Grasping a Chance 14: The Price Too High
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Jazz could not have been more eager to finish the work orn and curl up next to Prowl. He'd merged with Wing and Thorn, and tonight it was Prowl's turn. Prowl, the only mecha he wanted to touch his spark. The merges with the Knights had been tolerable, both of them gentle and respectful, careful of him and his spark. Wing had remembered and indulged in Jazz's love of touching and being touched, but even with such a willing and tactile partner it hadn't been the same.
He wanted Prowl's spark. Craved Prowl's touch, physical and field. And as he bounded up the steps to the Citadel and headed for Prowl's room, still with Thorn, all he could think about was that Redline had said they could finally merge again, and he would finally have it. He saw Thorn on the couch and the black Knight threw him a grin.
"In his room. He has plans for you tonight," Thorn added.
Jazz paused, looking at the dark mech, but when nothing more was offered he continued on his way, spark rising in anticipation as he hit the door. It slid open smoothly for him. It wasn't as if it locked anyway, but Jazz knew he was always welcome.
"Prowl?" He queried, taking in the darkened room. He could see Prowl's outline on the berth, watched the shadow stand and beckon him in.
"I thought we might try something a little more complex," Prowl's voice was a deep, sultry purr as he glided up to his lover and caressed Jazz's jaw up for a lingering kiss. "If you don't mind not being able to touch back for a while."
Jazz melted into the touch, the initial kiss, field sweeping out to surround the other with desire and surrender. "I trust you." Jazz answered simply as he leaned into another kiss.
"Thank you," Prowl's rumble was deep with anticipation mingled with desire. He stepped back, guiding Jazz to the berth and to his back. The kisses continued as Prowl followed him down and gently guided his wrists up, over his helm, then clicked a cuff around each. Jazz's fingers were guided down to two buttons on each cuff. "Press them both, and the cuffs open. Say no, stop or distress in your field, I'll stop," he promised. "I want this to be good for you. It's for you."
Jazz's field washed over him, warm with eager anticipation. "Where did this come from, love?" he asked, testing the strength of the cuffs before relaxing back on the berth. They were strong enough to hold through an overload, but wouldn't hold him if he was really trying.
"I wanted to do something special, different, to thank you for what you're doing for me," Prowl said quietly before kissing Jazz into a melted heap of mech. "I know how much you love being touched." He added as his hands caressed down Jazz's sides.
Jazz groaned, heat already building in his frame for Prowl to feel. "Love it when you touch me." He said, attention split between looking into Prowl's optics and savoring the slide of the other mech's hands along his side.
"Good," Prowl's purr washed over him with a flare of excitement in Prowl's field. "Wish we didn't have to share. I don't want the others. I don't like that they have to touch you or me," he rumbled as his kisses moved down to caress Jazz's jaw, then up to trail a line along Jazz's visor. "I never thought to ask, but do you have optics, or is your visor your optics?"
The sudden change in topic threw Jazz for a moment, and he laughed. "My old one aided my vision. It was added with a rebuild after I joined. This one is mostly for looks. I have optics."
"Lift it?" Prowl asked, kissing the center of the band as his hands slid up Jazz's sides, slowly exploring, fingers slipping into gradually increasing gaps in the armor to stroke cabling, wires and gears below. "I'd like to see your optics."
There was a klik's delay as Jazz found the command and the visor retracted, revealing clear, ice blue optics, blazing with passion and pleasure. "Anything for you." Jazz murmured, armor fluffing away from his frame, offering as much access as possible.
"Beautiful," Prowl actually shivered, surprised by his own response to the color he once had. His lips ghosted over the right optic, not quite touching but close enough for Jazz to feel the EM field of Prowl's face through the optic sensors. "I'll do anything for you." His lips came down to Jazz's, still a bit shaken by what was going on inside his processor. "I lived for you."
Unable to fall back on his natural method offering comfort, Jazz fell to the second, and one that he knew worked so much better for Prowl. His field reached out, wrapping the other mech in a blanket of warmth, love, and gratitude. "Thank you." He whispered. Thanks for what Prowl was doing now. Thanks for what Prowl had overcome to stay. Thanks for the things in his own programming and nature that Prowl was still fighting to make this work.
The next kiss was deeper, full of hunger and eagerness that Prowl only barely had reined in. His hands continued along Jazz's sides, caressing from arm joints all the way down past the hip joints.
"I want you happy," Prowl said seriously when the kiss finally ended, his optics locked with his lover's. "I want you safe. I want you to look forward to every orn. Know that anything I do that might take us from this safety is not my doing."
