A/N: Have I mentioned that I really hate my biology class lately? Well, I do. I have gotten a few unhappy reviewers about the last chapter, but I have to say… trust me. To those who are threatening to leave, by all means leave. I won't beg anyone to stay. I am currently balancing three fan-fictions, one fiction, a book deal, biology homework, and four kids while readying my husband for boot camp (we got the call today!!). My hands are full (thus the delays in my releases), and I promise it is worth the heartache. Oh, and to the person who said "Talk to him sensibly for one rather than like some immature teen who thinks she's the heroine of a romantic novel." She is, after all, a teenager. Who KNOWS why they do half the stuff they do? I know I was pretty idiotic sometimes when it came to love back then.

Disc.: All the unfamiliarity is mine.

A Letter

The house was dead silent as Lily stood in front of the mirror, brushing her hair before she pulled it back into a ponytail and finally brought her eyes to meet their mirrored twin. She smiled, thinking that it suited her, this age. She had celebrated another birthday the night before, the last one of her school career. She'd have to wait until Christmas break to take her apparation test to get her license. She was fine with that, though she had done perfectly during the training sessions and was told she'd pass with flying colors once she was old enough.

Lily was seventeen.

She smiled at the thought, a full grown witch now. She didn't have to walk down stairs to get a book anymore, she just needed to whip out her wand and say the magic words and the book would be in her hand. She let her eyes fall on the ornate ivory box on her vanity and sighed. She knew that any sane person would have hidden away that piece of memory away, but she didn't. She let Scorpius' final 'gift' to her serve as a reminder. She did not need the heartache when things went wrong. It served to remind her that there was no one quite able to fill that hole in her heart.

"Lily?" Harry called quietly as he entered the young woman's bedroom. Lily looked at her father.

"I'm nearly done," Lily said as she snatched the box off the vanity and put it safely in her bag. She grabbed her wand and started toward the door.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Harry asked. Lily looked over and groaned.

"My head girl badge, yeah," Lily said blushing as she grabbed it off the vanity and shoved it in her bag a little roughly.

"You should be proud," Harry said. "No one in our family has been head anything since Uncle Percy."

"Please do not lump me in with Uncle Percy," Lily groaned as she grinned and the two apparated straight into the apparation chamber at the platform Nine and Three Quarters, luggage in tow.

"After this year, I'll be so alone, all alone, forever," Harry said with mock sadness. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Please, Dad," Lily said. "You've been dating here and there and think how much easier it will get when you aren't constantly playing mother hen to me."

"I would be the father hen," Harry countered. Lily laughed and shook her head.

"Dad, hens are all mothers, roosters are the father," Lily retorted, grinning. Harry laughed and kissed the top of her head.

"Above all, I'm going to miss you most, Lily Bean," Harry said quietly. "You are my last baby home, and now here you are about to embark on your last year of school."

"This is a happy time, Dad," Lily promised. He nodded.

"Just promise me something Lily," he said. Lily looked at him in surprise but nodded once.

"Anything Dad," Lily said.

"Don't have regrets," he said. Lily tilted her head slightly, wondering for a second if he was talking so much for his own benefit as hers. Lily smiled at him warmly.

"Everything I do or have done has always had a purpose," Lily promised him. Harry smiled back and nodded.

"I know, but still," Harry said. He lowered his voice slightly. "It's ok to be selfish sometimes."

"I'll keep that in mind when I owl you my Christmas list," Lily teased.

"You know I give you whatever you want," Harry laughed at her. Lily joined in and hugged him tightly.

"I'm going to miss you, Dad," Lily said.

"I'm going to miss you, too, Lily," he said with his voice getting thick. Lily kissed his cheek and started for the train. She was eager to meet the Head Boy and get this year started and over with. Shale whipped his arm out, stopping her from climbing aboard the train.

"Shale!" Lily said as she dropped her bags and threw herself into a tight hug. "How was your summer?"

"Fantastic," he said. He leaned closer to Lily. "I am Head Boy."

"That's fantastic. I'm Head Girl," Lily grinned.

"To top it off, I asked Nina to marry me," Shale said. Lily's grin broadened and she embraced him again, squealing at some insanely loud pitch. Shale grinned.

"Oh, Shale. You and Nina are perfect for each other," Lily said.

"We were keeping it quiet until after graduation," Shale warned. "But I doubt Nina would be able to keep it from Callie and you."

"I am so happy for you," Lily said honestly. Shale grinned as he scooped up the handle of her trunk and lead into the Heads' compartment. Out of nowhere, Nina flew throwing her arms around Lily in joy.

