Katook's Quest:
The following morning we all got up and started our day as if nothing of much consequence had actually happened the prior evening. I don't think it was really of "little consequence"; but only of quiet pondering that stayed between our ears. At least that was until the following days early morning practice drills came along.
We gathered for our customary combat sparing to rehearse and experiment with the best possible outcomes we could deduct of any given possible worst case scenario we could possibly dream up. That of course depending on if it is even possible to possibly come up with all the possibilities that were even possible; or something like that.
Either way, some days we worked very hard at this; while other days we spent the time basically blowing off steam, or just plain goofing around. San Wan, Ranakah and his wife Bella often would spend their morning tea time watching us out their back porch door in the wee first rays of the new dawn. I often wondered what they thought of us tossing, pitching, rolling, kicking, throwing and hurling each other around their back yard.
What a "vacation" huh!
Some mornings we just practiced things like strength building, stretching, breathing or concentration and on the days when we just felt like being brutal; we'd dawn full combat armor and go after each other with a vengeance matched only by literal battle. Well, this was one of those mornings. With helmets on and three-foot wooden dowels that were thick enough to support our weight in hand, we started out practicing flips.
Japah and I were the first up when it came to rehearsal of fighting from the ground - when your enemy is coming at you from a standing run. We were working on being hurled through the air and landing on our feet.
I was doing fairly well until the third run; when I made it over Japah and touched down fittingly, but lost my balance and fell backwards landing on his head. Oh man that hurt, alighting on the only part of us that isn't armored that well.
"Great stratagy Nakahm!" I heard Sentury through my helmet communicator. "Crush your enemy. Sit on his skull!" Well, yeah that was easy for him to say; it wasn't his rear echelon that bounced off Japah's helmet. I grumbled as I lay on the ground cursing Sentury in words I'd lost the breath the express.
Japah was a little dazed too. I know that, since I myself have been on the receiving end of someone else's misfortune on more than one occasion. It's a terribly helpless feeling when your laying there on the ground; someone's just vaulted over you, when all the sudden here it comes! Yer butty! After the first time it happens; for what ever reason, the image never leaves your mind. I think it's befallen all of us at least once. And being clones of course; we all have precisely the same picture in our minds!
Well, after my little mishap; it was Sentury and Katook's turn. They'd done fairly well on the launches and had moved on to trying to knock each other down while at tantamount time jumping up before the other guy could strike them down again. Sentury was two up on Katook and Katook wasn't having any of it! He had finally managed to give Sentury a flying shove that sent him sailing; in which Katook himself vaulted right on top of Sentury. I guess the strategy was that if I can't stay up, I'll just keep you down here with me.
They rolled around on the ground for about 10 minutes when Katook had decisively found the scheme that apparently worked for him. Sentury had pinned him a few times on his back when Katook managed to get his arms around Sentury and tuck his hands into the arm holes of Sentury's armor vest. He'd also managed to wrap his legs around Sentury's waist and hook the armor plates of his boots together. We still haven't quite figured out how he did that, but apparently it was quite effective; because though Sentury's arms and legs were free, he still couldn't get up. And to make matters worse; the latches that hold Katook's hand weapons to the thighs of his armor got caught in the grommets that hold together the vest and the girdle of Sentury's armor.
Finally we heard Sentury's exasperated inquiry through our com-links. "Katook, what the hell are you trying to do to me?"
"Nothing!" Came Katook's reply. "The more I don't do the more you can't do!"
Sentury let out an annoyed murmur. "Katook, please explain to me the usefulness of this battle strategy? I'm laying on top of you! You can't kill me, you're arms aren't free. You can't kick me."
"No, I can wait here for reinforcements." Katook answered. "Maybe I'm the kind of enemy who eats their foe. I'll just wait for my buddies to show up and than we'll haul you back to camp and have fire roasted clone with sautéed onions and peppers in a tomato basil marinade."
"What?" Sentury conceded a confused defeat.
After that excessively long, warped description of such a sumptuous delicacy; we'd all lost it. We were laughing so hard none of us were of any use to help Sentury get out of this ... this dinner death grip!
"Complete with a good bottle of port!" I added in post script.
At that point Sentury started helmet butting Katook. "Wait till I get out of this; I'm coming after you next Nakahm!" I heard Sentury threaten, as the ping, ping, ping of their two face clanking together rang through the air.
"No wait, I got it!" Japah announced as he sat up and proceeded to instruct Sentury as to how to get out of this quagmire. "Push against his body until your armor gets un-lodged, than put your hands under his arms and pull yourself out." Japah continued "And if it's anything like the reproductive practices of this enemy, than you'll have the psychological warfare thing going there for you too!"
