A/N: Instead of doing a part four to the Christmas Holiday Chapter, we are going to skip a head a little and go from there. Up until midway through last chapter, the story was pretty much told through Lily's POV, but towards the end of last chapter, it became Scorpius' POV. Don't worry. You won't miss a thing. Enjoy the flashbacks. If this doesn't clear things up, let me know… and if need be I'll rewrite it, but I think it's fantastic. Shorter than the previous, indeed, but still pretty powerful.

Disc.: Just borrowing for my devices.

Return

He blamed himself. He had waited too long to tell her and he told her during the most inopportune time. He really blamed himself. Scorpius sighed and watched the fire in the heart, the flames dancing merrily yet there was no merriment in the castle. The common room was silent, a few people milling about and giving him the distance that he seemed to need. He really didn't want to be alone, but he couldn't think of anyone he could reach out to. Not yet. Not anymore. His dorm mate, Damon walked it, shaking the snow from his hair.

"Scorpius," he said quickly, tossing his bag down on the chair. The boys quickly embraced. "How are you?"

"I'm hanging in there," Scorpius said as he parted. He sat back down, Damon across from him.

"My parents told me," Damon said shaking his head. "Did you go to the funeral?"

"I couldn't," Scorpius said as he focused on the fire.

"It's going to be weird," Damon murmured as he, too, focused on the fire. "To look to our third years and be one less student."

"Yes," Scorpius said in a choked voice. He looked up at Elena Goyle, the girl walking slowly to him. "It's definitely going to be weird."

Scorpius had watched as the medics scooped Lily up in their arms wrapped in what looked like aluminum foil. They laid her on the gurney, one of the medics climbing up on it with her, continuing to do CPR. He had admitted, he had always been curious to what Lily looked like, as any teenage boy would be, but his mind couldn't focus on her as a young woman or sexually or anything. He just saw her blue and cold and dead under the skillful hands of the medic.

"Dad?" Scorpius asked in horror. A second set of medics arrived and started checking Scorpius out.

"They're doing everything they can," Draco assured him as the doors slammed on the back of the first ambulance and sped away with Lily and Harry inside.

"I don't want her to die," Scorpius said as his breaths became quicker.

"Of course not," Draco said looking at his son. The medic put an oxygen mask on Scorpius' face.

"Son, we need to calm down and breathe for us," the medic told him. Scorpius fought the mask for a moment as the medic wrapped him in the same thermal blanket that Lily had been wrapped in. Draco climbed into the back of the ambulance to ride with Scorpius to St. Mungo's hospital.

Draco was brought in through the emergency department what seemed like seconds later. He was barely waiting a moment before the healers whisked him back to a bed and started a hot saline I.V. on him. He warmed up quickly from the inside and was finally allowed to take the oxygen off his face. Draco was on his cell phone, whispering as he paced back and forth.

"Dad?" Scorpius asked anxiously as he felt sleep overcoming him like a wave. Draco looked up at him, holding him off with a gesture, and continued to pace the small room. Scorpius rested his head back against the pillow and closed his eyes, exhaustion overcoming him.

He woke some hours later, though he couldn't be sure. He was alone at first, or so he thought. A quiet snore drew his attention to a sleeping form in a chair, hidden in the shadows. Scorpius was sure it wasn't his father, the way the man slouched in the chair. He looked at the spot where his I.V. was, a darkening bruise spreading form the entry point. It stung.

"Hello?" Scorpius whispered. The figure stirred and a scruffy looking Harry opened his eyes, leaning forward.

"Hey, Scorpius," he said sleepily. "Your dad had to rush back to your grandfather. I told him I'd sit with you."

"How's Lily?" Scorpius asked fearfully. An emotion, sadness or pain maybe, flickered across Harry's face.

"Don't worry about her right now, son," Harry murmured sleepily as the nurse came in to check on Scorpius. She seemed satisfied by his vitals.

"Good temp, good coloring," she said as she checked his I.V. and nodded. "I imagine you'll be set to leave in a few hours."

"What about Lily?" Scorpius asked a little more forcibly. The nurse looked to Harry, who looked exhausted.

