Finding You

by Hikaru-wa-shiawase-eien-ni

Head detective Quinn Fabray is a child prodigy who went into a field no one expected of a prodigy: police work. She finished college at the age of 14 and went on to graduate from the police academy at 18 and now she is the head detective at 24 years old. Rachel is the young detective fresh out of the academy who becomes her partner. Sparks ensue as they try to get along. AU

7. Get Out

Chapter 7

Get Out

Rachel was on auto-pilot the entire time she drove to her apartment with Jesse. She couldn't believe that he did something so low to her … something so vile and … just plain cruel. She had never thought any of those things possible for Jesse because he was a dream come true and then some. He was the perfect complement to her personality. They were the perfect match in almost every way she could think of. They had both dreamed of Broadway when they were in high school but though the dream never faded … they realized that their talent alone wasn't enough. They needed to better than the best of the best and they hadn't been so they found other career choices. Rachel's had originally been to be a therapist because she was passionate about helping people and she knew that sending Sunshine Corazon to a crack house had caused the girl nightmares she couldn't even imagine. It had been an empty warehouse from what she knew but she found out that it hadn't been as empty as she thought it was and someone had tried to grab her to do unspeakable things to her. And so she aspired to be a therapist to fix the hurts of others after she knew and understood what she had done to Sunshine.

She found out her freshman year that Sunshine got caught up in drugs and was killed by an overdose because of what she had done. It could only have been because of her irresponsible actions that that happened to an innocent person. She set out to become a police detective after that because then she would be the one who would help track down the evil in the world and capture them so they could pay their time for the crimes they had committed. This way she could help prevent others from facing the same fate and could help capture the wrong doers of this world to protect the innocents from getting hurt or killed. She did it so that she would be able to save the innocents from the evils done by the people who chose to do wrong and hurt others for it if not kill them. She would do right in memory of Sunshine Corazon and others like her.

She hadn't even realized that she had already parked in front of the apartment complex until she felt a hand on her shoulder, startling her from her thoughts. "Huh? Yes?" She looked up from the spot she had been staring at on the dashboard. She looked up to see hazel eyes looking back at her with worry showing in her eyes but her features remained neutral in spite of it.

"Are you all right Rachel? Are you sure you're feeling up to this? If you aren't its okay for you to just go back and relax and Santana and I can take care of this since I know the way to your apartment now." Rachel felt herself smile in response to Quinn's warmth and words. She knew that the blonde normally didn't show any emotions whatsoever so this was something the blonde, under normal circumstances, wouldn't say to her or even offer. She must really look terrible for Quinn to be so openly concerned. It wasn't in Quinn's nature to share whatever emotion she was feeling because she had grown up in such an unloving environment that she didn't really know how to show emotions like anyone else. Her family had been all about never showing weakness in emotions … well other than anger from drunkenness and belligerent behavior due to such drunkenness. This was the life Quinn had grown up in and so it was only natural that she grew up showing just as much unfeeling and coldness to others.

Rachel pondered it only for a moment in real time before she answered, "I can do this, I can …" she took a moment to take a deep breath and when she let it out her entire demeanor had changed. She was ready now, truly ready, for what was to come with this visit. "I'm going to go in with you and Santana … I need the closure and I need to tell him something." Her face showed determination as she spoke her next few words, "I need to tell him that what he did hurt me but I'm not going to let it bring me down and I won't let him affect me and I'm going to move on and never look back." And with that said she opened the door and got out of Quinn's expensive looking car without another word while Quinn and Santana were left stunned in the car.

And then the Latina fireball got out of the car with quick movements and spoke her mind. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute here. I thought the agreement had been for me to make sure he didn't see you and not for you to go waltzing in with a speech about your break up to him." She wasn't one to mince words and her blunt nature showed strongly in moments like these.

