Thanks to all for reading, and for the reviews! Sorry I haven't been able to respond to them all, it's been another one of those weeks of work work work work work :( Each and every one of them is appreciated though! Let me now what you think of this chapter :)
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Chapter 18: The Changes Inside
Jack sat down on the back steps and pulled his pack of cigarettes out of his jacket pocket. He could have gone up to his room to smoke, but he didn't want to feel closed in at the moment. Hell, in less than twelve hours his fate was going to be decided by a Judge and the District Attorney. No Mercer stood any kind of a chance standing in front of a judge. He knew his ass was going right back to jail, no matter what anyone might say and he wanted the fresh air more than the smoke at that moment. He dug a wrinkled cigarette out of the nearly empty pack and stuck it into his mouth, but he didn't reach for his lighter. He needed to make what few cigarettes he had left last through the night. It would be stupid to go buy another pack of smokes tonight, when they would just be taken from him the next morning when he was booked back into jail. He was that sure of what was coming.
Bobby's words just as short time before, telling him that he knew people and places and he would make sure he didn't go to jail echoed inside his head while he measured the options set before him. He was going to end up doing time for killing a man when there wasn't any proof that he had indeed taken a life. He couldn't let Bobby risk anything by helping him run from this, he was going to have a hard enough time getting Craig back as it was. If he was busted trying to help Jack hide from the cops there would be no way of getting Craig back and he would be forever lost in the system, thinking that his brothers hadn't tried hard enough to find him. He understood Craig's fear, and he couldn't let him suffer through that, he was his big brother. He was learning to think like a big brother, and he was starting to see the motivation that had driven Bobby, Jerry and Angel during his own struggles.
There weren't many options for Jack to choose from for himself, besides running from the cops or facing life in prison. Of course there was always the possibility that the charges could be dropped. They were trumped up for the most part. Sure, he had shot Adam Macks, the same sick son of a bitch who had twisted his already emotionally scarred mind into a crumble of broken dreams and fears that he'd held crammed inside until that one night when he'd brutally attacked him; the same warped asshole who had made Craig's child hood nothing more than a lifeless existence that drove him deep inside his own mind; the same deranged mind that planted explosives in Jeremiah's warehouse in his attempts to destroy the lives of each and every person who loved the son he could never love. Adam Macks had raged war on the Mercer family at a time when they were already suffering from a tragic loss and his intentions were nothing short of killing them all, including the son he had abused and tried to kill as a small child. He had shot that scum while he'd held a gun in Bobby's face and he would do it again, even knowing the hell that would follow. He wasn't proud of aiming a gun at another human being and pulling the trigger, he really wasn't, but he had stopped thinking of Macks as a human being and remembered the monster he had been.
Jack knew that his only other option, the only other chance he had was to have faith that the judge would believe Green and Johnson's statements as to what happened on New Year's morning in the cemetery to be true and accurate. Macks was a sick fucker who deserved to die, but there was no proof the bullet Jack sunk into him had actually killed him. The body of Adam Macks had, after all, been torn to pieces when the car ran over him. If this Judge Ames could see that Harris was piecing together bogus charges to get his hands on Craig, then maybe they all had a chance to right what was wrong. Maybe they had a chance to really work on being a family again; that was all any of them wanted.
Jack hadn't been able to figure out what Harris thought he could accomplish by throwing him into jail and snatching Craig away to hide him in some kind of fucked up social services network where kids seemed to fall between the cracks. Harris was after something specific, and though Bobby thought he was after the Mercer men, Jack had a nagging feeling Harris thought there was something Craig could give him. He hadn't tried to share his theory with anyone yet; his mind was still trying to figure out what it was that felt so out of place in all of this mess, and until he could tell his brothers the reason for his worries he would just sound like the same old Cracker Jack they didn't feel had any sense about him. He wasn't stupid, he just wasn't street smart the way they were. Hell, he was learning though.
Harris had left without overseeing him being booked or questioning him much beyond what he'd said in the car. His focus had been Craig. The FBI agent was using Adam Macks' death to try to squeeze something out of the kid, not any of his brothers, and the more Jack's mind dissected the facts the more angry he felt deep in his gut. It was anger unlike anything he'd ever experience. He'd felt anger and fear most of his life, but the responsibility of being an older brother never really hit home until the past few weeks, when he'd finally experienced the need to be one. The idea of losing that so soon was too much for him to dwell on.
