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Constant Variable

After a few days of training with Pip Cat felt incredibly sore and incredibly tired. She could not put her heart into the combat training the way she had with the guns. It did not interest her and therefore she could not concentrate long enough to take any of it very seriously. She knew some basic defense moves like throwing her palm into someone's nose or slipping out of their grip if they grabbed her from behind but other than that she was doing poorly.

"Come on Love it's easy! Watch me and Lucian. After the person grabs you all you have to do is grab their arm and shoulder and tip all your weight forward and they'll fly right over you," he motioned for Lucian to grab him and then easily flipped him over his head.

"That isn't fair Pip, Lucian is smaller than you," Cat reached to pull Lucian off the ground and brushed the grass off his back.

"Hey come on now, I'm not that much smaller than him," he shook some more grass out of his hair then stood up next to Pip trying to look taller. "I'm five foot eleven. I think that's pretty tall."

"Compared to Cat anyone is tall," Pip leaned down so he was level with her and patted her on the head, "how tall are you Love? Four foot ten? Maybe eleven?"

"Stop it!" she slapped his hand away from her, "You're exaggerating terribly, I'm five foot six."

"Yes but you're so skinny and fragile looking you lose points," Pip took out a cigarette and lit it, seeming to give up on the training.

"Well how tall are you smart guy," Cat jumped forward and flicked the cigarette out of his hand before he could take a puff.

"I'm sitting pretty on six foot three," he crossed his arms and stood up taller.

"I'm a terrible judge at height and distance," Cat sighed remembering how she thought Alucard was about six foot six. "How tall do you think Alucard it?"

"Uuugh," both of them groaned.

"You shouldn't think about him so much Cat he isn't right in the head," Lucian looked at her with concern and a bit of jealousy.

"Just tell me Pip! It isn't as though I think about him day and night I was just wondering," she made a sour face at him.

Pip reached for another cigarette and lit it, "I'd say he's pushing six foot nine."

"Wow, that's tall," Cat imagined Alucard towering over everyone on the day they had gone shopping. It was a funny sight to see.

"Alright well I want to see you flip Pip, Lucian," she stood back and waited.

"Yeah okay, come on then Pip give it your best go," Lucian got into position and braced himself for the attack. Pip grabbed him from behind with his cigarette still hanging from his mouth and was quickly flipped over Lucian's head. He landed on his back with a grunt and without loosing his cigarette. He took a long pull of it and let the smoke blow out his nose.

"That is so gross. You're going to get cancer if you keep at those like that," Cat went to pull him up but he just laid there.

"I could use a little nap why don't you practice with Lucian for a bit," Pip pulled his hat over his eyes.

"Okay Lucian, come at me!" Cat acted excited and turned her back on him.

"I don't know Pip, I don't want to hurt her," he shuffled his feet and twiddled his thumbs.

"You're not going to hurt me you're just going to grab me from behind," she stood up straight and looked at him reassuringly. He had started to turn pinkish and Pip was snickering. "Oh come on you two! Don't be so immature, just hurry up and get it over with so I can prove there is no way I can do it."

"Okay okay," Lucian walked up to her and grabbed her around the shoulders.

Cat leaned over and pulled as hard as she could but Lucian was not going to budge. After a second of trying she opted to elbow him in the stomach and then trip him to the ground.

Pip had peeked out from under his hat and laughed, "There you go Love, if not one way then another."

"I'm leaving. I don't even have to do anything on the weekends I don't know why I came down here in the first place," Cat turned around and stomped away. She heard Pip and Lucian calling after her but she did not care. She was tired of learning to fight and she knew she would never need any more skills than the ones she already had.

She made her way back to the door and went into the cool mansion hallway. She paused for a moment and looked down the long corridor leading to her secret fish tank. She had checked on it every day since she found it to make sure it was not a dream. She thought about it for a moment then made up her mind and headed towards Integra's office.

Once there she knocked on the door and entered without waiting for a response. "Good afternoon," she smiled at Integra and sat down in one of the office chairs.

"Can I help you with something Cat?" Integra was vigorously writing in thin cursive and then crumpling up her paper to start again. She did this about three times before Cat had a chance to answer.

"I was wondering how I would get to town if I wanted to go out," she had never needed to ask permission to do something before and she didn't think she needed to now but she had no means of travel.

"What do you want to go into town for? Do you need to do some shopping because I could send Alucard with you if you don't want to go alone," Integra continued writing on the paper and then discarding it after a few sentences.

Cat was startled a little by her question. Would Alucard really go shopping with her again? Or would Integra have to order him to? She was being silly even thinking about it, "No I can go by myself. I just wanted to get out and look around. No offense but it's kind of boring here after a while."

