulity, she actually made irritated shooing motions at him to get him to back off. "Oh, for god's sake! Don't hover over me like that; is that supposed to scare me?"
It was at times like this that Belphegor wondered how come he hadn't done the logical thing yet and tried to strangle his pregnant wife.
Rasiel was certainly enjoying the show, that was for sure. It felt very good to know that he wasn't the only one being led around in confusing circles by the new sister-in-law—evidently, Belphegor, for all of his (unspoken) bragging, had some trouble reigning in his spirited wife as well. Perhaps she would fit right in with the family, after all.
Haru crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Anyway, if you two are really going to fight, then at least do it outside. Oh, but not in the garden, by the way-"
"Let me guess," Belphegor interrupted rudely. "You like the garden too and the gardeners just planted some ridiculously expensive weeds that cost an arm and a leg to purchase?"
"Yes, the garden is lovely, they were just tulip bulbs that I got for a steal from the local produce market, and I planted them all by myself this morning," Haru replied without a pause. "So you see; I will be quite displeased if all my hard work has been undone just because you two decide to stampede all over my flowerbeds."
The brunette ended her commentary with an extra strength smile but her husband was far from impressed. He looked at her with annoyed skepticism.
"Didn't Francesca ban you from that sort of physical activity?"
Haru froze briefly at being caught red handed. Ever since the household had learned she was pregnant a little less than two weeks ago, the staff had been extremely careful when it came to her, never mind that she was only a little over eleven weeks along and barely showing. Francesca and Mortigor, the head housekeeper and butler that had been with Belphegor since he was born, had been particularly insistent on handling her with kid gloves and, between the two, even came up with a rather lengthy list of do's and don'ts that she was expected to follow religiously.
Haru thought that the precautions were a wee bit (okay, extremely) excessive and that everyone was getting a bit (very) carried away with the fact that she was expecting the first royal grandchild of the current Astonian monarchs, but the two royal retainers had promptly made it clear that they did not share her sentiments whatsoever. Then, there was her very 'reliable' husband, who had, as usual, proved his dependability by being absolutely no help whatsoever, being the squirrelly and unscrupulous sort who'd rather enjoy watching his pregnant wife squirm in awkward situations than do the gentlemanly thing and actually help her out.
Haru looked nonchalantly at her irritable spouse. "I was just taking in the fresh air outside-"
"And happily rooting about, digging holes while you were at it?" Belphegor asked sarcastically. "Didn't know you were half badger. Boy, won't Francesca and Mortigor be surprised."
Haru scowled at him, immediately dropping all pretenses at being casual. "Don't tell them that! It's not as if I was doing anything too strenuous or harmful to myself or the baby. They don't have to know!"
Belphegor started to laugh.
"Are you lucid?" he asked her, still guffawing in a rather annoying way that made her glower at him. "There isn't anything that those two don't know about when it comes to this—you. They probably knew what you were going to do before you even did it. Good luck dealing with them later, by the way. I may be awesome and amazing, but even I am not omnipotent, little fool."
"You are awful," Haru protested with disapproval. "What ever happened to those vows promising to cherish and treasure me when we got married? Gee, I'm beginning to feel like that was a really long time ago."
Her husband had the gall to just shrug at her. "Ah, ah, ah. Don't trick me now. I'm pretty sure 'cherish' and 'treasure' didn't specifically mean running interference for you when it comes to Mortigor and Francesca."
Haru threw her hands up in the air in exasperation. "Ooh, I can't believe you! Coward! You are scared of facing Francesca and Mortigor too!"
Belphegor looked fakely insulted. "Of course I'm not afraid of my own servants," the golden-haired man muttered condescendingly, drawing his face closer to his frowning wife's. "By the way, madam wife, call me a coward again and I just might do something drastic next time."
Haru did not back away from her mate, who was deliberately sporting a deranged little grin that did nothing more than exasperate her even further. The brunette lifted her chin subtly in challenge. "What are you going to do? Spank me?"