He'd always been the little brother, even after Craig came into their home. It was as if the four older Mercer brothers had been separated from Craig by the bonds they had already formed with each other, it was the natural order of things that had been established long before their mother had brought Craig home. Jack was the youngest of the four eldest and it was a way of life that hadn't changed upon Craig's arrival because the kid had latched onto Evelyn so tightly. They all cared about the kid, but he hadn't reached out to them either. Jack felt bad now, looking back, and knowing what they all knew in hindsight. The kid was terrified then, and he'd always lived a life of fear, even when he was safe. Jack wanted to be the big brother now, he wanted to be the same for Craig that Bobby, Jerry and Angel had always been for him. He had cared, of course, but he had never really felt that connection to the kid, not like he did now.
The anger of having his mother ripped from him, being shot, and having to struggle through the memories of the emotional and physical trauma that had haunted him over the years was starting to catch up to him and now to have a life in prison staring him in the face along with not knowing how to fix it just seemed too much. That was his reason for leaving Angel and Jeremiah to the task of filling Bobby in on how Craig Mercer seemed to have disappeared off the face of the earth the second he was put into a car and driven way from their home. Children's Services had no record of any of their case workers taking Craig into custody. The court system had no records of a juvenile being taken into custody or processed in as any kind of offender, something Green had suggested they check into. No one had seen or heard from Harris since he'd walked away from Jack outside of the police station and no one had any idea where Craig was.
It all added up to Harris sinking his damn claws into the kid and that thought tore into Jack's gut hard, turning his anger into acid and rising bile in his throat as his thoughts focused on that fact. He was beginning to understand the kind of shit he'd put his brothers through during the times he'd been battling his own demons. Somehow he found his feet and stood. His fingers twisted around the already fragile cigarette that he'd never lit, tearing at the paper and littering his hand with tobacco.
He let the mess fall from his hand, wiping it off on his jeans as he walked towards the garage. He felt an energy building up inside of him and wasn't sure what to do with it. He couldn't go anywhere, and he didn't want to go anywhere. He turned and looked at the house. He had expected to hear Bobby's voice, yelling about the fact that there was no news concerning Craig but so far it was quiet. As if everything behind the walls was normal. The way their luck had been going, it was starting to feel as if out of control was normal, he had to admit that, but the calm that hung just beyond the door was not.
With no warning Jack's body seemed to register the freeze in the air. His shoulders shrugged his jacket collar up around his neck with one smooth motion while his hands sunk down into his jacket pockets. The leather was normally more than enough to keep his bones warm, but there was a chill penetrating his bones despite the fire taking hold in his gut.
Jack sucked in several deep breaths and considered pulling out another cigarette. He had yet to get his smoke. The wind seemed to pick up at that moment, bringing a short burst of mist and sleet down on him. It was gone by the time he reached the door and as he turned to look back into the night his eyes slowly raised skyward to look into the black. He sighed and shook his head. "I have one night left and I can't even manage to get one smoke in." He spoke to the God his mother seemed so faithful to and wondered silently if that God would be stepping in any time soon and saving them all from the bullshit that was piling up.
The phone rang out just as Jack closed and locked the door. He pulled his jacket off and dropped it onto the back of a kitchen chair as he moved towards the phone. "I got it." He called out to let his brothers know he would answer the call. He was sure they were in deep conversation as to what they could possibly do to find Craig and take down Winston. It seemed a mountain had risen in front of them, keeping them all from the lives they had left behind the day they'd come home for their mother's funeral.
Jack sniffed at his cold nose as he answered the phone. "Hello." He kept his voice quiet.
"Is Bobby home yet?" Robert Bradford spoke from the other end of the line.
"Yeah, he just got in a little bit ago." Jack shook off the surprise he felt at hearing Robert Bradford's voice and turned to walk towards the living room by route of the foyer. "You got any news?" He asked.
"We've got Craig. We know where he is I mean. We do not have him in front of us at this very moment, but we will soon." Robert announced. "Let me speak to Bobby."
Jack stopped in his tracks at the threshold, still lingering in the kitchen as the news sunk in. "You found him?" He cried out. "Where is he? Is he okay? Have you seen him? Can we come and get him? What…." The questions fell like lead balls and he couldn't stop them.
