Life Sucks Then You Die

Karma's a bitch and I'm punching her in the face the first time I see her. Apparently I did something in a previous life to get so fucked over in this one.

Case in point: "Roooonica! Over here, come sit with me!" Lily's high-pitched squeal easily carried over the heads of the students between us. With those lungs, it's no wonder she's on the Pep Squad.

I gritted my teeth and slowly walked over towards the most popular table in the quad, tray feeling ten times heavier than it should with only Mac & Cheese on it. Those present watched with horrified (09ers) fascination (everyone else).

"Sit here, right next to me." Lily hip-checked Logan (her boyfriend apparently though they were the strangest couple I'd ever seen) and made him scoot over so I could slide in between them. "What is that slop you're carrying? Logan, throw it away. Have some of the pizza Dick got." I clutched the tray to my chest, but was forced to let go of it when masculine fingers gently uncurled mine from the edges. My eyes rose to his and he subtly flinched away, but never stopped trying to pry the tray from me. Finally giving in, if a tad ungracefully, I let go and turned to my tormentor.

Lily Kane, golden girl of Neptune High, daughter to Billionaire computer mogul Jake Kane, and leader of the Pirates Pep Squad, beamed back at me with a sunshine filled smile. I was instantly suspicious and waved away the offer of food just in case it was poisoned. Ever since our first meeting, she's been haunting me in the hallways, in class (I had American History with her and Logan), and stalking me after last bell, trying to get me to hang out with her. It's exhausting avoiding her.

Now a week later I'm sitting next to her at lunch while the rest of Neptune burns as gossip races like wildfire.

"So, Ronica, this is Dick, Madison, Kim, Meg, and my brother Duncan." Lily wrapped one arm around my shoulders. "Everyone, this is Veronica Mars."

"Hey," the 09ers mouthed back dispiritedly.

"So, we're planning on going to Crescent Beach this weekend. You should come!"

My horror was genuine if a bit exaggerated. "I don't do the beach."

"I'm sure you do everything else," Dick mocked under his breath. Madison and Kim giggled, but stopped when Lily flashed angry blue eyes in their direction. "What did you say Dick?"

"Not-th-thing," he stuttered. Helplessly he switched his panicked gaze to his best friend in an appeal for help; Logan shrugged at his friend from his standing position across from me. I guess Mr. Echolls doesn't want to contaminate himself by sitting next to me.

Lily smiled brightly again as she turned back to me. "I think you should come on Saturday, Veronica. How can you live in Cali and hate the beach? The girls are gonna lay out while the boys pretend to surf." She waved away Logan's indignant "hey!" with a well-manicured hand. "If you don't have a bathing suit, you could borrow one of mine."

I stare at her chest and pointedly look down at my decidedly less endowed figure. "Uh, I don't think it would fit."

Thankfully my phone rings and cuts off any retort she had. Caller ID reads: Mel Gibson

"Mad Max, how's Thunder Dome?"

How'd the 'scripts work out?

"Usual good work. You want to meet up for your payment?" I made sure to laden my words with innuendo.

You're not alone are you?

"Of course, baby. Saturday will be fine."

Thank God I'm recording this call. Can't wait to share it with Weevil. You want us to roll up this weekend?

"Whatever you plan will be fine. You know where I am, lovah."

I snapped the cell closed on his laughter with a deep sigh and a faraway glance.

"Boyfriend?"

I winked at Lily. "Who needs those when the world's my oyster? Unfortunately I can't come with you this weekend, but thanks for the offer." I spotted Wallace making his way across the quad. "Oh look, there's my Chem partner, better catch up with him before class to make sure he did our homework. Ta!"

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"Lily, what the hell was that?"

"I can't make new friends?"

"Not with trailer trash."

"Shut it, Dick." At least in this she and Logan were agreed.

"Dude, dudette, you can tell by her clothes she's not one of us. Since when do we mingle with the have-nots?"

"It's not like I invited all the 02ers to sit with us."

"You might as well have. Kate Fredricks told me she heard from Harrison Thomas that he saw her taking the bus to school. The bus! Why would you want to even breathe the same air? You might catch something."

"You're such a bitch, Maddy. Shut the fuck up or I will tell your parents you actually didn't spend last Friday night with me."

"Babe, you weren't with Lily?"

"Oh, Dickie, I was in L.A. for a store opening with Kim. Right, Kim?"

"Uh, yah. She was with me."

"Girls, settle down. Lily, why did you ask her to sit with us? And go to the beach?"

"You're all such fucking snobs! Well, except for maybe you Meg. I can't believe you said that Duncan. Why not? What's wrong with me wanting to find someone I haven't known since kindergarten? She's pretty cool, right Logan?"

"Lils, what's going on with you? You've been acting strangely lately, even for you."

"Gawddddd. I'm leaving. And Logan, forget about coming over tonight. If you don't know you're supposed to back your girlfriend then obviously we don't need to be together."

"Excuse me for showing some concern when my girlfriend starts slumming it, or have you finally came up with another bogus reason to break up with me? Have a new guy to fuck?"

"If I did, he'd be better than you."

"He likes fucking a cunt looser than Dick's step-mom?"

"Dude!"

"Asshole."

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"What the hell did you do at lunch?"

I shoved the rest of my books into my locker and slammed the door shut. "Hmn, let me think. I saved a baby from a burning building and was awarded a medal of honor by the Mayor." I dropped the act. "You know what I did, Fennel. You saw me leave the 09er table."

Wallace grimaced, a small frown veeing his brows. "Well, Mars, I hate to tell you this but it's all over school you broke Lily and Logan up."

"What? How? I sat there for maybe ten minutes and two minutes of it was spent on the phone."

"After you left, they got into a huge screaming match and she stormed away."

"From what I hear they break up all the time. So, how the fuck am I the cause?"

"Hey, I'm just telling you what I heard." He raised his hands in self-defense against my tone. "I know your next class is with them and I didn't want you to walk in there without knowing."

In the two weeks I've been here, Wallace's been the only person who's actually talked to me. Most others either ignore me or whisper behind their hands, though I have no idea how I became the talk of Neptune High.

Hell, at least at my last school I was gossiped about because I threatened to set the gym on fire with a quarter of the defensive line inside and was eventually dragged off premises by the cops. The only thing I've done here is point out to some 09er what an idiot he was and get stalked by the most popular girl here. Geesh rich people are strange.

"Uh, thanks Fennel."

I can feel the eyes on me and hear the low buzz in my wake until I feel like a tsunami is at my back threatening to overwhelm me. I've never run from a situation (except for the one time at the store with a tube of Kitten Red lipstick in my pocket, but that doesn't count since I was technically shoplifting at the time) so I pulled up my big girl panties before I entered Mrs. Wheldon's room.

Three-quarters of the class was already seated and already fully informed of my supposed interference with Neptune's It couple. Some of the girls looked gleeful (bitches probably thought they'd get on the Echolls ride) while the few other 09ers glared at me. Neither Logan nor Lily was there so I seated myself in the back.

By the time Mrs. Weldon walked in, the class was full, though the seats around me were conspicuously empty. I was officially a pariah.

Yeah, that bitch Karma is so getting a knuckle sandwich.

A/N: I'm having a little fun with this new VM, though I definitely don't have the snark channeling abilities of Rob Thomas.