"That's fine. I'll call a car for you and it will wait out front," the crease between her eyes had deepened with each paper she threw out and now she was digging the pen deep into the paper so it ripped.

"Do you have writers block?" Cat tried to lighten the mood that was hanging in the air. It was beginning to suffocate her.

"It's just a letter in response to the one about the party," she crumpled the paper again and didn't bother reaching for another.

"Why don't you just call them and tell them you'll be there," Cat stood up ready to leave.

"It's more complicated than that. Have a good outing. The driver will give you a phone to call him when you're ready to be picked up," she pulled out another piece of paper and started writing again.

"Thanks. Good luck with that," she turned and went out the door not bothering to wait for a response. It seemed like everyone around was either in a bad mood or was putting her in a bad mood.

Cat went quickly back to her room and changed into clean clothes and gathered up her savings. She went down stairs and out the front door even quicker, hoping not to see anyone along the way. She just was not in the mood to talk to anyone. She was appalled at how much Alucard avoiding her was affecting her mood.

She was glad to see the car waiting with the door opened and she hopped in and shut it fast.

"Where to Miss?" Cat was disappointed to see it was a different driver than the one who had taken her and Alucard the first time. This one did not seem as cheery.

"Um, is there a shopping area with cafes and little shops? Somewhere not as huge as Oxford Street?" she hoped the driver would not be annoyed with her for not knowing her way around.

"Sure there are lots of places like that. I'll take you to the nearest one. Dropped my granddaughter off down there not two hours ago, maybe you'll see her," he sped off down the driveway and roughly turned out onto the road. Cat quickly put on her seat belt.

"Yes, maybe," she stared out the window and wondered if anyone would speak to her while she was shopping. She fanaticized the dozens of girls and boys her age that would tell her how cute her outfit was or how cool her new laptop was and how they would invite her to hang out with them and to parties. The car hit a speed bump hard and her bubble full of fantasies popped.

After just fifteen minutes they arrived in a parking lot for an out doors mall.

"Is right here fine Miss?" the driver turned around but Cat was already getting out of the car. He rolled down his window and waved at her, "Now wait a minute! Don't forget the phone to call when you're ready. I'll pick you up at this same spot."

Cat back tracked and took the phone from him, "Thanks. It probably won't be all that long."

"Ah don't be so sure Miss. The kids around here come down every single Saturday, my granddaughter included. They'll be noticing if someone new is hanging around, especially since you're by yourself," he winked at her and rolled up the window.

Cat watched as he drove away. She decided that she liked him as much as she had liked the other driver. They were both helpful and jolly and it was a nice change from the morose, business like, and sarcastic personalities of the people at Hellsing.

She turned around to face the mall and was a little shocked at how many kids were actually there. She knew there would be quite a few but she had no idea they would be the only people there. It reminded her of Children of the Corn. She solemnly set out across the parking lot to find an electronics store. She hoped she would be able to find one quickly so she could get off the street. As she approached the main street that went up the middle of the mall she noticed a small group of girls at a café already looking at her. One of them smiled so she smiled back while walking faster at the same time.

"I can't believe the driver was actually right," she thought to herself, "These kids must not have lives or something." She laughed a little when she thought it. She did not really have a life currently either. Their obsessive mall going behavior was better than her ritual of cooking and going to the library every day.

Luckily Cat did not have to walk far before she found an electronics shop. She had only passed about three or four other stores when she found it set back slightly further than everything else. It was also considerably bigger which Cat thought was a good sign. She did not feel comfortable buying something so expensive at some tiny business. She pushed the door opened and was glad it had a little bell above it. That made it feel homier. As soon as the bell rang a sales person came up to her.

"Can I help you find anything?" he smiled with all his teeth and Cat thought it looked like his face was straining to make the smile bigger. His name tag said Glen and she laughed to herself.

"I think I just want to look around for a little bit first," she was already scanning the wall they had the lap tops on.

"Is there anything I can direct you towards to get you started?" his smile didn't relax as he talked.

"Um no…I'm just going to look at the lap tops," Cat started walking towards them but the sales man stayed with her.

"Ah a new lap top I see. Anything specific you'll be using it for?" he was walking so close to her she nearly tripped.

"I don't know yet I really just want to look at them," she caught the eye of a girl that worked in the store and the girl rolled her eyes and started to come over. Cat wondered if she was rolling her eyes at her and was going to yell at her for taking up Glen's time.

"Glen! I need you to go to the back and restock the printer paper," she did not wait for him to answer and pushed him towards the employee only door. "Sorry about that, I've told him over and over again that we don't work on commission but he just can't let it go. He used to sell cars."

