A/N: So did you guys like the last chapter? :D It was fun to write! They got a kitty :3 And named it Katniss xD I seriously was gonna name it like Susie or something than I thought of how they are reading the book and I was like oh I have to do Tht! Heehee I'm smart :D and yes they are reading the hunger games xD my brother actually did that the summer before he went to High School, they made him read the first book. And now like after seeing the movie last month I'm absolutely obsessed with it! Finished the last book on the 5th! :(but uhh on to this chapter! Enjoy :3
(WARNING! CUTTING SCENCE... OR MORE LIKE FLASHBACK)
In the morning, I'm woken by mom,dad, and Charlie.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" They shout together. I groan. I see my mom carrying a breakfast tray.
Every time it's someone's birthday, we greet them with a breakfast in bed. They get my mom's famous chocolate chip pancakes, with their eggs made however you prefer. (Sunny side-up, scrambled, or boiled.)
With FOUR pieces of bacon!
Getting four pieces of bacon is a kinda big thing in this house. Because we only get three normally, and we absolutely can't have anymore. It's a stupid rule.
They set the tray on my lap as I sit up. It's six a.m, and I have never been soo tired in my life... Well as it seems.
I start my one person feast as they leave, neatly cutting my pancakes into little pieces.
I know tonight I'm getting a party. And I know I'll be coming an hour late to it. Every year it was like that... Well not last year. Everyone was smart enough to let me be last year.
I remember me and Jack were going to do it that day. We had that planned, that we could wait until then. I use to believe in sex before marriage. Well I still sorta do. I want to wait until I get married, it would be really special for me, but if that moment comes with Trent, or another future boyfriend that I really love, I'll probably will do it.
But I rather wait 'till I'm married. It would be so romantic to just be with just one person the rest of my life. But yet again I'll just be with just ONE person for the rest of my life.
I read two chapters of Hunger Games as I eat. Damn, this book is really good, but I think Katniss is sort of weird. But one of the most unique characters I have ever read about in a book.
I finish my breakfast by 6:43 and start getting ready.
I go to the bathroom, wash my face, and brush my teeth, and put on my makeup. My lips are still kinda red from my lipstick from last night.
I put on my eye-liner, mascara, and eye shadow.
I go in my room to change. I pick out a yellow t-shirt, I wear my black vest with it, and some skinny jeans. And of course my black converse.
I don't really have a fashion sense. If I like it I'll wear it. Clothes are clothes, and I don't really express my self with them. I like being simple and wearing comfy clothes. But somedays I take risks and try expressing myself, like yesterday in the tutu, I felt young and excited like how all kids felt yesterday on Halloween.
It's 7:21 when I'm all ready for school. I decide to finish all the way to part one like Trent had said to. Trent's class is the only class I do my homework for everyday. Sometimes when I go over to his apartment he helps me out. It's sweet of him.
When I finish part one I am shocked. But sorta saw it coming. I am really into this book now. I look at my watch and decide I'll pick up the gang a little early. I ditch Charlie and decide he can walk to school today... I'm so bogus.
When I go down-stairs I see my mom sitting on the couch and remember about last night and why she was so distant? I still wonder what was up with her.
I go to Geoff's house first.
Geoff and I aren't the closest, but we do have this strong bound, He was my guy best friend, we were super close when Jack was alive. Mostly because of Jack, so when he died we drifted apart.
Well I kind of drifted apart from all my friends when he died. But I fixed that. All except me and Geoff's friendship. I think I did that because I was afraid of him, that he would bring Jack up, and I would fall back into that deep depression I had for the first three months, The one that was just god- awful, the one that terrified me to my very core.
When I get to Geoff's he shocked to see me. Alone.
"Uhh, hey dudette." He says.
"Hi."
"What are you doing here?" he asks me.
"Picking you up for school. Obviously." I say. He laughs, we use to have this inside joke where we would say obviously at something that was just right at there but no one could tell. Looking back its sort of dumb, but my friendship with him has always been dumb. But dumb as the best way possible.
"Oh." And then there's this awkward silence. Then he speaks again. "Just lemme get my bag from inside." he's right at the door then he stops and asks. "Wanna come inside... Birthday Chick?" he says the last two words with a smirk. I roll my eyes.
"Sure Geoffrey!" He cringes at me saying his full name, he hates when I do that. I know that of course.
It's been a long time since I've been inside Geoff's house, maybe a year? The gang barely comes here, we just pick him outside to hang out. If we go to someone's house a lot, it's Bridge. But we're mostly just hanging out at the mall or a pizza place.
Geoff's house is exactly the same from the last time I was here. The walls are still baby blue, family pictures all over the place, white furniture everywhere. It's really simple but welcoming.
Geoff has a big family. 3 brothers, 4 Including him, and 2 sisters who are twins and the oldest. They're now in their second year of college. Their names are Lisa and Lila.
