Chapter 6
Intriguing
The first to wake up, between the two of them, was Quinn and she found that in the night Rachel had somehow ended up on top of her and was curled up within her arms. She had no idea how Rachel came to the position of being half on top of her or how her arms came to settle around her body, pulling her closer still. It was like her body had adhered to some kind of subconscious wish and now Rachel was lying in her arms as if it was perfectly natural … routine for them. The thought made her stop in her tracks and wonder, ponder this little fact. Was there something more between them … on her part subconsciously? Or what was this? What did it mean for her to wake up with the brunette lying in her arms as if it was a perfectly natural thing? What more she was surprised she had slept at all and that there hadn't been any nightmares from being asleep, as was the norm for her. She took at quick glance at the clock and saw that it was 7:02 AM. She got about seven hours of sleep then since she knew she fell asleep around midnight.
Her thoughts were interrupted by Rachel's sudden movement. Was she waking up? The answer was a negative when she felt Rachel shift only so that she could bury her nose further into Quinn's neck and took a deep breath in the fruity scent of apples and watermelon, a strange but enticing scent. As Quinn lay on the bed thinking she couldn't help but notice how well Rachel's body molded to hers, as if they were made to fit together like a glove. She wondered about all of these feelings … about how easily she opened up to Rachel and how her emotions seemed to show easily around her. It was a strange effect because she had never been so open to another person about such things before. It made her heart ache a little when it came to the thoughts of home and how she couldn't open up to anyone growing up. It was all a process her parents decided to leave her to flounder with alone. Never was there a day she could actually remember feeling any bit of warmth or happiness when it came to thoughts of her parents and now was no exception to that.
Quinn looked at the clock and saw that little more than half an hour had passed since she first glanced at the clock. She let out a deep, tired sigh that left her feeling exhausted and lost. She was a weary soul in a young body but even more than that she was a sad one. She was the saddest person she had ever met and it was wearing her down. It was like the weights of all of the demons haunting her were dragging her entire body down with their weight, with their power. It made her feel more fatigued than anything else in her life.
She knew well enough that she should have done something about it a long time ago, should have put more effort into getting treatment, but she wasn't comfortable going out to talk to therapists. What made things even worse was the fact that they were all woman who seemed nice and just wanted to help. They were earnest and sincere but she just couldn't seem to open up to any of the five different ones she had gone to see before. Rachel had once said she wanted to be a therapist and it made Quinn wonder … if I had met Rachel as a therapist would I still have been so open … so willing to talk and show my emotions? And after several moments of silent contemplation she decided that yes, yes she would have. Under any and all circumstances she had met Rachel she would have opened up to her and she would have told her almost everything. It was just so easy to get lost in those warm, smoldering brown eyes.
She was interrupted from her thoughts about the brunette by the brunette herself stirring. She made a little groaning noise before shifting her position a little so that she was lying entirely on Quinn, her arms finding purchase on Quinn's shoulders. Quinn was sorely tempted to look down but she didn't want to wake the diva if she was still sleeping by moving her head and potentially jostling the tan little diva's head. Quinn, with some difficulty, took her arms from around the peaceful, sleeping brunette. She placed them at her sides so that she wouldn't be tempted to hold her again. She didn't want the brunette to wake up knowing that they had been in a somewhat compromising position. It was definitely not in the blonde's agenda for the day; 1: fall asleep with Rachel beside her, 2: wake up with her arms wrapped securely around Rachel. No, that definitely wasn't in the master plan.
She then realized how tense she was in that moment and willed herself to relax and not worry too much about the implications of being tense in the brunette's arms. She wasn't sure what was worse, waking up to the realization that she was holding the brunette or tensing up over the fact that she was no longer holder her? She looked over to her clock again to see that a mere five minutes had gone by and that thought was slightly frustrating. How much longer was Rachel going to sleep and for that matter how much longer until she woke up realizing she was lying on top of her? She honestly couldn't find it in herself to mind the fact much; in fact if she was being honest with herself she quite liked it. The only relationships she had ever known were very brief ones she had in high school during her junior and senior years with underclassmen who were actually around her age. It was awkward, every single one of them, because none of them had known how to speak to her and approach her because she was such a perfected Ice Queen. She had truly tried to actually make one of the relationships work but they all seemed to only like her pretty face. She was always too smart, too cold, too serious, too mature, too much of everything for every single failed relationship she had. It was hard on her because then all she could ever think about was what she could have possibly done wrong.
