Eddies point of view: Chapter 8
"No I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I fell in love with you." She said strongly wiping away her tears for the final time.
I was taken back. I opened my mouth to say something but she walked away to her room before I could. I slowly leaned myself against the wall. I had been here for hours thinking. I didn't care about my feelings; I have been silent before in Palm Springs to keep her happy. She deserved more and she was perfect before she met me and she'll be perfect without me now.
That blew up the moment she sobbed those words. She just didn't have a crush on me she loved me. I was even more confused with my feelings even more now. I wanted to reach out to her as soon as she said those words. I doubled over from pain sinking onto the ground. All these different thoughts and memories came rushing into my mind giving me a headache.
My mind was telling me what I did was right but I had a strong feeling I was wrong. Sadness trembled across my body, disappointment seeped into my skin, and rage drowned my blood. I was pissed at myself for being an ass and treating her like that.
She was the one person who never demanded anything from me. Jill just wanted me to be happy with her and I failed her. I couldn't protect her from the killers who killed her and I couldn't protect her from Lee or this mean girl from school.
The worse thing was I was the one who broke her in the end. I was the one who hurt her. The one who played her around knowing we couldn't have the happy ending.
Jill told me she loved me and meant it. She also said that she was sorry she had ever loved me. She regretted me and what we had. I wouldn't blame her if she hated me or hated our relationship. I just couldn't deal with this anymore and I had no idea what to do or fix it. I needed Mason, he would have advised me what to do. He would have told me it was the right thing or if I was a stupid heartless unappreciative dick. I didn't know if I had just done the right thing anymore because I felt like a disgusting ass.
I finally picked myself off the ground. I had not cried since Mason died and I did that behind closed doors. I wasn't going to be weak because that's what it meant when I cried. If I cried I was weak, I'm a guardian and I fucked up a lot. I fucked up my life so I was going to focus and be the best I could be without any emotions. I was done feeling sorry for myself, I didn't deserve self-pity. I was not going to be pathetic anymore.
I started punching another dummy and staking it feeling it's body shake with each blow. I kept digging into its heart killing mine along with it. I continued to punch ignoring the blood flowing down my wrist and splattering onto the ground.
THE NEXT MORNING: EDDIE'S POINT OF VIEW
I went to Adrian's room to make sure he wasn't doing anything stupid. He opened the door and let me in his room. I sat down at his table.
"Where's Jill?" I asked carefully. He looked at me puzzled.
"She's at her feeding with Max this morning." He answered slowly looking at me with harsh eyes.
"What?" I asked slightly annoyed.
"Nothing sorry. It's just I forgot that you aren't her guardian anymore so you wouldn't know where she was at. Sorry I forgot you quit the job you swore and trained to do. The one that you spent your whole life on and the one that you made all those sacrifices on. The one that people like Mason sacrificed for you to have." Adrian snapped. I flinched when he mentioned Mason.
"Wow I never thought I would be lectured by a selfish drunk prick. The prick that hangs around a bunch of teenagers and sleeps around like a dirt bag. Wow telling me to grow up and not ruin my future isn't that a bit hypercritical?" I spat out. Venom and rage dripped on every word. I didn't mean to say it; he was only trying to help me. He has been trying to get his life back on track and I just tore him down.
His face contorted in pain and sadness. He then got angry.
"You have every fucking right to say those things to me because they are true. But you don't even know half the story. The story that my dad paid to burn. The one what would give my life fix? I will be damned if I see any of you, even Rose, throw away their life and future like I did. Jill's like my sister and you hurt her. You were supposed to guard her and make her happy. I am not telling you to fix it or guard her just stop hurting yourself because it's hurting her." He said with such a strong but sad tone in his voice.
"Adrian I…." I tried to say but he interrupted me.
"Fuck just let me talk for once because this is important. God damn all of you complain that you lost someone. Try losing someone and know that you disappoint them every time you breath. Every heart beat you feel like they were so much better than you even at such a young age. Like you could feel their live being drained and you couldn't do anything. You couldn't do anything but hold them as they slowly died. You don't know what's like to lose a…"He shouted shaking with fury and sadness but trailed off.