"I'll talk to him," Harry promised her. She nodded and glanced at the wheelchair in the room, a look that didn't go unnoticed by Scorpius. Harry watched her leave before reluctantly looking at Scorpius.

"What's going on?" Scorpius demanded uncertainly. Harry took a deep, trembling breath.

"I wanted to wait until your dad returned," Harry said quietly. He took another deep breath.

"Is she… dead?" Scorpius asked as dread and fear swept over him. Harry looked up at him, pain in his eyes as he looked at Scorpius.

"The thing you have to remember, Scorpius," Harry said in a shaky voice. "There is the rule of three. You can only be without oxygen for three minutes, in freezing water for three minutes. Lily was under that water for almost ten."

"Lily?" Scorpius said in a quivering voice as tears spilled down his face.

"Scorpius?" Draco questioned as he re-entered the small room. Scorpius looked at his father, both men with tears in their eyes.

"Scorpius?" Elena asked, pulling Draco out of his thoughts. He looked up at her, a wavering smile on his face. He stood, kissing her on the cheek.

"Elena, how are you?" He asked. She tried to smile but it came off as pained.

"As to be expected, I guess," she said. She looked at him. "And you? How are you? I wasn't surprised to not see you at the funeral. I knew it would be too hard."

"I wanted to go, but I couldn't," Scorpius confessed. She nodded as she sat down next to him. She was crying, tears flowing down her face. She dabbed at them with a handkerchief but the tears were coming too quickly to halt them.

"I know, I understand," Elena said in gasping breaths. The three of them sat silently by the fire as others joined them in silent reflection.

"I can't believe she's gone," Damon said quietly.

"She will be missed," Scorpius said as he rested his hand on Elena's shoulder. She turned to him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. Her sobs could be heard over the crackle of the fireplace.

"Where are the third years?" Damon asked quietly.

"Professor McGonagall has them in the Great Hall," Scorpius said quietly. "She figured that they'd need a little time to cry it out alone without the rest of us trying to comfort them. They brought in a few professionals."

"I just can't believe she's gone!" Elena wailed loudly. Scorpius pulled her in tighter and squeezed as the portrait opened up. "Life will never be the same."

"No, life will never be the same," Scorpius admitted as he looked up. Kate, the third year came in crying, Shale to her left. Scorpius felt his heart stop for a moment as Lily stepped in behind her. She didn't look up, just allowed Kate to embrace her, tears spilling down her face. Lily's cheeks were flushed, her eyes bright with tears.

"I just don't understand," Kate wailed. Lily was talking to her, patting the girl's back. Lily looked at Shale, Tavis, and Zane. She shook her head, the words she said barely louder than a whisper. Scorpius had no chance of hearing it.

Shale and Lily exchanged looks, Lily sighing and nodded. She released Kate to Shale and walked towards the older kids, stopping a good few feet from them. They looked up at her from their chair with sadness and expectation. She cleared her throat slightly.

"Um," Lily said quietly. "Can I please have a pass to take Kate to the hospital wing? Callie and Nina went there immediately but Kate thought she'd be ok. Um, apparently she's not."

"Yeah, sure," Scorpius said as he pulled a pass out of his pocket. He handed it out to her. Lily took it without another word. She looked at Elena.

"I am so sorry for your loss," Lily said barely louder than a whisper. Elena stood, pulling away from Scorpius. She threw her arms around Lily, sobbing. Lily bit her lip and patted the older girl's back like she had patted Kate's. Lily pulled away. "Darla will be missed."

Lily returned and guided a sobbing Kate back out the portrait hole, struggling slightly under the awkwardness of Kate's weight. Scorpius watched for a minute wondering if he should follow. The house elves served dinner in the common room, shoving the thoughts from his mind. Dinner was subdued and everyone went to bed early. Scorpius relieved Elena from her prefect duties and instead went to do his rounds alone.

"James," Scorpius said as he passed the Gryffindor prefect.

"Hey, Scorpius," James said. He touched the boy's sleeve, stopping him. "I heard about your grandfather. I know things were kind of crazy, but I'm still sorry for your loss."

"Dragon Pox killed a lot of people this holiday," Scorpius said quietly. James nodded.

