Jack stood catching his breath before knocking rapidly on Ianto's door. He knew he could have grabbed his keys from the Hub but he had been in far too much of a hurry to think of such things at the time. Instead he hoped that Ianto would have gone straight home and that he'd be willing to open the door.

He didn't hear any movement from inside and sighed, knocking again. If Ianto didn't want to talk to him Jack was positive his knocking would be a lost cause. He could stand there all afternoon and bloody his knuckles and it would do him no good.

"Ianto, please open the door," he said, loud enough to be heard inside but soft enough so his voice wouldn't carry. "We need to talk about this." There was no reply. "Please?"

He stood there for a few more moments before sliding down to sit with his back against the wall. Ianto just wasn't ready, he reasoned. He'd run out of the Hub like death itself was after him, and Jack felt nothing but guilt. Lisa should have been one of the first things they'd talked about when Ianto showed an interest in knowing about his past. He should never have kept that from him. He'd figured it wouldn't do Ianto any good to know about it at that point, had assumed he'd remember in his own time anyway. But now that he hadn't and had found out in the worst way possible, all Jack's good intentions meant nothing. Ianto was going to see him as the same monster his past self had assumed he was at that time.

"I'll sit out here all night if I have to."

Jack was thankful for the fact that Ianto's flat was inside a building, instead of the front door being open to the elements. As it was Jack was soaked through to the bone, and he shivered without the heavy weight of his coat.

"Kind of chilly out here," he called through the door. "I'd kill for one of your coffees." He cringed, cursing himself for his choice of words. Smooth, Harkness. Real smooth.

He sat there for over an hour, stretching every once in a while so that he could get his circulation moving, and talking even though he never received a reply. It was going to be a long night.

He'd somehow managed to fall into a light doze when the sound of a key in a lock brought him slowly back to awareness. He was just registering the sound when the door beside him started to close again. He slammed his hand out, palm toward the door, and stood up quickly.

"Ianto, wait."

"Go 'way, sir," Ianto told him, pushing the door toward him.

It didn't take much effort to open it again, and Jack realized that Ianto had walked away from the door and was heading into the lounge from the hallway. He closed the door and followed the Welshman, taking the time to remove his shoes – why anger the man further? – and reached the room just as the Welshman was coming back out of the kitchen.

"Can we please talk?"

"Nuthin' to say," Ianto replied, lifting a bottle of beer to his lips and taking a long swallow. He flopped onto the couch and stared straight ahead at the dark television.

Jack's eyebrows rose. "Ianto, you're drunk."

Ianto met him eyebrow for eyebrow. "So?"

"So, if you've been out drinking then do you think it's a good idea to drink more?"

"'re not my mam," the Welshman replied, taking another swig of his drink as if to emphasize his point.

Jack took a deep breath. He sat down next to Ianto and watched as the other man scooted as far to the other side as possible. "Ianto, I came here to talk to you, but I'm not sure you're in any state to hold a conversation with me."

"Don' wanna talk to you anyway."

"We need to discuss this."

"You killed 'er."

"Yes, I did."

"Nuthin' more to talk 'bout."

"There was more to it than what you saw." Ianto wasn't looking at him. "Ianto." No reply. "IANTO!"

The Welshman turned to him with bleary eyes. "Go 'way!"

"I can't."

"Yesh you can!"

Jack ran a hand over his face. "What you saw was me getting rid of a threat in the Hub."

Ianto's eyes widened. "She was my girlfrn'!"

"No, Ianto, she wasn't."

"I SAW HER!"

"I know. God…" He took a calming breath. "Ianto, you've already forgiven me for what happened that day. We got past it."

Ianto rolled his eyes. It was somehow comforting to know he could still do that while drunk. "I woul' never, ever fo'give that."

"You did. The woman you saw in that video was taken over by an alien race called the Cybermen. They tried to convert her." He hoped to hell he wouldn't have to explain all of Canary Wharf to him. "You thought you could save her but you couldn't. It was too late."

"No!"

"Yes, Ianto."

"Get out."

Jack growled. "Ianto, damn it!"

"Get OUT!" Ianto was standing now, the hand holding his beer pointing back toward the hallway as he wobbled unsteadily on his feet. "Now."

Jack realized he wasn't going to get anywhere with Ianto in this condition. "Okay," he agreed, getting to his feet and holding his hands up. "Okay. But I'm going to be back."

"Why?"

"Because this isn't over, Ianto."

"Is for me," he said almost sadly, sitting back down. "I quit."

"What do you mean you quit. Torchwood, or us?"

"Both."

"You don't mean that. It's the alcohol speaking."

"No."

"I won't accept that."

"No choice," Ianto murmured, barely loud enough for Jack to hear. "Won' work with a monster. Won' sleep with a monster."

Jack hung his head, hurt even though he knew Ianto wasn't in full control of what he was saying. "I'm not a monster, Ianto."

The Welshman looked up at him, tears pooling in his eyes. "I loved you."

Jack's heart clenched. Past tense. "You still can."

"Can't."

Jack came to stand in front of Ianto and then slowly sank down to his knees so that they would be eye level. Ianto avoided his eyes, however, looking toward the window. Jack gently took his chin in his hand, turning the man's gaze forward again.

"Yes," he said firmly, "you can. I don't want to lose you, Ianto. I can't lose you."

Ianto's watery gaze held his for a few moments before he broke down into sobs. "'m so confused!"

