Chapter 6

Not long after Kahlan had gone to bed, Richard, Cara and Zedd went upstairs, too. The Mord'Sith seemed quite satisfied to have a room of her own and went off without a word.

Richard couldn't sleep. He turned around in his bed, but every time he shut his eyes he saw Rachel, the guilty look on her face right after they had kissed. Richard knew it had been his fault. When Rachel had come closer to him, he should have backed away or said something; but he had kissed her instead.

He remembered the warmth he had felt at that moment. But it had been different than the feelings he had for Kahlan. He just wasn't able to place it, which frustrated him. How should he tell Kahlan if he didn't know himself what was going on?

He got up, just wanting to get out of the room, when he heard Zedd's voice: 'Richard, what is it?'

'Nothing, I just need some air.' Richard wanted nothing more than to get away from everyone, but Zedd didn't give up: 'Come, tell me.' The wizard had sat up and Richard turned around to face him. 'I may be old, but I am no fool. You haven't slept a second since you went to bed. Obviously something happened today between you and Rachel.' Richard sat down on his bed and tried to deny the fact that Zedd had guessed rightly. His grandfather however – knowing Richard all too well - didn't let go: 'I see there is something troubling you. If not for yourself, tell me what's going on for their sake.' Although the Wizard didn't say it, Richard knew he was talking about Kahlan and Rachel.
Richard didn't say anything for a few minutes, but eventually his frustration won over his guilt: 'We were at this blacksmith's shop. He said he would be glad to help the Seeker, and handed Rachel a sword. We went out into a small court and sparred to test if the sword was alright. And suddenly… we were standing so close to each other… and when I looked into her face, I … I don't know what I was thinking…We kissed but then she just ran off, saying it wasn't right…' Richard trailed off and he saw a mix of sadness and understanding in the wizard's face.

When Zedd finally spoke, his voice sounded far older than he was: 'I knew it. I knew when I saw her looking at you, and when you were smiling back. I have thought about talking to both of you, but apparently it's too late now.'

Richard had tears in his eyes: 'Zedd, I don't know what I was doing… I always thought Kahlan was the only one I could ever love, and she is but …when I look at Rachel… I should never have kissed her, and it was different somehow, but for this few moments it felt…right.'

Zedd stood up and went over to sit beside Richard, laying a hand on his grandson's shoulders: 'I am sorry, my boy, but you have to figure this out before it's too late. Talk to Kahlan; explain it to her before her trust in you is shattered. You two are meant for each other.'

'I never doubted our love, but I don't think I even deserve her love anymore, after what happened before.' Richard mumbled, more to himself.

Zedd sighed: 'I can't help you with this. I know Kahlan… it would be difficult for her to accept if you chose Rachel, but ultimately she will stay with you on your quest. She knows you need her just as much as she needs you.'

'Zedd, you know I could never leave Kahlan. I never would. But that exactly is the problem. I love her, but at the same time I... I care for Rachel, just maybe in a different way, but I still do. I just wish I knew what this all meant...' His voice trailed off into silence, the frustration clearly showing in his eyes.

'I have to say, you seem to have a weak spot for women who come running into your life.' Zedd said in an attempt to lighten the mood. Richard got up and smiled tiredly at Zedd: 'Maybe…I think I still need some air. But thanks for trying to help me.' 'Of course, my boy.'

Just as Richard left the room he heard another door being slammed shut at his right. He turned around, but only caught a glimpse of Kahlan running down the staircase. Richard swallowed and then ran after her.

Richard followed Kahlan through the dark streets. She had hidden her face under the hood of her cloak and many people threw suspicious glances at her. When Kahlan finally stopped they were standing in a small, but empty courtyard with a decorative fountain in its centre.

'What are you doing here?' Kahlan's voice was low, but she didn't turn around to look at Richard, who had stopped dead a few feet behind her. 'Kahlan…' Richard hesitantly took a step closer to her; she didn't react, which he took as a silent permission to walk up to her.

Kahlan hadn't removed her hood, but from the side Richard saw her struggle to remain her calm Confessor face. Her eyes were still fixed on the water that was glistening in the soft moonlight when she whispered: 'Tell me what happened.'

So she had figured it out.

'Kahlan…' Richard started again, 'I made a terrible mistake.' His voice left him when Kahlan turned her head to look into his eyes. 'You kissed her.' she stated, trying to remain calm.