Belphegor paused briefly in surprise, and then he chuckled silkily. "Oh? The bad girl wants so badly to be punished?"
Haru flushed, and much to her husband's delight and amusement, it wasn't entirely due to embarrassment.
"Hmm. Really that eager for me to turn you over my knee?"
In response to the sound of his soft purr, Haru bit her lips instinctively. His gaze fell upon her soft mouth immediately, and he inched closer, slowly closing the gap between them. Her eyes darkened. She also wasn't trying to pull away from his attention whatsoever.
Rasiel was utterly disgusted. His brother and his sister-in-law were so engrossed in their little lover's spat that they were temporarily ignoring his presence. The fact that the former's voice was growing husky with arousal completely repulsed the older sibling. The last thing Rasiel wanted to witness was the mating habits of his twin.
"Oh, for god's sake! Hello? I'm still right here, you morons. We still have unfinished business to conduct!"
Haru jerked at the sudden exclamation that exploded from her newly introduced brother-in-law. Blinking away the last vestiges of the lust-induced stupor, the Princess Consort seemed to suddenly remember exactly where she was and it didn't take long before mortification took its place.
Her husband could hardly care less what his brother thought, however. Reluctantly pulling his gaze away from his furiously blushing wife, Belphegor turned to Rasiel with an annoyed scowl.
"What? You are still here?" The Storm Varia glowered at his equally irritable sibling.
"Yes! Were you expecting me to go away just because you were hoping to get some from your wife?"
"I'm not hoping to get some," Belphegor corrected, smugness all but radiating from his very pores. "I'm about to get some, and you can see yourself out, Clown Prince."
Haru thwacked her husband on the back of his head, her face glowing with chagrin. Rasiel stared at the unbelievable amount of leeway that Belphegor gave his wife, not even batting an eyelash as he ignored her feeble assault on his person when he could have easily retaliated with deadly force. "Don't speak as if I'm not here!"
"Oh, sorry. Wifey doesn't like it very much when I discuss our sex life with other people." Belphegor shrugged in a faux cheery manner only to receive yet another smack on the side of his head. Haru scowled with disapproval.
"Bel!"
Rasiel was having trouble accepting the upside down dynamics that characterized the relationship between his twin and his wife. Even though he loathed his brother (and the feeling was mutual), it still nevertheless irritated him to see somebody other than himself beating up on his younger sibling and to make his twitching even worse, Belphegor obviously did not seem to mind participating in this charming little scene of domestic violence. That last fact seemed to annoy Rasiel the worst and the Crown Prince took it as a personal affront—almost as if he had been the one personally insulted. Nobody should get away with hitting a member of the royal family—even if it was technically just a swat (or two).
"Why aren't you disciplining this obnoxious woman for her disrespect?" Rasiel demanded of his brother then, pointing arrogantly at Haru as he did so. The Consort paused with dealing with her husband to frown at the other blonde with incredulity.
"Excuse me? Are you telling my husband to discipline me, his pregnant wife?" Haru repeated with a fierce glower, her feminist instincts aroused. "Discipline?"
"Don't get too excited, love," Belphegor cut in silkily, snaking his arm around his spouse's waist to draw her back to him before she could go do something rash like start another ridiculous quarrel with his sibling. "My idiot brother might just get the wrong idea."
"Your idiot brother is a pig!" Haru wasted no time sharing her not-so-generous opinion of her new brother-in-law, earning her a scowl of offense in return.
"Watch your tongue, commoner!"
Glancing at the visibly irked Rasiel, Belphegor oh-so-casually ran his fingers down the back of his agitated spouse. Much to Rasiel's disbelief, Belphegor, who usually sent people screaming in the other direction (much like he did), was able to placate his wife by touch alone, and she instinctively pressed close to him in an unspoken demand to be soothed. The younger twin smirked at his brother over his wife's head.