Jack swallowed hard and removed the beer from Ianto's grasp, placing it on the table. He reached for Ianto's hands, tugging him down onto the floor. The Welshman crumpled into a heap on top of him and Jack felt backward onto his arse, bringing the other man with him. He held him there in his lap as Ianto cried, burying his face in Ianto's neck and letting his own tears slip down his cheeks.

"We'll make it through this, Ianto. I'll help you."

A choked sob escaped and then the Welshman's arms slipped around his waist. "I jus' wanna 'member what happened."

"I know."

"I can' 'member."

"Give it time, Ianto," he whispered, holding the man close. "Just give it time."

"I fo'gave you?"

"Yes, you did. We forgave each other. I forgave you for betraying my trust, and you forgave me for treating you so badly."

"An' you loved me anyway?"

Jack felt a physical pain in his chest. "Y-yes."

Ianto pulled back and his mouth fell messily against Jack's. Jack gripped Ianto's shoulders and tried to pry him away, but the Welshman was too eager to be easily stopped.

"Want you," Ianto told him, roughly pulling at his clothes.

"W-wait, Ianto," Jack said, trying to keep Ianto from ripping all the buttons on his shirt. He had to pull his mouth away from Ianto's once more. "Hold on. Not like this."

"Please," Ianto begged, kissing his neck, his jaw, his chin. "Please show me you loved me. Need you."

Jack fought the arousal slamming through him. As much as his body and mind wanted Ianto – and it was an ache that never really went away – he knew he couldn't let Ianto do this. Not when he'd been drinking so much and was completely emotionally unstable.

"Okay, okay, Ianto," he said, managing to put some space between them. "It's okay."

"Don' go!"

It was quite a turnaround from a few minutes before. "I'm not going anywhere. Come on," he said, sliding out from underneath the other man and pulling him to his feet with him.

"I di'n't mean it," Ianto cried, clinging to him and staring at him with sad eyes. "'re not a monster."

Jack couldn't help the small smile that tugged at his lips. "I'm glad you no longer think so."

Jack lifted one of the Welshman's arms over his shoulders and wrapped his own around Ianto's waist. It was slow going but eventually they made their way down the hallway. They were almost to the bedroom, where Jack fully intended on letting the Welshman sleep off the alcohol, when Ianto lurched forward and was sick.

Jack held him steady until he was done and then moved him into the bathroom, supporting him while he was sick again into the toilet. When he appeared to be finished Jack closed the lid and sat him down, flushing the toilet before wetting a flannel and gently wiping Ianto's face.

"'m sorry," Ianto mumbled, leaning into Jack again as he lifted him to his feet once more and led him into the bedroom.

"No reason to be sorry," Jack said softly, removing Ianto's suit jacket and draping it over the foot of the bed. He lay Ianto down, removing nothing more but his shoes before tugging the covers up and over the top of him.

"Made a mess."

"Just a bit of one," Jack told him, smiling softly. "I'll clean it up."

"No," Ianto said, grasping at Jack's hand, "us."

Jack sighed. "You didn't make a mess of us, Ianto."

"I quit us."

Jack brushed a hand over Ianto's forehead, leaning down and pressing a kiss to his cheek. He could feel the heat of the alcohol under his skin. "I didn't let you, remember?"

Ianto seemed to accept that. Jack got to his feet and Ianto tugged his hand again. "Don' go. Stay?"

"I'm not going anywhere, Ianto," he replied, smiling down at him. "I'm just going to get you some aspirin and water."

After making sure he drank at least half of the water, Jack set the glass down on the night table next to the two aspirin he'd give Ianto in the morning. He waited until Ianto drifted off to sleep before he got up and retrieved Ianto's mobile from his jacket. He'd left his own at the Hub.

Heading out of the room Jack took a few minutes to clean up the sick in the hallway before washing his hands in the kitchen. He then put the unopened beers in the fridge, dumped out the one Ianto had been drinking, and settled back onto the couch with Ianto's phone. He dialed Owen's number.

"Ianto? You alright, mate?" Owen asked.

"No, it's me, Jack."

"Oh. Is Ianto okay?"

"Well, apart from apparently getting pissed at a pub and then buying himself another six pack of beer, yeah, he's great."

"Where is he now? And where are you? The girls are worried."

Leave it to Owen not to confess he was worried as well. "I'm here with Ianto. I'm letting him sleep it off."

"I can be there in ten minutes."

"That won't be necessary, Owen," Jack told him.

"If he drank too much he could get alcohol poisoning, Jack. I'll need to look him over."

"He was sick before I settled him down to sleep. He'll be alright. And I'm here to keep an eye on him."

There was a silence on the other end of the phone and for a minute Jack thought Owen had disconnected the call. "Did you give him any water? We don't want him getting dehydrated."

"Of course I did."

"Alright then," Owen said, and Jack smirked at the man's begrudging tone. "But you better tell me if anything changes."

"I will," he promised. "Don't stay too late, and tell the girls to call me on Ianto's mobile if they need to reach me. I'm not sure if I'll be in tomorrow or not."

"Cheers, mate," Owen said, and then the phone clicked in his ear.

Jack set the phone down and then leaned back into the couch, closing his eyes. He hoped he'd convinced Ianto to give him another chance. It was hard to say how he'd react once he was sober again. But either way, as Jack had told him, he wasn't going anywhere. He'd be right here waiting for him, no matter how long it might take.

He didn't have any other choice. He loved him too much to give up now.

Tbc…