Her musing was broken by Rachel's movement once again and she glanced over at the clock to see that it was now just fifteen minutes until eight. It took her a moment to realize that her arms had somehow found themselves encompassing Rachel's lithe body yet again. Just as she was about to remove them Rachel's movement interrupted her as she stretched her body out, meaning that she was awakening. It was a little unnerving to know that any moment now she was going to realize that something was terribly different … or perhaps she was used to waking up in someone's arms. Quinn wasn't sure what Rachel was going to do, how she was going to react, when she finally realized that she was lying in her arms. She hoped she didn't become upset with herself or anything ridiculous like that.
Rachel was moving around again and when she yawned into Quinn's neck she knew that it would only be moments before the tiny diva realized that she wasn't lying in her boyfriend's arms. It was only a matter of seconds now and as if it was on cue she heard the response she had been expecting, in some capacity at least. Rachel jolted with surprise before she reeled back to look at the person who had been holding her throughout the night. Quinn just looked at her startled brown eyes for a moment before she responded sheepishly and shyly. "Um … hi … sorry about uh … this. I woke up and it was just … I didn't want to wake you so I … yeah." Quinn was looking away from Rachel's face because of her embarrassment. Though she couldn't hide from Rachel in her current position underneath her she wanted to at least avoid seeing what surely must have been confusion in Rachel's brown eyes.
Her eyes were squeezed shut as tightly as they possibly could be so she didn't see the smile of amusement on Rachel's face. "Quinn?" Quinn kept her eyes shut tightly but hummed to let Rachel know she was listening to her. "Look at me Quinn, please." Quinn wanted to outright refuse but she knew it would be childish of her to do so, so with a reluctant sigh she opened her piercing hazel eyes and looked into Rachel's warm ones. Quinn was trapped the moment her eyes met Rachel's and she knew that looking away was a lost cause. "I don't mind this honestly," and she pointed between them to indicate what she meant. "I've honestly woken up to situations more awkward than this and trust me Quinn, there were a few." Quinn wasn't sure what to think of the statement because one way or another, it didn't quite make her feel any better. On the one hand she was being told that Rachel had had worse situations before … on another hand Rachel was admitting that she did find this situation awkward on some level.
Quinn was lost in thought when Rachel cleared her throat to garner her attention. "Oh … sorry I … I was just thinking about what you could have possibly meant by 'more awkward situations'." And Quinn even used air quotes to illustrate her point and Rachel took a moment to appreciate the adorable way Quinn had done so. Her eyebrows had furrowed when she used air quotes and Rachel couldn't help but smile at how endearing she found this side of Quinn, openly showing emotions like this. Quinn was only open with her emotions on very rare occasions so seeing her like this made Rachel happy. Quinn felt self-conscious about Rachel looking down at her with a smile on her face … well she felt nervous every time Rachel looked at her period but that was beside the point. "What … why are you … looking at me like that?" Quinn asked in a soft, almost hesitant voice.
Rachel looked slightly confused by the question. She wasn't looking at her in a strange way was she? She decided to ask Quinn for confirmation, "what do you mean?"
And Quinn hesitated. "Like … I mean something to you." And now Rachel was looking at Quinn like she had never been asked a more ridiculous question and that she thought the answer should have been completely obvious to the insecure blonde. She was startled by the sudden vulnerability in Quinn's entire demeanor.
"Quinn … of course you mean something to me!" Rachel said as sincerely as she had ever said anything true. "You mean a great deal to me Quinn. I can see that you're a guarded person but that doesn't matter to me because you're just afraid of being hurt by other people. You're a little mysterious because of the many ways you hide yourself but that's not any reason to make people feel as if they shouldn't care about you. You're more than worth the effort to get to know, to peel the layers of and find the person underneath the mystery and how intriguing you are." Rachel was looking down into the hazel eyes and imploring her to understand what she was conveying with every breath she took. "Every person in the world has immeasurable value no matter what they choose to do. Looking at you though … I know that you're a good person because of the career path you chose. You were a child prodigy and you could have chosen any path you wanted … but you chose Criminal Justice. You chose to right the wrongs that happen far too often in this world and it is entirely admirable. I think it's something so wonderful and brave of you to do." The way Rachel was looking at her right now and it made Quinn lose her breath.