"Rasiel, Rasiel. Tsk, you know absolutely nothing about women at all, do you?" The amused, condescending tone was annoying beyond belief, and Rasiel fought the urge to twitch with aggravation. "Good girls are most fun when they are bad, so why would I want to discipline my wife? Unless you are talking about the fun sort of discipline, of course, then I don't see how that'd be any of your business."
Haru drew back to glower at her husband. She pushed away from him to give him a proper scowl. "Ooh, I can't believe you just said that! You are a pig like your brother too! No wonder you two are related!" Then, throwing her hands up in exasperation, Haru stalked over to the exit and announced irritably. "I'm going to go take a nap. You two can continue your macho gorilla chest pounding action without me around to tolerate your insufferable egos and bragging."
The two men watched the annoyed female disappear out the door.
"So," Belphegor started in a deliberately faux pleasant manner. "Are you done scoping her out yet? I assume you are going to be running back to mummy and daddy to report your findings next."
Rasiel narrowed his eyes at the snide tone of his estranged brother. "I do not answer to our parents, and they did not send me here to spy on your new wife."
Belphegor could hardly care less. His life as a prince of an old, distinguished royal bloodline ended at the age of five when his own parents gave him away to be raised by the Vongola Famiglia. However, the Tsiveone Royal Clan had not entirely relinquished their hold on the second son—the spare—whom they had given up although they still very often liked to insert their overly inquisitive fingers into his affairs, private or not. Never mind that it had been years since he had last seen his biological parents, he should have expected that they would take an acute interest in his wife, who was now carrying the next generation of the Astonian Monarchy. How very convenient.
"Well, whatever it is, bastard, you can leave now. Shoo. I really have better things to do than to deal with you all day."
Rasiel stared. "Did you just shoo me?" he sounded incredulous. "You don't get to shoo me! And aren't we supposed to fight right about now? I came all the way here, subjected my hair to that hideously unkempt hairstyle of yours, and even put up with the mood swings of your crazy wife! I'm not going anywhere without that fight."
The flat tone of the Crown Prince clearly stated his stance on the matter and that he had no intention of backing down. Unfortunately for him, Belphegor had never really cared about what his sibling thought. The younger blonde shrugged.
"You will be in for a long wait, then. I simply don't feel like fighting right now. Too bad, huh?"
Once again, Rasiel just stared at his sibling. "Are you high?" he asked, his tone sharp with disbelief. "You never turn down a fight!"
Belphegor lifted one side of his shoulder in a show of extreme nonchalance. "I'm a married man now. Sedentary lifestyle, you know, need to slow down and take things easy."
Rasiel looked at his idiot brother like he was some alien life form who had dropped out from the middle of nowhere . "You are married, not retired, you fucking moron! Are you jerking my chain?!"
In response, Belphegor wandered off to the easel that his wife had been working on earlier. The Storm Varia stared at the canvas for a long time. "What the hell is that? It looks like a pile of unicorn turds. You drew that?"
Rasiel was clearly in no mood to discuss the stupid painting. "No. Did you really think that I created that hideous monstrosity? Your wife did it all on her own. Now, are we going to fight?"
"It sure looks like her handiwork," Belphegor agreed, still deliberately ignoring Rasiel's incensed demands. "Damn, I sure hope that our kid doesn't inherit her artistic sense."
Belphegor was being so gratingly cheerful that Rasiel's murderous urge increased the longer he was in the former's presence. "I don't give a damn. Prepare yourself, Belphegor!"
"Prepare myself for what? Your incessant squawking?" the golden-haired Varia asked innocently, inwardly relishing in the impotent agitation he was causing his estranged sibling. Had he known that it would be so easy to infuriate Rasiel, he would have done so a long time ago. Not that Belphegor had lost his usual appetite for bloodshed and chaos, but causing his brother unimaginable frustration in this manner was also a pretty fulfilling experience, as he had just discovered.
Rasiel's reaction was to chuck his blades at his brother's head, but of course Belphegor dodged them easily and the sleek, wing-shaped knives promptly embedded themselves in the canvas.
