Walking 500 Miles

Today I learned something new: walking while drunk sucks, but it does help gradually sober you up.

"I had fun despite myself."

"What does that mean?"

"I didn't think drinking on the beach with you guys would be any fun. You guys are so -"

I stumbled, wincing a bit when the back of my heel rubbed against the forming blister. It was too discouraging to figure out how much further we had to go to reach some semblance of civilization so I didn't bother counting the miles behind us or ahead. Private beaches were great in theory but not in practice when the houses nearby were empty of life and this stretch of road wasn't well-traveled even here this early in the morning.

"So..." Logan encouraged, his jacket slung over his shoulder with one finger. He shouldn't look as good as he did with ungelled hair and wearing a wrinkled suit, but debauched asshole was a good look for him. Me, on the other hand, looked like something you found washed up on the beach.

Going into the ocean nude like some hippie intent on embracing her inner star child came about because I didn't want to witness the inevitable conclusion of Lilly's plan to seduce Logan back into her clutches. As the evening wound down to slurring lewdness and intimate whispers between lovers, their sprawled bodies obvious against the sand, I walked away to give them their privacy. The water teased my ankles and flirted with the hem of my dress until the drag of wet cloth irritated me into disrobing. It was oddly freeing being naked at the waterline with no witnesses to see my utter drunken foolishness. I had no doubt Logan would be too wrapped in his inamorata to mind me, and even if he did see, I was far enough down I would be indistinct in the shadows of dawn.

Logan and Lilly imploded as quickly as they got back together, something I had foreseen but hadn't truly counted on happening quite this soon. They're a lit match and an open gasoline container together, which can only end one way, so Lilly abandoning him wasn't unexpected, though I doubt she realized in her fury that she left him with me. Fortunately they were loud and their voices carried enough to harry me into wriggling back into my clothes before the limo door had closed, and therefore decent by the time Logan shuffled over to me.

"Less we say about Lilly the better. And Dick is a dick but last night he was actually kinda funny. Also, I'd keep my eye on Beav 'cause he's a little Machiavelli in training." I shook my head. I hadn't really spent a lot of personal time with the Casablanca brothers outside of school and it became clear as the night continued they weren't fond of Lilly at all, though they (and by they I really mean Beaver) were subtle about it. I had my suspicions Beaver was trying to break Lilly and Logan up permanently as he'd spent a good portion of the night winding Lilly up and nudging Logan into laughing along.

"So you like Dick, huh?"

I stared up at Logan. His words weren't confrontational at all, yet his tone.

"Uh, he's still a mouth-breathing cretin despite flashes of wit. That's definitely not my type."

"So what's your type? Besides rapists, I mean."

"Christ on a cracker Logan!"

"Too soon?"

"Jerk."

"Bitch."

Logan reached out to touch my forearm, forcing me to stop.

"As amusing as it is to see you hobble around like a gimp, your limp is making me sea-sick and we're on dry land."

"You shouldn't be looking at me while we're walking anyway. Just keep your eyes focused ahead."

"Black top, shrubs, steer drop, and mountain. I'm bored."

"Har, har, you're so funny. "

"C'mon, just lemme see."

"What're you five?"

"Mars, let me see your foot."

"Why? It's not like we can do anything about it right now. Unless you carry a first aid kit in your handy-dandy Batman utility belt."

"Okay, ignoring your nerdy comic book reference and we'll get back to that at another time, let me see."

I whimpered a little as I slid my foot out, knowing if I looked at the seeping bloody skin it would hurt even worse than it did right now. He whistled.

"Damn, that looks hella painful."

"Thank you Captain Obvious!"

"Hop onto my back."

"Uh, what?"

"I can carry you part of the way."

"And what about your shoulder? It wasn't looking too good the last time I saw it."

"Just be careful where you put your hands. Here, slip into my jacket so I won't lose it."

He squatted down in front of me with his arms tucked behind his back to brace me. I debated it for a few seconds than gave in gracefully because my foot really hurt. Logan was one long length of taut lean muscle; I ignored any glimmering feminine response to his strength by focusing on the souring stench of expensive wine sweated through his skin mixed with traces of expensive cologne.

"Tell me when I get too heavy," I implored as soon as I was settled to his satisfaction, his hands clasping my knees where I gingerly wrapped my legs around his waist, trying not to dig my heels into his midsection. I felt bad because he had to maintain our balance since I refused to put my arm across his burned shoulder, but he was oddly reassuring.

"Please, you weigh less than my surf board. I won't have any trouble carrying you to Cade's."

"Cade's?"

His stride was smooth and relaxed despite my added weight, and he didn't sound out of breath when he finally responded. "Yeah, it's this awesome little diner I know a few miles down the road. We can get some breakfast and call a cab from there."

"I don't have my purse with me as it's in the limo with your phone."

"I have my wallet in my back pocket."

We were quiet for a while before I couldn't resist asking the question uppermost in my mind.

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Huh?"

"We're not friends yet you didn't leave me on the beach and you're helping me out now with my blister."

"Geez, I must be a huge douche if you think I'd leave any girl in a situation like that."