"Ooh well that explains the smile about to rip his eyes farther apart," Cat rubbed her cheeks like looking at the smile had made them hurt. The girl giggled at her and Cat thought it sounded genuine enough. Much more so than Glen's smile.

"Well when you're done looking you can come find me if you have any questions or if you're ready to pick something. You probably know what you're looking for already right?" she smiled and Cat thought that most of the kids who came in here had rich parents and bought up the fanciest computer they could get.

"Actually I have no idea. I've never had a computer before and I've just moved in with…some relatives and they've given me some money to get one," Cat had not thought about how to explain her living situation. She was not planning to go back to school so she did not think she would ever need to explain it. Relatives sounded like something no one would question.

"What do you plan on using it for," the girl led Cat down the row of lap tops to the one at the beginning.

"I just want to be able to write on it and get onto the internet," the girl continued to look at her for more information. Cat was not sure what else there was. She was not interested in playing computer games.

"That can't be all you want it for!" she put her hand on her hip and looked at Cat expectantly.

"Well…maybe one that has a lot of storage space in case I get a camera soon?" she shrugged her shoulders and hoped this was good enough.

"That's more like it. I've never seen anyone who wasn't completely thrilled to be getting a new computer. My name is Liz by the way," she stuck her hand out and Cat shook it.

"You'll probably be very happy with this one, since you're only going to be storing written files and pictures it will basically never run out of room. You will probably want to download things off the internet sometimes, like programs and music so this one is good for that too. It runs pretty fast for a basic one. It comes in different colors too!" Cat had not smiled while Liz was telling her about the computer and she thought she should be excited about the colors. For Liz's sake anyway.

"Oh yea! That's the best part," she peeked at the price tag while she said it and was relieved to see it was well under her budget.

"Here are the colors, you have basic white, black and silver and then there is pink, green, blue, red and orange." She held up the card that showed the colors.

"Red," Cat did not bother thinking about it.

"Did you want to get an external hard drive or anything to back up your work on?" Liz pulled one of the tags off the display computer and headed towards the back.

"I'll just grab some blank CDs while I wait," she stepped down an isle and found a tower of one hundred blanks. She thought it would last her forever. She did not listen to music that much and no one used CDs for music anymore anyway.

She saw Liz walk up behind the counter with a sleek black box that had a handle. She went over to meet her and set the CDs down so she could get out her money.

"It comes to 578," Cat handed her the money and waited for her change.

"Thanks for all your help," Cat took her bag and box off the counter and smiled.

"No problem and if you have any trouble with it don't hesitate to come back. It's got a one year warranty so we'll fix it for free if anything happens in that time," another customer walked up to the counter and Liz waved goodbye.

Cat walked back out onto the sidewalk and looked around. She was not sure what she wanted to do next. She figured she should come back another day to play on the computer in one of the cafes. It would look silly if she was trying to set it up there. She decided to take a walk and scope out all the cafes that had wireless. She needed to make one last stop before she left but she did not want to make it too soon.

Cat soon found that all the cafes had wireless internet. In some of them it was free if you bought a drink or food and others you had to pay or have some kind of card. She peeked into windows of the clothing stores but did not see anything she really wanted or needed. She had taken care of everything she needed when she went with Alucard and she still was not used to being allowed to want something and then getting it.

She suddenly felt sad and tired and sat down on a bench to rest. The sky had started to look a bit dreary and she wondered if it would begin to rain before she had a chance to get back to the car. She considered buying an umbrella just in case but it did not really seem crucial. She stared up at a passing cloud while she absently rubbed her chest. It had been hurting lately for no reason, at least for no physical reason. She knew exactly why it was hurting and she knew what had made her suddenly feel sad.

She could not get Alucard out of her head. She was not sure how she felt about him. She knew it would be stupid to have a crush on a vampire. The thought alone could make her laugh out loud, but she still could not push the feeling away. She had never felt like this about anyone else. She had even hated Alucard at first but now he was causing her stress just by not being around. It was impossible that she had warm feelings about him but maybe she had replaced him as her constant variable. Everything had changed the night she met him and she had been used to things being exactly the same everyday. He was the first one there when things went awry and she had mentally made him her new constant variable. He would always be there now, or should always be there. He would not die and he would not leave because he could not. It all made sense to her now. What should have been constant had cruelly plucked itself from her life to cause her pain. She suspected he may even know that it was causing her pain to not be able to see him each day. She would have to do something about it herself. She needed to find him and pretend like nothing had happened and force him to talk to her.

With that decided Cat jumped off the bench and continued down the side walk looking for what she had really wanted to come shopping for. She felt like she had passed dozens and dozens of boring shops when finally she spotted it near the end of the mall. She quickened her pace almost into a run and stopped in front of the window.

"Pet store," she smiled at the bunnies in the window and went inside.