The next oldest is his brother Josh, he graduated high school last year, he didn't go to college. But he lives with his girlfriend in Chicago now.
Then Geoff is the next oldest, then there is Scott, he's at boarding school and he's a freshman.
Then Max is the baby of the family and is in 5th grade. He and Geoff are really close, if somebody were to lay a finger on Max, Geoff would kick their ass. Max is almost like a son to Geoff. And it's really amazing how Geoff could love someone so much... Beside Bridge of course.
"So how are you and Bridgette?" I ask him.
"Same as always. You know, me and her three- year anniversary is coming up on the 12th." he says proud.
Wow, I can't believe they've been together this long...Maybe if Jack was still alive, that could of been us.
"So what is this anniversary of? First kiss? First date?... Or first time?" He freezes at my last question.
"First kiss. And the day we decided that we are a couple."
"Sweet... So when did you guys first do it?" Oh my god. Can't believe I just said that.
"Damn dude. Aren't we curious?" He laughs, then decides to tell me. "May 8th of freshman year." I'm shocked he still remembers.
"How do you still—?"
"Remember?" He cuts me off. "Because that's when we BOTH lost it, dudette." He shares. And by it, he obviously means his virginity.
"Wow." it's all I could say.
"Yeah I know...so you never lost it right?" he asks. I decide to tell him since he told me. I shake my head.
"When Jack was here... He told me you guys were planning to... And when he died, all I could think about was you and him. He loved you soo much. You know that right?" He asks. And out of nowhere I feel tears streaming down my warm cheeks.
"Yeah... I knew." Then I'm sobbing remembering every memory me and him had. And what this day meant.
It wasn't just my birthday, it was the day me and Jack planned to do it, the day he told me he loved me the year before he died, and the day where I first cut myself.
No one knows I use to cut myself, Well except Trent. But it was a secret I had. All to myself, one of the secrets I would hold to a very long time.
I think back to this day last year. It was exactly 6:37 pm, it was the exact time I placed the blade into my skin. I was watching the clock since six o'clock thinking what should I do? I didn't want to be alive, I was in such misery. I couldn't take it no more. I wanted to kill myself, but I knew if I did that I would just cause everyone I love to suffer the misery I'm going through now. And I certainly didn't want anyone to feel how I do. Then I decided to do some homework, which was stupid, I knew I wouldn't be able to do it.
So I was sharpening my pencil, I was studying the sharpener... I look at the blade, I was curious, I wanted to express myself, feel a different kind of pain. A pain I could actually handle.
So I took out the blade out of the sharpener. I twirled it in my fingers. Watching my lamps light reflect of it. I looked at the clock it's was only six- fifteen.
Every five minutes I tried to slice my skin, but I kept chickening out. Then it was six- thirty came, I had to decide if I was gonna do it or not. I know I could do it, I just needed the courage to.
At six thirty- five I was about to give up. It took me two minutes to try to release the position of almost cutting myself but then after two seconds after the clock turned into six thirty- seven I sliced my skin quickly. It hurt. But not as much as the pain I bet Jack felt. I watched the blood ooze out of the cut, then I cut my arm again, watch the blood ooze, then cut myself again and repeat. I did that ten times on each arm. I wondered what Jack was doing was saying about this heaven. Was he disappointed in me? Was he sad that his death made me do this? How did he feel?
When the cuts were done bleeding I rolled up my long sleeves. After this night I wore long sleeved everything.
Dresses, t-shirts, pajamas, sweaters. I couldn't afford anyone to find out. They would send me to get help. I would be a crazy person in a mental hospital. But at one point I wish my family did send me to get help. To make me talk about Jack's death to someone, instead of letting me have my own space, in my bed room for three whole months! It angered me. But I got over it.
I came back to reality I spaced out for a moment, but it felt like hours thinking about that memory. Then I realize, keeping Geoff out was huge mistake, he was supposed to be the person I was supposed to express my feelings about Jack all along. So then I finally catch up with all the times I was supposed to talk about him. We talk for half an hour, we're both in tears, we share memories about Jack. All the low and high points we both had with him, how we felt when he died.
Geoff says how and Bridgette and him got closer by him sharing his feelings about Jack, and how they first said I love you to each other.
"Do you remember the date you told her?" he nods.
"August 23, 2010." He tells.
"Who said I love you to who first?" I ask.
"I said it to her first." I smile. "But! I heard her say she loves me in her sleep before when she was spending the night at my house."
"Is that made you say it to her." I ask.
He looks down. "Yes." I shake my head laughing. "Hey! But we knew we loved each other! We didn't have to say it. You could tell by the way she just starred at me... And by the way I kissed her, the way I said her name... She knows I love her, and I know she loves me." he says. That has to be the deepest thing he has ever said!