"Darla," he confirmed. "Is Lily still mad you didn't tell her the minute you found out?"

"She's barely talking to me," Scorpius said frowning. "She's not making it obvious, but she's so different."

"She'll come around," James said hopefully. "She had a rough time there."

"I know," Scorpius said as James started to walk away.

Scorpius was afraid to look at her, yet he knew he had to or be haunted by that blue, lifeless version of Lily he saw whisked away. He was sitting in a wheelchair, though his legs worked perfectly well. Lily was still, motionless on the bed. A light was on behind her, as if glowing from behind her head. The first thing he noticed was the deep, rosy color of her mouth. He had known that mouth inside and out, he loved that mouth. It was closed, and though no one had said anything, he knew it was a good sign to see it any color other than the blue purple he had last seen.

He let out a rush of breath, a great release. She was alive. It was all that mattered to him. The rest was unimportant. She could have been a vegetable for the rest of her life, he wouldn't care. He loved her and he planned on telling her everything now. Right now. Draco rested his hand on Scorpius' shoulder, lowering his mouth to his son's ear.

"They don't know if there will be any effects to her being under water for so long until she wakes up," Draco told him. "The healers are being cautious."

"Can I touch her?" Scorpius asked. Draco looked to Harry who nodded. Scorpius was wheeled closer to Lily's bedside, his fingers suddenly afraid of touching her. She looked so fragile laying there. She had a tube in her mouth her rose colored lips surrounding it, tape slightly, pouring oxygen into her lungs. Her left hand had an IV in it like his hand had, the dark purple bruise covering the entire back of the hand.

"The IV is a little hard on you guys because the temperature of the saline is higher than normal body temperature, and it is pushed quickly to ensure that it warms quickly," Draco explained to Scorpius. Scorpius reached out, not sure what to expect when his fingers touched her fingers.

"She's warm," he said in surprise as he looked to the two men.

"Her temperature is actually higher than normal," Harry said as he brushed some of Lily's hair from her face. He was standing on her other side, protective of his youngest child.

"She has a fever?" Scorpius asked quickly looking back at her.

"No," Harry assured him as he stepped towards the door. He jerked his head to Draco, who stepped away. "They just want to keep her a little warmer than normal to see if that will help reverse some of the effects of her long submerge in the water. They are cautiously optimistic."

"We're going to run down to get some coffee," Draco told him. Scorpius nodded, not watching them leave. Scorpius was hesitant as he touched her face. He traced her eyes, the shape of her nose. He watched her as he caressed her chin, ran his finger down the side of her neck. He closed his eyes, trying to memorize everything about her, forcing from his mind the sounds of the machines around her.

Scorpius forced himself to a standing position, towering over her. He smiled at how perfect she looked. Her cheeks were pink, her lips their natural, beautiful hue, as if she had just finished a cherry ice pop. Her eyes were closed; the only thing that looked remote off was the dusty purple hue underneath them. Even her dark, auburn hair looked like it always had. He pressed his eyes closed once again, his fingers on her collar bone. He took a deep breath, leaning forward.

It seemed to happen so quickly. One minute he was gently pressing his lips to the corner of her mouth the next she was choking and gagging, fighting to pull the tube out of her mouth. Alarms were blaring around her and healers rushed in. One took Scorpius by the shoulders, forcing him back into his wheelchair and rolled him right out the hallway. He didn't have a second to register what happened before Harry and Draco were there by his side.

"I'd better take him back to his room," Draco said tersely. "Let me know what's up, Harry."

"Scorpius! Seriously man, you are the hardest person to locate," Damon said as he touched Scorpius' shoulder. "I've been looking all over for you."

"Something wrong?" Scorpius asked with a slight panic in his voice.

"No," Damon said. Realization spread over Damon's face. "Oh, sorry man. I didn't mean to worry or panic you. No, I just wanted to let you know Elena decided to go to bed finally. She's not doing well."

"I imagine not," Scorpius mumbled as he continued to walk. Damon fell into step next to him.

"I don't know how I'd react if my kid sister died of Dragon Pox," Damon said shaking his head. "What a freak thing. I mean, I know like older people and really young people die all the time of it, but Darla was thirteen."

