Dear Diary,

Well, it's been a whole six days since I've wrote in here. I think it's because I'm a man, and men really aren't supposed to write in diaries. But I wanted to, so I am. Anyway, yesterday the weirdest thing happened. I was walking down the sidewalk to the store so I could buy some candy when a Goomba comes up to me and asks to be stomped. I was confused, because Goombas hate being stomped. It's just like six days ago, when the ones outside were happy to be stomped. I wonder if Bowser is modifying them. Maybe I should go kick his butt. I think I will.

I'm back! It didn't go entirely as planned. I kicked him in his rear and that was fun, but he apparently had to go to the bathroom or something, and he pooped on me! The poop was burning hot, too, like his fire! Then I got really mad and stomped on his head. That knocked him out and I took the Goomba modifying machine away from him. Did I mention that there actually was a Goomba modifier? Well there is. It's weird looking.

Three days ago, I went up to Peach's castle to have tea again. The tea was really nice and sweet, not bitter at all like the kind they sell at the store. While I was there, she said something that made me choke on my tea. I asked her who her servant was, and she said, "I don't have a servant." That made me choke. I thought for sure she had a servant who did all her work for her. I mean, she is a princess. I told her that and she just said that she does all of the work herself. That's another thing for me to love her for.

Enough about Peach. Let's talk about me instead! I'm so awesome that some people call me "Gangster Mario". That's the cover of my diary, by the way. One of the many awesome pictures of me! Super Mario is cool too, when I become him, or the one form of me that I can't remember the name of, the one with a squirrel tail thing.

I never formally introduced myself, did I? Well, my name is Mario. I've gotten thousands of fan letters asking me what my last name is, but I haven't answered any of them because I'm too embarrassed. But I'll write it in here because no one's ever going to read my diary. It has a lock on it, and I have the key. My last name is…Johnson. Mario Joseph Johnson. That's my full name. Sigh…I hate it. I wish I was 100% Italian and not just half. Then maybe my last name might have been Italian instead of American.

Anyway, most people who are Italians like pasta and pizza, or something like that. I like lasagna. I'm completely different. Luigi just came into my room and told me that lasagna is pasta. I don't believe him. I'm Italian, so I should know. Luigi also just said that he's Italian too. Stop eavesdropping!

Sigh…I'm getting hungry for some lasagna now. Maybe I'll go make some in the kitchen or something. Bye for now!

-Mario-

Oh Mario...what goes on in your brain when you write this?