They Write Songs About This?

"Dude, there's a promptu beach party goin down at Dog's if you wanna go."

"That's impromptu."

"Huh?"

"Dick, the word is impromptu, not promptu."

"Yah, whatever, Beav. So you down, Logan?"

Logan looked up at his blond friend and his side-kick with disinterest. "What's wrong with just drinking here?" He threw a hand to indicate the pool house they were currently lounging in; they'd retreated back to his place after a full day of surfing.

"Maddy's over there and I'm pretty sure she's macking on someone else behind my back." At his side, Beaver rolled his eyes in classic "Duh!" motion. Everyone but Dick knew Madison was fucking around behind his back.

Dick, seeing his argument wasn't working, threw out one last tasty tidbit: "Heard that Mars chick is over there. And you know where Mars is lately, Lily isn't far behind."

It was perplexing to the clique how quickly Lily attached herself to the 02er, especially when the chick really didn't seem to care what anyone thought of her. Otherwise why would she wear such hideous Goodwill rejects?

Logan pretended to ignore Dick yet his heart thumped crazily at the thought of seeing Lily in a more intimate setting than school. It'd been less than a week since he made the mistake of going to her house on the day of their breakup; she was always the most vicious after one of their fights. He should've known better than to try to woo her back then. Now, however…

"Fine, if it'll stop you begging. I'm driving though."

He reached over to grab his keys, completely missing the gleeful look passing between the brothers behind his back.

Logan knew he was an idiot the minute they strolled up to the bonfire and Lily was in full flirtation mode with an unknown Latino guy. She was using her patented hand-slap-breast-snuggle-while laughing move, one he'd seen a hundred times when they were dating, and again when they were broken up. It meant he was stupid to think she wanted him back or was even thinking about him.

"I need a beer," he growled to Dick and Beaver, cutting through most of the crowd to the keg off in the shadows. So intent on the barrel, he didn't notice the girl standing in his path until he collided with her smaller form and tangled legs with her, landing on top of her.

"Motherf—"

"Cheese and Rice."

Cheese and rice? Logan stared at the girl beneath him, unconsciously making himself comfortable between her splayed thighs. The light wasn't very good so he couldn't tell who she was, but damn she felt good wrapped around him.

"Hi, I'm Logan, and you are…?"

"…about to make you eunuch if you don't get the fuck off me."

Her hand wiggled between them and took a very firm grip on him; of course being snuggled up against a very luscious form had given her a lot more to grab.

"If you put your hand under my shorts you'll get more out it. Just squeeze a little harder while you pull jack up," he quipped throatily into her ear. "Oh, yeah just like…that," Logan's voice ended up on a high note when her hand cork-screwed in a very painful way.

He rolled off the girl holding his junk in agony and curling into a defensive fetal position as waves of nausea overwhelmed him. There was no cure for this type of pain so he rode it like he would a bad wipe, regulating his breathing to match the thumping of his heart until everything faded and slowly he was able to regain control of his body again.

"Fuuuuuuck that hurt!"

"It was supposed to, asswipe."

Logan opened pain-stricken eyes and looked at the perpetrator of his current misery. Veronica Mars. Of course. "You coulda just asked me to get off you."

"Why, when this was more fun?"

"Bitch."

"Dick."

"Yeah? Holy shit, Mars what the fuck did you do to Logan?"

"Moi? Why do you automatically assume I did something?"

"Umm, probably 'cause you're smirking and he's lying at your feet in pain. Something tells me you're the type to walk all over men."

Dick reached out a hand, but Logan waved him off. "Nah, dude, I think I'm going to just hang out down here for a minute longer."

"Want me to pimp-slap her?"

"You realize I'm still standing here and can hear you, right Dick?"

"Good, then I don't have to go far – " a smack reverberates in the small distance between Dick and Veronica's bodies. "What the hell was that for?"

"I was just pre-empting your slap. Didn't your mom ever teach you it's not nice to hit girls?"

"No, the best thing she ever taught me was how much to tip hookers."

"Hopefully she also taught you to wrap up so you didn't get any little visitors of the crawling variety."

"Nah, the Dickster don't have no babies."

"Or a firm grasp of the English language it seems."

"Dick, shut up."

"Why are you taking her side, Logan? The bitch quarked you one good."

"Do I even want to know what you think a "quark" is?"

"Don't you have other men to assault?"

"Next time don't grope me or get a hard on when pressed against me."

"Trust me if I'd known it was you, my dick woulda turtled so fast you'd think I was a chick."

"Sorry, Echolls, but that ship has passed. I already think you're a girl."

"Sure about that? Your hands lingered down there for a bit before you cranked me."

"Yeah, was having a hard time finding anything of worth to twist."

