Story rating: T. For language.

Blanket Disclaimer: I do not claim any rights to InuYasha or the characters associated with the anime/manga. Those rights belong to Rumiko Takahashi. I do, however, offer my thanks to her for creating such vivid character's for me to terrorize.

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Chapter 17. Self Destruct Button

~KAG POV~

I chewed at the end of my finger, trying to get a hangnail off my thumb. My leg was tapping nervously on my bed sheet as I stared at my phone. I sighed and groaned for about the hundredth time in the last hour. I brought my phone up to my face and flicked it open. I dialed speed dial number three and let my thumb hover over the send button. Suddenly out of impulse, I clicked it. Four rings went by until someone picked up.

"Hello?"

I jumped nervously. "Hello? Sa-sango?"

"Oh hey Kagome. Whats up?"

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "How long will it take you to get over to my house with a box of chocolate ice cream?"

"Is something wrong?" She asked.

I swallowed. "I could go run over a box of newborn puppies and this would still be worse."

"Is this nine-one-one worthy?"

I nodded, though I knew she couldn't see me. "This is definitely nine-one-one worthy. Get over here."

"On my way." She said with determination. Then, the line went dead. I flipped my phone closed and flopped down on my bed and closed my eyes. I took a deep breath and pictured that I was running through a green field with rolling hills an bright, blue sky's.

How could this have happened? How could I not have seen it? Was I seriously that blind and ignorant? I glanced over at the scroll and groaned. I must've been so wrapped up in myself and my life that I didn't see the obvious facts that were staring me in the face. Oh to be InuYasha and not know!

The doorbell suddenly rang and I jumped out of my bed like I was on fire. I ran down the hallway and up the stairs to the front door. I flung it open and saw a wide eyed Sango staring back at me clutching a delicious looking box of rocky road ice-cream.

I sighed pathetically and hugged her, letting the ice-cream press into my chest. I didn't care. I really didn't care about anything else besides talking to someone and talking to someone. Now.

Sango wheezed. "Kagome…can't…breeeaaathe. Need…AIIIRRRR." She gasped and I let go of her torso and smiled apologetically at her.

"Sorry." I mouthed. She rubbed my arm and walked past me into the house.

She set her stripped blue bag down on the counter and turned around to look at me. "Ok. So whats going on? Your really staring to scare me."

I walked overt to the counter and grabbed a spoon and dug into the chocolaty goodness. "Sango..." I tried to just blurt it out so it would be out in the open but my thoughts just would come out of my mouth. Instead I dug into the ice-cream.

She suddenly gasped and fluttered a hand to her chest. "Oh Kagome…are you…. pregnant? Please tell me your not."

I spit chocolate ice cream everywhere and started to laugh. "NO! of course not! Im still a…a..." I blushed.

Sango put her hands on her hips. "A virgin." She said bluntly.

My face started to burn up. "Ye-yea…that." I looked down at the bowl of chocolate ice-cream and pushed the frozen food around with my spoon.

"Ok so," she walked over to the where I was standing and grabbed the ice-cream from my hands and held it over for her head so I couldn't reach for it. "What's the problem? Why are you freaking out? Whats going on girl?" She gave me a stern look and raised an eyebrow.

I sighed as I realized she wouldn't let it go. I would have to tell her.

I stood up. "Come on." I said as I started to walk toward my room. Once we were in my room and I had locked the door, took the ice-cream from her and forced her to sit down on the edge of my bed.

I started to pace the length of my bed while fidgeting with my hands. "Ok, so a few days ago I asked gramps if he could find me a few scrolls on demons so I could find out more about them. I mean I know the basic idea about what they are, but I don't really know what it means you know? Like what is like to be a demon int today's society. Gramps searched through our attic and found a few. But the scrolls were only documented on full blooded demons. In my reading I read that demons mate when they go through their first heat cycle, which can last for years, until they find their mate."

Sango laid down on my bed and rested her chin on her hands. "God. So what? Are demons horny like all the time?"

I shook my head. "No not really. See, they have animalistic instincts due to how they used to live. Take the feudal era for instance. The demons would mark their intended mate and then have sexual intercourse with them until they became pregnant. The males would also do this so their mates would have their smell emitting off them so other demons in heat would know to back off or be killed."

She shook her head. "Ok can you just tell me whats going on? Im becoming really confused."

I sighed and stopped pacing and stared at her with all seriousness. "I think that Im InuYasha's mate."

That got her attention. Her eyes grew wide and her mouth dropped open. "Wait…WHAT!?" She shrieked.

I nodded - happy that I finally got her attention - and started pacing again. I swallowed a huge lump in my throat and continued. "Well see I only told you that I read a full blooded demons profile right?"

She nodded slowly, following what I was saying. "Right…"

"Well then I got curious. I started to wonder what the differences were between full-demons and half-demons. So I asked gramps to find me another scroll on half-demons. When I came home today from school," I walked over to my dresser and grabbed the scroll, "this was waiting for me." I handed it to her and she un-rolled it and read it over. When her eyes got to the spot that freaked me out, her eyes became the size of tennis balls.