"LILY!" Nina cheered. "Did you hear?"

"I am so happy for you," Lily said as Nina squeezed her tighter.

"So did Albus convince Kate to come back to school?" Nina asked. Lily rolled her eyes, shaking her head.

"No," Lily said. "She's still set on getting married. My dad and her parents are up in arms, so they snuck away a few weeks back."

"Stupid," Shale said shaking his head.

"As if you wouldn't do the same thing, Shale Zabini," Lily said laughing. "If Nina asked?

"Well, if Nina asked, then, that's different," Shale said. Nina and Lily laughed as Shale put Lily's luggage in the compartment before trotting off to find a place to spend some alone time with Nina. Lily watched as the new little first years nervously hugged their parents and said their good-byes. For most of them, they would come into this year not knowing anyone and would leave with their brothers and sisters in house colors.

Lily couldn't help but feel a bit nostalgic, thinking of her own first day at school. Those thoughts weren't complete without thoughts of Scorpius. It burned with a dull ache now, the longing, and it was quite manageable now a days. Lily petted Skye through the basket, thinking of how the pain wasn't manageable at all that first summer they broke up.

Lily had ached and burned, tears drenching her pillow as she thought about how much she wanted nothing more than to contact Scorpius, explain everything and beg him to come hold her. She barely held it together. Mostly, her brother and father gave her wide berth, thinking she had finally lost her mind. James had been hesitant to leave for his backpacking trip, but Harry had assured him that he'd let James know if there was anything to worry about.

Lily shook her head. There was no sense in drudging up such feelings. She had done well to suppress them after she saw how much her father seemed to be affected by her sense of unhappiness. She kept them buried deep below the surface, only losing control one time, the night of the Slytherin Ball last year. She was torn between wanting him to come and hoping he didn't come. She never thought that she would be so disappointed not to see him. She spent most of the night and Christmas holiday crying, holding the pieces of the shiny metallic stone that looked like a heart.

"So, Captain," Shale said as he tossed himself in the chair next to her while they waited for the prefects to gather. "When are tryouts?"

"Soon," Lily said as she pushed all the unhappy thoughts from her mind. She grinned at him, shaking her head. "Wow, you know. I just never thought that you and Nina would get so far."

"What can I say?" Shale said shrugging. He grinned. "Love is strange, huh? It has you doing the most insane things. Not that marrying Nina is insane, unless of course you count the fact that it makes me insanely happy."

"I really am so happy for you," Lily said laughing. "You two deserve happiness."

"So do you, Lily," Shale said gently as the prefects started filing in. "You're a good person and you deserve happiness. No one could deny you that much."

"I'm happy," Lily insisted quietly though for a moment she was certain that her face said otherwise.

"Sure," Shale said as he turned to greet the new Slytherin prefects.

Settling in as a seventh year student was no worse or easier than any other year, at least for Lily. She was still top of her class, taking an insane amount of classes to ready herself for a career in Healing straight out of school. She had no intention on traveling abroad or anything of that nature. She was ready to get her adult life started. She was focused.

In her sixth year, Lily had been Quidditch captain for the Slytherin team. With Aiden Hill off to the professional league, Scorpius and Damon graduated, and a few other players incapacitated, it left Lily and Shale as the only two players. She had to practically build the team from the ground up. It had been the first year she had played against Gryffindor without James on the team. She found herself more eager to wipe the pitch with the team. She hadn't been aware of her hesitation until he was gone.

As Head Girl, she was allotted her own private bathroom. It quickly became her sanctuary when things got to her, which took a lot. She had been offered the use of a private bedchamber, but like so many she turned it down. Already the seventh year girls' dormitory was sparse. She couldn't leave Nina and Callie alone without another roommate. Plus, Lily didn't want to risk the opportunity that she could wallow in self pity, which she allowed herself to do just ten minutes a day very late at night. Otherwise, she was constantly busy.

"I want to go to Honeydukes," Lily said as she walked along with Callie and Nina on the road to Hogsmead.

"Why does it seem like this year is just flying by?" Callie murmured as she kicked a pile of brilliant red and orange leaves.

"They say our last year always is either going to drag on forever or be gone in a flash," Lily commented. She laughed.

"I guess we know which one it's going to be for us," Nina said.

"Yeah, but you have something wonderful to look forward to," Callie said grinning. "A beautiful summer wedding. How's the plans coming along?"

"Our parents are handling everything," Nina said shrugging. "It's actually been really good. Our parents are thrilled for the allegiance, as they call it."

"That's good," Lily said. She held a piece of parchment in her hand.