As much as Quinn wanted to look away it was as if it was physically impossible for her to do so. It was like Rachel's eyes had some kind of pull that drew her in and it was drawing Quinn into Rachel's eyes like a helpless bug to a sweet trap set up by a Venus flytrap. Quinn was so caught she didn't know what to do or say because she was so lost in every emotion that Rachel was showing so readily to her. It made her feel strange … it made her feel something she had never felt before in her life. She wasn't sure what the feeling was or how to identify it in anyway but all that she knew was … it scared her a little. It was odd for her to feel so much about someone she had known for barely more than two weeks! It felt like so much longer than that though and she didn't know why she felt like she knew the brunette so well despite the short amount of time they had known each other.
Quinn wanted to say something, anything, in response to the tiny brunette leaning over her with her arms on either side supporting her weight but she didn't think she would say anything intelligible considering her current predicament. She had never been in this kind of situation before, one where she was unable to speak when she wanted to because she was so lost in someone else's gaze. It never occurred to her that it was even possible because it seemed like something that only happened in movies or romance novels, becoming lost in someone else's eyes. All of a sudden she realized that Rachel's face was very close to her own and it seemed that Rachel was just as lost in her own set of hazel orbs. All of their concentration was on each other and then … Rachel's eyes closed and the spell was broken … except for the fact that her face was even closer still.
And then there was a loud voice speaking into the apartment and they were both so startled that Rachel ended up falling right off of the bed, causing a very audible thud to sound through the room and the rest of the condominium. "Oi, are you okay in there Quinn?" Santana's loud voice reverberated throughout the condo and caused Quinn to momentarily curse the Latina before she carefully stepped off of her bed to check on the tiny brunette. She was sure that if she hadn't been in her current situation she would have actually found this to be a bit comical and laugh worthy. Considering her circumstances though, she was just worried about the little diva.
"Are you all right, Rachel?" She asked as she carefully flipped the diva over so that she was in a supine position. She had fallen face first into the, thankfully, carpeted floor. The brunette herself seemed a little out of it most likely because she was still in shock over having fallen on the floor like she had. She looked slightly dazed to Quinn, which was concerning, and she brushed a few stray locks of hair out of her face. "Rachel?" Quinn asked with slight concern showing through in her normally toneless voice.
Rachel blinked a few times to clear herself of her unfocused gaze and in an attempt to recover from the slight ringing in her ears. She was just about to answer when an alarmed Santana burst through Quinn's bedroom door unbidden. Quinn herself couldn't quite fight back the annoyance that transferred very slightly on her features. "What happened … in here?" Santana was quite unsure of the sight she was met with when she opened the door to see a body that was most definitely not the blonde she had been expecting and the blonde herself. "What is she doing here?" Santana didn't mean to come off sounding as rude as she did but she was quite startled and a startled Santana was always a bit rude. "And on the floor no less." Santana added ignoring the withering glare Quinn was sending her way in response to her rudeness and for her just barging in like she owned the damn place.
"First of all I could ask you the same thing: what are you doing here? And second of all, you startled Rachel into falling right off of the bed face first and now she's a bit dazed thanks to you. And lastly … what have I told you about barging into my house like you own the place Santana? It's not as if I've never told you about my rules regarding my living space San. Please, refrain from doing something like that in the future as Rachel will be staying for a little bit. I would like to keep her in one piece when she finds a place of her own eventually." Quinn hadn't even discussed it with Rachel yet but she knew that Rachel didn't really have anywhere else to go as it was anyways.
Rachel lost her dazed confusion at the statement and Rachel and Santana both reeled back in surprise and simultaneously shouted, "what?!" into the room following the rather shocking statement. They were both surprised by the blonde's strong statement; there had been no hesitation in her voice.
"I said," Quinn started patiently, "Rachel is welcome to stay here until she gets herself situated because of a rather … unfortunate event that took place in her apartment. Until Rachel has found another place to live she is welcome to stay here with me for the time being so she doesn't have to live in her own car or on the streets." Santana was beyond confused by this and so she decided to find out what this was all about exactly from her best friend.