"They say she had an underlying medical problem," Scorpius said quietly. Damon nodded, walking silently.

"What are you going to do?" Damon said.

"Well, by proxy Elena should slip into Darla's roll," Scorpius said quietly. "However, she and I both talked and neither wants a union. With my grandfather passing, he can't enforce the rules."

"That's great," Damon said. Scorpius scowled at him. Damon quickly back peddled. "I mean, it sucks about Darla and your grandfather, of course, but you know, there's a silver lining to this all. You and Lily."

"Yeah, except that she hates me," Scorpius said crossing his arms.

"She doesn't hate you," Damon assured him.

"You didn't see the way she looked at me when I told her about Darla," Scorpius said shaking his head. "You would have thought I killed Darla and confessed it."

"Surely it wasn't that bad," Damon protested.

"You're right," Scorpius said sourly. "It was worse."

Three days after he was released from St. Mungo's, Scorpius was back. His arms had a bouquet of flowers. He knew he needed to talk to her, see her, even if he hadn't been the one to finally tell her about Darla's passing and the proxy deal with Elena. Scorpius headed into the room, knocking once, and headed in as the medical doctor listened to Lily's back. Her shoulder was resting against his, to steady her. She had been trembling on and off since she woke. The healers thought it would possibly pass in time.

She glared at Scorpius, angry, as he put the flowers on the counter by the window, her face practically hidden by the doctor's shoulder. The doctor looked at her curiously, having heard the exchange of heart beats. He glanced at Scorpius and smirked, before finishing up with Lily. He draped his stethoscope around his neck.

"You're doing fabulously, Lily, and it looks like you'll be back home in time to catch the train back to school," he said to Lily.

"And the coordination problems?" Lily asked quietly. Scorpius froze at the sound of her voice, the warmth flooding over him.

"I have faith that it will return in time," the doctor said. He wrote down something on a piece of paper and showed it to Lily. Lily's eyes flickered to Scorpius' for a second before returning to the doctor's face. Her face flushed slightly and a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.

"Non, il n'est pas mon petit ami," Lily replied quietly to the written note. The doctor glanced at Scorpius and grinned.

"Êtes-vous favorable, parce que je pense qu'il vous aime?" The doctor asked. Lily flushed bright red as she looked at Scorpius who was staring at her with a cocked head.

"Nous allons à l'école ensemble, c'est tout. Il est un ami," Lily said glancing down at her hands quickly. The doctor chuckled and patted her hands.

"Ok, ok," he said. "I'll be back in later to check on you. Son, make sure she eats her breakfast, will you?"

"Not the eggs," Lily groaned as she glared at the covered dish on the bedside table.

"Will do," Scorpius said nodding. He watched as the doctor headed out of the room before moving towards the tray. "Ok, let see what they try to pass off as food now a days."

"Why are you here?" Lily asked crossly.

"I'm visiting you," he said looking at her confused. "Oh, look. They gave you eggs after all. And bacon. How about a bite of bacon?"

"I don't want any stupid bacon," Lily said tersely. "I want to get the heck out of here. I'm fine."

"Your hands are shaking," Scorpius said taking them.

"They say it'll pass," Lily said frowning.

"And my dad said that your dad told him that you're not regulating your temperature properly," Scorpius said. Lily pulled her hands away, crossing her arms and pressing her hands hard against her body.

"You know, they said I can't play Quidditch for the rest of the years?" Lily growled at him angrily. Scorpius sighed and nodded.

"Yeah, I had heard," Scorpius said.

"Well, it's crap, you know?" Lily snapped. "I can still knock a bludger like nobody's business."

"I don't doubt that," Scorpius said chuckling. Silence stretched between them.

"Why didn't you tell me about Darla?" Lily demanded suddenly. Scorpius looked up at her, surprised she blurted it out quite like that, breaking the silence that spanned between. Lily glared at him, her arms still crossed.

"I wanted you to have a nice holiday," Scorpius said quietly. "I didn't want to put a dark cloud over it by telling you that Darla died."