"I will." Promise and oath, locking the wish away in his processor should he ever need to recall it. Jazz arched his frame, twisting to claim Prowl's lips. "I look forward to every orn I am with you, here, where we belong."
"Yes," Prowl moaned as he broke the kiss to deliver its attention to Jazz's neck and throat. "Protect me from myself. I will protect you from the universe."
An interesting promise, one that might have been laughable coming from anyone else. Coming from Prowl, it was one that Jazz believed with his entire spark as his helm twisted to the side, offering the vulnerable cables and lines running there to his lover's attention.
"Will protect you." Jazz promised. "Want to protect you."
Prowl shuddered as a need was filled he didn't even recognize in himself until it was spoken. His field flared out, wrapping around Jazz's spark as he keened against neck cables and held his lover tightly. The trembling reaction didn't last long. It was Prowl's core nature to recover and adapt quickly. But it shattered the mech's plans for the evening with a desperate surge of need he couldn't deny.
The cuffs were undone with one hand as Prowl continued to mouth and kiss Jazz's throat. Hands returned Jazz's sides, stroking and pleasuring, but both of their attention focused on the parting of chest plates and the reach of two sparks that would no longer be patient for their frames.
"Yes." Jazz moaned, optics flaring bright before going dim as his attention shifted quickly, focusing inward as armor parted smoothly and his spark chamber shifted forward, already open as blue tendrils reached for the spark above it. They readily lost themselves in the pleasure and unity they both craved. Their frames became secondary, unimportant, only valued as the support structure that allowed the merge.
~Love you,~ Prowl whispered the words across the growing unity.
~Want you.~ Jazz answered, spark reaching out to pull the essence of Prowl deeper, closer to his core with a desire so strong it bordered on painful.
~Always.~ Prowl keened before gleefully losing himself in the unity he had craved since becoming a mech.
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Jazz shifted on the couch in the common area of Wing's quarters, waiting on the white jet to arrive. The night would end in the berthroom, but Jazz didn't want to go there any sooner than he had to.
He needed this, no matter how much he didn't want it. He needed it because he needed Prowl, and this was the only way.
That fact still didn't make it any easier.
"I'm so sorry," Wing's words actually preceded him into the room. "The meeting went far longer than planned and then I couldn't make up enough time with my duties to get here. Did you pick a vid or list to play?"
"Have a list." Jazz said, on his feet to greet the Knight before the door finished closing.
He was hoping the dancing would help, refocus him and drain off some of the energy plaguing him. Dancing wasn't entirely linked to Prowl in his processor yet, even if the memories of it he treasured most were.
"It's all right. Nothing that you can do about your duties, besides perform them." He added, reaching for the humor that was a central part of his nature. "Ready whenever you are."
Wing smiled warmly and extended his hand in offer, drawing Jazz to the center of his open floor. His field was full and warm, welcoming Jazz with the easy acceptance the Knight was graced with.
The grounder vented softly, giving into the Knight's lead as the music picked up. The beat was strong and heavy, something that Jazz could lose himself in, and not the softer, more intimate forms that suited his time with Prowl. He was grateful that Wing could keep up and that the mech did enjoy dancing. It made it so much easier to lose himself. Wing wasn't the master that Jazz was, but the Knight knew his frame and knew how to move and balance like any good dancer. His field was nice too. Warm, smooth and welcoming. Easy with acceptance and never demanding.
Much like the jet himself.
Jazz was grateful of this fact. Of the effort that Wing was putting into this. Of all that jet did. But tonight not even dancing was saving him, and when the current song came to an end it was Jazz who stopped the playlist.
Wing extended his hand, but his field was uncertain, gently questioning.
"Need this." Jazz said, taking the other's hand and trying to convince them both.
Wing nodded and drew him close, his hands skimming along Jazz's sides, trying to rouse at least physical desire as they moved towards Wing's room. "You may not desire me, but it can at least feel good."
Jazz sighed, kissing the other softly, hands skimming over slender white wings and trying to play along. "It's not you. It does feel good."
There was physical pleasure there, but in the end, no matter what he told himself, on some level it still felt like betrayal. To Prowl, and to himself, when all his spark wanted was the other grounder's.
"I know," Wing whispered as Jazz lay on the soft berth, and it was only a partial lie. "He is your one. It's wrong that you must be with others to have him."
Despite the words, Wing covered Jazz's frame with his own and kissed him again, trying his best to make the situation bearable by rousing the physical pleasure high enough.