"Quinn … can we have a word," her eyes darted between Rachel's form on the floor still and Quinn looking at her with a single raised brow. "In private?" She actually managed to make it a question by this point. Quinn, eyebrow still raised, sighed in acceptance and stood from her kneeling position and held a hand out to Rachel, offering her help. Rachel looked up at the hand and smiled as she took it and was helped to her feet gently.
"Will you be okay by yourself for a few minutes Rachel?" Quinn didn't want to leave Rachel alone in the room after what had almost happened between them before Santana barged into the room … because she needed to know what it meant. Quinn didn't like not knowing because it was the worst feeling in the world. She still, to this very day, didn't know what she meant to her family, to her parents mostly. Her sister didn't love her enough to stick around and be a sister to her when she needed her most … but she did love her if the hand written letters and pictures of her life were any indication.
At Rachel's nod and words Quinn left with slight reluctance. "I'll be okay, now go!" And she playfully pushed Quinn's back to propel her a few steps forward.
"Okay, okay. No need to shove me around Rachel!" Quinn said with a smile on her face, playfully returning the tease.
"So … explain?" Quinn raised an eyebrow at the vague question. Explain what exactly? Explain Rachel on the floor, why she slept in the same bed, why she was here? Quinn wasn't sure which of these questions Santana wanted an answer for exactly.
"Explain what Santana?" Quinn asked tonelessly with her infamous Fabray eyebrow raise firmly intact.
"Don't play games with me Q. What the hell is going on between you and your partner Fabray? I thought you were supposed to be a genius. That's why you left me and Brit in the dust when we were in kindergarten together." Santana added the last part as a spoken thought rather than making a point.
Quinn was even more confused than ever. "Nothing is going on between us. Rachel is in a rather bad predicament right now and she can't go back to her apartment or her parent's house right now so I thought it would be best for her to live with me for the time being rather than living in her car. She doesn't have anywhere else to go and she's my partner so … I don't really want anything bad to happen to her." Quinn was loathed to admit that she actually cared for the tiny powerhouse so she side stepped it in a way that wouldn't be a complete lie to her best friend.
Santana raised an eyebrow at the blonde. "That's not all of it though and you and I both know that. I've known you since we were kindergarteners because my father decided to let me into a public school instead of a hoity toity place like Lima Central Catholic School. He didn't want me being around a bunch of snobby prissy missies so thank god for that! Dios mio can you just imagine how much of a pain I would have grown up to be if he had put me in that school?" Santana rolled her eyes at herself before she got back on track, "anyways back to the subject, what is up with you allowing her to stay here? You barely let Brit sleep over here let alone when I'm involved with it. You absolutely refuse to let the both of us sleep over here unless we're completely smashed and you've known us both for years, so explain." Santana said demandingly. Sometimes Quinn wondered why she was even friends with the high strung Latina. She scoffed at her and rolled her eyes before explaining her actions to her best friend of 19 years.
"Okay … well first of all, I know that Rachel isn't going to sleep with anyone in the guest bed considering it's just the two of us. Second of all she just broke up with her boyfriend … sort of … I think. Anyways she's not going to have any guests coming into this condo for her personal pleasure so I won't have to check my sheets for stains and stink just for having her sleeping here. She's more respectable of other people's things than you and you know that San." Quinn added the last part quickly because Santana had opened her mouth to argue back but Quinn beat her to the punch. "It would also be very cruel of me to not offer to help her in any way whatsoever when I know what happened. And then there's the fact that if something happens to her I'd feel guilty since I know it would have been because I didn't try to help her when I had the chance. It's safer indoors and she would have been so vulnerable had she been left to sleep in her car last night." Quinn gave a moment's pause to allow Santana to take it all in before she continued, "and even if these streets aren't as dangerous as some bigger cities there's no guarantee. We're still looking for a serial killer as it is." This was almost everything but she couldn't admit the other part out loud … it would be too much for her. She didn't even know for certain what it was she was feeling anyways. She was still figuring things out as it was and there was no need to bring Santana into that.
