Finnick the Raging Pig

Maya Normousbutt's butt didn't look good today.

Which was pretty ironic, if you think about it.

Seriously, it just looked extremely big in every single Jeans she tried to put on. Nothing fitted her.

And wasn't that extremely frustrating, Maya Normousbutt thought to herself as she tearfully changed back to her usual sweatpants, feeling upset.

She walked out of the tiny changing room in the best store ever, 'The Stylish Clown', and tried to avoid the eyes of the seller, who rushed to where she was, raising an eyebrow.

"Well? How did they look on you?" The woman asked, gesturing at the 37 Jeans that Maya Normousbutt tried to put on her and were still in the changing room.

Maya Normousbutt looked at her apologetically. "Well, you see, I just remembered that I'm allergic to Jeans, so…" She walked quickly out of the store before the woman could say something humiliating like, "I knew you should've tried a bigger side, you're definitely not just Large!"

My God, shopping, as fun as it was, was sometimes just so embarrassing!

When Maya Normousbutt got home, she immediately ate some chocolate, to help her feel a bit better, then ate two doughnuts, because man, she was hungry after shopping all day.

She sat down in front of her computer as she was starting to eat her third doughnut and checked to see if anyone has posted anything on each other's walls. And, sure enough, Annie Cresta had a new comment on her Wall.

Annie Cresta's Profile Page

Name: Annie.

Age: 23.

Home: District Four.

Current location: At the beach…

Interested in: Lying on the sand, listening to the waves crashing on the shore, feeling peaceful.

In a relationship: Married to Finnick Odair… pregnant… it's a boy. I wanted a girl.

Maya Normousbutt scrolled down to read the new comment on Annie Cresta's Wall, and saw that this comment was from Annie herself, and was received on November 30 at 18:02PM.

'I'm a dog.'

Maya Normousbutt blinked at that.

'Pardon me?' Annie's delicious husband Finnick Odair sent in response, apparently just as lost as Maya Normousbutt was.

'I'm a dog.' Annie sent again, as if its meaning was obvious.

Finnick Odair sent another response to that.

'I'm sorry, love, I don't understand. Is there something you want to tell me by that?'

Annie Cresta was growing impatient.

'I'm a dog!'

'Yeah you are! 'sup, dawg? *wink wink*' President Snow The Sexy Rooster sent to her smoothly.

Johanna Mason then joined the conversation to deliver a very important message to President Snow.

'Shut it, Rooster.'

Finnick Odair, Katniss Everdeen, Haymitch Abernathy, Peeta Mellark and Gale Hawthorne liked this comment.

Gale Hawthorne then sent the next comment.

'Seriously, Annie. What do you mean, you're a dog?'

Annie Cresta decided to finally explain.

'There's this website that tells you which animal you were in your past life… turns out I used to be a dog in my past life.'

Beetee, the strong believer that he was, sent the next comment.

'There's no way it's true, Annie, dear. I've seen this website before. There's no way it can tell you what you were in your past life by simply knowing your full name.'

Finnick Odair sent a quick reply to that.

'Oh, come on Beetee, have a little more faith. If Annie believes it's true, then I believe it too.'

'Aww, that's so sweet Finni-' Primrose Everdeen started to write, but was magically stopped by Finnick Odair's very urgent comment.

'WAIT, I USED TO BE A PIG?!'

Finnick Odair, The Sex God of Panem and Beyond, was a pig in his past life?

Weird.

…but not totally unexpected.

Peeta Mellark was there for Finnick to support him in his tough time.

'Hey, I'm a pig too! High five! :D'

Johanna Mason sent the next comment.

'I always told you you're a pig, Finnick. Finally, there's a proof for that.'

Gale Hawthorne sent a quick reply.

'Oh, shut up Johanna. According to this website, you were a cow.'

SNORT!

It took Johanna Mason a few long minutes to think of a reply to that.

'. . .

Someone should close this website.'

Finnick Odair sent a quick reply.

'I agree with Johanna. A pig, really… what a bunch of crap. A pig! Me? A pig? That's ridiculous.'

Katniss Everdeen was the next one to comment.

'Here's Finnick the raging pig, you'll stand in his way and he'll… stay big!'

Another snort came from a very supportive Maya Normousbutt.

No one commented for a few long minutes, and then dear Annie Cresta sent a reply to Katniss's weird comment.

'…what?'

Katniss Everdeen replied quickly.

'It's just a little song I made up.'

Finnick Odair sent an honest reply.

'Your songs suck.'

Johanna Mason, Peeta Mellark, President Snow The Sexy Rooster, Beetee and Haymitch Abernathy liked this.

Peeta Mellark sent the next comment.

'Katniss, I think we've already established that you're not the best in writing songs. I mean, the raging pig? You should've written something more… clever, like… the dancing elephant.'

Foxface joined the conversation.

'Or the jumping giraffe.'

President Snow The Sexy Rooster decided to share his idea with everyone.