"Not a douche, but an asshole."

The muscles in his shoulders and spine stiffened, which felt strange against the parts of my body plastered to him.

"I'm not like Troy. I don't play games with girls who don't know the score and I don't leave girls in potentially dangerous situations."

"Even Lilly?"

"Notice she's the one who left."

I had to concede the point.

"You don't think much of me, do you?"

"Your reputation kinda precedes you."

"Ah, so you're one of those who rely on gossip instead of fact."

"Fact: In the two months I've known you you got in trouble for filming bum fights. Fact: you've slept with at least three different girls after breaking up with Lilly, and don't even get me started on the utter mental fuckery of the Echolls-Kane relationship. That's stuff I know happened, so I don't really need to listen to gossip."

"Touche."

I expected him to say more, some scathing retort caustic enough to singe my soul hairs, but he was silent instead, leaving me to rest my head against his uninjured shoulder while contemplating his dichotomous nature. Logan had a talent for keeping me puzzled by his behavior, acting like a jackass one minute and then a great guy the next just like the time he helped me out with Troy despite our enmity. Whatever he and the guys did to my ex must've made a statement because I wasn't contacted by his lawyer or a Surveillance officer about breaking the restraining order.

Which reminded me.

"What exactly did you do to Troy anyway?"

"Huh?"

"That day at the beach?"

"You know the Kane's website for videos, YouStream?"

"Yeah..." I was starting to get a bad feeling about this.

"Look for the video titled Peter Pan High QB."

"Am I gonna like what I see?"

"Let's just say Beaver is handy with a video camera and Dick has no shame."

"Uh, I never thanked you for taking care of him."

"And I'm still not hearing you say it now."

I huffed, my breath ruffling the hairs above his ears.

"You make it hard to be nice to you."

"You just make it hard."

"God, do you ever turn it off?"

"Too easy," he muttered, before continuing. "Not my fault you leave yourself wide open so don't flatter yourself by thinking I'm serious when I hit on you. It's reflexive when a girl makes provocative comments."

"So you prefer verbal foreplay?"

"Talking dirty? Sure, what man doesn't? If it's done right, none of this oh baby so hard need it bullshit though."

"Not quite what I meant, but not surprising that's where your gutter mind went."

"Hey, I'm just calling it like I hear it. What other kind of verbal foreplay is there?"

I leaned in so I could whisper, "If you need to ask, you're not doing it right."

And to my dying day, I'll always say Logan stumbling and nearly dropping me was totally worth it to see him react to such a lame innuendo. Fortunately for his composure and my bones, Cade's Diner was straight ahead, a derelict-looking building with a small parking lot in front of it. Unused to this part of the California coast, I was surprised to see there wasn't any of the usual signs of human habitation – strip malls and luxury homes – but it made sense when Logan told me this particular area was protected by the Coastal Zone Management Act passed in 1972.

"Cade's Diner was built in the sixties when this was part of the PCH and was able to get past the ban through grandfathering."

The booth we sat at definitely looked like it belonged in the sixties with its cracked black pleather paired with the white and gold Formica counter topped table, but Logan assured me the food was worth the rather shoddy interior. Since I've gone to my fair share of sketchy looking restaurants which served divine food, I gave my order of a waffle stack with strawberries, scrambled eggs, four strips of bacon, orange juice, and an English Muffin on the side to the bored looking waitress who first waved us in when we walked through the door. Logan shook his head when she asked if he wanted his "usual" and asked for Apple Juice and some toast instead.

"You come here enough to order the "usual?""

Seated across from him gave me the opportunity to study his face and I saw the flash of embarrassment before it was hidden behind a stoic mask of indifference.

"Yeah, it's no big deal. I surf in the area a lot and this is the closest place to eat."

I could accept it at face value but … "It doesn't really look like a place an 09er would deign to eat."

"Reverse snobbery," he crowed, pointing at me. "So because I come from money, it must mean I should eat at the Neptune Grand's Blue Sapphire Restaurant all the time?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

It warmed me somehow when he burst into laughter.

My plate when it came out smelled delicious and tasted even better. Logan's eyes were comically widened when he saw me relish the food, muttering something about freakish appetites while making a disgusted face.

"How can you eat all of that after the drinking you did?"

My answer was less than polite as I spoke through a mouthful of sinfully light yet still cripsy golden waffle. "I get sick if I don't eat. This is good for me. Want a bite?" It was fun to watch his face turn that particular shade of green when I held out a tineful of syrup and butter slathered waffle with a sweet bite of strawberry on top.

The meal passed in somewhat companionable silence, which paradoxically made me squirm uncomfortably because once again I was being confronted by the incongruity of Logan's actions versus his words. My earlier assertion regarding his behavior was true: he was an asshole and a jerk to plenty of people and I'd seen several different examples of it. Logan himself didn't contradict the information either.

And yet.

And yet.

The idiom "exception to every rule," seem particularly apt when it came to him.

Despite all evidence to the contrary, Logan didn't have a lot of friends. He had a lot of people who wanted to be with him for various reasons (Lilly included), but only two sprang to mind as being actual, true, friends.