"What?" Katook suddenly broke in.
"Well!" Sentury said as he stopped pinging Katook and started laughing. "You did say..." He suddenly abandon the last comment, although we all had a pretty good idea what was going next.
"Yeah, but not by you!" Katook suddenly blurted out!
"OK than!" Sentury gasped through fits of laughter. "Are you still gonna eat me?" He inquired. "Because if you are - I'm gonna... mess with your head!"
"No, I think I lost my appetite!" Katook responded as he finally let go of Sentury's vest. It was another few minutes though before we managed to pry Katook and Sentury's armor apart. We actually had to take Katook's boots off his feet.
Sentury, Japah and I were all sitting in the grass laughing hysterically, trying to figure out exactly how Katook and Sentury got stuck together so well; while Katook just got up and went in the house. I think he was a bit humiliated. Once we finally solved the mystery, I went inside to check on Katook. He was sitting with San Wan and Ranakah at the table.
"Are you OK?" I giggled, still somewhat overcome by the absurdity of it all.
"I guess so." Katook shrugged and finally smiled as I pulled a chair up nice and close and put an arm around him.
"First I sit on Japah's face and than you two get cleaved together. This is turning into a dandy morning!" I grinned as I smacked Katook on the shoulder. He let out a little laugh. "You sure you're OK?" I asked.
"Yeah." He smiled. "We all gotta take a good ribbing once in a while, hey?"
"Yeah." I smiled back as I gave him one final slap on the back of the head.
I went upstairs to get cleaned up. There were two washrooms San Wan said we could use if we wanted to. One was a common bathroom for the use of several upstairs bedrooms and the other was actually attached to San Wan's bedroom. It had two entrances; one from his room and one from the hallway. He had just warned us though that if we wanted to use the tub; just make sure both doors were locked.
I walked past this tub room on my way to the shower when I suddenly stopped and peered inside. The last time I'd actually had a bath in a tub was? I think I was a small child? I stood there looking inside and wondering if I should take this opportunity? Maybe I'd better ask first? I thought to myself as I headed back down stairs to inquire.
"Yeah, Go ahead." San Wan said. "Bella already left for work; and I'll just use his bathroom." He pointed to Ranakah.
"Are you sure?" I inquired again just to be on the safe side.
"Yeah, you're fine." San Wan waved me away.
"Oh OK." I smiled as I headed back upstairs.
I entered the tub room and made sure I locked the door just as San Wan had said. I read the instructions on the side of the tub carefully. Apparently this tub had jets in it and a heater to keep the water warm too. Wow, I thought to myself. Real luxury, I've never been in one of these before. So I turned the water on, when all the sudden the monitor in the wall came on too and asked me if I wanted these certain radio stations. I stood and looked around. How did it know I was here?
"Ah, Yeah?" I hesitantly answered as the music unexpectedly began to play. It wasn't really anything I recognized; but I didn't want to mess with San Wan's stations either, so this was fine. It took a minute or two before I figured out that my turning the water on automatically turned the radio on too. When the water stopped running; the radio prompted me as to how many hours of play time I wanted. Uh, I don't know I hesitated a minute. "Till I'm done I guess." I chuckled.
"Ok." the computer responded. "Radio will shut down 15 minutes after tub drains." Wow, I thought. That's pretty wild!
So I got myself undressed and gingerly climbed into the tub. The water was nice and hot and as I sat down, the jets came on. I faded in and out to the sound of the jets, as the music played quietly in the background. Consequently, I don't think it was more than five minutes before I was asleep.
I awoke to voices from behind the door. It sounded like San Wan and Ranakah. The door to the bedroom suddenly opened. Oh no! I realized. I forgot that one.
"Ooopse, sorry." Came Ranakah's voice as I peered over the edge of the tub.
"What?" I heard San Wan.
"Ahh, there's a clone in your bathtub." Ranakah replied.
"Yeah, I keep the best of all cognizant intelligence in that tub!" San Wan chuckled. "Here, excuse me." He said as I heard him come walking in. "My apologies Amornam." San Wan said. "The other bathroom is out of paper." I sat up and turned around as San Wan was rummaging through a cabinet. I guess it didn't matter if he'd seen me; not like I'm anything he hasn't already seen. He's operated on hundreds of us.
San Wan exited the room, although I could still hear him and Ranakah talking, as I don't think the door was closed quite tightly. They were discussing something about the college when Ranakah asked San Wan how long we could stay on account of he knew a professor at the University who would be interested in us.