Adrian was gone and completely driven by spirit. He started mumbling and pacing rapidly.
"Is it the spirit?" I asked him. He stared into space frozen for a while. I froze cautiously. I waited tensely for a while ready to spring if everything went wrong. I prayed he didn't actually go insane. Come on Adrian you got this.
"Sorry I'm fine now. No worries." Adrian said breaking out of his trance. What the fuck! He was so dazed like everything was a blur.
"You haven't been drinking or doing drugs have you?" I asked cautiously.
"Nope. Just got carried away. Loopy Adrian day." Adrian smiled weakly but I could see the fear.
"It was more than that wasn't it?" I asked seriously. His eyes met mine seriously. He nodded violently.
"Adrian what's bothering you?" I asked concerned.
"Nothing. It's just I feel like my days are counting down. Don't bullshit me and say they aren't. I can feel it. Lissa will be fine but I'm not strong enough like Sonya or Lissa. I'm slipping away and I know it's toward the end. If I'm going to die I want it to be on my own terms. I haven't lived the best life but I have lived. I just want all of you to be better than me. So take care of Jill even if she isn't your charge. Take care of everyone." He said softly shaking.
"Adrian it won't happen. You will be fine and so will Jill. She doesn't need me." I said trying to reassure him. He shook his head sadly at me but didn't say anything else.
"So what will you do now?" He asked after a severely long pause.
"Alberta offered me a position here. Since Lissa made the law for most academies to allow defense classes for mori she decided I could help teach them. The classes are optional so I wouldn't have to deal with any mori who don't want to train." I explained.
"That would be cool but you would still see Jill." Adrian said giving me a questioning face.
"Yeah I mean she still goes to this academy but I wouldn't see her that often." I said puzzled.
"Okay. Well you have to go you wouldn't want to be late. It's new classes for all the students new trimester very hilarious. Bye thanks for coming." He laughed as he directed me out the door. I could hear his mischievous laugh as though there was only a joke that he understood.
I walked into the smaller gym where my class would be held. I looked around and took attendance. My heart froze when I saw her name.
"Jill Dragomir." I called out. That's what Adrian was laughing about. What are the fucking odds she would take this class. I remembered she was thinking about signing up for it but never committed. I forgot that when I took the position. Adrian knew this and found it funny. It was going to be torture for me.
Her Jade green eyes met mine and the world froze. She raised her hand to show she was there but she had a look of shock on her face. I snapped away from the trance and began the lesson. I had two other assistant teachers that specialized in air and water. Christian said he could fly out here if I needed someone that specialized in fire but could only do it for a while because he didn't want to leave his unborn baby and Lissa.
I started making them do basic workouts. Jill was hitting a punching bag and I moved beside her.
"You got to relax. Spread your feet a little farther apart. Relax your shoulders and don't over flex your arm at your elbow." I said. She nodded did what I said. She punched the punching bag but it was still a little weak.
"Okay swing your hips with it." I said grabbing her hips lightly guiding her into the punch. The punch was way better than the last one. Electricity poured through us from the contact. Her vanilla scent overwhelmed me and her jade eyes connected with my hazel eyes. My hands remained at her hips and I was overwhelmed. I forgot what I was doing or who I was I leaned in closer to her.
I stopped abruptly pulling my hands away. I was no longer her guardian or boyfriend and I shouldn't have touched her that way. Her face was coated in pain but she quickly regained composure biting her lip. I was staring at her cute innocent lips and I found myself getting distracted again. I shook my head violently snapping out of my daze.
"Much better just keep going." I smiled softly. She smiled back and continued the lesson.
I now understood what it felt like to be Dimitri. Having a connection with a young girl and her being a student. Every part of me wanted to grab her and fling her against the mats. I had no idea where this side of me came from. Poor Dimitri and Rose it was awful.
I am so stupid. I did this to myself. Now I would have to see her every day and teach her how to fight and watch her get sweaty. She showed no recognition that I dumped her last night. She changed a lot. The little girl was gone and the sexy young girl was in her place. It was like she could care less that I dumped her. She was in control of her own emotions and has matured.
Fuck my life. I was in a worse position than before. I was now my ex-girlfriend's teacher. I was now in love with my student.