Santana however knew something from what the blonde didn't say. She understood her best friend more than she realized and in that moment she understood something the blonde did not. Quinn was falling in love … or at the very least in like with the tiny diva, the very annoying and slightly pretentious diva with a big voice that matched her big personality. Santana had to admit that as tiny as she was she had a very big and powerful voice and she sounded good, not that she'd ever admit it out loud. The diva was already affecting Quinn more than anyone else had ever in all of her years of dating. Quinn never dated many but she dated for a long time and by college she had given up on dating at 17 because all of the girls at the academy just weren't her type. She also realized by 17 that she had no attraction to males whatsoever and she didn't want to alert her parents to such a thing. She knew with great certainty that they would have burned her like a witch had they ever found out about it. They were very unforgiving individuals with very pompous attitudes and a 'holier than thou' kind of complex. Nothing Quinn did was ever good enough and sometimes they would beat her for it. Her father had been the perpetrator to many beatings and after the most severe ones he would put thousands of dollars into her college savings fund and he once put over $100,000 into a checking account for her because of how many days she had been in the hospital for one of them. $10,000 for each day she had been in the hospital and unable to go to school. Santana had been livid over hearing later on what had truly happened when Quinn finally told her when they were both older.
Santana became angry over the thoughts that had surfaced when she had simply been thinking about how her friend had finally found someone she liked more than she knew. Quinn sensed the shift in thoughts and mood and immediately felt concerned. "Santana? Hey! What's up San?" Quinn asked and she finally resorted to snapping her fingers to get her friend's attention when calling out to her didn't work.
Santana gave a slight shudder and shake at the intrusion and shook her head at the sudden dark turn her thoughts had made. "I'm cool. I'm fine, I'm fine … I was just …" Santana let out a sigh before steeling her gaze and continuing, "your parents … I was thinking about your parents and you know how I feel about them. They … they aren't fit to be called parents and they're cruel bastards who deserve to rot in hell for what they did to you. I was just thinking about you and then it lead to thoughts of them," Santana had a fire in her eyes when she spoke about them but it dwindled down into gentleness. "I hate them for everything they've done to you and you know you should have told someone at the station when you first started working there but … they're family and you couldn't do that to them no matter what they did to you. I know your stand on the situation and you mine." Santana looked away from Quinn, finding the wooden floor far more interesting for the moment.
Quinn took Santana's hand and nodded. "I know and that's why I respect you more for not saying anything." Before either of them could blink Santana was burrowed into Quinn's shoulder and she was holding back tears. "It's okay San. I didn't let them hold me back from being who I am now. The woman I am today has nothing to do with the child they hurt on countless occasions during their drunken rages." Santana felt the first few tears fall and a whimper fell from her lips, "shh, it's okay San. Let it out." And Quinn was rocking Santana in her arms to comfort her normally strong friend. Santana had only ever cried in front of Quinn four times in her life and now was the fifth time. The first time was when she was confessing to her abuela her preference and her abuela rejected her. The second time was after she left the choir room of William McKinley High School after breaking up with Brittany and singing the song Mine to her. The third time had been when she first found out about what Quinn's parents had done to her so many times. The last time she had cried in front of Quinn had been when Brittany was shot in the line of duty and now was the fifth time.
"Quinn … what your parents did was just as bad as my abuela disowning me. No … what they did was worse than that even because they did it out of malice … my abuela just couldn't understand where I was coming from. She didn't know how to accept who I was until she saw how broken I was after I broke up with Brittany for her. And then she got to see me at my happiest when I was with Brittany again. She still doesn't get it but she's not saying anything about it anymore because she knows that Brit makes me happy and that's enough for her. Your parents … they are the scum on this earth and they're entitled preachers. They can get away with a lot of things because they've got money and they know how to use it. I know that's why you became a police officer … well head detective after you were promoted twice. You know that if you catch them first there's a higher chance of getting them where they're supposed to be … where they deserve to be." Santana was silent for a moment, "I … after I found out about what really happened … what was really happening I decided to do the same thing as you. I can't stand the thought of them getting away with everything they did so now I'm doing my best to make sure it doesn't happen to other people, to other kids deserving of much better lives." There was an inexplicable sorrow in Santana's eyes. Quinn had never seen such a look in Santana's eyes before. Perhaps it was purely due to the fact that Santana never showed sorrow no matter who was around and so it was new, foreign, to the blonde.
Quinn gave Santana's body a gentle squeeze, not knowing how else to comfort the riled and sad brunette. To be angry and sad at the same time was a bit strange but understandable considering the cause of Santana's sorrow and ire. "I know that you haven't forgiven them for what they've done and know that I haven't either … it's just … it's best to leave the past in the past. I know it doesn't mean much coming from me because it still haunts me … every night when I do sleep … but I've gotten used to it. It doesn't bother me nearly as much anymore and you should try to forge—" Quinn was interrupted but a furious Latina.