"I think she could help them with their... frustrations." Ranakah said. "I mean, I know you saw them fighting out there this morning; but this is the first time I've ever seen it get so... graphic? Does that happen a lot?" Ranakah asked San Wan as I sat up to listen a little more carefully. I hope Katook and Sentury were not in trouble for what occurred.
"Well?" I heard San Wan reply. "Admittedly, I've seen some curious things. After the last mission, in the cargo hold of the transport back to the main ship they were all dancing. They'd jump up on the cargo boxes in pairs and entertain each other. The routines were pretty clever and I'd have to say, they have an amazing synchronicity. I didn't see anything overtly disallowed, but they are definitely not as asexual in action as they are on laboratory test reports."
"Yeah, I noticed that too." Ranakah confirmed. "I think regardless of what's been done to their bodies; what ever potential still left for sexual expression, finds an outlet." I sat up and turned around at Ranakah's comment. Was he really talking about us?
"Well, I do remember a training lecture from one of the researchers who worked in these chemical castration units. He said the manifest evident behavior can be controlled by drugs and conditioning; but the underlying need it represents can't be, nor should we try to force it to be." San Wan went on. "They can live without the biological drive, but not in a world devoid of feelings of love. In the very beginning a great deal of them died on account of that lack of touch." San Wan continued as I quietly crept out of the tub.
"Since their sense of well being - like most of us - is felt through physical closeness; we'd see a lot of behavior that seemed strikingly pre-copulative to us. There's a lot of close physical proximity, poking, prodding and teasing. We might even witness them hug and kiss each other. So long as we didn't see anything that looked obviously inappropriate; we were warned to be careful not to jump to conclusions because their experience of the behavior in question is different than ours. There's no sense of sexual excitement or pleasure because those receptors are blocked." I listened as I wrapped myself up in a big fluffy towel and stood by the door.
"Do you ever wonder if the combat fighting is a way of expressing the frustration of having something taken from them that they have no control over" Ranakah asked San Wan. "I mean they have to be frustrated. These particular guys are so young. It's one thing at our age to mourn something dwindled away with age; but to have been denied that your entire life? They know something is missing. Maybe they've never experienced it, but they know it isn't there. Maybe it doesn't really matter if you don't know what your missing - but?"
"Well, that's the argument of those in the high command." San Wan broke in. "You can't miss something you've never had; but that just is not true. Anyone who spends any time in a cloning facility, or in the fleet can see that." San Wan continued.
"Reproductive rights are a small issue compared to the basic right to have some say over what happens to me. I come into this world as a clone, grow up as a clone and live and die in the same army as millions who've gone before me; outside of the whole issue of we all look and pretty much act the same. I don't know a different world so I must be happy right?" San Wan asked. "But you know Ranakah; I've never seen so much despair. The tears of this army could literally drown the planets they defend. A great deal has been done to alleviate the melancholy problem in the ranks, but still; the Allegiance knows no other population where the suicide rate is so high."
There was a long silence as I stood staring at the floor trying to make some sense for myself as to what they were talking about. Oh yeah, I understood every word they said. I understood it all too well. How do you not despair when most everyone around you questions if you even have a soul? I sighed as I suddenly heard a little squeak. I looked up only to realize San Wan and Ranakah had discovered I was standing there all this time.
"Amornam?" San Wan asked. "Are you OK?"
"Yeah." I nodded rather meekly. "You're right though." I told San Wan. "You can miss something you don't have. I know I sometimes wonder about stuff." I confessed. "But more so; I'm a little worried about Katook. He's acting kind of weird." I told them as I adjusted my fluffy towel.
"Yeah we noticed." San Wan concurred as I let out a long sigh. "Yeah, says he wants to get laid; except not by Sentury." I stated rather point blankly. San Wan and Ranakah started to laugh.
"Well that's good to hear. Provided Sentury feels the same way." Ranakah chuckled. I just sort of looked at him with a bit of confusion.
"Don't worry about my brother here!" San Wan made a face as he shooed Ranakah's comment away. "We'll make sure both Katook and Sentury are OK." He reassured me as he reached up and patted my face. "Are you done?" He gestured at the tub.
"Oh?" I suddenly realized I'd left it on. "I'll go fix that." I said as I hurried away. I heard the door click closed behind me as I shut the jets off and started to drain the tub. When I looked up in the direction of the door I saw something was there that I'd hadn't noticed before; a mirror.
I stood for a long time looking at the mirror before I crept back over to it. I just stood for a couple of minutes with the towel dangling from my hand sort of wondering if I was really ugly or not? That seemed like a rather stupid question as I waited there struggling with another question.