The look on his face told her she had guessed rightly; but her insides still clenched painfully when he nodded. 'I am so sorry. I should have told you earlier, but…' 'You don't know where your heart lies.' Kahlan whispered, but - just like before - it wasn't a question. When Kahlan looked into his brown eyes and saw the guilt and the pain in it, she felt her inner defences falling to pieces.

Richard felt at a loss of words, but he needed to explain: 'Kahlan, it isn't like that. I love you, you know I do. With all my heart, no matter what is going on right now. I don't understand it myself what this means...'

A tear ran down her face: 'You know, I can't even blame you if you choose her. You deserve a normal life, Richard.'

The lump in his throat made it almost impossible to speak, so he whispered: 'Kahlan, I want you to know that I love you. But I … we – all of us – need time to work this out. I know it's a lot to ask, maybe too much, but can you understand it?' Kahlan only nodded, and more tears ran down her face. Richard embraced her and whispered into her ear: 'Thank you.'

After a while, Kahlan took a step back, out of his warm embrace. 'I need some time for myself.' she said in a low voice, and she saw in Richard's eyes that he understood. Without another word Kahlan left.

XXX

When she came back to the inn and went upstairs, she found Cara and Zedd standing in the corridor in front of their rooms. They had talked in low voices, but fell silent the moment they saw Kahlan. 'If you want to talk…' Zedd addressed Kahlan in a soft voice, but she interrupted him, suddenly angry at the old wizard, her voice louder than she had intended: 'No, I don't want to talk to you. Just leave me alone.'

With that she yanked the door to her room open and vanished inside, not bothering to close it silently. Kahlan leaned against the door, breathing heavily, more tears running down her face. She was so lost in her anger and frustration that it took a few minutes before Kahlan realized Rachel was standing in the middle of the room. Her face was expressionless, but she wore her green dress and had her pack in her left hand. 'What are you doing?' Kahlan asked in a husky voice.

'I am leaving.' Rachel answered. Before Kahlan could ask her anything, she continued: 'What I did was wrong, and I am sorry for it. The only way to fix this is for me to leave. You are made for each other, and I won't loose the only real friend I've ever had for a love that isn't supposed to be.'

Kahlan couldn't help but feel sorry for Rachel and all that had happened to this young woman: 'This isn't your fault, Rachel. I am sad, but not because of what you did. It's because I know you would be better for him. You could live a normal live, and both of you deserve that, after all you sacrificed. You could have children; this is something I can never give him. But if you leave now, before Richard has had the chance to make this decision, it won't help anyone. I owe him the chance to decide for himself with whom he wants to be. So I ask you to stay… not for me, but for him.' Rachel was standing in front of Kahlan in a heartbeat and hugged her. 'I am so sorry for doing this to you. I wish I could just bury my feelings, because I know how much you love him, but I can't… I just can't…' She whispered, her body trembling. Kahlan just stood there, helpless. She didn't want to loose Rachel as her friend either, but at the moment, it felt impossible to stay near her. Kahlan gripped Rachel's arms softly, but her movements were determined when she freed herself from the embrace and turned around. Rachel didn't resist. Kahlan threw an excusing glance at her: 'I am sorry. I have to go… I hope you understand it.' With that, she left Rachel in her room. Kahlan tried to free her expressions of any emotion and knocked hesitantly on the door of Cara's room. 'What?' The Mord'Sith hissed after opening the door. Apparently she hadn't slept either until now, as she still wore her leathers. Kahlan swallowed and asked: 'Can I sleep in your room? You have another bed in there, don't you?'

Before Cara could answer, Kahlan had crossed the threshold and was standing in the room, still wearing her cloak and boots over her white nightgown. The Mord'Sith rolled her eyes, but didn't object. Even she felt it would be too much to ask of Kahlan to sleep in one room with a woman that had fallen in love with Richard and – from what Zedd had told her – vice versa.

Kahlan was grateful for the quietness of Cara. She didn't want to talk to anyone anyway. She got rid of her boots and cloak, lied down in the second bed and closed her eyes, desperately trying to shut out her emotions. She was so exhausted that it didn't take long until Kahlan fell asleep. The last thing she heard was an unnerved release of breath from Cara when she let herself fall on the other bed.

To my guest reviewers: Thank you for taking the time to type a review. I am glad to hear you like my writing style and hope you will enjoy the rest of this story as much as the first chapters :)

A/N:

Hey there,

if you're reading this, apparently you stayed with my story despite the way it went, so thanks for for that :)

So, here's the new chapter. I planned to upload it yesterday, but I just couldn't find the time to do so; I will post the next chapter tomorrow as a 'compensation' ;)

Looking forward to your reviews,

Alex