HELLO!

I don't even know where to begin.
From the bottom of my heart I want to thank you all for your patience. With finals and all the stress I really just needed a break from everything.
But I passed all 5 classes and feel so much better about everything and I'm so ready to get back into writing for all you wonderful readers :)

In case you missed my last announcement about it, I run a tumblr blog that promotes good MerDer fanfiction where I post my own favorites and any fic that people submit to be posted.
I also post about my own fics, including updates about where I'm at in writing a chapter, sneak peeks (if they are requested), and chapter updates. My ask box is always open too so feel free to ask about anything including info on my fics :)
The URL is below:

merderfanfiction(dot)tumblr(dot)com

(Sorry I couldn't just post the link. FF won't let me).

Anyway! On with the show!

Enjoy!

Chapter 8

"I have an idea."

Derek's voice suddenly sliced through the comfortable silence they had settled in as Meredith drove them to her 'spot'. Since they had climbed out of the drizzling rain and into her car, the two relaxed in the cozy heat coming through the vents and reveled in the serenity they had been craving all day.

"Care to share with the rest of the group?" Meredith asked coyly, sending a quick glance to the passenger seat before looking back at the road.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I happen to think no sunrise is complete without a good bottle of wine."

"Wine?" she repeated with an intrigued smile.

"Wine," he confirmed with a nod.

"And where do you propose we find this wine? It's, like, three in the morning."

"Excellent point. Which reminds me, I'm starving."

"Me too," Meredith admitted. "I don't think I've eaten since lunch."

"Well then, food definitely needs to be on the menu too."

Meredith's eyes scanned the sleeping city outside her windshield. "I don't think we have much to pick from aside from Wal Mart or maybe a Taco Bell," she trailed off with a tone of uncertainty. "Like I said, we may be used to being awake and working at 3 AM, but the rest of the normal world is sleeping."

"I think we could make do with Wal Mart, don't you?"

The mass chain of super stores was obviously not his first choice; however, his growling stomach wasn't going to let him say no to any possibility of food.

Besides, Taco Bell didn't have wine.

Derek promised to be as quick as he could after insisting that she wait in the car and just let him run in to get their make-shift dinner.

Due to the early hour of the morning, he kept his word and climbed back into Meredith's Jeep with several bags and an excited grin within twenty minutes.

After a few more minutes on the road, Meredith pulled her Jeep onto an empty loading dock and parked the car directly in front of the calm water.

The sky was black and wispy, gray clouds were scattered throughout, hiding most of the stars from view. From where they sat, the large moon was not in their line of view; however its bright reflection shined back at the couple from the surface of Elliot Bay.

"It's beautiful out here," Derek murmured.

"Mhmm," Meredith sighed in response. This had always been one of her favorite places to escape to after a long day or to think over a problem.

The couple seemed content to sit in silence as they watched lights of the city dance across the horizon on the other side of the bay.

She didn't know how long they sat undisturbed in the cab of her Jeep, but before Meredith could come up with something to say, her stomach beat her to it. The loud growl of her body demanding food ripped through the quiet calm and caused Derek to shift his gaze away from the water.

"Hungry?" he chuckled.

"Maybe just a little," she teased back.

"Fortunately, I can help with that." His eyes were practically glowing with a happiness Meredith had never seen there before. She couldn't pinpoint the cause at the moment, but whatever it was, she never wanted it to leave.

Eagerly, Derek pulled out two long, wrapped subs from the plastic shopping bag and placed them in between the two front seats. He then reached back down to retrieve a couple bottled waters from another bag at his feet.

"Turkey or ham?" he questioned with a playful expression.

"Turkey?" Meredith answered.

"Are you asking me or telling me?" Derek chuckled at her confused expression.

"I don't want to take the turkey if you want it," she defended.

"I like both," he concluded before forcing the sandwich into her hands.
_

For the next few minutes, all that could be heard was the sound of wrappers crinkling and quiet chewing as hunger won out over conversation.

Meredith was chewing happily on her sub when her cell phone chirped annoying from its spot in the cup holder. After looking at the screen she groaned quietly.

"Everything okay?" Derek asked in a hesitant voice. He was hoping beyond hope that whatever her phone said wasn't going to force her to cut their impromptu "date" short.

"Yeah," she sighed exasperatedly. "Just…..Alex," she confessed as she forcefully punched a couple buttons before placing her phone back down in the cup holder.