"You are going to tell Haru who made those holes in her painting," Belphegor warned, casually evading the next barrage of blades that came at him with the sleek agility of an assassin. He made no move whatsoever to retaliate, instead just skirting away from Rasiel's target range like a lithe hunting leopard.
"Fight me, damn you," Rasiel burst out with frustration after a while, tired of the game of cat and mouse. He also couldn't quite seem to be able to close the distance so as to turn the one-sided fight into a more even melee-style combat, either. The fact that they were identical brothers turned out to be more of a disadvantage, as usual, since they could both basically anticipate the other's moves due to some inborn 'twinergy' dynamic and that made it much harder for the two to try to kill each other.
"Let me think…" Belphegor pretended to consider even as he vaulted gracefully over the sofa and maintained his distance from his infuriated older sibling. "How about…No. I know this is a very difficult concept for a virgin to comprehend, but I'd really rather bed my wife than run around fiddling knives with you. See yourself out, Rasiel. Don't forget to make an appointment before you drop by next time."
And with that, Belphegor strolled to the door and left the sunroom, leaving Rasiel gawking after him in a significantly unattractive fashion. Being able to make the older twin lose his cool without having the situation degenerate into a messy, bloody brawl like it usually did sure was extremely entertaining, thought the golden-haired Storm Unit Commander, and leaving Rasiel gaping after him like a halfwit also made for a rather satisfying grand exit on his part. Of course, that didn't last long; Belphegor had perhaps travelled a few meters when his brother burst out of the room he had just vacated and yelled rather angrily down the hallway.
"You won't be getting laid; she's mad at you too! And I'm not a virgin!"
Rasiel sounded very outraged when he enunciated the last sentence, and he was being so thunderously vocal about it that there was no doubt that the entire household had heard his announcement as well.
His younger twin just rolled his eyes as he continued his way without even turning back to properly address his insulted sibling.
"Sure you are," Belphegor muttered. "That explains why I'm always stumbling over you for no reason whatsoever. You must be some life of the party—I can just imagine the people dying to be in the presence of your delightful company."
"Bastard, you do not get to say such things to me! Get back here so we can settle this right now!"
::owari::
Questions That I Would Like To Answer Before You Ask:
…and that's the end of that. It seems a bit abrupt, I know, but it was starting to drag a bit and I felt that it was better to just finish it before it got too longwinded.
Anyway, I hope you readers at least got some entertainment out of this.
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As mentioned in footnote of the previous chapter, Belphegor's entire family, together with Rasiel, is alive in this fic. I have a small backstory for that, and it is partly due to the fact that Belphegor, as the second born, was given over to the Vongola Famiglia to be raised almost as soon as he was born. This was accomplished with the advice of the Royal soothsayer, who had predicted that the entire Royal family would be destroyed if the two Princes were to be raised together in the Kingdom. In the end, to prevent such a disastrous scenario from happening, the Astonian Monarchy chose to give up the second son – Belphegor, thereby avoiding the soothsayer's prophecy.
However, as a result of this decision, the two brothers harbor extreme dislike for each other – not unlike canon-verse, really – and would never fail to go of their ways to antagonize and attempt to do the other in, as evidenced in this fic.
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Last but not least, please enjoy this (lengthy) outtake from this fic. To be honest, I had written several drafts when I first came up with this plot, the below outtake was from one of those. Do note that in the fic proper, Haru is barely three months pregnant. However, in the outtake, her pregnancy is at a more advanced stage, perhaps just entering the third trimester. This is just a snippet, but I hope you guys can enjoy it all the same!
Outtake:
No sooner after he had finished his disdainful speech, the Crown Prince sensed something hurtling towards him at a great speed. His instincts kicked in quickly enough and he swiftly deflected the saucer and the teacup that had come at him from Haru's direction. The porcelain tableware sailed harmlessly overhead but he failed to evade the splash of tea that landed on him as a result of the abrupt change in trajectory, and Rasiel flinched in shock. The golden-haired male ended up being so preoccupied with disbelief and quickly growing pissed off that he missed the teapot that came next, resounding off his head with a rather solid thunk before emptying more tea on his person and then falling onto the ground in pieces around him like its predecessors.