"What's that?" Nina asked curiously. Lily grinned.

"It looks like I am going to be an aunt," Lily said smirking. "Albus and Kate."

"Oh, WOW," Callie murmured.

"It explains why they were in such a hurry," Nina grinned.

"Actually, it looks like she and he… you know… after they got married," Lily said. "I'm happy for them. It's what Kate ever wanted, and Albus is doing really well with the whole thing. I doubt he expected to go from dating Kate to married with a child on the way so quickly."

"When did they get married?" Nina asked.

"The beginning of September," Lily said as she glanced back at the note. "She's about six weeks along."

"So, right about graduation," Nina said grinning. "She might still be able to come to the wedding."

"Maybe so," Lily said.

"I'm going to head to Damascus' for another fitting," Nina grumbled. "I'll meet you at The Three Broomsticks, ok?"

"No problem," Lily said.

"You're not upset I chose Callie as my Maid of Honor, are you?" Nine asked. Lily smiled genuinely and shook her head.

"Not at all," Lily said. "I appreciate it."

"I just figured you already have SO much on your plate," Nina added.

"I do appreciate you thinking of me," Lily grinned. "I'm happy that you at least invited me."

"Awe, why wouldn't I?" Nina said hugging Lily. "If it wasn't for you, Shale and I would never have started dating and gotten this far."

"Sure, blame me," Lily teased. Nina laughed.

"Oh, I hope you don't mind, my parents insisted on inviting the Malfoys," Nina added casually. Lily smiled faltered slightly, barely noticeable.

"No, why would I mind? It's your special day," Lily said. She forced a bigger than normal smile. "I'll catch you guys later!"

"Get me something," Nina called as the girls separated and departed.

"No problem," Lily called as she headed towards Honeydukes and the other two girls headed towards Damascus' Dress shop. Lily pushed her way into the cramped store, ignoring the excited little third year students as best as she could. She remembered that excitement and she groaned slightly. Would she always have to think about the past?

She knew she wouldn't. Once she left Hogwarts, it would be easier to push him from her mind. She smiled at the thought and pushed forward to the counter. A squat little witch with kind eyes and gold-rimmed glasses stood there, her smile kind and several sugar quills in her hand. She placed them in the jar and looked at Lily expectantly.

"What can I get you today, dear?" The woman asked. Lily looked down at the case in front of her.

"Anything new?" Lily asked.

"We just got in these," the woman said as she reached behind the counter, drawing out a flat box. She opened it up. Inside were tiny little hearts, silvery white and flecked with green.

"What are they?" Lily asked.

"They are everlasting mint gum," the woman said grinning. "You chew up the little hearts and they stay sweet and minty for as long as you chew."

"Wow," Lily said. She looked at them, and shook her head. "I think I will stick with my usual."

"Always the same," the woman said as she reached and grabbed the small paper sack from behind the counter. She hesitated, placing the bag on the counter and grabbed a little scooper and bag, shoveling a few scoops of the little hearts into the bag. "On the house, dear."

"Really, I can't," Lily protested.

"Honey, your father did so much for us, it's the least that I can do," she said.

"Really you end up giving me twice what I pay for," Lily protested quietly. The witch grinned and shoved the bag into Lily's hands.

"This time, it's four times, love. Completely on the house. Call it the Head Girl special," the woman said. She took the flat box and stored it under the counter. "And don't try to avoid me to keep from getting it free, Miss Potter. I will just randomly send packages up to the castle."

"Thank you," Lily said quietly. She smiled.

"My pleasure," the woman said she took one of the sugar quills and handed one to Lily. "Have a good Halloween."

"You too," Lily murmured as she took the quill and slipped out of the shop unseen. She walked along the road toward the Three Broomsticks, heading inside and finding an empty booth. She shrugged out of her coat and folded it neatly on the seat next to her. She quickly ordered a butter beer and settled back in the booth, watching the other patrons. She smiled at three little third year boys trying to order fire whiskey. She stood, placing her hand on one of the boy's shoulders.

"Perhaps a butter beer would be better," she told them. They looked up at her with wide eyes and nodded, causing the bar keep to chuckle as he presented the boys with three glass bottles. One paid and they scuttled away quickly, Lily returning to her seat. She looked up as the door chimed, and for a second, she swore she saw him standing in the door way. Her heart caught in her chest. She couldn't breathe. She blinked as the man stepped towards her, a grim look on his face.

"Lily," the man said.

"Mr. Malfoy," Lily said with surprise.

"Do you mind if I join you?" He asked. Lily gestured to the seat across from her and he took it, removing his coat.