"Oh, so it's better to have let me erroneously believe that I was making you CHEAT on her?" Lily snapped at him. "Everyone knew about her in my family but me. How could you do that to me? That whole time, everyone knew and I didn't. And what's worse was that I was there, kissing you and being with you, feeling guilty about the fact that your fiancé was at her home without you, and in reality you should have been grieving her death."

"Lily, I didn't want to bring that kind of sadness in your life," Scorpius said.

"It isn't your place to decide what sadness should or shouldn't be in my life, Scorpius," Lily told him angrily.

"I wanted to protect you," he said.

"No, you wanted to be selfish," Lily accused as she glared at him. "You knew I felt guilty about Taryn and Darla, and you let it continue when you could have ended my guilty feelings."

"Lily, I didn't think…"

"Exactly, you didn't think. So I suffer because of it," Lily snapped. Scorpius looked at her as if she had slapped him across the face. She was glaring and her breathing was shallow, filled with rage. A healer came in, frowning.

"Is everything ok in here?" she asked as she checked Lily's monitors.

"Fine," Lily snapped. The healer made a sound of disapproval and shook her head.

"Honey, you're O2 SATS are not very good right now," she said. "I know you hate it, but you're going to have to put the mask back on for a bit. Son, maybe you should come back some other time until she can calm down."

"Ok," Scorpius said as the healer turned on the oxygen and started to fit the mask over Lily's face. Lily jerked it off.

"Don't bother coming back some other time," Lily told him as she and the healer began to wrestle with whether or not Lily would allow the mask be on her face. Scorpius hesitated at the door, looking back as the healer forced the mask on Lily finally.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner," he told her. Lily threw a fork at him, Scorpius ducking out of the room just in time to dodge the fork.

"She'll get over it," Damon insisted. Scorpius raised an eyebrow at him and shook his head. The two walked along the corridor in silence for a bit more. The big clock chimed eleven and Damon yawned.

"Go ahead," Scorpius said smirking. "I'll be along in a bit."

"Think you could give me a pass?" Damon asked sheepishly. Scorpius laughed and handed him one.

"I doubt anyone's really whole heartedly upholding curfew," Scorpius told him. Still, Damon took the pass and jogged back the way they had come. Scorpius looked up, surprised that he had found himself at the hospital wing. He hesitated as the door swung open. He pulled back into the shadows for a second as Lily walked out the doors. He watched her as she headed towards him and for a second he worried about her knowing he was there. He looked at the dejected look on her face, the sad tears that seemed to threaten to spill. He admired her, even from afar, at the way she held herself together. Even now that she was alone and could afford to cry, she struggled to keep her emotions in check.

Scorpius slipped out from behind her in the shadow and silently followed her. Lily stopped, searching her pockets for something. Scorpius heard what he thought was a whispered swear and Lily continued down the corridor. She passed the hall way that would lead to the dungeons and instead headed towards the astronomy tower. He followed her slowly, not wanting her to find him following her. She broke into a run at the base of the tower, running up the spiral stairs until he heard the door open to the classroom. He hesitated on the outside of the classroom, not sure if he wanted to follow her. If she was meeting someone, he was certain he didn't want to come face to face with that.

Curiosity had Scorpius following her up the stairs regardless, two at a time until he came to the door. He was silent as he slipped into the classroom. He could see her in the exterior part of the room, where the balcony over looked the school grounds. He could remember the last time he was there, with her, and he felt his stomach twist with anticipation. He stealthily slipped onto the balcony. She had her back to him, her elbows resting on the railing, hands covering her face.

"Please, just leave me alone," she whispered the words fainter than the wind. It was snowing, the snow trapping in her hair. He looked to the sky, wondering when the light snow had become more blizzard-like.

"Why are you out here without a coat?" He asked concerned as he stepped toward her. She put her hand up, effectively halting him.

"I need to be alone," she whispered. He wondered why she was whispering but then he saw her shoulders shake slightly. She was crying, and he knew she didn't trust her voice to hide her tears. Scorpius stepped forward, pulling her up in his arms. She tried to push him away.

"No, Lily, listen," Scorpius told her kindly as he lowered his mouth to her ear. He kept his voice low as he spoke to her. "It's ok if you want to hate me or be angry at me. I was wrong to keep it from you, and selfish. I didn't want to you to be sad while I was with you because I loved every moment we shared. But you can't be out here with a coat. You can't get careless or sick or hurt just to spite me."