Haru had jumped back onto her feet by then, her expression one of acute displeasure. Her arm was still frozen in mid-throw, and her eyes blazed with indignant anger on behalf of her husband. "Belphegor is no more a bastard than you are, Rasiel! And what kind of lousy older brother are you, coming all the way here just to antagonize your sibling who has done nothing to you?! Don't you have anything better to do? Shame on you! Is this type of cruddy behavior acceptable for a Crown Prince of Astonia to participate in? Even Bel knows better than to behave like a petulant, overgrown child, and if the rest of your family is anything like you are, then I'm glad that we have nothing to do with the lot of you!"
The upset brunette was heaving with righteous fury at the end of her impassioned speech, and despite her pregnant form, looked every bit the force to be reckoned with. In reaction to her outburst, Rasiel was certainly quite astonished, as if he had never been reprimanded thusly before in his entire life. Then, much to his incredulity, her furious brown eyes suddenly filled with tears, as if the most tragic event had just happened to her, and she looked so distraught that Rasiel almost felt vaguely guilty for upsetting the expectant female, never mind that he had been the one who had just been assaulted with a tea set moments earlier and was now dripping with tea in a most uncomfortable fashion.
Belphegor, who had been about to react to his twin's insulting remark in what would be a rather unpleasant fashion for the older man in question before his wife's untimely interference, took one look at the highly agitated features of his spouse and promptly changed his mind. In her volatile state of mind, Haru did not seem to register the fact that baiting Rasiel could be dangerous to her health and judging by the way she was angrily and fearlessly charging towards the now seemingly hapless and baffled male, Belphegor wondered if she realized in the first place that his older twin was just about as lethal with his blades as he was. Somehow, the Storm Varia doubted that his wife was entirely aware of the situation, and mere seconds later, before he could even take a step in her direction, his suspicions were proven to be right on the dot.
"Look at what you have made me do!" Haru accused in a highly distressed manner when she got close enough to survey the damage around the drenched and dripping Rasiel. "The carpets are ruined! And, oh no, the antique porcelain-!"
Haru was practically wailing at the end of her sentence. At the same time, she was also looking at Rasiel with an accusing gaze, and the teary, doe-like expression of sheer indignation and upset on her face made her appear ridiculously innocent and strangely eye-catching, upon which a highly bewildered and confused Rasiel realized that he didn't even understand the garbage that was going through his mind anymore.
"This is all your fault!" Haru wasted no time pushing the blame onto the incredulous Rasiel. "Y-you uncouth hooligan! Uncivilized baboon! You made a complete mess of my house!" the brunette spluttered unhappily. Without a second's pause, she started to push the nonplussed Prince towards the door. "Get out of my house now, out!"
Rasiel could hardly believe what was happening at that moment. He was being manhandled by his smaller, visibly pregnant sister-in-law (who had the gall to call him a baboon and a hooligan, of all things) and it must be due to the shock of being doused with tea (of which the blame was somehow heaped onto his shoulders as well) that he actually stupidly stumbled a few steps in the direction of the exit before he promptly caught himself and started to resist the madwoman's movements to get rid of him. "You are crazy! Impertinent commoner! How dare you-"
Haru was hardly interested in listening to Rasiel spout his vain drivel again, and so the man didn't really get the chance to finish his imperious speech before Haru grabbed the beautifully lacquered tea tray from the coffee table and started whacking him over the head with it.
Swearing loudly, Rasiel nearly dropped his knives as he instinctively protected his head, but Haru was a very determined individual and was simply undaunted. The pregnant female continued raining blows down on the rude and rascally man. Not surprisingly, it didn't take long for Rasiel to decide that it would be a very good idea to beat a hasty retreat for now.
Meanwhile, a thoroughly bemused Belphegor just paused on the sidelines and watched with muted amazement as his magnificently spirited, civilian wife chased his brother out of the house without any help or interference on his part. Also, he doubted that he would ever forget the sharp dressing down she had given Rasiel earlier.