The Casablancas.

In theory, it seemed obvious Dick was Logan's stooge and Beaver a mere hanger on because he was his brother's shadow, but the interactions I witnessed last night proved differently. Beaver was no cipher, a younger kid invested due to hero-worship or anything as easily explained as that. He saw Logan, seemed to understand him in a way I couldn't because of the breadth of their interwoven lives. It was probably also accurate to say they were friends because of Dick, but at the same time, they were friends in spite of him too.

If anything, Dick's obviously tight relationship with Beaver should've made jealousy a factor into either Casablanca friendship with Logan, but instead they'd made room for him in their kinship, making him a third. The usual boy banter complete with physical expressions of that bro-ness was present to the point of almost excluding anyone else with them. It made me wonder if Lilly was ever accepted, even before their relationship had devolved into one-upmanship of sexual and emotional manipulation.

"Seriously, why didn't you just leave me there on the beach?"

"Are we back to that? I should've known you being quiet wouldn't be a good thing."

"Lilly isn't really pleased with me right now, especially after our kiss last night and I would think you'd wanna be in her good graces since you're back together again?"

I didn't mean to phrase it like a question but this morning's tantrum indicated things weren't happy.

"No I don't think we are." He waved a slender-fingered hand to indicate our current circumstances. "Somehow this is a sign we're not a good fit. Besides, you could be my worst enemy and I still wouldn't leave you there."

I was stuck by the assertion I wasn't his worst enemy then my mind rewound his statement. "The moment she left you on the beach was the straw for you? That?"

A blondish brow rose.

"Why do you care?"

"I really wouldn't except I'm collateral damage in this thing you two have. You two are the definition of toxic yet you seem to gravitate to her regardless and she to you. What's changed?"

Logan shrugged, the insouciance undercut by subtle tension in his clenched jaw. "Nothing. And that's the problem."

"Nothing being..."

He was being uncharacteristically open (at least with me) so I hoped he'd continue.

"You ever been with someone you knew everything about, and not just their favorite color or food or movie, but their deepest fear and shame?"

Weevil and Max instantly popped into my head, brothers of the heart if not blood. I nodded.

"And I'm not talking about the things that go bump in the night, but something real."

"Yeah, I knew what you meant, Logan."

"He ever betray you?"

My forceful "No!" kindled curiosity in his dark eyes. "Than you're lucky."

"You've taken her back before despite her cheating on you."

"And I realized it probably wouldn't change. Lilly couldn't change and it would be stupid to think otherwise."

"What brought about this great epiphany?"

"Her blowing me."

Talking about sex doesn't embarrass me, but a flush started in my cheeks by his brazen admission.

"Uh, okay...?"

"When we first started dating, we both were virgins and learning everything together." Logan avoided my eyes this time and fiddled with a spoon. "The first time she cheated and I caught her, she apologized and we eventually made up. But I could tell there was a difference in her abilities, that she'd learned new things without me."

"And you felt her do something new this time?"

"Yeah." They were on a break (probably) when she learned this new trick, but it didn't seem to be something he could forgive her for. Or maybe it was a reminder of things she had done in the past and it was an accumulative effect?

I sat back in my seat, fork carefully laid across my empty plate. In all my dealings with the Lilly-n-Logan Show, I'd never really thought about the emotional impact her sexual aggression would have on him. After all, weren't teenaged boys supposed to think and care with their dicks? Cheating was a bad thing, obviously, but since he kept taking her back over and over, it always seemed to me he didn't really care about what her experience would've taught her. I just assumed it was a territory thing, that he was an unthinking cave creature who needed some sort of validation having her gave him. I guess I never expected love.

"Can I get you two anything else?"

Logan looked grateful for the interruption as if he already regretted being so honest.

"The check and I need to use your phone."

"Sure thing, Hon. You know where it is; just let Reggie know I said you could go back there."

I smiled up at – her nametag said Winona – and gave my compliments to the chef. Logan rolled his eyes and threw down a thin plastic card before high-tailing it away from me and our conversation.

By the time the cab rolled into the parking lot, Logan had reverted to his usual jackass self, mocking my hair, clothes, and my essential use in life. I could tell he was still smarting so I ignored his deviltry until we came to my apartment complex.

"I'll pay you back as soon as I get my first paycheck."

"You could wear a slinky little number over to my house."

"Or I'll just give you the dollars I owe you instead."

"But that's not fun."

"Nor am I."

"You could be with the right moves."

I glared into bright eyes and longed to smack the smirk off his face. I knew he was doing this on purpose, riling me so I would forget the private glance at the boy behind the curtain, but he was just so fucking good at annoying me.

And annoyance is what I will forever blame for what happened next.

I leaned back into the car, whispering into Logan's ear: "Oh I am, pretty boy. I know many ways to use my mouth and each one better than the kiss I gave you."

I winked at his stunned face before slamming the door and walking away.

God it was good to get the last word for once.

A/N: Am I the only one who always thinks of Logan and Lilly when I hear "Love the Way You Lie" by Eminem feat. Rihanna?