'Or the running horse!'

Foxface sent President Snow The Sexy Rooster a reply.

'...no, no, that's… that's not good.'

President Snow The Sexy Rooster:

'Why not?' President Snow The Sexy Rooster wrote.

Foxface decided to explain to him what was wrong with his lame clever-animal-doing-a-stupid-task.

'You need to give the animal a task that it can't do. To make it more amusing, you know? That if you imagine it in your head, it looks so dumb it's actually funny. Like, giraffes can't jump, elephants can't dance, pigs… can't rage. You know, stuff like that.'

President Snow The Sexy Rooster sent the next comment after a few seconds.

'…alright, give me a second to think about that...'

Out of boredom, Maya Normousbutt decided to check that animal website too, to feel a part of this discovering-who-we-were-before-we-were-born group. She filled the blanks with her first name and last name and waited until the results were in.

And, of course, the picture that was shown on the screen was the one of an elephant.

How great.

Checking to see if anyone wrote anything new on Annie's Wall, Maya Normousbutt saw that Haymitch Abernathy wrote something, which was obviously very important.

'…I love beer…'

Katniss Everdeen replied to that.

'I don't care.'

Haymitch Abernathy continued.

'…especially apple beer…'

'I don't care.' Was Katniss's reply.

Haymitch Abernathy wasn't finished yet.

'…made from real apples…'

Katniss Everdeen sent another sweet comment.

'Stop talking about your stupid beer, Haymitch, no one cares!'

'…beer…' Haymitch wrote dreamily.

'Humph.' Was Katniss's reply to that.

Beetee decided to enlighten them all in that moment.

'You know, Haymitch, that since apples are actually the ripened ovary of the plant, when you drink apple beer you actually drink ovaries?'

Oh my.

Johanna Mason, Finnick Odair, Katniss Everdeen, President Snow The Sexy Rooster, Foxface, Gale Hawthorne and Peeta Mellark liked Beetee's comment.

Haymitch Abernathy obviously didn't like his comment.

'o.O'

Gale Hawthorne sent the next comment.

'How nice! So, does drinking ovaries help you connect with your feminine side, Haymitch?'

Haymitch Abernathy replied after a minute or so.

'*burps* Oh yeah. I feel just like a woman.'

'The puking horse!' President Snow The Sexy Rooster sent suddenly.

Annie Cresta replied to that when no one else did.

'…what?'

President Snow The Sexy Rooster explained in excitement.

'That's the thing horses can't do! They're like rats, they can't puke! If you stick something into their throats, they won't be able to throw up and then they'll choke on it and die! It's amusing!'

…wow.

Again, no one replied to that for a few long minutes, and then Finnick decided to break the ice.

'. . .

Annie, block the Rooster. NOW.'

So.

I suck.

I suck big time.

It's hard to write when you're so damn tired, you know?

But I'm sorry for taking so long. I'm also sorry that this chapter is not funny or long. It's hard to write parody when you're sick, and I was so miserable when I wrote it and my throat hurt so bad and, well, it sucks.

Sorry.

But anyway, let's talk about this animal thingy – I checked a lot of the characters' past-life-animal on this website, (since we don't know some of the characters' last names I allowed myself to make up last names for them), and now I'm going to write here which animal those characters were in their past life.

Katniss Everdeen – Bear. I can actually picture her as a bear in past life. I don't know, it fits her character, I guess.

Gale Hawthorne – Lion. Basically, someone who sleeps all day and lets the female hunt while he's… well, sleeping. Doesn't fit Gale's character AT ALL.

Peeta Mellark – Pig. I'm not even going to laugh at him for being a pig, because, well, turns out I used to be a pig too. So we, the pigs, must stick together!

Effie Trinket – Horse.

Haymitch Abernathy – Dog. I can imagine Haymitch as a fat, old and sad-looking dog, but I think that he would've been better as a chimpanzee. But that's just my opinion.

Johanna Mason – Cow. Oh, Johanna… :)

Cato – Sheep. That's… pretty hilarious, actually.

President Snow – Dog. Because he's an awesome dawg, yo!

Annie Cresta – Dog. She should've been a cat or a fish in my opinion.

Finnick Odair – Pig. Just like me :)

Clove – Hyena. Well. The creepiest animal on this planet. I hate hyenas more than I hate bugs, and that says something.

Marvel – Cat. Should've been a rat though.

Beetee – Pig. So many pigs. We're like a big, disgusting family :)

Thresh – Mouse. So not Thresh.

Prim – Elephant. Yep, that's right – our dear Primrose Everdeen used to be an elephant. This website really doesn't make any sense.

And, ironically, Buttercup used to be a dog.

I think this AN is longer than the actual chapter, so I'm going to stop now. Please review (we're pretty close to 2,000 reviews!), have a lovely day (I really do mean that :D), and I'm going to go to bed now, 'couse my head is spinning and I'm so freaking cold. I hate being sick. Ugh.