"This isn't over yet, Belphegor!" a thoroughly ruffled, harassed-looking Rasiel yelled from the doorway he was being unceremoniously stuffed through via a creative application of a tea tray. "I will be back again, just you wait and see!"
In response, Belphegor just smirked slightly from behind his wife's back and simply raised his hand to bid his irritating brother adieu. This was certainly a novel experience, and he didn't even have to raise his blades once to see Rasiel so flustered and obviously out of his element. Haru, as he had long since learned by now, often had that unsettling effect on unsuspecting individuals.
"Out, now!" the miffed brunette was red faced from her exertions but did not seem willing to quit until she had fulfilled her mission of exorcizing her brother-in-law from her household. "And don't come back until you have learned some manners!"
The infuriated female promptly slammed the door shut on Rasiel's flabbergasted face, trusting that he would have the good sense to see himself out of the house without having her chase him all the way out the front door. Her bosom was still heaving with righteous indignation when she turned around, her brown eyes all fired up with irritation, her trusty tea tray in hand. "The nerve of that man," she muttered crossly. "Coming here to insult my husband like I'm just going to meekly stand there and accept it." The angry fervor displayed so prominently on her face faded somewhat when she remembered the mess that had been left behind in the aftermath of Rasiel's visit. Alarm promptly flooded her features, and she hurried awkwardly to the pieces of porcelain strewn all over the floor, hoping to see if there was anything left that could be salvaged. Unfortunately, the delicate, paper thin china had been smashed into smithereens and to make matters worse, the carpet was entirely sodden with tea.
Oh no, Francesca was going to be so dismayed.
"Aish," Haru muttered, closing her eyes briefly and resting the back of her hand against her forehead in distress. "I really shouldn't have lost my temper," the feisty brunette berated herself. Either that, or she should look for something more solid to throw at unwanted visitors next time. Haru took a deep breath, sighed, then reopened her eyes once more. "We definitely need more paperweights in the house," she announced then. Her gaze finally landed on her husband, who was looking at her with the strangest expression on his face.
"Paperweights?" he asked after a while, amusement lacing his tone.
Haru nodded firmly, turning her attention onto the shattered remains of the tea set and scowling thoughtfully at them. "Yeah, paperweights. Ones that are heavy and durable, and unlikely to shatter at great impact, or damage the surrounding infrastructure at the same time."
Belphegor did start to grin then, even as he slowly sauntered towards her. "But I think you do just fine with the tea tray." He came to a stop before his adorable, disgruntled-looking mate. "You definitely showed Rasiel. I don't think he's going to be in any hurry to come back for a visit anytime soon."
Not to mention, his twin brother had also most likely developed a healthy respect for tea trays and angry pregnant women who wield them after his encounter with Haru. The sight of his horrified sibling being chased out of the room by his tea tray wielding pregnant wife was going to stay with him as a cherished memory for as long as he lived. Belphegor huffed under his breath, and then started to chuckle with amusement. It wasn't long before he was laughing outright, tossing his head back and shouting with mirth, and not even a hard elbow to the side from a visibly irritated Haru could lessen his amusement. Instead, the golden-haired male merely caught hold of his wife and pulled her close, and even though she resisted a bit at first, she quickly relented, her resistance weak against the sound of his genuine laughter.
He was feeling so pleased and delighted at the moment that he quickly reeled her in and planted an exhilarating kiss on her mouth. As always, she gave into the intimate exchange immediately, her gently rounded body relaxing into his, her face open and upturned as she returned his affectionate gesture with reciprocating enthusiasm. When they parted eventually, the soft, alluring, passion-dazed expression on her face promptly made him swell with masculine pride satisfaction, along with a certain male part of his physique. She had always had that effect on him, and even though it had taken him awhile, he had grown to accept it; being intelligent enough to see that the advantages of having this woman belong to him far outweighed the risks.