Logan's head spun, though this time in amazement rather than pain. He'd never met someone who could keep up with him in the smart-ass remarks department.

"Well, you 're a – "

"Dude, she already walked away. You ready to get up now?"

Logan shrugged off Dick and Beaver as he skirted the bonfire and looked at the small groups of laughing, screaming, drinking people but didn't see a tiny annoying blond among any of them, though he could see Lily had progressed from flirting to making out with the stranger. He growled a little in his throat, but knew there was nothing he could do about it…until he noticed his prey standing near the couple with a very dark frown on her face.

Deciding to come up on her unawares, he threaded his way through the small crowd and came up behind her.

"Touch me again Echolls and I'll make what happened before seem like foreplay."

What the fuck? How'd she know I was there?

"Wasn't it? Where I come from, when a woman touches a man's penis that means he sacrifices a goat to her village so they can fuck."

"The goat or the girl?"

"Goat …" Logan scratched his head for a moment, and then mentally smacked himself.

"Oh, you're a goat fucker, which explains so much about you."

Change of subjects, stat. "I can't tell if you're watching Lily or her friend." He closed in until his mouth was near her ear and whispered, "You get off on watching?" God she smells good.

"Wooo baby, gets me hot watching your ex-girlfriend sucking face. Does it get you hot?" Veronica turned her head unexpectedly and his lips grazed her cheek. She took a quick step to the side and stared up at him. "Seriously, what's up with your proximity? You can't stand to be near me at school or even talk to me, but here you're all over me. Trying to make Lily jealous? 'Cause if so, it's failing miserably." She pointed to the fact Lily was oblivious of them, and pretty much everyone else.

"What do you mean?"

"Do I need to use smaller words and speak slowly like you were Dick? You. Don't. Talk. To. Me. So. Why. Are. You. Doing. It. Now?"

"I talk…to you…" Logan wracked his memories as he tried to come up with an instance in the last few days when he said something to her. "I said bless you when you sneezed at lunch on Thursday."

"That was Meg."

"What do you care if I talk to you?" There, put her on the defensive.

"I don't. "

"Sure sounds like you do. You've been missing a little Logan time, eh?"

"Oh please, as if I haven't gone the last four days without hearing Logan this and Logan that."

"I can't help if I have a fan club wherever I go."

Veronica snickered and shook her head, muttering something about egos beneath her breath. "I really don't get you two. You guys are always in between some phase with each other; doesn't it get exhausting?"

He stared down at her for a moment, noticing for the first time she wasn't wearing a bathing suit like all the other girls there, but some band tee, a jean skirt, and flip-flops. "They don't write songs about the easy ones."

"Sure they do, they're called "break up songs.""

"Hey, breaking up is hard to do."

"You should know," she quipped.

"Your sympathy over my latest breakup is duly noted."

"Hey, it's not like you won't be back together with Lily for a minute next week."

"She say something to you about wanting me back?" Logan tried not to look too eager, or even look in Lily's direction. He could forgive her making out with someone else because they were technically broken up right now.

"Uh yah, the lady doth protest too much."

"Shakespeare, really?"

"Even us lowly peasants read occasionally too."

"I would think you'd be too busy being poor to have time to read."

"Well, I need something to read before I wipe my ass with it."

"Curiously I have no response to that."

He laughed at her sly smile and flirty look beneath her eyelashes.

"Seriously though, Echolls. Why the hell do you put yourself through the ringer with her over and over again?" She motioned to the couple over her shoulder. "It can't be easy watching her flit from guy to guy like some demented bee."

"Judge much? You've known her a week."

She snorted. "I know the type. She's gorgeous and sexy and life is for hers for the taking, and take she does. You're the Bichon Frise who follows at her heels, snapping any stray bits of affection she throws your way."

Affronted, he raised a hand to his carefully maintained brunette locks. "I don't have curly hair. Sides, I'm more pit bull." Logan preened, wishing he was bare-chested so she could see his lean surfer muscles.

Veronica studied him keenly with her piercing gaze and he felt stripped, weighed, and judged by the female calculation turning in the depths of her eyes. He was curiously out of breath and desperately hoping she didn't notice his suddenly interested cock.

"Nah, pit bull is too butch for you. You're more a Doberman."

Logan thought about her response for a moment. "What do you mean too butch?"

"I think we already discussed this. You're kind of a girl."

"Do I need to drop trou to show you I'm all man, baby?" His hands dropped to the waist band of his board shorts, even as his cock lengthened even more at the thought of her seeing what she grabbed earlier. Fuck, down boy, down! What the hell are you thinking?

"You can have boy parts and still be a girl, you know."

"I'm not gay or a tranny!"

"Never said you were."

Logan shook his head and decided he wasn't drunk enough to continue this conversation. "So, she talked about me, huh?"