"Is she 'The One' for you?" He looks at me.
"Obviously." and then me and him just burst out laughing. And then we finally manage to stop. "But seriously, I know I would like to spend my whole life with her. I really love her dude." he says. I smile.
"Good. Because I know Bridge totally feels the same." I say. He smiles
"Great. "
"Well we should go pick the rest of the gang..." I say not wanting to stop this great conversation.
"We should... Hey you know we only came in here to get my bag... And we spent like 45 minutes talking!" We start laughing again. Then I stop. I realize he said 45 minutes!
"What time is it?" I say terrified, he shares the horror.
"Fuck! We're gonna be late dudette!" We run out the door, to my car. We pick up Duncan who is looking up and down the street for us. Courtney is usually with him.
"Where the hell have you guys been!... What the hell were you crying Gwen?" he asks. I look in my mirror, my make-up is all fucked up. Ugh! Why didn't Geoff tell me!
"Yeah, me and Geoff were talking about Jack. I'm okay though. Where's Court?"
"She got fed up waiting for you guys! So met up with Bridge at school ten minutes ago."
"Sorry dude." Geoff says.
"Why didn't you go with them?" I ask him.
"Because I knew you guys were gonna come pick me up, and I didn't want to piss you off by not being there."
"Well that's nice." I say. Then we're at the school. I park, then they run in. "Hey I'll meet up with you guys! I gotta fix my make-up!" they nod. Then the bell rings for first period. They disappear into the hallways. I walk to the nearest girls room.
I go to the mirror, and look at my reflection.
I'm a mess. Well just my make-up.
My eyes are red, my mascara and eyeliner is smeared. I take it all off and do my make-up all over again.
I'm already late to class, so I don't see the point to hurry my ass.
I go to my locker and freeze. There it is all decorated. There's a small banner at the top that says 'Happy 18th Gwen!' I know it Bridge's hand writing. Then there's this collage of pictures of me since freshman year. Some with the gang, and one with Jack. It's the same one Bridge put on Jack's grave. The one of me and him. I'm smiling at the camera. Happy as ever. It was taken toward the end of freshman year. Around March, Bridge took the picture. She wanted to make this scrap- book for our first year of high-school. I look younger, I'm only wearing mascara, it gave me a more natural look. My hair is short and curly.
I'm just starring and smiling at the camera, I sense Jack's stare, he whispers in my ear.
"Your beautiful." he says. My smile grows bigger, and I show my crooked teeth. I know after the picture is taken I will kiss his face off. Then Bridge takes the picture.
I open my eyes coming back to the present, missing the past. I think about after the flash went off how I stayed smiling for a moment and started kissing Jack, and how he smiled in between kisses.
I touch the old picture as my heart aches. I really miss him today. I look at him staring at a younger me, there's no doubt you could see his love for me in his eyes. His beautiful gre—green? Did I almost say green? Who has green eyes? I think for moment and remember Trent. I smile. At least I have him.
I go back to my thought. I look at his beautiful blue eyes. His black curly hair is all over the place. It's bed head, but only he could pull it off. It makes him look gorgeous.
I wish I could go back to that moment. Feel his love again, go back to the night he got killed, and decide not to go out that night, so he wouldn't get killed... But that would be selfish of me. I know that means if I did that, that would mean no Trent now, and I would still be with Jack, And Trent would be my English teacher... But wouldn't that make everything easier? I shake my head and get rid of that thought.
I shouldn't even bother thinking about that, it's worthless thought... Even though a part of me wishes I could do it. But it's just me missing Jack. I scan the rest of the pictures for a moment and walk to English class. I'm twelve minutes late.
When I walk in, all eyes are on me. Trent looks glad to see me. But frowns at me interrupting the discussion of Hunger Games. When I sit in the only seat left in the class (which is next to Cody) Trent continues what he was saying, I don't pay attention the whole time. I'm in a sad mood now. Ugh. Then he tells the class to read on until chapter 15, he says if we don't finish it by end of class we have to finish it for homework. I don't read I just sit there. Cody looks at me, he mouths: 'You okay?', I shake my head. Then Trent calls me.
"Gwen, can I see you in the hall way please?" I roll my eyes, and walk out the class room, people still stare at me. I look at Cody and he gives me a thumbs-up. I manage to give him a small smile. Trent follows me out the door and closes it.
"Are you okay?" He asks. I'm not looking at him, if I do I'll cry again, and I can't mess up my make-up. I shake my head. "What's wrong?" I look at him and the tears about to fall out my eyes go away, it's like they sucked back into my eyes. I stare at his beautiful green eyes. I decide whether I like blue or green eyes better...I can't decide.
"Jack. He's been running through my mind all day." I confess to him. He sighs a sigh of sympathy.