And today's events had only added to her worth; Belphegor had always known that she was utterly loyal to those she loved, but of course, witnessing her ferocity when it came to defending him was truly something else altogether. The blonde laughed quietly once more and lightly chucked his wife under the chin. "Paperweights, huh? Aren't you quite the bloodthirsty little thing?" he purred softly. Haru's face reddened slightly at his playful teasing, but before she could say anything, he continued, smirking with pleasure. "I would have married you earlier if I knew."
Haru sputtered in protest. "Bel! Being called bloodthirsty is not my idea of a compliment!"
"Well, it is to me," the Varia executive retorted, reaching down to cup her belly with blatantly proud satisfaction. "Hopefully, our kid will inherit that hidden trait of yours."
The brunette smacked him on the arm then. "No, let's hope not! And I hope our baby won't be obnoxious like you or your brother," she muttered, before pushing away from her ridiculous husband and slowly making her way back to her easel. Her quiet afternoon was completely ruined but she still hoped to salvage the last remnants of it by trying to complete her painting.
Unfortunately, her husband was not quite done pestering her yet, and so his attention was also brought to the canvas she seemed to be absently preoccupied with, and it became quickly obvious that he was not acquainted with her artistic skills (or lack thereof) for Belphegor abruptly blurted out in an untactful manner. "What the hell is that supposed to be? A pile of unicorn turds?"
Haru turned to scowl at him defensively, obviously quite sensitive over the painting that she had slaved over the entire afternoon. "No! That's not it! It's supposed to be…" she trailed off midsentence, quickly losing her hot air when she failed to describe her own piece of work. Feeling a bit foolish and chagrinned, she at last confessed almost inaudibly. "…I don't know what it's supposed to be."
Okay, so perhaps she wasn't the most artistically inclined individual in the whole world. Maybe her painting was a bit hideous looking. Perhaps even a lot. Okay, so she sucked completely at it. The brunette looked quite disappointed and put out with her own revelation that she was starting to appear a bit upset again, her pregnancy hormones causing her moods to seesaw up and down like crazy. What an awful day today was turning out to be! All she wanted was some peace and quiet to work on her creativity—waking up to the little life growing inside of her had made her feel so inspired, but now it was all ruined! Her artwork was horrible, the carpet of her favorite room in the house was destroyed, and even the beautiful tea set lay in smithereens on the floor. And it was all her fault! She was an utter failure! Oh no; what if she became a terrible mother to her baby? What if she was a failure when it came to raising her precious little bundle of joy?
Haru was very near approaching to full blown panic mode then, and as usual, she quickly turned to Belphegor with distress clear on her face.
"I'm going to be a terrible mother!" the brunette announced suddenly with a wail, returning to her husband and wiggling determinedly back into his embrace for comfort. "Our baby's going to get my horrible painting genes and be laughed at by his friends, and he's going to hate me, Bel! What should I do; I'm the worst!"
The nonplussed blonde didn't even understand half of what his distressed wife was mumbling against his neck, but she seemed to be quite agitated and clinging to him with a fatalistic air of woe, and he would have been quite alarmed by her reaction if not for the fact that this was not the first time she had acted up since they realized that she was with child. In fact, Belphegor had already stopped counting after the sixth time it happened.
She was sniffling softly into his collar, completely upset with the wild spins of her incredible imagination, and he rolled his eyes with exasperation. It was at the tip of his tongue to tell her not to be stupid but Belphegor barely held on to that instinctive urge. He was not used to being considerate to the feelings of others but reluctantly made Haru the exception to the rule, though that was more due to the fact that the first time that he had unthinkingly snapped at her when she had fretfully confessed her worries, she had given him such an utterly hurt look before running back to Japan and crying to her father that her husband didn't want her anymore. It had taken him quite some time (and a lot of unneeded aggravation as well as countless disapproving looks from his own staff) to sort out that mess and at the end of the entire fiasco, Belphegor quickly came to the conclusion that it was just better to humor his hormonal, pregnant wife for now.