Rachel paused in her movement to look back at the fierce Latina three inches taller than her coming to stand just a few inches away from her current location. Rachel glanced out of the corner of her eyes and saw that Quinn had stayed seated in her position and looked thoughtful in her car. Rachel turned her attention back to the woman standing only a few scant inches away from her and spoke with certainty, "I am going to talk to him and get the closure I need. I'll even do something that's a bit of a ritual between us … I'm going to sing a song to him that explains all of the emotions I'm feeling because of him. I'm going to express myself in the only way I really know how: through singing. It'll … it'll be my farewell to our relationship and what it means … what it meant to me." And with that last word she continued on her way into the apartment and Quinn finally left her car to stand by the confused Latina.

"What was that all about?" Santana asked with a slightly mystified expression on her face. Quinn only shook her head in response before taking her by the hand and leading her after where Rachel's form had disappeared into the apartment complex. "Whatever, not important anyway," she mumbled to no one in particular as she was tugged along behind her pensive blonde friend. Santana wondered what she was thinking about since she rarely ever expressed herself to others and even when she did to her it was hardly anything she really understood. The blonde was mysterious by nature and very closed and guarded so it didn't come as a surprise to her whenever the blonde said or did something she didn't understand. "Well this is certainly going to be interesting," Santana spoke her thought out loud when she heard the unmistakable voice of Rachel speaking with the infamous Jesse.

The closer they got to the door left slightly ajar the more they could actually hear of the conversation. "You should have just told me that you were gay Jesse! I wouldn't have cared that you were … I would have only been hurt by the fact that you chose to hide it and used me as a beard, your gay beard of all things!"

And then an obviously masculine voice spoke up, "I just … I didn't know how to tell you and I'm sorry Rachel! I really am. I didn't mean for you to find out this way and I was … I was going to tell him soon about the fact that I was a closeted gay and I … you just found out before I could say anything to you. I really … I had no intention of you finding out this way." And there was a tense silence between them as Quinn and Santana entered the apartment.

Santana startled the both of them by speaking up, startling Rachel especially with what she said, "look, Jesse St. Garbage, I don't care for cheaters. I know how badly it hurts someone when they've been cheated on out of fear … well in my case it technically was me using someone else as a beard much to my girlfriend's disapproval and disappointment. You shouldn't have done it. She was hurt by you and you should have just told her from the get go that you didn't have those kinds of feelings for her instead of hurting her the way you have by staying in the gay closet as you have." Santana didn't know what she had been expecting but she hadn't been expecting the handsome, 5' 11", curly haired man she saw before her now. It was obvious to her the moment she saw him that he was gay because of her impeccable gay-dar. "I know it's so much easier being in the closet but it's also so very restricting and more harmful than it is good in most cases. Sometimes if you don't have a choice and you live somewhere where there's a lot of homophobia going on it's better to hide but … you didn't need to hide from her of all people. She is not homophobic in the least and she accepts homosexuals because that's who she's grown up to be with her two fathers raising her as they have." Santana took a much unexpected route with her speech. She surprised herself because she had been expecting some kind of explosive in the apartment herself when she stepped in and spoke up. She hadn't been expecting herself to be such a softie and speak so kindly to him. She couldn't stand cheaters and liars in her life but worst of all … she hated cruel people and she could see he had only done it out of fear.

He was looking at the ground. Though Santana's speech had started off harshly and biting it ended on a very soft and understanding note and it made Jesse realize just how much damage he had done to the diva. He loved her yes … but he didn't love her in a romantic way at all. He could only see her as a best friend, one he had grown up with and had almost become family with. He loved Rachel Barbra Berry so very dearly but he could only love her as a sister because of how his mind and body were wired. He was a homosexual man … gayer than he wanted to admit but he knew … it was over and that all he could do now was apologize and try to make up for the hurt he had caused his truest friend.

Quinn had been silent throughout the entire exchange and she finally spoke up. "We should go and pack your things now Rachel … just tell us where your room is and you can have some privacy while you two talk it out." Rachel could tell in the way Quinn looked that there was more on her mind than she was willing to say in front of someone who was barely an acquaintance to her. Rachel nodded her head and led them both to her room and they looked around to see that it was obviously her room alone. They both silently wondered how Rachel never realized with so many signs pointing out that he was obviously not sexually attracted to her … but they kept those thoughts silent.