Seeing as how she couldn't talk at the moment because her mouth was opening and closing like a fish, I talked for her. "When I read it over, I found out that half-demons aren't much different then full-demons. They have super strength and and can run fast and teleport and have other demonic traits. But when I read that their inner demons speak to them more, that caught my attention. InuYasha once told me I calmed his inner demon. It says here, " I pointed to the scroll, "that only the half-demons mate can do that."

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "So that started to freak me out a little. But I thought maybe it wasn't true or a mix up. Then I really started to think about. You yourself told me InuYasha started acting different when I moved. That he was more happy and less doom and gloom. He was acting more happy and silly around me and even you and Miroku. So that got me thinking. Was I really his mate? Was that just a term or did he love me?

I never told you this, but on sunday I was joking around with and told him that I hoped I could marry Koga. That turned out to be a big mistake because it triggered InuYasha's inner demon to react. As he started to turn into a full demon, he grabbed onto me as his claws dug into my shoulders."

I rolled up the sleeves of my tee shirt so she could see the purplish marks that were begining to turn yellow.

"I was wondering where you got those. Well what happened?" She asked eagerly.

I pulled my sleeves back down. "Well I kept begging him to stop. He was scaring me. I hated to see him that way. I never ever want to see him so angry ever again. So thats also why I didn't tell him about Naraku kissing me today. So anyway, as soon as I started to cry, he changed back into just a half demon. But ever since then we've been pretty good together. We've had flirtatious moments but nothing to serious. "

Sango shook her head. "Damn. I thought he liked you but love you?"

I nodded and sat down numbly. "I know. Im freaking out. What should I do?"

Sango slid over to me on the bed and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. "Well…do you love him back?" I jumped at her question. Did I love him? I liked him as a friend but love him?

"I don't know," I shook my head sadly. "I really have no idea whats going on anymore. Besides, InYuasha might not love me. He could just want to mate with me." I rolled my eyes.

"No. Kagome. You don't see the way he looks at you when your not looking. You don't see the sublet little things he says to you. Theres something there."

I looked at her. "Really? You really think so?"

She nodded. "Yupp. I do. I really honestly do."

I sighed and crawled over to my pillows and snuggled up against them. 'What the hell am I going to do now?'

Sango had stayed over at my house for the night. We talked about the gossip that was happening at school - Sango's way of calming me down and getting my mind off you know who.

In the morning we woke up and got dressed and headed out for school. Once we got into the front door sango was ambushed by a vary perverted Miroku. She slapped him on the cheek and stomped away. He naturally ran after her. I smiled and shook my head the two and began to walk for the computer room. Suddenly a hand slipped into mine, making me jump.

"Hey baby." Koga mumbled and smiled a vary wolfish smile.

I smiled back. I was actually very happy to see him. I really had missed him and I told him. "Hi. I missed you. When did you get back?"

He sighed. "We ran all night long to get home and get to school on time. Im currently on no sleep. Not that I really need it though." He puffed out his chest and rolled my eyes at cockiness. "The elders pushed us hard this weekend but it payed off. So how were you? Im sorry I wasn't here to take care of you."

I shook my head as we continued up the long stairway. "Im fine. And don't worry about me so much. Your way to kind and caring."

"Yea you asshole wolf. You really are to fucking kind. Why don't you just go and jump off a cliff or something?" InuYasha suddenly sniggered, catching up to us in the stairwell.

But for some reason, what InuYasha had said had triggered something inside me to snap like a pathetic twig. It made me mad. I was completely fed up with everything that was going on around me. I was angry that I didn't understand. I was angry that I felt like I couldn't control anything in my life anymore. I felt like everyone else was playing a huge chess game and I was simply a pawn. It was infuriating.

I spun around and glared, causing InuYasha to take a flinching step backward. I let out all of my anger and confusion out on the one person that meant most to me. I didn't mean to. Really I didn't.

"InuYasha don't you have anywhere else to be? I mean really? Do you need to constantly be around me and texting me? Why don't you go on and bug the hell out of your skanky whore and fuck her over instead? I mean I know you like her better anyway. Your really starting to fucking piss me off. I hate you!" I yelled.

My words tasted like venom as they came off my tongue. And it seemed as though my venom was poisonous because InuYasha flinched away from me. His ears lowered on his head and he stared at me.

"Ka-Kagome?" He asked as he took a step back.

Koga laughed a humorless laugh. "Yea InuYasha leave my girlfriend alone before I make you." Koga held up a fist and cracked his knuckles- implying that I was now off limits.

InuYasha growled and Koga threw his arm over my shoulder and continued to walk me up the stairs and to the computer room. I glanced over my shoulder and Koga's arm at InuYasha as we walked up the stairs. We left him standing staring after us numbly on the stairs as other students and demons passed him. His face grew more and more dark and angry the further we walked away from him.

I know I was being a bitch. Like full on bitchy. I knew what I was acting like but it just seemed like I couldn't stop. I was acting completely selfish and mean to InuYasha and after all he really didn't do anything but I just couldn't handle him right now. I wanted to tell Koga about how Naraku kissed me because I felt like I needed to. After all he was my boyfriend, but I was scared of how he would react. I had to be cautious of everything I ever said.