"Jack, let me speak to Bobby, please, this is very important." Robert cut off the next question.
Apparently Jack's voice had carried through the house because he looked up to see Bobby barreling towards him out of the living room. "Who are you talking to Jack?" He asked quickly.
Jack held the phone out towards Bobby and quickly dodged his older brother who pushed his way into the kitchen as he took the phone. "Bradford, they found Craig."
Jeremiah and Angel were close behind Bobby, throwing questioning looks his way.
Jack shrugged his shoulders at them both and all three turned to look at Bobby.
"Let me talk to him." Bobby spat out his first thoughts before anything else, obviously expecting Bradford to hand the phone over to Craig. "Let me talk to him now." He turned back to face his brothers but he wasn't looking at any of them. He didn't seem to be able to focus his eyes on anyone or anything at the moment, they darted around the kitchen as he listened to Robert.
"Bobby, man what the hell is he sayin'?" Jeremiah finally took a step towards Bobby.
Bobby held a hand up as if to stop Jeremiah. "Okay. So we can meet you there. We can head that way now." He sounded determined. He listened for a moment more before shaking his head hard. "No, we are not going to wait until morning. I want my brother home and I want him home now." His voice sounded tight.
"Bobby, what's going on?" Angel asked.
"Craig is at St. Vincent's; they brought him in under a false ID. They plan on taking him out of the county and Robert seems to think I'm going to sit on my ass and let them do that." Bobby's voice rose with each word he spoke until he was yelling.
"Bobby, you know Robert wouldn't let them take Craig anywhere." Jeremiah pointed to the phone. "Give me that and let me hear what he's sayin'." His voice was quiet and calm.
Bobby handed Jeremiah the phone. "You tell the lawyer I'm on my way to St. Vincent's now, and he can meet me there or I can bust in on my own. I'll be damned if he's gonna stay there all fucking night just so he can disappear again in the morning. I don't care how bad they want to snag the sons of bitches that took him there!" He pushed his way past Jack and Angel and headed for the front hall. "Jack, give me the car keys." He grabbed his coat off of the hook and pulled it on before turning back towards Jack.
Jack stared at Bobby for a split second while his mind processed what was going on around him. Bobby was going after Craig, they knew where he was, and apparently Robert Bradford had requested they use the kid as bait to try to catch the two men who had dropped him off at St. Vincent's. He turned without really thinking about it, quickly stepped past Jerry and grabbed the jacket he had just removed a few minutes before. "I'm driving!" He called out; excitement replacing the acid that had been burning at him as he turned to the back door. He had a chance to act for a change and he wasn't going to give it up. He wasn't going to be left behind for this. He wanted to see any one try to stand in the way of them bringing Craig home. If for some reason there was a legal issue with them removing the teen from the county home then someone needed to be there to hold Bobby back when he decided to kill that particular someone; and Jack knew only Bobby's brothers had the ability to calm him down and hold him back.
Jerry had been listening to the phone but seemed impatient. He finally spoke out. "Robert, he's leaving now. Did you really think he was going to leave him there until morning? You can still get the fools that brought him in if you wait for them there, it's not like they're going to know if we've found him. No one has to know we have Craig." Jeremiah cried out over the phone, his eyes dancing from Jack who was moving almost too fast for him to keep up with, and then to Angel who was rubbing his hands together as if he'd been waiting for this, and then to Bobby who was coming back through the kitchen, the scowl set into his features like stone. "Look, I need to get off of here. We're leaving now." Jeremiah hung up the phone quickly and tossed the handset on the counter. "Angel, you need a coat." He snapped and tried to catch up to Bobby. "Hold on, man, you don't need to be running off half cocked."
"I call shotgun." Angel moved to follow Jack out the door.
"You'd better get a coat." Bobby repeated Jerry's warning to Angle. "The piece of shit car ain't got much of heater." He reminded while he turned to Jack. "I'm driving. Give me the keys." He held his hand out towards Jack. "I plan on getting there in decent time. You drive like a little princess afraid of breaking a nail."
Jack somehow felt relief when he looked at Bobby's face. He could see a spark in his eyes that had seemed to die out earlier that day. It hadn't been there just twenty short minutes earlier as he had been sharing the news of Jessup Winston's miraculous survival of the warehouse explosion, but it was there now, dancing about just behind his angry glare.