"Ever since he walked in on us in the scrub room he's been sending me texts about how we need to talk and how sorry he is or whatever." She wouldn't make eye contact with him and instead opted for staring at the half eaten sandwich in her hands.

"Do you…..do you think you're going to go back to him?" Derek asked, slightly choking on the words. He hated himself the moment he had said them. To be honest, he was scared to hear her answer. The last thing he wanted was for their chance together to be cut short before it even really began. At least if he didn't know he could allow his mind the comfort of denial.

"I don't know," Meredith finally whispered.

Cringing internally, Derek figured now was as good a time as ever to break out the wine he had been stowing away for dessert.

"I mean, I wish it were as simple as forgiving and forgetting. That way the last four years of my life wouldn't feel like a waste and a lie. But he cheated on me. How do I forgive that?"

"I don't know either," he answered quietly. He took a small swig from the bottle and then silently offered it to Meredith.

Grasping the neck of the bottle, she took a huge gulp of wine without even bothering to taste it. Her frown deepened as she shifted her stare to the top of the steering wheel. "Are you going to go back to your wife?" she countered, handing the bottle back to Derek before she listened to the voice in her head just telling her to down the whole thing.

"Not this time." His voice held a note of determination.

"What do you mean?"

"It happened a few years ago, while we were still living in New York," Derek began. "One night, I parked my car, unlocked my front door, go inside my house, and something's different."

He paused to take another sip of wine before stealing a glance at the woman beside him. To his surprise, she had abandoned her staring contest with the steering wheel and was gazing intently back at him.

"Nothing's different," he continued, "everything's the same, but still…something's different. And I stand there for awhile, and then I know."

It was hard to miss the pain in his features and Meredith could just tell that he was all but reliving what she had a feeling was a very painful memory.

"See, there are moments for me, usually when I'm in the OR, when I just know what's going to happen next." He stopped again to drink from the wine bottle, taking courage from every sip. "So I go upstairs and, as I'm walking down the hall, I'm trying to prepare myself for what I'm going to see when I go inside my bedroom. I step on a man's jacket that doesn't belong to me and everything I think I know just shifts. Because the jacket that doesn't belong to me is a jacket that I recognize. What I know now is that, when I go in my bedroom, I'm not only going to see that my wife is cheating on me. I'm going to see that my wife is cheating me with Mark, who happened to be my best friend."

Derek took another sip before handing it back over so Meredith could have a turn. He shook his head sadly and returned to looking out the front windshield. "It's just so pedestrian, common, and dirty, and cruel… Mostly just cruel…"

All Meredith could do was nod her head in response. She knew the feeling all too well.

"So, I left and came out here. She followed me and we tried to make things work again. Or I guess we tried," he shrugged. "I felt like I had to. Like I owed it to our marriage or something."

"But why?"

"We had been together for eleven years. That was a quarter of my life. It was like you said; I didn't want eleven years to just be a waste. I also have four very involved and opinionated sisters and one overbearing mother who all felt the need to remind me that I had responsibilities I wasn't allowed to just run away from. So we went to counseling and Mark even started visiting after making it clear he wasn't going to lose his best friend."

"But you haven't been happy."

It wasn't a question. She said it like a fact. Like it was simply common knowledge around the hospital.

And he couldn't deny it.

"No. No, I haven't been happy."

"And these visits from Mark?" He knew what she was asking.

"I don't know if it was every time or how long they've been sleeping together after the first time I caught them. All I know is the baby isn't mine and my marriage is finally over. I called my lawyer this morning and filed. As soon as the papers come in, I'm signing them."

"Are you scared anymore? You know, about the wasted time?"

It was a good question, but for the life of him, Derek couldn't think of a good answer.

He wasn't scared anymore, but he couldn't adequately explain why. He had been agonizing over it earlier. In fact, that was exactly what he was doing when she had found him at the bar. Sitting there struggling over the past five years of trying to come back from that horrible night; five years of constantly feeling suffocated; five years of not recognizing his own life. All that time had gone by but somehow he had ended up right back where he was the night he found Addison in bed with another man.

But since the moment he woke up this morning with his arms wrapped around the most mesmerizing woman he had ever met, all that "wasted" time had been the furthest thing from his mind.

Instead of thinking about past, he found himself thinking of the future, of Meredith.

It should scare him. Feeling this attached to someone he'd only just begun to get to know a couple days ago. But in his forty-four years of life, he had never felt this way about anyone and he couldn't even begin to explain it.

It was like…It was he was drowning and she saved him.

That's all he knew.

Thank you so much for reading!
Please let me know what you thought!