"I have some boxes and containers you can both put my things in right here." She showed them to the spot next to her dresser and they saw that some things were still packed up but all of her essentials had been unpacked and there were empty boxes and containers there. "I was busy getting adjusted to the work hours when we first moved in so I never got around to unpacking everything." Rachel was a little embarrassed by it but she showed her embarrassment only in her speech and her slightly tinted cheeks. "Please keep everything organized by looking at each box and container for the label telling you what items should be inside. That's all I ask of you." She paused for a moment, staying in her position. "Thank you both … for everything you have done for me just by coming here. I know you didn't have to make the effort to do such things and I really, truly appreciate it."

Two things happened that surprised both Rachel and Santana in the next few moments. Quinn walked up to stand just several inches away from Rachel before she enveloped the other girl in a warm, protective embrace that she hadn't been expecting. And the second thing was Quinn's voice cracking as she spoke, "you … you're someone I care about so … of course I would help you Rachel." Rachel was slightly taken aback by such a gesture because she had only ever seen Brittany, very often, and Santana, seldom, hug Quinn. Quinn had never initiated a hug with either of them that Rachel had ever seen and so it came as a bit of a shock to all of the occupants in the room. Quinn, herself, hadn't been expecting her body to do such a thing without her explicit permission. She would have to analyze her actions further later and figure out the meaning behind them.

"There's just one last thing I want to say … or rather do." Rachel spoke into the silent room, looking at Jesse with sad eyes. "I know … I know that you never meant to hurt me and I can only say this Jesse. Please don't talk to me right now for now. It might be weeks or even months before I forgive you for the betrayal that you caused me but … I promise that I will get over it. I will have you get out of my life for some time before I can trust that I won't feel the hurt, the betrayal, over your actions. When that time comes … you can come back into my life but for now … please give me time and get out … stay out of my life."

Jesse wanted to say so much, wanted to beg, plead, and ask for her to let him explain but he had already heard enough of the sorrow in her voice and gave up on that. Besides that the Latina from earlier had said it all with what she had said to him. So he said a single word, "okay." He nodded his head. "So what is … no, no that's a stupid question," he said with a small smile on his face. "You're going to sing and you're going to leave me feeling just as heartbroken and sad as you by doing so." He said with a mirthless chuckle.

Rachel looked away from him, feeling a throb in her chest at the familiarity between them. She nodded her head and when she felt confident that she wasn't about to cry again she faced him. There was a heart wrenching look on her face as she looked right at him and started singing. Her chosen song … Cry.

If anyone asks,

I'll tell them we both just moved on

When people all stare

I'll pretend that I don't hear them talk

The look in her eyes when she sang could never have pierced Jesse's heart more as he saw how much she wanted to cry, how shattered she looked. She was looking at him with so much agony he couldn't help the feeling of throbbing ache pounding away at his chest. He actually brought a hand up to his chest and squeezed it from feeling the discomfort of such a thing.

Whenever I see you,

I'll swallow my pride

And bite my tongue

Pretend I'm okay with it all

Act like there's nothing wrong

Tears had gathered in her eyes and were swelling as she sang with all of the emotional heartache she was feeling poured through her in strong waves. Finally the dams broke and hot tears came crashing down her cheeks as strongly as a tidal wave knocked surfers off their boards. And Jesse's eyes had become red with guilt as he felt tears come to him as well, not quite falling yet but on the verge of such an action.

Is it over yet?

Can I open my eyes?

Is this as hard as it gets?

Is this what it feels like to really cry?

Cry

And more tears poured forth from her and Jesse finally couldn't hold it in anymore. His tears fell in hot streaks of sadness from having hurt his best friend and confidant to anger within himself for doing such a terrible thing to her and causing her to come to this point, to cry.

If anyone asks,

I'll tell them we just grew apart

Yeah what do I care?

If they believe me or not

The tears had stopped by this point and her eyes were closed as she concentrated on not allowing her voice to crack. She wanted this to be a farewell she would not be embarrassed by in the future after all … she wanted it to be dramatic and soulful and full of emotion. She wanted him to see how much he had hurt her by doing what he did and this was her goodbye to him.

