Something that's been in my head since 3x22. Assumes that Toby is alive and Spencer joins the 'A-team' by the end of the season.
She held up the black hoodie against her front and inspected her reflection in the full length mirror. It was so ordinary. Completely innocent. Just a hoodie, and yet it symbolized so much more. It stood for a nameless adversary, lurking in the shadows, watching her every move. An enemy who used every secret shared between her friends to make their lives hell. A team that had stalked, injured, and even killed the people they loved. A team that she was now a part of.
As she was sliding her arms into the soft material the unmistakable shiver of being watched raced up her spine. Without even looking up she knew exactly who was standing behind her. It could only be him. Toby. Straightening up she met his gaze in the mirror, neither saying a word. Truthfully, it was still a bit of a shock to see him alive. She had broken so completely after finding 'his' body that it seemed all of her energy had been drained. It was this emotional state that led to the offer of membership being extended yet again from Mona, which ended up with her standing in the lair of the enemy, donning the uniform. And it had led to the revelation that her once love was alive. But at this point, she had gone numb. If she was being honest, she wasn't sure if she should feel relieved or indifferent. She was still angry- so angry- but if she admitted to feeling even the smallest spark of hope, then they would be gaining the upper hand again. And Spencer swore they would never hold so much power over her head again.
They stared each other down in the mirror for a moment, both gazes cold and unrelenting, such a far cry from what they once were. Spencer broke away and fiddled with the zipper, yanking it up harshly. She met Toby's eyes again, daring him to say something about the current situation. Did he feel guilty at all? For successfully tearing her down and dragging her to the dark side?
"Spencer…" he started in a cold monotone. Exactly like that night in her kitchen that started all of this. She raised her eyebrows in response.
"Why didn't you tell me? About 'A' threatening you again after Mona got sent to Radley?"
Spencer's laughed incredulously, but it was hollow, and no light reached her eyes.
"I'm sorry I deprived you of the chance to silently gloat" she sneered. Could she have imagined it, or did he flinch slightly?
"I knew what she – " he closed his eyes and took a breath. "I knew what we were doing, but I thought you would have told me when it started again. Why didn't you?" Spencer balked at his question. He was genuinely curious. He wanted to know why she kept it a secret after it had all come out.
"I wanted to keep it a secret because I thought that if I told you, you would try to be a hero." She couldn't even muster the energy to snarl at him like she wanted to. "I thought you would get hurt trying to protect me. I thought I was keeping you safe." She lifted her chin defiantly. "Irony's a bitch, isn't it?"
It was this thought that had stung most of all. When she had finally managed to accept the truth about the boy she loved, this had been the hardest pill to swallow, the one thing that had made her feel, for the first time in her life, so incredibly stupid. She had been so intent on keeping the one pure thing in her life safe from the darkness, when it turns out, he was part of it.
Toby didn't respond to her admission. The two avoided each other's gazes now, unsure of how to go on. The tension was disrupted by the simultaneous chirp of their phones.
We're moving out soon.
A quick glance up at Toby confirmed that he had received the same marching orders. His eyes narrowed as he took in her appearance. Spencer schooled her expression into one of neutrality, and hoped she looked calm and composed enough to fool him as she prepared to play double-agent. Her friends didn't know, they never would've let her throw herself into the lion's den and there was too much of a risk of the rest of them finding out, she still didn't know who all the 'members' were. There was no one she could trust in this. And now Spencer had to inflict the same torture she had endured onto the people she loved most while trying to piece together the jigsaw puzzle that was Alison DiLaurentis' last few months alive.
"Are you ready for this Spencer?" Toby asked slowly.
"Yes. Absolutely." But her words rang false. She was never very good at lying to Toby. The realization hit her like a ton of bricks. He knows. She held his gaze again and there was an unspoken confirmation there. He knew exactly what she was doing. She panicked for a second, wondering what he would do, but just as quickly, she pushed the thought away. If he wanted to betray her (again), he would've done it, and she would've already faced the consequences. 'So if he's going to let me play them, what's his angle?' She didn't voice this question but he gave an answer anyway.
"I know what it's like, Spencer. I know what's it's like to be a part of this and be…conflicted." Spencer's eyebrows shot up, was he admitting that he actually loved her? That the entire thing wasn't a charade?
"They underestimate your loyalty to your friends, to the people you care about. They think you're the most like Alison, but Ali played people like puppets. You would do anything to keep them safe. I know what it's like. I can – "
Turning around to face him, she cut him off sharply. "You can what, Toby? You can help me? You actually think I would let you help me?!" She's fuming now, and should really lower her voice in case their teammates arrive but his audacity is infuriating.
"I know it's hard to believe. But I know how they think. They want so badly to believe they've won. That they've completely worn you down. But I know you better than any of them could ever hope to." His words hit her like a truck and she clenched her hand to keep from slapping him. The worst part of it was that he was completely right. Toby saw her at her worst throughout it all, he knew how obsessive she was. How she would never stop until she got answers, no matter how far she had to go.
And what was worse – she still wanted to believe him. Wanted so badly to let him help her, work with him to take down 'A' once and for all. But standing in that lair, wearing that hoodie, there was no getting over how perverse the situation was. No matter what they did, they would never be that epic couple she once thought they were. They'll never be the story of star-crossed lovers who beat the odds. The boy from the wrong side of the tracks, and the All-American princess against the world, defying anybody who tried to tear them apart. The thought made her want to curl up on her bed and start sobbing again. They could work together, she could even forgive him, but they would never be able to go back to way things were. That was over and done. They weren't those people anymore; Spencer's new 'membership' had pushed her past the point of no return. But this was what was necessary. And so she straightened, took a step towards him and looked him in the eye.
"Listen carefully. Whatever guilt you feel, that's on you. I am not ready to trust you again, and I may never be ready. We are not Bonnie and Clyde and this is not some tragic romance. Not anymore."
The effect of her words was immediate. He stepped back and nodded silently, and she wasn't entirely sure what that meant. 'Fine, I won't help you, or, I understand but you can't stop me?'
"I hope you two lovebirds are ready to go." Mona's sickeningly sweet voice came from the door of the apartment, her footsteps coming closer to the room they were in until she stood in the doorway.
"There you two are. Spencer, I hope you're ready for your first assignment?" She smirked, reveling in the fall of her enemy. Spencer fixed her face into an emotionless mask.
"I'm ready" she assured. Mona's smirk grew and she flounced away. Toby kept his eyes on Spencer but she was gathering her materials for the night. Brushing past him, she followed Mona out the door, glancing back for a second. His eyes had lost their cold glare, and for a moment she drank in the sight of the old Toby, looking absolutely lost. And she realized that maybe there was more to this story, and if there was, then maybe she wasn't alone in this after all.
Thoughts?Love it, hate it? I'll probably leave this as a one-shot unless it turns out to be canon-compliant. Leave a review and here's hoping that Toby really is alive!