Besides, after a bit of getting used to, the absurd conversations that he had with her were actually rather entertaining; her thought process was certainly a mystery to him, but it was usually funny as hell as well.
"Your worry is unsubstantiated," he told her then. "Because I'm very good at carving things up and our kid will learn from the best," he chuckled. "No one will dare laugh at him, if they value their health."
It sounded suspiciously like a threat to Haru, but in the end, she decided to accept his reasoning. The brunette tiptoed slightly to kiss the side of her husband's mouth with gratitude and affection. Then, she smiled slightly, emotional crisis averted. "I'm glad I married you," she told him candidly and tremulously then. "And no matter what Rasiel said, I'm glad that you weren't the firstborn in your family; I wouldn't have met you otherwise."
That was not something he had actively considered, but now that his misty-eyed mate had brought up the rather startling point, Belphegor realized with inward surprise that her hypothesis would have been most likely accurate. If he had taken Rasiel's position, then it would mean that his brother would have been the child given up to be raised by the Vongola Famiglia, taking his place in return, and equally possible that Haru would have ended up married to his brother instead.
The notion was unsettling—and equally upsetting. As a twin, Belphegor had an unexplainable understanding of his sibling just like the other did him, and he knew from observing his brother earlier that Rasiel had at least a minimal interest in Haru, whether the man in question knew it or not, else he would not have been as tolerant of Haru's interaction with him. Belphegor understood his fascination though; his wife was quite the unusual sort and her fire and feisty nature would have effectively ensnared the interest of the other Prince just as easily as it had him.
However, he was the one who had gotten to marry her, and he had no intention whatsoever of sharing her with anyone, let alone his brother.
"You are stuck with me, so don't think of anything else," he told her flat out, and then he gruffly continued. "And I also picked up the ice cream you wanted."
It didn't take long for Haru to perk up right after his comment. The brunette's eyes sparkled with hope as she stared at her husband. "The wasabi-flavored one that I asked you to get for me?" she asked. Belphegor looked a bit put off by the strange cravings of his wife, but he rolled his eyes subtly and nodded all the same. Haru beamed with happiness. "I love you! You are the best husband ever!" He was quickly rewarded by an excited squeak from her and an exuberant kiss which he was more than happy to accept as his due for being such an accommodating mate. It didn't last long enough for his tastes though, for she pulled away just as he was beginning get into the act, leaving him more than a bit disgruntled in the process. She was also suddenly moving faster than the average pregnant woman, seeming to teleport from her previous spot beside him to the doorway of the sunroom in the blink an eye.
"Where do you think you are going?" he asked her.
"To the kitchens, of course," she replied with a happy lilt. "There's a bowl of wasabi ice cream with thousand island dressing and chopped celeries with my name on it."
Poor Belphegor felt his stomach lurch just listening to his wife's description of dessert. "That sounds utterly disgusting," he muttered under his breath. "Are you trying to poison our kid?"
Haru tossed him a halfhearted scowl. She patted her belly lovingly. "Our baby is made of much sterner stuff than you think, Bel. And I think he loves the ice cream. Why else do you think I'm craving the taste of it so badly?"
"Great," the golden-haired Varia deadpanned as he moved forwards to join his wife. "So we are expecting a little weirdo, then."
Haru promptly smacked him on the arm for his droll remark. "Oh, stop that! As if you aren't a super duper oddball yourself. I will be very happy if our baby is born healthy and happy. I don't care about anything else; no matter how he or she turns out to be, I will love my baby wholeheartedly," Haru declared firmly, before cutting her gaze to Belphegor and giving him a narrow-eyed look. "You'd better feel the same way too, by the way." It most definitely was not a request, though Belphegor just scoffed.
"Please. As if our kid's going to be anything else but awesome with me as its parent," the blonde just waved away her concerns with his usual brand of self-conceit. Haru could not even be bothered to reply him, her mind already focused on the delicious ice cream treat that she would soon be consuming.
Yes; all in all, it was just another atypical day in the Tsiveone household.
::owari::
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-sllebswap