Whenever I feel

Your memory is breaking my heart

I'll pretend I'm okay with it all

Act like there's nothing wrong

Her voice was so strong despite the tears that welled within her eyes again.

Is it over yet?

Can I open my eyes?

Is this as hard as it gets?

Is this what it feels like to really cry?

Cry

She forced herself to have composure at this point, drawing forth as much vocal prowess as she could for the emotional climax of the song.

I'm talking in circles

I'm lying, they know it

Why won't this just all go away~?

Jesse, Quinn, and Santana were left speechless by such a powerful note. Surely everyone in the apartment had heart it but none of the neighbors were thumping on her door or banging on the doors or floor to shout for quiet. It was perhaps due to the fact that the sorrow in her voice could not be denied and that such an epically dramatic and powerful voice like hers could never be denied or booed. For whatever reason no one was calling for quiet in the wake of such a loud, powerful, and emotionally sound note that was left silence in the wake of her singing.

Is it over yet?

Can I open my eyes?

Is this as hard as it gets?

Is this what it feels like to really cry?

She sang this part so softly that everyone in the apartment building struggled to hear it but for Jesse, with Quinn and Santana hearing it in a muffled way.

Cry

Cry

She ended the song with a little vibrato in her voice and it was loud enough that Quinn and Santana had been able to hear it clearly. Jesse then stood where he had been standing since Rachel first entered the apartment and watched as they brought all of her things out. As hard as he tried he couldn't stop the tears of guilt from welling up and falling over and over again. That was the last he saw of her for several weeks, months.

There was something in the silent air that caused a kind of quiet feeling of suppressed feelings between them. Quinn wasn't sure if she had imagined what had happened the day before or not and Rachel hadn't once mentioned the fact and so Quinn was left feeling uneasy about it. It was all Quinn had been thinking about since they came home a few hours ago. Rachel had been quiet and her silence was most likely due to the fact that she was still thinking about what had happened between her and her former lover. Quinn was contemplating whether or not she had been the one who had just wistfully imagined Rachel leaning in closer solely because she was extremely attracted to her partner. She was far more than attracted to her now that she thought about it … so many aspects of Rachel called out to her. First there was the fact that she was highly intelligent, a huge turn on, she had a quirky personality that Quinn was growing more and more in like with, she was wildly attractive despite the fact that she barely wore any makeup on her face … her body … God her body. Quinn was glad for the fact that they weren't facing each other because she was sure Rachel would have noticed the red tint her cheeks must have taken on immediately.

Rachel was the one who broke the silence with a very personal question, one Quinn hadn't been anticipating. "What did your parents do to you Quinn?" Quinn was thrown off guard entirely and didn't know what to say in response.

"Pardon me Rachel … but what?" Quinn was so taken aback by the question.

Rachel realized how vague the question was and actually brought her hand up and smacked herself on the forehead. "I'm sorry I … please forget that I asked." Rachel said now a little nervous sounding. Rachel was an open book whereas Quinn was the ultimate poker player.

Quinn wanted to know what she meant and so she asked her again to clarify despite Rachel's apparent escape from the question. "No, please tell me what you mean. I … I don't know where that question came from and I want to know." Quinn wasn't sure where the questioning had come from but she wanted to know what it was Rachel was asking about, where the question had been come from. Rachel was hesitant but looking into the hazel eyes full of mysteries and warmth she had never seen on anyone else's face before … she couldn't look away. She tried to break eye contact but Quinn used her hand to turn her chin up so that their eyes were locked in an intense gaze yet again. Quinn tried again, softly whispering in the air between them, "please?" And that was all it took for Rachel's hesitance to melt away and become replaced with emotions she had never felt in her life before for another person.