"Quinn! No, don't you dare! Don't you dare tell me to forget that it ever happened! Don't tell me to forget all of the times you cried in my arms and refused to explain what had happened to me! Don't you dare tell me to forgive and forget because I won't, I can't! I will never forget what they've done and how much they've done to you. It is utterly barbaric, the way they treated you, and I'm going to be livid for you because you refuse to do so yourself! I'd rather be fuming and agonized for you but you're already in agony and it never seems to get any better no matter what and I can't help that. You've got shit that you have to find help for but you refuse to do anything about. It worries Brit and me both because all we want is what's best for you. We just want to help you get over what they've done to you but only you can do that. We can't do anything more than try and help you find your way and support you the best we can." Santana wrapped her arms around Quinn and buried her face into Quinn's neck even further. "You've been carrying this burden alone for far too long and you and I both know that. Let someone else in so they can help you. I know you tried for five years but you just couldn't find the right person so you gave up. This is something you shouldn't give up though. You need the help more than you'll admit and you know this better than anyone else. Stop being strong and try to let yourself depend on another person for once Quinn … or else this will come back to haunt you someday."
And Santana didn't say anymore than that. There was nothing else to be said really and she had said everything she wanted to, to her blonde best friend.
Rachel had been sitting on the bed for some time when she heard a loud shout and it only took her a moment to realize that it was Santana's voice. As much as she wanted to listen to her instincts and run to the room that the blonde and Latina were occupying she knew it was none of her business. So she continued to sit where she was and to her slight chagrin she could hear some of what the Latina was saying because of the pure volume of her voice. "Quinn!" A pause here, "no, don't you dare! Don't you dare tell me to forget that it ever happened!" Her voice was so forceful but in a way that showed she cared and that it wasn't out of anger she yelled the words. "Don't tell me to forget all of the times you cried in my arms and refused to explain what had happened to me!" And now Rachel was trying to find a way to occupy herself so she couldn't hear them anymore because it was obviously a private conversation and moment between them. And she knew if she heard it she would never be able to un-hear because of her eidetic tonal memory. With a sigh she thought of a song and started singing it loudly enough so that she wouldn't be able to hear Santana's powerful voice between the walls of the condominium.
After she sang Get It Right, Keep Holding On, Sing!, Take A Bow, and Teenage Dream (imagine The Break-Up ep) she noticed that it was quiet. Take A Bow was an obvious choice for her considering her current situation and how well the song fit into what had occurred only the night before. She still couldn't believe that she had been so blind, so stupid, and so very foolish not to see the blatant signs of his disinterest in her physically. She had thought nothing of it and let things go on for years only to have it blow up in her face now. It should have been so easy for her to see what had been right in front of her this entire time but she ignored all of the ways he seemed too good to be true and just thought that she had gotten lucky with such a catch like him. She should have listened to her fathers' advice and dumped him when she was in high school so things wouldn't have to hurt this badly. In a way though, she supposed she was just glad that it was over because that meant that this end there would be no more lies being told and she was free. Maybe she would find someone else to be the leading man in her life … or woman. She had always thought of herself as bisexual because she believed everyone to be born bisexual and then they were exposed to a heterosexual normative world and accepted it freely as the 'right way' to live. It was a sad and disparaging thought.
She found that despite the fact that she accepted the fact that her relationship was now officially over … she didn't like how it came to be that way. They hadn't grown apart … well more like she hadn't grown out of love for him, and he seemed to care for her a great deal. Then again the only reason he hadn't been pressuring her to have sex with him was probably because he wasn't interested in having sex with her in the first place. She just wanted to put this behind her but she knew it was going to bother her for a while still and it wasn't just going to go away overnight. That thought made her feel the anger that had been buried deep behind the sorrow over the situation and another song came to mind in the haze of livid ire. And that was how Rolling In The Deep came to sound in the room. And that was the song Quinn and Santana walked into when they opened the door slightly to talk to Rachel about the pressing issue of living arrangements.
