A/N: The next couple of chapters are going to be very short. Also, the character of Alicia Eyson is supposed to sound somewhat like either Audrey in Little Shop of Horrors or Norma Cassidy in Victor/Victoria (played by Lesley Ann Warren, Miss Scarlet in the Clue movie) and talks very fast – this is just for the purpose of the comedy effect in the story.

[Setting: Landis High School…]

The one thing Howard Plum could never hold onto was a relationship. He'd had tons of girlfriends during his time at Landis, but they always ended in a flash and before he knew it, he was looking for someone else. Right now, he had his eye on a girl that he'd never really noticed until he caught her staring at him in class.

Sandy Wadsworth was the girl who answered any and all questions with "Pass," who sat by herself and read at lunch, and who slipped away to God knows where when school ended. He wanted some. And some he'd get.

Howard slipped over to the locker that Sandy was unlocking. "Hey there, foxy." He purred.

"Howard Plum." She rolled her eyes. "I prithee, let me the knowledge of your presence bear with me."

"You're so cute when you talk all Shakespearean."

"I've underestimated you."

"How?"

"Such a big name for such a…supposedly small brain. But I have misjudged you." She began to clap slowly.

"Thanks. Sandy, I was wondering if maybe you'd like out sometime."

She froze and for once seemed a bit frazzled. "I'm sorry, Howard." She shook her head. "I can't go out with you."

"Why not?" He inquired.

She hesitated. "I'd only end up hurting you." She sped off, only to return for a brief moment. "And I really don't like you." She was gone again.

Howard sighed. He had gotten rejected…and didn't like how it felt.

[Setting: Landis High School – Cafeteria…]

"What's going on, girls?" Loretta Scarlet grinned, sitting next to her posse at her lunch table.

"Oh my God, you're not going to believe this, Lor," Alicia Eyson blurted out, "but guess what I saw today?"

"Why? What? What'd you see? Who got it?"

"I saw Howard Plum—ain't he your ex?"

"Yeah." Loretta nodded suspiciously.

"I saw Howard Plum putting the moves on Sandy Wadsworth."

They all glanced over at Sandy, who was immersed in a copy of Neil Simon's Brighton Beach Memoirs and laying on an otherwise unoccupied lunch table.

"You're kidding." Her jaw dropped. "The freak? What did I ever see in him?"

"I don't get it either, Loretta, but—"

"We've got to get back at her."

"Why?"

"Because if he's such a loser that he's going out with Sandy, I need to protect my cred! Everyone knows that I went out with that guy!"

"But you don't think that's a little much?" Bree Westerly raised an eyebrow at her. "I mean, wouldn't you want to wish them the best of happiness or something like that?"

"Shut up, Bree."

Bree wilted as Loretta stood up.

"I got it!" She grinned. "We are going to dump horse's blood on her."

"Horse's blood?" Bree gasped. "What?"

"Little Miss I'm-Too-Good-to-Eat-Meat deserves it!"

"How is vegetarianism—"

"Shut up, Bree!" Loretta, Alicia and Bree behind her, strutted over to where Sandy laid. "Sandy Wadsworth?"

"Who calls?" She didn't look up from her book.

"We're inviting you to a party."

"Why?"

"Because we are! We're going to have a party and you're invited."

"Why?"

"Because we thought you'd make a great addition to the party!"

"Why?"

Through her teeth, Loretta sighed. "Look, are you going to show up or not?"

There was silence. Sandy looked up from her book, smirking a bit. "Actually, I have a proposal for you. I'm going to be having a party soon and you're invited."

"What makes you think I'm going to come?"

Her lips curled into an evil smile. "You are. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some more, er, guests to invite."

[Setting: Same, but elsewhere in the room…]

"Howard!" Sandy called, standing next to him in the lunch table. "Hey, I just wanted to apologize for how I treated you. I'm actually having a party soon and you're invited."

"Cool." He shrugged. "What's the occasion?"

She paused. "A find-out."

"A find-out?"

"Because I found out some things. And I'm celebrating them with you and some others."

"Like?"

"Loretta Scarlet, for one."

Howard froze. "Loretta?" He echoed.

"Loretta."

"Um, she's my ex-girlfriend. Would it be okay if I didn't—"

"You think I'm changing the whole freaking guest list for one damn person just because your slutty ex-girlfriend's attending?"

"There's no need to shout, Sandy."

"I'M NOT SHOUTING!"

Howard looked her right in the eye.

"ALL RIGHT, I'M SHOUTING! I'M SHOUTING, I'M SHOUTING, I'M SHOUTING! NOW SHUT UP AND ATTEND THE FREAKING PARTY!"

"All right, all right, you've convinced me!" He shook his head. "But one question. Will I get to see you?"

"And greater wonders than that."

"I can't think of any greater wonder than seeing you, babe."

"That's because you're a fool." Sandy smiled sweetly and snuck away.