Koga walked me into the computer room and I sat down numbly in my seat. After Koga had been assigned his seat across the room, my hands began to tremble and shake. "What did I just do?" I whispered sadly to myself.

InuYasha didn't show up for first period. Or second and third. In broadcasting Naraku was being so friendly and kind to me and it was making me want to barf up kept to herself and worked on her and Inuyasha's paper alone. She glared at me when I had entered the room and made me feel like shit.

And when we were working together, Naraku kept putting is hands around my back and helping my hands with the camera. I didn't like the way he pressed his chest up against my back. He was way to warm. He was actually hot, like he had a fever or something. I thought it was completely strange so asked him if he felt sick or something. When he told me he felt completely fine, something inside me told me he was lying.

After broadcasting ended I was irritated at anything and everything. I needed to see InuYasha. I ditched lunch-seeing as how I wasn't even close to being hungry-and walked down the hallways instead.

'Where could he be?' I though to myself. I finally gave up on looking in the school and walked out the front door and stared out at the scenery. A puff of smoke caught my eyes and I turned and saw InuYasha leaning up against the brink wall of the school, finishing a marlboro. He was staring at nothing in particular and was deep in thought. He brought the cigarette up to his lips and took another drag. I walked over to him slowly as he continued to stared out as if he didn't see me at all.

"InuYasha I…I." I sighed when I realized that I didn't even know what to say. "InuYasha…I don't know what to say." I mumbled after what felt like centuries.

His golden smothered eyes snapped onto my face and he pointed his cigaret hand toward the school. "Yea? Well it didn't seem like you didn't know what to fucking say in there!" He yelled. I flinched and backed away from him slightly. He brought his hand up to his head and ran a hand over his hair, being cautious that he didn't nick his ears with his claws.

"I mean what the fucking hell Kagome? What happened in there? Why all of sudden are you so keen on that motherfucking, cocksucking, dicklicking, assfingering, shitbiting, pissdrinking, cummunching, ASSHOLE?" He roared, finally letting out all of his pent up anger.

I let out a huge breath and stared at the ground. He brought the cigaret up to his lips and exhaled and started to fidget like a caged lion would If you had them locked up to long.

"Im sorry." I whispered to the ground.

He stared at me then took a puff of his marlboro and got into my face so our noses were almost touching. He stared at me for a long, hard second before he his cigaret smoke into my face. "Tell it to some other poor loser." He growled. His eyes glared at me and I felt the tears welling up in my own, but I pushed them away. He then chucked his cigaret to the cement and snuffed it out with the heel of his boot. He marched over over and climbed on the back of his bike and roared out of the parking lot, never giving me a second glance.

Realizing that I was now all alone, I walked home. Its fifteen minuets from the school by car so it took about thirty minuets on foot. I stared at the pale white cement and the cracks in it as I walked. Something caught my attention that made me stop and stare. Some ants were building a very impressive looking anthill and I watched as the worked to gather tiny grains of tan sand and pile and stack it up to make it into a mini mountain. They worked so hard to climb up to the top of their little hill and back down to go and retrieve more sand.

I suddenly became vary angry at the stupid tiny ants and squashed the anthill and some poor unfortunate ants with the ball of my foot. I stared at the smushed up sand and ants and I huffed away.

My mind was blank and white as I walked home. I didn't even notice I was home until I had walked through the front door. I felt numb. Cold. Dead really. I had not emotion. No nothing. I set my schoolbag down on the floor and stared up at the house and then I frowned. I missed my old friends. I missed Hojo and the girls. I missed my old life and my old future. I missed everything I could have had if I had only stayed and not moved way from my old house and old town. I wished I had never become the new girl in town.

And that did it. That thought alone triggered all the emotions I had felt since I moved. My emotions came out in the form of salty tears. I brought my hands up to my face as I tried to wipe them away, but the tears moved faster them my hands could.

I cried and cried for what seemed like hours. I stood in the main entry of the house bawling into my hands. I cried over what a snake I had become, I cried over the poor little ants I killed and murdered. And I cried over InuYasha. I started sobbing as my body slumped and then finally collapsed on the floor. I pressed my face into the carpet and cried some more. I let out a painful wailing sob and I slammed my fists down on the ground as I realized InuYasha probably never wanted to speak to me ever again.

And I was right.

I never spoke to him again after that.

A/N: Alright I know some of you will be either really confused or mad at this chapter. But whatever its my story and I'm evil so your just gounna have to deal with it now aren't you? MUAHAHAHAHHA!

Also I know this chapter was short but I needed to get this out there and then next chapter I've already started (wink wink) I didn't want to have this in there so here is a small portion. I cant say I'm not exactly happy with this chapter but its as good as its going to get soooo... TA-DA?'

Thank you for reviewing my lovelies. You all keep me going through the rough times I have with this story. You push me to be a better writer. Thank you all.

Updated: [3/6/13]