There's a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark
Finally, I can see you crystal clear
Go ahead and sell me out and I'll lay your ship bare
See how I'll leave with every piece of you
Don't underestimate the things that I will do
There's a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch and its bringing me out the dark
The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling; we could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside of your hand
And you played it to the beat
Baby, I have no story to be told
But I heard one on you and it's gonna make your head burn
Think of me in the depths of your despair
Making a home down there, as mine sure won't be shared
The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling we could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside of your hand
And you played it with a beating
Could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside of your hand
But you played it with a beating
Throw your soul through every open door
Count your blessings to find what you look for
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold
Pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow
We could have had it all
We could have had it all
It all, it all, it all
We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside of your hand
And you played it to the beat
You could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside of your hand
And you played and you played
And you played it and you played it to the beat
Quinn and Santana were both speechless in the wake of such an emotional expression. Her voice was so soft during certain parts but oh so strong in others and she sang the melody perfectly … even better than Adele herself in their opinion. It was the way she was emotionally invested in singing it with the ache and anger she experienced from the betrayal of the man she loved. It was almost painful to hear the diva wail this powerful song with her strong voice like she had.
Quinn was the first to break the silence that had been left in the wake of the songstresses wake, "that was … a flawless rendition Rachel. I can tell that you were very emotionally invested in the song from the way you sang it and your voice almost cracked with emotion once." Rachel's head whipped into their direction and she was blushing, having not realized that she had had company since the beginning of the song. "Oh um … sorry about that, didn't mean to startle you little songstress." Quinn said sheepishly in response to Rachel's obvious surprise. "Anyways I wanted to come back in here to talk about letting you stay here with me since you don't have anywhere else to go. Santana and I have a plan since today is Sunday and we don't have to come in to the station … well we thought it would be okay to stop by your apartment to grab whatever necessities you need. Santana and I can go in so you can stay in the car and you won't have to worry about seeing him. I'll make sure you get your things and Santana can watch him to make sure he doesn't try to leave to see you. She'll make it very clear that he's not your boyfriend anymore and that he is not to approach you while you are still fragile over your break up." Quinn spoke very gently and with sympathy for Rachel and Rachel closed her eyes at hearing the words she had been thinking while she sang.
When Rachel didn't respond Santana spoke up, "hey hobbit," she grunted when she felt Quinn's elbow dig into her tiny stomach. "Ugh … fine Quinn, geez. Berry! Is it okay with you or not?" Santana asked with less sensitivity. Santana did find the situation between the partners intriguing as well so that was just an added bonus.
Rachel looked up with sorrow piercing through her eyes and it left Quinn a little breathless seeing such hurt in someone's eyes. Rachel nodded silently in answer and stood from her seat on Quinn's bed with her eyes on the floor. She took a single step forward before she finally looked up and locked eyes with Quinn, "thank you Quinn, for everything. I … I really appreciate it." And there was nothing more to be said between them. Santana actually felt bad for the pint sized diva but she wasn't about to admit that to anyone. Sure she wasn't mean out of spite but she still didn't like showing vulnerability to anybody who wasn't in her small circle of trust. Santana was willing to help though and she was going to give that ex-boyfriend of Rachel's a piece of her mind. She understood what it was like to struggle with one's sexuality but that was no excuse for what he had done to the little diva and she would tell him exactly that and then some.
Rachel was bracing herself for what was to come, the finality of it all. She was getting dressed into the outfit she had worn the day before and she knew that she normally would have fussed over it but right now it was a reminder of what she had to do. She needed the closure so she was going to allow her friends to help her grab her things and go … but she was still deciding if she wanted to actually talk to Jesse one last time before she never looked back again.
So yes I know this chapter is late but I had a very busy and drama filled week with my mother outdoing herself with how bitchy she was. I really don't see her as anything other than the woman who gave birth to me now and that's a rather sad thought. Also you can see a few references to the Season 4 episode The Break-Up because what I saw of it was brilliant and I especially wanted to cry when I heard Darren Criss Sing Teenage Dream the way he had. For the last arc of the chapter I was actually listening to it nonstop because it was brilliant. This chapter was a little longer than the average just to make up for the lateness of it.
Also as a note I have also been working on a book about my life so hopefully someday in the next few months it will be a published work and if it is so I will tell you all about it!^^ And please read it even if you don't buy it for me. Thank you for your patience!
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