"I … it's just that … I overheard part of your conversation with Santana yesterday. She seemed to be very emotional and adamant about being angry for you and I figured out that you must have been talking about your parents. I started singing after I overheard part of it so I wouldn't be eavesdropping anymore than I had already been accidentally but what I did overhear … it concerns me. I just … I don't want to pry into your life, Quinn, but … I'm concerned that you never seem to want to talk about it … I believe you need therapy. From what I overheard I think you have PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from having such a terrible thing happen to you, whatever it is. You said that you have trouble sleeping because of the nightmares and such things that prevent you from sleeping. If the memories of whatever has happened to you affect you even now … it leads me to believe that you have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in some shape or form Quinn." Rachel's reasoning was quite accurate and though Quinn would normally have lashed out at her by this point she couldn't bring herself to do something like that to her. It was in her nature to actually do something like that, lash out angrily, ever since the incident that had happened when she was 17.

Quinn's heart started racing and she started sweating as memories swarmed her from what had happened that awful day. She remembered it like it had happened yesterday … the day her father tried to kill her. The memories of how he used his hands, hands that were supposed to love her, to hit her, punch her, and take a hold of her neck in a tight grip; all of those memories enveloped her in the memory of what happened. It had been over her refusal to talk to him. He had become angry at her for refusing to come down the stairs from her room to talk to him and he had come charging up the stairs, stomping his feet, until he started banging on the door until finally it burst open from the force of his blows. The moment he came in, adrenaline rushing through his veins, his fists were clenched in a threatening manner and before Quinn could even react; his hands were around her neck. She was struggling to breathe almost immediately and he had her on the ground as her hands came up uselessly to try and get those powerful hands from around her neck. Before she could do much else she felt herself losing consciousness and it became evident that he intended to kill her for good this time. She could smell that there was no alcohol on his breath and that meant that he had no excuse for what he was doing now, for what he was clearly attempting to do with those strong hands. She lost consciousness before long so she didn't know that her mother had come up and pulled him off of her. She didn't know that her mother had protected and defended her from him afterwards and had threatened to call the police if he laid another hand on her … it was the last time he ever hurt Quinn.

Quinn was broken out of her nightmare by the feel of someone jerking her hands away from her head. She looked up into warm dark chocolate eyes instead of the blue eyes she had been expecting to see. Her face showed her confusion as she looked into caring dark brown eyes instead of the hateful blues she had been expecting to see when she opened her eyes. "You're not … who I was expecting to see when I opened my eyes." Quinn was breathing erratically and she was nervous sounding as she spoke and Rachel could feel the tension in Quinn's entire demeanor.

Rachel shook her head gently and took Quinn's hands into her own tenderly, "no I'm not. I'm not sure who you were expecting to see but I'm not them. It's Rachel." Quinn sank down, face first, into Rachel's lap as she tried to calm herself down from the adrenaline rush of having been in a world full of fear just moments before. "I'm your partner and I would never hurt you." Rachel carefully turned Quinn around so that she was laying with the back of her head on her lap and she brought a hand, still entwined with Quinn's, up so she could rub the back of it over her forehead. "You're sweating so badly Quinn. Everything's okay Quinn, you're safe here with me in your apartment. You're not where it happened." Rachel was reassuring Quinn with some things she had learned in her psychology class before she switched majors.

Quinn was slowly calming down and so Rachel decided to soothe Quinn in the best way she knew how: by singing.

You're not alone

Together we stand

I'll be by your side; you know I'll take your hand

When it gets cold

And it feels like the end

There's no place to go

You know I won't give in

No I won't give in

Keep holding on

'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

Just stay strong

'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you

There's nothing you could say

Nothing you could do

There's no other way when it comes to the truth

So keep holding on

'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

There was a silence that followed Rachel's singing before quietly Quinn spoke up, "I … I really love listening to your voice Rachel. It's so soothing and powerful that I can't help but become relaxed and become completely drawn in by it every time I hear you sing." Quinn's breathing had calmed down significantly and she no longer had a dazed look in her eyes. Her eyes were clear now and Rachel could see that Quinn was relaxed now instead of the uneasiness within her only moments before when she had been stuck in reliving her worst nightmare.

