Katy Perry kissed Peeta, and he liked it!

Maya Normousbutt woke up early – okay, not really that early, it was 12 pm, but it seemed early to her – by a loud noise outside.

She rolled from her bed, put her pink fluffy robe on, and walked impatiently to the window next to her bed, her hair disheveled and her eyes still half closed.

She poked her head out the window and screamed, "SHUT UP!"

To her great horror, she saw that the one who was harassing her beauty sleep was no other than Bobby Bob, her huge, horrifying, Son of a Gorilla neighbor.

He looked at her with his stupid eyes, then started to growl.

Maya Normousbutt was suddenly really scared for her life.

She cleared her throat. "I mean, shut up is what I would've said if the noise of your… chainsaw… annoyed me, but it didn't, so… yeah, you just… continue sawing whatever you are working on, and please don't kill me."

Maya Normousbutt immediately closed the window, then rushed downstairs to lock her front door and back door and the four other doors that were between the front door and the back door, incase Bobby Bob would try to come in and kill her with his chainsaw.

After she was done with that task, she moved to her computer, because really, after being so close to death you need to spend some time on your computer. That's the cure to everything.

She already felt a little bit better when she logged into Facebook.

She felt even better when she saw that there was a new comment on Peeta Mellark's Wall.

She checked his profile quickly, reading every new thing he wrote about himself.

Peeta Mellark profile page

Name: Peeta Mellark. Remember, it's P-E-E-T-A. PEETA!

Age: Sixteen. But still have the heart of a three year old :)

Home: District twelve, in a bakery.

Current location: In the woods, stalking Katniss. No! I mean… chasing after watermelons.

Interested in: Baking and painting and Katniss and Katniss singing and Katniss changing her clothes and Katniss hunting... There's nothing better than Katniss after a nice hunt; she's dripping sweat, and her hair is all messed up, and she has that delicious frown on her face… God, she's so HOT! XD

In a relationship: Married to Katniss Everdeen :) I even have the kids to prove it!

What a stalker.

The new comment on his Wall, which was sent by Katniss Everdeen, was received just a few seconds ago, on March 27th at 12:09PM.

'I hate you.'

Peeta Mellark replied quickly.

'AND I LOAF YOU! *heart*'

Maya Normousbutt smiled at the computer screen. Aw, Peeta was sometimes just so adorable!

Katniss Everdeen apparently didn't think so.

'Seriously, just stop stalking me, stop looking at me, stop telling people we have kids. Stop annoying me!'

Peeta Mellark was quick to reply.

'But Katniss loaf, I saw them! Our kids! I talked to them, we laughed together! They look just like us, only… not.'

Katniss Everdeen was losing her patience.

'Are you hallucinating or something?'

Peeta Mellark replied to Katniss's comment.

'NO! I'm telling you, I saw them!'

Haymitch Abernathy then joined the conversation.

'Yeah, I saw them too…'

Peeta Mellark sent the next comment.

'You see? Even Haymitch saw them!'

Katniss Everdeen still wasn't convinced.

'Yeah, this doesn't count.'

Peeta Mellark replied quickly.

'What? Why not?'

Katniss Everdeen replied simply.

'Because he's drunk.'

Peeta Mellark wrote to her a quick comment.

'Maybe he's not? Maybe he's completely sober?'

Haymitch Abernathy sent the next comment.

'DOBBY, BE FREE! *throwing a sock at a munchkin*'

Peeta Mellark took his time to reply this time.

'…they're real.'

Katniss Everdeen sent him a reply.

'Sure they are.'

It didn't sound like she was convinced.

Peeta Mellark apparently thought the same thing that Maya Normousbutt was thinking.

'I'm not kidding. They're real, they exist!'

Beetee then joined the conversation.

'Well, there's one way and one way only to be certain.'

Katniss Everdeen sent the next comment.

'What do you mean, one way and one way only? What about the fact that Peeta and I never had sex, ever? And what about me never being pregnant?'

Beetee ignored her.