He could feel Jazz going limp under him, frame giving into the touches and responding almost on reflex as the other mech focused inward, on his spark and what needed to be done. Hands reached up to continue tracing the Knight's wings, attempting to return what was being given.
Wing hummed in appreciation and focused his attention on Jazz's chest, on the seam that would part. He unlocked his armor and cracked it, just enough to display his readiness when Jazz was. The first hints of the glowing golden light was enough to catch Jazz's attention once more, and his chest plates parted, if somewhat slowly and reluctantly, to reveal the flaring blue spark below.
The golden spark reached out, eager and happy for the offered merge. Golden tendrils caressed Jazz's chamber, trying to entice it to open. Frame and spark shuddered together at the touch, and slowly the protective crystal spiraled open, allowing the first contact, and the last.
With a cry of distress and pain that radiated through every point of contact between them Jazz threw the other mech off and away, desperation making the act far easier than it should have been. Wing permitted it without resistance, landing easily on his pedes and standing still.
Spark chamber and armor snapped closed as the grounder turned away, curled protectively around his spark as he lay on the berth and sobbed, field a tangled mess of emotion and distress.
Cautiously Wing approached, his field preceding him full of acceptance, desire to comfort and gentle friendship that demanded nothing. No kind of arousal was in that field, only platonic care. The rejection of the other mech was gone as quickly as it had come, now that his spark no longer felt threatened. After a klik of stillness the Jazz's field finally reached back, though the grounder made no move from his current defensive posture on the berth.
With a release of tension Wing settled on the berth, his hip against Jazz's back and gently stroked his shoulder. "Will you be okay?"
"No." It hard fact to admit, but Jazz was in no shape to lie at the moment. A soft keen escaped him, one of failure and distress. He had failed Prowl. Prowl needed him, and Jazz couldn't give him what he needed. What Jazz had promised.
"It's possible that the device Redline used on you before will work," Wing said softly, knowing he was setting himself up for quite a lecture from the medic.
It took a klik for the words to sink in, but once they did the Knight had Jazz's full attention. "What device?" He demanded, a frantic hope lighting his field.
"When the bond failed, he had to shock your spark with a cycling frequency," Wing shuddered. "It disrupted your connection before. It might again."
Jazz fell back on the berth, processing that for a long time. "So this...whatever...could do what merging does? Prowl and I...I wouldn't have to merge with others. We could merge..." His thoughts were spinning, but when they finally settled it boiled down to one conclusion.
He had a chance. There was hope.
"I'm not sure, but it's worth talking to Redline, isn't it?" Wing suggested carefully.
Jazz nodded, frame finally relaxing on the berth. "As soon as he has time, tomorrow. I-I have to."
Wing continued to gently stroke Jazz's side. "Come on then. Let's drop you off at Thorn's. Even if you can't merge tonight, you can recharge together."
With a sigh Jazz leaned into the touch, then sat up on the bed. "Thank you. I'm sorry." He looked up at the other mech, finally starting to get some of his composure back. And with it was true apology for what he had just put the Knight through.
"It's all right," Wing stroked Jazz's leg, then followed the other mech to stand. "I hope Prowl comes to grips with his fears soon."
"What?" Jazz asked, helm tilted to the side as he walked with Wing from the berthroom.
Wing looked a bit surprised, then shook his helm. "It's his tac-net protection that prevented the bonding. You can bond, but he has to have the entire system shut down for it. At least that's my understanding from Thorn."
A small shudder ran through Jazz. "He won't. From what he says-" Jazz waved a hand helplessly. "His tac-net is who he thinks he is. If Redline can help me, he won't have to."
"I'll make sure Redline's expecting us after breakfast," Wing promised before they walked in silence to Thorn's quarters.
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Jazz made his way into the medical wing, walking behind Wing, both of them carefully punctual. Wing had kept his word and made sure that Redline had time to see Jazz early in the orn, after the disastrous episode the night before.
Prowl had thankfully asked no questions, simply allowing his lover to climb into the berth with him and fall into a much needed recharge. The Praxian was just happy to have him there and snuggled close, purring softly as they shut down for the night, each in their own way. It allowed Jazz to boot up more refreshed than he'd expected, curled into Prowl with Prowl wrapped around him. The morning's pleasure had been simple and over relatively quickly, though it was anything but perfunctory. Nothing Prowl took so much pleasure in could be perfunctory.
The big red and white Knight was not in a good mood when they walked in, but motioned Jazz to a berth without chastising him. Wing hung back, closer to the door. He wouldn't leave unless ordered to and even Jazz could see it in his half-defiant stance.