"I'm glad you're feeling better Quinn." Rachel wanted to ask so badly but she knew that it might cause Quinn to go back to her agitated state and relive it yet again and Rachel didn't want to risk it. Rachel leaned down and pressed a kiss against Quinn's forehead and Quinn felt heat rise to her cheeks for a completely different reason than her trigger to an awful memory from her past. "You don't … you truly don't deserve to live with such a terrible weight bearing down on you like that and I wish … I wish I could take it all away. I wish I could ease the ache of something so terrible that it leaves you feeling like this. Is there …" Rachel paused to catch her breath before picking up where she left off, "is there anything I can do to help ease your pain?" Rachel pressed her forehead against Quinn as she looked into her eyes. Quinn was normally very unreceptive to people touching her and often times avoided it but for whatever reason she was okay with Rachel's touch. She didn't shy away as she normally would and she even went as far as welcomed it right now.

Quinn closed her eyes and Rachel thought it was a shame to not see the beautiful hazel orbs but said nothing about it as she awaited a response. Quinn knew what she wanted to ask for but she was hesitant in asking because she was shy very often about asking for what she wanted or needed. Sometimes Santana would become impatient with her for it but Santana always regretted losing her temper and apologized profusely to her after she lost herself in her impatience. Quinn shook her head slowly and turned her head away from Rachel's probing gaze and found herself face to face with Rachel despite her efforts anyway when she tilted her chin over.

"Quinn?" Quinn wanted to be petulant for a moment and close her eyes but she settled for a pout and Rachel giggled at the action. "You are so cute Quinn. You're like an adorable little, petulant child when you pout at me like that. I just …" Rachel looked away for a moment as she spoke her next words, "I want to pinch your cheeks. I just feel the sudden urge to do so sometimes because of how cute you can be when you relax and let go like this." Rachel admitted shyly as she looked into Quinn's eyes yet again. Quinn was then surprised by her sudden urge to just lean forward and connect their lips but instead she turned her head away as her cheeks burned red at the thought. "What's wrong Quinn? Your cheeks are red!" Rachel said loudly with worry laced in her voice. The next thing Quinn knew Rachel's forehead was pressed against hers again, "you're burning up Quinn! Please don't tell me you have a fever!" Rachel exclaimed suddenly.

Quinn shook her head. "No! No, I'm okay I just … I had an embarrassing thought so I … so I … yeah," Quinn said nervously. Rachel turned a skeptical gaze at Quinn but nodded her head regardless in acceptance of her answer.

I wonder what that was about, Rachel thought suspiciously.

"I think I should go to bed now Rachel." Quinn tried to get up but found that Rachel's face was too close to hers for her to get up, impeding her departure. Rachel was looking down at her with a suspicious gaze and Quinn expertly avoided her gaze after realizing that Rachel wasn't going to move any moment soon. "Um … Rachel … please excuse me." Quinn said with a nervous flair to her words. It was obvious that Quinn wasn't saying something to Rachel but Rachel wasn't quite sure what it was and was deciding if she wanted to ask or not. She decided that it was better not to pry and that whatever it was, if it was important she would tell her about it.

"Okay but just remember that … you can tell me anything Quinn, anything. It doesn't matter if you think it's something that you shouldn't bother me with because nothing you do or say will ever be a bother to me." Rachel was looking into Quinn's eyes again and Quinn suddenly forgot what it was like to actually breathe … forgot that she was supposed to breathe in order to live.

Quinn nodded her head and left it at that and got up from Rachel and they both got ready for bed. They had to wake up early for work tomorrow and so when they actually got into bed it wasn't quite 9:30 yet. They would have to be up by 5 that next morning and so they lay in bed next to each other, as they had the night before and the night before that. They ended up tangled up in each other throughout the night anyways and they both figured in the morning that it was what they're bodies just naturally wanted them to do and there was no use arguing with nature. Quinn again fell into the best sleep she had in a very long time and she was starting to realize that it was all thanks to the brunette who had come into her life so very suddenly. She could get used to sleeping again.

So this is the next chapter and it's a bit shorter than the average and my sincerest apologies for that. Also I apologize for it being later as well. I've been busy with the book and life in general. I went to the amusement park with my older sister on Friday night and it was a blast having people try to scare me at Fright Night! I hope this chapter didn't disappoint and I hope for some nice reviews!^^

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