"How are you, Mr. Malfoy?" Lily asked politely.

"Very well," he said allowing his face to smile. "How have you been? I heard you're head girl and Quidditch Captain."

"I did, Captain last year, Head Girl this year," she said quietly. He laughed.

"And your classes?" Mr. Malfoy asked. Lily shrugged.

"I'm taking double potions, again, double Herbology," Lily said. "Advanced Transfiguration."

"No Defense Against the Dark Arts?" he asked in surprise. Lily shrugged.

"It didn't seem to be important," Lily said. "If I was going to be an Auror, then yes it would have been, but as a Healer, I didn't think it would help."

"So, I brought you this," Draco said as he held out an envelope. Lily bit her lip, her heart racing as she reached for it. For a moment, she hoped it was from Scorpius, and dreaded it. She groaned slightly as she thought she was thinking too much about it, hoping and dreading all in the same breath.

"What is it?" Lily asked meekly.

"An invite," Draco said. "To spend Christmas with Narcissa and myself. Your father is going to be gone on a long term assignment and won't be back in time for Christmas."

"Um," Lily said.

"I figured that instead of staying alone, you could stay with us," Draco continued. "My mother has really missed having you around and I know she'd love to dote on you a bit. Also, since the 200th Annual Slytherin Ball is being held at our home, I figured you could help her a bit. You know my mother is getting up there in age. She could use a little help."

"Ok," Lily barely breathed. She held the envelope in her hand.

"Fantastic," Draco said standing as Nina and Callie came into the pub.

"Um, this is difficult to ask, but, um," Lily said hesitantly. She was going to ask if Scorpius would be home or not. She took a shaky breath and changed her mind. "I have to take the apparation test this Christmas break. Do you think someone could pick me up for side-along and take me?"

"Not a problem," Draco said. "We can work something out."

"Thank you, Mr. Malfoy," Lily said. He grinned.

"Please, Lily," Draco said. "Call me Draco."

"Thank you, Draco," Lily said.

"See you soon," Draco said. He passed the two girls, nodding at them as they passed. Nina and Callie looked at Lily in surprise as they sat down.

"Was that Scorpius' dad?" Nina asked. Lily nodded.

"He invited me for Christmas," Lily said. Nina eyes widened.

"Scorpius?" Nina whispered. Lily shook her head slightly.

"Nothing's changed. He's still on his world wide backpacking adventure with Damon," Lily said. She sighed. "I got a little post card from Damon a week or so. It didn't say anything, just a beautiful picture of Ireland."

"What's that?" Callie asked as she gestured to the envelope.

"My invite for the 200th ball," Lily said. "Did you know it was being held at Malfoy Manor."

"Merlin knows the place is the best place to hold any Slytherin function," Nina said. Lily nodded, having been there many times before.

Nina and Callie talked while Lily opened the stiff parchment envelope. Inside was the standard formal invitation for the ball, complete with the beautiful silver and green swirled ink and the tiny Slytherin crest. She went to put it back in the envelope when she noticed a folded piece of paper. Lily withdrew it and hid it in her pocket. She bit her lip, curiosity eating away at her.

Some hours later, she was finally able to steal away to her private bathroom. She settled on the small settee and withdrew the paper from her pocket, unfolding it. She recognized his handwriting immediately and she felt her heart stop. This was the first direct hint that he was alive and he knew she was alive, still, too. She took a shaky breath and read:

I know that I told you that I wanted to take you to the 200th Annual Slytherin Ball back in your Fifth year, but I realize now that it was not fair of me to promise you or to make you agree. I can't even be certain I want to come home for ball at all. So much has changed for me. I have new focus, a new outlook on life. Where I left as a child, I am now a man. Some of the things I have witnessed in are things that books can't even begin to express. The colors, the sights. Leaving was the best thing I could have ever done. I thought I'd thank you for breaking my heart, but I've decided it was for the best. You did me a favor. Thank you, Lils. I wish you well.

Lily frowned as she realized the words were blurry. She brushed the tears away from her face. The faster she tried to clear them from her cheeks, the faster they fell. She sighed, not even trying to stop them. It was then she realized that she was looking forward to the ball, holding on to the hope that he would still attend the ball with her. She hadn't realized how much she had held onto that over the course of their time apart. Now that hope was gone. Lily buried her face in her hands and unleashed the last bit of unshed tears. Gone was all hope in her heart and she was finally, completely broken.

In the morning, she would pull herself up off the floor of the bathroom, tears dried and gone, but for the moment she wallowed one last time in self pity.