Greasy Sae needs to shave

*In case you don't remember, Chaff is one of Haymitch's best friends and was one of the tributes in the 75th Hunger Games*

Maya Normousbutt sighed heavily as she returned home from shopping. She didn't mean to spend so much money – all she wanted was a pink body spray, 3 contact lenses, 6 pairs of shoes, 27 dresses and a hairband. But instead, she bought a pink body spray, 3 contact lenses, 6 pairs of shoes, 27 dresses, a hairband and a doughnut!

Tsk tsk. Next time she wouldn't surrender to her unstoppable, outrageous needs.

She shouldn't have bought that stupid doughnut.

Maya Normousbutt sat down in front of the computer. She ran a hand through her green hair and huffed loudly.

This day was the worst day of her life. Why, oh why did Scott Buttreeks have to see her eating that stupid doughnut?

The stupid man that she loathed yet secretly fantasized about smirked smugly when he saw her eating the fattening treat.

"My my, Maya Normousbutt, if your name didn't already fit the way you look, it will now."

Ugh. Stupid Scott Buttreeks.

Stupid, extremely hot Scott Buttreeks.

humph.

After Maya Normousbutt's encounter with Scott Buttreeks, she ran to the bathroom and cried.

A lot.

Stupid doughnut and stupid Scott Buttreeks.

Maya Normousbutt logged into Facebook and saw that Haymitch Abernathy was online. He was most of the time offline, so when he was online, she always checked his Wall. He was entertaining.

Haymitch Abernathy Profile Page

Name: Can't remember.

Age: Have no idea.

Home: Somewhere in North America.

Current location: In a dumpster.

Interested in: Drinking and sleeping.

In a relationship: Keep my options open.

Maya Normousbutt checked Haymitch's Wall and saw that Effie Trinket posted a comment there, on January 24 at 18:09PM:

'Keep your options open? For what? It's not like someone will want to be with a guy who's constantly drunk like yourself.'

Two minutes later, Haymitch sent a response.

'Ah, Effie. Always know how to make a guy suffer.'

'That's what women are best at.' Wrote Chaff, Haymitch's best and only friend.

Maya Normousbutt frowned at the computer screen. Stupid Chaff.

Then she saw that Haymitch Abernathy, Gale Hawthorne and Cato The Sexy Buffalo all liked Chaff's comment.

Okay. Stupid Haymitch, stupid Gale and stupid Cato.

Men are stupid.

You hear that, Scott Buttreeks?

MEN. ARE. STUPID.

'How can you even write on the computer, Chaff? You only have one arm.' Effie Trinket wrote.

'One letter at a time, babe. One letter at a time.' Chaff sent in response.

Three minutes later, Katniss Everdeen posted a comment.

'I bet you were drunk when you wrote your profile, Haymitch.'

'You know me so well.' Was Haymitch's reply.

'Oh please, I bet he's drunk right now.' Effie wrote.

'*Giggle* *Hiccup* Banana!' Was Haymitch's well written response to that.

Snort.

'Told you.' Effie wrote.

Cato The Sexy Buffalo then posted a comment.

'What are you doing in a dumpster?'

'I'm baking a cake.' Haymitch wrote.

Maya Normousbutt raised her eyebrows.

'?' Was Cato The Sexy Buffalo's short reply.

'Yeah, this sentence doesn't have the same effect without the sarcastic tone.' Haymitch sent in response.

'But there aren't any dumpsters in District Twelve.' Gale wrote.

'So how come I'm lying in a place filled with garbage?' Haymitch wrote challengingly.

'Ahh, Haymitch? That's your garden.' Katniss wrote.

It took Haymitch a few minutes to write a response.

'*looks around* Oh. Right. Hey, I can see you staring at me through your window! *Waving enthusiastically*'

Katniss's next comment was received a minute later.

'Yeah… That's Peeta.'

Gale Hawthorne, Cato The Sexy Buffalo, Chaff and Effie Trinket all liked this comment. Maya Normousbutt smirked. Oh, Peeta…

'Oh. He really needs to cut his hair. It's starting to get confusing.' Haymitch sent in response.

Gale Hawthorne and Cato The Sexy Buffalo liked this.

'You should really stop drinking.' Effie wrote her opinion.

'And you should really stop wearing those hideous clothes of yours. You look like a circus freak on drugs.' Haymitch replied sweetly.

Katniss Everdeen, Gale Hawthorne, Chaff and Cato The Sexy Buffalo liked Haymitch's comment. Maya Normousbutt, however, did not. Effie Trinket had a GREAT sense of style.

And, once again, Maya Normousbutt thought of how stupid Haymitch was.

Stupid Haymitch.

'See how bad he treats me! I don't understand why people think it's a good idea to pair us up in fanfiction.' Effie Trinket complained.

'At least people write about you! I don't even think people know who I am *sob sob*' Chaff commented.

It took Effie a full minute to send a response to the sobbing Chaff that was full of comfort and understanding.

'There there.'

Haymitch then sent a message.

'Why is this monkey walking towards me?'

Katniss answered him after a few long seconds.

'That's Greasy Sae.'

Two minutes later, Haymitch Abernathy sent a reply.

'Oh. She really needs to shave.'

'You know, now I'm curious. I want to know what Greasy Sae looks like!' Cato The Sexy Buffalo wrote.

'No, you don't. Believe me.' Gale sent in response.

'Gale! That's really not nice of you!' Katniss wrote, sounding annoyed with Gale.

'I'm just bad like that. *wink wink*' Gale wrote.

'*blink blink*' Katniss sent in response.

'Ejfoajf … afhoaifa … laihfah … Harry Potter! … ' Haymitch Abernathy wrote drunkenly.

And Maya Normousbutt just looked at the conversation with neon green eyebrows raised.

She didn't understand what just happened in those last three lines.

Okay, so in the last chapter there was this woman, called 'An Angry Capitol Woman', and a few of you asked me who she was and if she was Maya Normousbutt.

Well, the answer is, no. She wasn't Maya Normousbutt. She's just a random girl from the Capitol who's in love with Finnick.

Hope you all have a lovely day, and please, REVIEW!