S'me again!

Thank you so much for the reviews and feedback and general loveliness, it is always welcome and its sometimes nice to just hear from people (on here I mean...not in general...I'm not a hermit...I do have friends...some...) anyway, sorry, rambling!

He comes in quietly at half past 6, it's already dark, and he finds her sitting on the living room sofa, biting her lip, eyes brimming with tears, hands gripped tightly between her thighs, shoulders forward, and she looks so unbelievably small he feels obliged to speak quietly, gently, to reassure her that he isn't angry and that they shouldn't fight anymore.

"Hey, I'm back! Happy Anniversary, sweetheart."

She doesn't move when he holds out the flowers and so he simply stands watching her. He questions her with his eyes, but hers are still shining with tears. When she speaks, he makes no move to comfort her, presuming her tears are simply lingering from last night's argument.

"How was work?"

"Uh…good, thanks, busy though!"

"You're a liar."

And all colour drains from his face. He knows immediately. She's found out.

"Oh my god. Nikki…"

"Want to hear about my day. I've had a bit of a strange day, actually. First, I thought I'd phone the office, to apologise to you, seeing as it's our anniversary in a day's time…y'know, after I'd taken our kids to school –"

"I know it's our anniversary! Nikki, where are the kids?"

"-Only when I called Leo, he told me there was no stabbing victim yesterday and you weren't even in work today! Then I found your phone, you have a message from 'Lisa' by the way, she's wondering if you'll be able to escape to the house or something, how about you call her? Tell her you're a bit busy right now!"

She's not shouting, and somehow that makes it worse. Her voice is more of a high pitched squeal as she tries to stop herself from crying and her lips are shaking. Her heart is absolutely well and truly broken and he knows exactly what she's thinking. But all he can do is stand and watch her.

"Oh, and then, this is the best bit, you got a bank statement through today, £8,000 has been transferred to your 'other' account…and why didn't I know you had another account, Harry?"

However that does rile him.

"You shouldn't be looking at my stuff! That's private!"

After that, she doesn't know what else to say, so, tearfully, she asks him again. She despises herself for being so weak. She should have been screaming the house down, dragging him outside by the scruff of his neck and setting him on fire, instead, she was sitting there, utterly crushed, tears streaming, no, cascading down her cheeks, in an utter, utter state. She shouldn't have leant on him so much, she shouldn't have made him her world.

"Are you sleeping with someone else?"

This time, he doesn't even answer.

"Oh for god's sake!"

"Well are you?"

"Y'know what? If you hadn't gone out with those godforsaken women on Wednesday this bullshit wouldn't even be in your head! What lies have they been feeding you?!"

"This isn't about them! It's about us and the obvious problems we have! You're distant, I don't know where you go half the time, you lie, you're spending copious amounts of our savings on god knows what, and quite obviously this affair or fling or –"

Suddenly, he has dropped to his knees in front of her and he's pulled her hands from between her knees and is holding them tightly, staring straight into her eyes, a look of sheer desperation on his face, as if he is willing her, wishing her to see inside himself. It's not unlike the Harry she used to know, the Harry she was first most intimate with. The one who was still tormented by the events of Budapest and wanted to confide in her so badly, but simply couldn't. Because he didn't want to hurt her.

"I am not having sex with anyone else, okay? I am not seeing anyone, I am not kissing anyone, I'm not even looking at anyone! It's you, Nikki. It always has been and it always will be, I can promise you that with every fibre of my being."

In the moments that follow, she wonders if that Harry really ever changed. Perhaps she was wrong to put so much of her trust in him. He hadn't grown up at all, he hadn't pulled himself together and he was still as messed up as he had always been. She pushes him away and he almost loses balance.

"No."