How could I make a fair judgement when my assessment is so clouded by the millions of faces staring back at me. If I didn't deem Katook or Japah or Sentury or anyone else to be particularly ugly; why would I think differently of myself? I don't know; maybe it's not the reflection I see that makes the question so hard to answer, as much as the millions of mirrors all around me? I suppose none of us are bad looking, but if there weren't so many of us; would we'd be better looking? I let out a little laugh.
I suppose it doesn't matter though, because that's not reality. I guess I just wish I knew whether or not I was really loved? I mean it's easy for a bunch of us who are all basically the same to care about each other. After all, that's drilled into us from the time we come out of the incubation chambers. Is clone love real love though? I wondered; or is that something different?
I let out one last sigh before I put on clean underclothes and a fresh jumper. I took my armor down stairs for a good rinse and scrub down before it was time to climb back into it again. Sentury, Japah and Katook were just finishing up when I got down there. They were talking about something I wasn't paying too much attention too when Katook apologized to Sentury for adhering himself to him.
"That's OK." Sentury said after a pause and a shrug. "I kinda liked it." He giggled as he glanced around at all of us to make sure we were OK with it. We all just looked back at him and smirked, even though I wasn't too sure that Sentury didn't really mean it.
"It's alright." Japah taunted as he slid over, put an arm around Sentury and gave him a patronizing pat on the shoulder. "It's soooo... hard to be a clone." He started to laugh as we all just shook our heads, gave him a thumbs down and started to boo.
"Yeah, you're right." I declared as I slid over next to Japah with the same patronizing pat on the shoulder. Katook just shook his head.
"No wonder we're so lonely." He commented. We all laughed again.
"Hey, I got a question for you guys?" I posed as I got up to shake out my vest.
"Huh?" Everyone paused a minute in half attendance.
"This may sound weird." I said. "But do you guys think we're ugly?"
They all started to snicker.
"Not really." Sentury finally answered. "We suffer more from being too common than being too ugly."
"Yeah, I guess that's the conclusion I also came too." I sort of reluctantly agreed.
"Well good." Katook jumped in with a goofy grin. "If we're not ugly, does that mean we now got a better chance of getting laid?"
"How 'bout smacked upside the head?" I said as I reached over and gave Katook a good whack.
"Hey?" He protested as he slapped me back and than just stood looking thoughtfully at me. "Don't you ever really wonder though?" He asked.
"Wonder about what?" I waved his question away. "Not like it's ever going to happen."
"Well why not?" Katook contested. "It's not like we absolutely can't!"
"Katook, who's army you in?" Japah inquired as we all started laughing.
"No seriously!" Katook insisted. "If we weren't so full of... chemicals and receptor blockers - do you think we'd actually work?" He entailed as his query hung in the air a few minutes.
"See!" Katook continued after another few moments. "You do wonder what it would actually feel like; don't you?" He chided us.
"Don't know; never thought seriously about." Japah answered. "Seeing how it's not a reality any of us are ever truthfully going to see! So why worry about it?"
"Yeah." I agreed as I gestured toward Japah. "Think I'm with him on that one."
"Well Katook!" Sentury pipped in. "I can appreciate where you're coming from and yeah; I'd like to find out some day too. I'll be honest with you though; there's two ways of knowing and I don't want to stumble upon it the wrong way!" Sentury continued. "You ever watch these guys running around, panting like dogs looking to sniff out every... "tree" they pass? It's nasty!" Sentury shook his head. "So yeah, cut my gonads off and send me to war; it's gotta be better than licking the ass of the pup in front of me!" We all paused a minute and looked at him.
"Sentury man, you certainly have a way with words don't you?" Japah cringed and then let out a chuckle.
"Yeah, that was a little more picturesque than I required." I threw in my two cents.
"Well!" Sentury tossed his hands in the air. "It's true aint it?" He said as he walked past me. "Look here you dear, sweet, cute young clone you!" He cooed as he put an arm around Katook and squeezed his face while Japah and I started to giggle. "You go find someone who's going to love you first; than worry about the rest of it! OK?" He said as he pulled Katook close and planted a big goofy sloppy kiss on him.
"Alright, alright, alright!" Katook flapped his hands as he shoved Sentury away.
"Uhh! Don't do that - ya creep me out!" Katook shivered as he frantically wiped Sentury's affection off the side of his face, while the rest of us just put our heads down and giggled in our own torment.
Yeah, so I guess Japah is right. I shook my head in my own unwillingness to admit thus. It is hard to be a clone.