"I…" Lily breathed with her hands on her face. Scorpius pulled her closer, his arms wrapped around her.

"It's ok to cry, Lily. You don't have to be strong," Scorpius said to her. She tried to push him away again but he held onto her. "Shh, it's ok to be sad. I'll hold you together so you don't have to hold yourself together anymore."

"It's not that," Lily wailed loudly as she pushed against him.

"Then what is it, Lils," Scorpius asked as he pressed his cheek against hers, the salty dampness almost icy on her flesh.

"I'm a horrible person!" Lily cried as she tried to turn away from him. "I was glad."

"G-glad?" Scorpius stuttered uncertainly. Lily finally broke free of his arms.

"Yes," Lily hissed at him as she crossed back to the railing. She kept her back to him. She struggled to form the words. He could see her gripping onto the icy railing with her bare fingers.

"Why were you glad? About what?" Scorpius asked carefully as he stepped a foot closer to her.

"She was such a nasty, mean spirited girl," Lily said distastefully. "When my dad told me she was dead, I was glad because she was the one thing I hated the most about being a Slytherin. I am not a nasty, mean spirited person and she was the embodiment of it. I felt she got what she deserved."

"Lily…" Scorpius said unable to hide his surprise in her outburst.

"I immediately felt bad about it. No one deserves to die," Lily immediately countered. She looked at him, her face damp from the tears that seemed to torrent down her face. She brushed them away with her bare hands. "What kind of person does that make me, to be glad my dorm mate died?"

"Lily," Scorpius said as he stepped forward. He took out a handkerchief and held it out to her.

"Oh, I'm not done," Lily moaned quietly as she took it and began mopping up her face. "When I overheard your dad tell mine that your grandfather died and that your union was unenforceable, I was even happier. I was done of the snotty bitch and didn't have to worry about your evil, loathsome grandfather."

"Lily!" Scorpius said sharply in shock. She looked at him, sadness in her eyes.

"I told you! I told you I needed to be alone!" Lily accused him as he looked at her. He looked at her as she bit her bottom lip. "I told you I am a horrible person!"

"Wait, Lily," Scorpius said. She pushed past him and headed back inside. He thought about chasing after her. He hadn't expected her to ever say anything like that. He had never experienced a person being glad that another person was dead, not when the deceased hadn't really done anything to them. Sighing, he headed after her. He had waited long enough, and he knew he'd have to sprint fast if he wanted to catch up with her. He caught her in the common room, so he knew she'd not shout any more.

"Let go of my wrist, Scorpius," Lily told him as he tightened his grip on her.

"I'm not done talking," Scorpius said.

"I tried to tell you that I needed to be by myself," Lily said through gritted teeth. "Why can't you listen to me?"

"You made me feel bad about not telling you about Darla, and all that time," Scorpius growled. "All that time I was feeling bad about not telling you, you were secretly happy she was gone. Do you know how bad I felt that I had kept it from you?"

"I feel bad enough about it, you needn't remind me," Lily moaned softly as she tried to twist away.

"I can't believe you'd keep that from me," Scorpius said frowning at her.

"Well," Lily said finally pulling free. She reached up to her the back of neck and released the clasp of her necklace. Scorpius looked the locket he had given her in disbelief.

"W-what are you doing?" Scorpius asked uncertainly, his face pained.

"What I should have done ages ago," Lily said with her jaw still clenched. "I'm finished with you, Scorpius. You were never meant to be with me. Malfoys and Potters just don't mix."

"Wait, Lily," Scorpius said quickly as he realized what she was doing. "Please, wait a second. Let's talk about this."

"No," Lily said shaking her head. She threw the locket at his feet when she realized that he had no intention of making this easy on her. She turned around and stomped away, slamming the third year dormitory door so loud it cause a few people to sleepily poke their heads out the doors.

"Go back to bed," Scorpius barked angrily as he glared at the locket. The heads quickly disappeared back behind their doors. He drew his foot up swiftly and before he could think about what he was doing, he slammed his foot down on it hard. The sound of shattering metal and glass echoed in the silence of the night.