Jack felt a smile play at the corner of his mouth as he realized this is the Bobby he was used to and not the carbon copy that had been moving among them all afternoon. His mind was lost in that thought for a short time while it seemed Jerry and Angel both were moving around in a furry. "You hate driving that car." He reminded as he pulled his mind back to the matter at hand and snatched the keys from his pants pocket. "It's my car, I'm driving."
Angel returned with his coat in his arms. "It ain't anyone's car, it's a loner, and I'm riding shotgun." He pushed his way past Bobby and Jack to move out the door.
Jack gave Bobby a questioning look, part of his brain wondered where Jerry disappeared to, another part of him wondered how Angel had managed to get his coat so damn fast while at the same time he was trying to dare Bobby to argue with him. He sure as hell was not planning on taking another wild ride with his brother behind the wheel; he'd had enough of those for a while. "I'll break the fucking speed record, but I'm driving." He smiled and walked out the door. "You and Jerry can sit in the back." He called over his shoulders as he trotted towards the car, his long legs covering the distance with long enough strides that Bobby would have to run to catch him. Angel was squeezing his tall frame into the front passenger's seat and trying to tug his coat on at the same time.
"I ain't riding in the back seat!" Bobby yelled out as he slammed the back door closed behind him, following Jack quickly, but having trouble keeping up with the younger man's long legs.
The sound of a motor revving sang out through the mist that seemed to roll in and out around them. "Bobby, get in the fucking car." Jeremiah's voice called out as he pulled his car up along the curb next to the house.
Jack was about to climb in behind the wheel of the Gremlin when Jeremiah pulled up. He looked at Bobby and shook his head. "Go with Jerry, we'll beat you there." He challenged, not sure why he felt the need to turn the drive they were about to face into a race, a challenge so to speak. Hell, it must have been all of that pent up energy that he'd been battling since he'd been walked out of the jail cell.
Bobby flashed him one of his smiles, but it looked tense. "You're on." He turned and ran towards Jeremiah's car, his feet slipping a few times on the frosty coating left from the mist. "Move over Jerry, I'm driving." He called out as he reached the driver's door, pulled it open and tried to push Jerry across the center console into the other side of the car.
Jack could hear Jerry's voice rising over Bobby's, "Hell no, you done fucked up enough cars for one year Bobby, I'm driving! I can't afford to let you behind the wheel of my car!"
"Fuck you Jerry, all of that shit happened last year!" Bobby was going to have a fight on his hands with this one.
Jack got into the AMC Gremlin that he had developed a soft heart for and started the engine quickly, well as quickly as the old engine would turn over. It took a couple of practiced twists of the keys and a play on the gas pedal to get it to fire up. He looked through the windshield at Bobby still trying to push Jeremiah across the seat, their voices melding together as one in the icy mist.
It wasn't until Jack shoved the transmission into gear and pulled out of the drive that he realized Angel was in the process of trying to exit the car. He managed to reach over and grab his brother, pulling him back into the car. He was thankful to hear the door slam shut as Angel returned to his seat. "Come on Angel, you don't want to leave me all alone, do you?" He felt his chest aching to laugh at the look on Angels face. "Trust me, big brother; I can drive better than you think." He wasn't sure why he felt so hyped up all of a sudden, except that he deserved one last night of real living before he faced a life of being locked behind bars. One last chance to truly act as a real part of his brothers and not just stand back and watch them make a difference. Jack's mind had already made the decision without him really knowing it. He realized that until now he really hadn't tried to think like his brothers, he'd always relied on their thinking. Everything had changed the second he'd aimed a gun at Macks and pulled the trigger; he could no longer sit back and watch his brothers, he had to take some action of his own. He was going to make sure his brothers had Craig safe and sound before he worried about himself and jail; it gave him something to concentrate on and work for. Trying to beat Bobby to St. Vincent's gave his mind one small thing to work towards; once they were there getting Craig out was going to be the next. After that, he would just have to wait and see. He planned on it being a long night.
"It ain't you that I'm worried about, it's this car!" Angel cried out just as the engine let out a frightening shrill screech under the stress of switching gears and grabbed for a seat belt, but didn't seem to be able to find one. "Shit!" He yelled out as Jack hit the gas and pointed the car in the right direction.