"See. Girl." Veronica's low laughter slid across his skin like a physical caress and he almost shivered in reaction. "She told me you've been friends since you were five and that you started dating at thirteen."

"Yeah, the Kanes used to live next to us back when Jake Kane was merely a lowly millionaire instead of a billionaire." He quieted as images flipped through his mind like photographs as he thought of their years as friends, than later as lovers. "We were each other's first kiss and lover. Why would she want to give that up?"

"Do I look like I understand Lily Kane? I'm just the chick she decided to carry around like her personal Velveteen Rabbit. I predict when all my fur falls off I'll be left in the nursery with the rest of her forgotten toys."

"Probably." He contemplated the tiny blond for a moment. "Why are you letting her carry you around as you so succinctly put it?"

"Seems easier to give in than fight it, but I'm sure you're used to Lily's brand of persuasion."

A devilish grin flirted with his lips. "Yeah, she can be persuasive when she wants."

"And on that note, I'm leaving."

"What? Don't want to hear about the exploits of yours truly?"

"Not when I know sixty percent is bullshit, ten percent truth, and the rest wishful thinking."

"Ouch girl! Calling my manhood into question?"

"Echolls, from the minute I stepped onto the school campus, I've heard nothing but stories about your prowess. I mean, damn, you're a male version of Miss Hot Lips over there."

"I've never cheated," he protested darkly, fragments of painful memories slipping through his humor.

"But you definitely didn't waste time pining."

"Why should I? She doesn't."

"So are you here to win back the girl? Or is hooking up on the agenda for the night?"

"That an invitation?"

Veronica rolled her eyes in exasperation. "I'd think me twisting your dick would clue you in that I ain't interested hoss."

"Your lips say no…"

"And my body says back the fuck off. You trying to slum it tonight too, match her guttersnipe for guttersnipe?"

Logan cocked his head in silent contemplation. "Guttersnipe? Who even talks like that?"

"Someone with an IQ higher than Mano Blahniks."

"Dude! There you are. I can't find Maddy anywhere."

"Did you try Whore Lane?" Veronica inquired sweetly.

"Where the fuck is that?"

"Dick, she's kidding."

"Oh, well whatever. You're the whore."

"That certainly put me in my place."

"No, your place is on –"

"Echolls, finish that sentence and I swear I'll castrate you for real."

"Touchy?"

"Not as much as you are."

"Guys, can you stop flirting for a second. What if Maddy drank too much and stumbled into the ocean?"

"Please tell me he's really not that dumb." She sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of her nose before staring up at the shaggy-haired blond. "Let me speak your language for a moment: Dude, like, oh my god, she totally macked out on this other dude, and they went to the parking lot for a little bit of "don't come a knockin' if the car is rockin'" action."

"That fucking slut! Who?"

"I don't know, some tall dude with killer abs."

"She's fucking Conner Larkin?" Dick stomped away in the direction of the parking lot, Beaver emerging from the shadows to trail after his brother.

"Should I be worried he knew who was I was talking about when I mentioned his abs?"

"Everyone knows they're painted on."

"Hmm, I wouldn't mind finding out for myself. Rawr."

"Did you just growl at the thought of fucking Conner Larkin?" Logan couldn't believe her gall. She was standing with him and thinking about someone else!

Veronica threw her hands up in exasperation. "Seriously who the fuck is this Conner Larkin?"

"Do you not read the trades?"

"Sorry, I don't subscribe to Streetwalker Quarterly."

"Trade mags, not…grrr. He's a two-bit actor who works with my father from time to time."

"Oooooooh, Soldier Boy #1 in your dad's last flick."

Logan steeled himself to hear her gush all about his dad and how fucking great he was.

"Sorry Echolls but your dad blows and not in the fun way. I mean, seriously? His sad and concerned face looks like he's constipated."

"Wha-?"

"Everyone rags on Keanu, but at least his "whoa" is packed with surprise, excitement, and wonder."

The sound of high-pitched screams and the tinkling of glass filled the air.

"Uh you might want to go see what your boy is up to."

Groaning at the damage an enraged Dick could do (ha, ha), Logan nodded in agreement though strangely loathe to leave Veronica's side.

"Yah, um…see you Monday?"

A chorus seemed to spring up suddenly, the school yard chant of "Fight! Fight! Fight!" winging through the evening air.

"Oh shit, the last time Dick got into a fight, he ended up with two black eyes and a broken arm."

She shooed him gently. "Better go rescue him then."

Fucking asshole, Logan cursed as he made his way to the parking lot. Who he meant – Dick or Connor – even he couldn't say. He just knew they'd interrupted something.

A/N: I know there were a few of you out there who were (im)patiently waiting for more meaningful interaction between Veronica and Logan. Hopefully it was worth the wait!