'Shush, Katniss. Now, as I was saying, the way to know for certain is to do a DNA test on the kids. Now, where are they?'

Peeta Mellark replied quickly.

'In my backyard, making flourmen out of flour.'

Katniss Everdeen replied to his comment.

'Flourmen?'

Peeta Mellark sent the next comment.

'Well, it's not like I have a snow supply in my family's bakery!'

Johanna Mason then joined the conversation.

'Your conversations make me sad. You're so pathetic.'

Maya Normousbutt snorted loudly, again thankful that she didn't live with anyone.

Who needed a man when you had a computer, ah?

. . .

Okay, she had to find a man, and ASAP. She was becoming pathetic.

Katniss Everdeen replied to Johanna Mason's comment, and not too kindly.

'Shut it Johanna. No one asked for your opinion.'

Peeta Mellark Liked this.

Haymitch Abernathy then wrote another extremely weird comment.

'*running after the scared munchkin* DOBBY, STOP RUNNING AWAY FROM ME! I'M YOUR SAVIOR! I HAVE A SOCK WITH ME! DOBBY!'

They all decided to ignore him.

'You tell her Katniss!' Peeta wrote, rooting for Katniss in her "fight" against Johanna.

Wiress then joined the conversation.

'…tick…tock…tick…tock…'

Johanna Mason replied impatiently.

'Yeah, yeah, we know. The arena is a clock, blah-blah-blah.'

Wiress sent the next comment.

'What are you talking about, missy? I was only singing the brilliant "Tick Tock" song by the brilliant Ke$ha! I'm a huge fan :D'

Peeta Mellark joined Wiress and Johanna's conversation excitedly.

'OMG, I LOAF KE$HA! But let's not forget Katy Perry! You know she actually wrote one of her songs about me?'

Wiress replied quickly.

'Really? Which one? Firework?'

Peeta Mellark sent a one-word reply.

'Nope.'

Wiress sent another comment.

'Last Friday Night?'

Peeta Mellark sent another one-word comment.

'No.'

Wiress didn't give up.

'The one that got away?'

Peeta Mellark was still sending one-word comments.

'…no.'

Wiress sent yet another comment.

'I kissed a girl?'

Peeta Mellark replied excitedly.

'BINGO! XD'

Johanna Mason sent the next comment.

'Katniss… I think your husband is gay.'

Katniss Everdeen now sent a one-word comment.

'*facepalm*'

Beetee then returned to the conversation.

'I got the results in my hand! They're right here!'

Peeta Mellark, who was already excited, got even more excited by that news.

'YAY! Tell us, TELL US!'

Beetee sent the next comment.

'Those kids are definitely yours.'

Peeta Mellark was excited.

'YES!'

Katniss Everdeen wasn't.

'WHAT! THIS CANNOT BE, I'VE NEVER HAD ANY CHILDREN! THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG, YOU'VE MADE A MISTAKE!'

Beetee didn't take her comment well.

'*growl* I. Did. Not. Make. A. Mistake.'

Katniss and Peeta's kids then joined the conversation.

'MOMMY! DADDY!'

Katniss Everdeen sent the last, not wonderfully wonderful at all, comment.

'*beep*beep*beep*beep*beep*beep*beep*beep*beep*beep*beep*'

Maya Normousbutt shook her head at the screen, Katniss really had to learn how to speak next to her kids, then jumped in her place as she heard the loud knocks on her front door.

Bobby Bob.

Well, she thought to herself as she got to her feet and ran to her bedroom as fast as she could, time to curl up in her bed under her blankets and pray that the half-gorilla half-man Bobby Bob would think she wasn't home.

Oh, Maya :)

A word of advice- if you see a man who looks like a Gorilla and who's sawing things with his chainsaw, don't yell at him to shut up.

So, seems like there are some Gale/Katniss fans out there after all! Seriously, didn't expect so many people to like them, it seems like they have no fans, so I was excited.

Hope you enjoyed the chapter! I really love writing Peeta's comments. He's one of my favorite characters to write about in my parody fics :)

Have a lovely day :)