"Sorry to hear that. But it's your birthday. He wouldn't want you thinking about him." What he says somehow angers me.
"So he wouldn't want me to remember the day he told me he loved me! He wouldn't want me to remember that this was the date we were supposed to have sex? To have both of our first times!" I yell at him. He looks at me puzzled.
"You were gonna have sex with him?" he asks.
"Uhh yeah, we planned to do it exactly a year ago, but something got in the middle of our future plans. His death." I scowl at him.
"Look, calm down." I roll my eyes, but I take a deep breath for him. He smiles a little. Then he sits down on the bench right next to us, he motions for me to come over.
"When Melody died..." Trent starts. "I didn't want to believe it. When I saw her dead body, she didn't look dead. So guess what I did?" he looks at me for a minute then I catch on.
"Oh! What? What did you do?"
"I started laughing." He says. I raise my eyebrow. What the hell?
"What the hell?" I repeat out loud. He lets out a sort laugh.
"I know right! Well, I started laughing because I thought they were playing a joke on me, and that she was just in a coma or something. Then they asked me. 'Why are you laughing ?' and I told them 'Okay guys, you can stop the act now' and they just looked me. It was silent for minutes, then I looked at her, I really, really looked at her and it made me realize the truth. My wife, the love of my life, is dead. And she's not coming back, and that made me loose it."
"What did you do?" I asked.
"I wasted five months drunk. I think if I was ever sober it was like only for a day."
"Wow." I say, he nods.
"But I got help. And here I am, I'm okay with her being dead, because for some reason that was supposed to happen. And I found out that reason a few months ago."
"What was it?" I ask.
"You. If I was still married, we wouldn't be here right now. You would just be Gwen Nelson. My student, a girl who is in my first period class. A complete stranger." His words sink into me. Is it true? Do things really do happen for a reason? And us in life have to find out what the reason is? Possibly. It makes sense for me and him. Both of our lovers died. And here we are, together.
"Maybe you right." I admit. He smiles.
"I know. You just gotta think like this. Happy. You can't get let down by the past. It's the PAST. We're supposed to let it go, we don't always HAVE to, but we're supposed to." Fuck, why is Trent so deep today?
"Thank you." I kiss his cheek. Then we remember our surroundings. High school. He's my teacher right now, he's . Not Trent.
"Well we better get back to class Miss Nelson." And I'm not Gwen. I'm Miss Nelson. "Oh and by the way, You have lunch detention with me for coming late to class." He says with a sly smile.
"Aww isn't my boyfriend the greatest!" I say rolling my eyes, he laughs and opens the door. I look at the clock, we were only talking for 7 minutes. We go to his desk and he writes a slip for his detention he holds at lunch for kids who are late, skip his class, or act up. He hands me it and I walk back to my desk.
Cody asks what it is, I tell him, he snickers. I flip him off, and Trent pretends not to see.
I read on in Hunger Games, but I can't focus, so I just pretend to read and think until the bell rings. Trent reminds me about my lunch detention as I walk out, I wave him away. I go to my locket and wait for my friends. Cody puts his arm around me and kisses my cheek. I smile. A real smile.
"Happy Birthday!" he says handing me a gift.
"You didn't have to!" I say. I seriously told all my friends I want nothing, just for them to celebrate my birthday with me.
"But I did. Soo, open it up!" he smiles at me.
"Here?"
"Yes here!" I open it up, it's a bracelet and earrings. The earrings are little black hoops, a little smaller than a quarter. And the bracelet is black with shiny fake diamonds.
"Thank you." I say hugging him. Then the rest of the gang comes. They all hug me and say Happy Birthday.
"So you like your locker?" Bridgette asks.
"Yes! Whose idea?" Bridge raises her hand. "Thank you." I say hugging her again. "So is this your present to me?" I joke. She takes this seriously and her eyes widen.
"Oh god no! This was just something nice to make your birthday more special. Do want your pre—." I cut her off.
"I was just kidding Bridge! Calm your tits." I say, everyone laughs, Bridgette blushes and Geoff comforts her by pulling her closer to him, she snuggles into his shoulder. "So when did you guys do this?" I ask.
"After you left and when the dance was over, took us an hour to make the collage." Courtney tells.
"Did your open your locker yet?" Duncan asks, I shake my head. "Well do it woman!" He commands I laugh and follow the order. Four presents fall out of my locker. I open the first one (which is Duncan's) and gasp!
A/N: And this is how I'm ending the chapter :)
It took me a very long time to write this and I'm sorry! And the reason I gave you a long chapter is because I'm not always sure when ima update, so might as well give you this! Sorry for the cliffhanger -.- I'll try to update by next Friday(animeluvrrluvscookys:prob. not! shes a little slow since she been writin this on her ipod! also i ferget to post her chapters for her so...YEAH! ill try to post them faster!sry!).