Redline ignored the young jet in favor of focusing on Jazz. "What do you remember of having the spark frequency modulator used on you?"
"I don't." Jazz admitted quietly. "All I remember is...hurting. And being angry." He added after a moment's consideration as he settled on the berth and forced himself to relax as best as he could. He had learned long ago that the best thing one could do with a medic, especially when one came asking for help, was be as cooperative as possible.
"The most common description I've heard is that it feels like your spark is alternately frozen solid and flying apart," Redline said seriously. "It is, at best, an agonizing experience. It will do what you want," he locked optics with the young mech. "It is not a good option, however. The pain and energy will eventually degrade your systems if it doesn't drive you insane."
"Is there another option?" Jazz asked, willing to listen to other ideas.
"The one you've just refused to continue, the one Prowl has refused to do and the one you both reject," the medic huffed. "So not until Prowl changes his mind."
"Then this is the only option." Jazz stated, settling back on the berth in acceptance.
Redline nodded and went to gather what he needed. By the time he returned, the main door slid open for Thorn and a slightly confused looking Prowl.
"Good timing," Redline glanced at them, then pointed to where Wing was standing.
Prowl's scowl deepened as he looked between Jazz, Redline and the spark frequency modulator.
It was only now that the medic met his first resistance from Jazz. "Why are they here?"
"Prowl deserves to know what is happening to you," Redline said simply and saw things connect for the Praxian.
Ignoring the medic's presence Prowl walked up to his lover and brushed Jazz's cheek. "Merging is that painful for you?"
Jazz's frame started to tremble at the touch, unable to meet Prowl's optics as his field pulled in around him. "Couldn't with Wing last night. Tried, but-, not with anyone else. Not with anyone but you."
"You weren't going to tell me," Prowl murmured, stroking Jazz's cheek. "Not until I noticed you were being damaged."
"My fault." Jazz whispered, leaning into the touch. "I need it. We need it. It would be worth it."
"How is this your fault?" Prowl's frown deepened again, though he continued to stroke Jazz's cheek. "You did everything right."
"Because I can't go through with the merging." Jazz murmured.
Prowl tipped his face up so their optics met. "Because I could not form the bond. Because I am afraid of what will allow it to form. The only failure that I can see is valuing yourself too little."
"You are worth it." Jazz insisted, calm in this knowledge as he looked up at Prowl.
"You've paid for my failures before," Prowl's harmonics shifted, drawing on command he had been given as an Autobot and sparked into as part of Praxus. "Not this time. This is too much. This will destroy you."
Jazz's world narrowed to Prowl. "Nothing is too much." It was a truth that Jazz had struggled long and hard with before he'd come to terms with it. Now though, it was just another part of him. "You cannot do the other. I can not merge with others. I can do this."
"I can," Prowl's armor tightened, quivering. His fear was clear to everyone and he was no longer trying to hide it. "Fear is not the same as impossible. Damaging yourself is not the best way to protect me."
"Then what do you wish me to do?" Jazz demanded, frustration and need flaring in his field to push against Prowl, needing answers. He had chosen his path, but the one that he had chosen for was now denying him.
Prowl gathered him close and rested their forehelms together. "Try to remember that damaging yourself will never be what I want. This treatment, once. So we can merge and settle. To give Redline and myself time to prepare for the next bonding attempt."
"Very well." Jazz agreed, nuzzling him affectionately before his attention shifted to Redline, now that he had permission.
"I'd prefer you in stasis for this," the medic said firmly, shooing Prowl away.
"Not going to argue with that." Jazz said, much more at ease now that there was hope and a plan. He was still going to address his lover and this stress Prowl was placing on himself, but both of them needed to settle before anything could really happen. "If what I remember is anything like what this is going to be, I'd appreciate it."
The medic nodded. Jazz felt himself go under, absently realizing that the medical table must be pretty advanced to do that.
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Jazz did his best not to fidget as he watched Redline physically remove several substantial pieces of Prowl's internals, cut wires and spend entirely too many joors checking the edits he'd made to Prowl's boot sequence. He hadn't wanted to see his lover mangled like this, had still tried to talk Prowl out of it after they had finally merged. The larger mech had been insistent though, his path as firmly set in his processor as Jazz's had been, and finally Jazz had given in.
He had been warned what was going to happen, what to expect in Prowl with all the changes. Anxiety still made his spark cringe in fear. This could always fail as well, despite Redline's confidence. And his personal worry that somehow this Prowl wouldn't know him or want him, and that all this effort would be for nothing. The list of what was coming out or being disabled was extensive, but really smelted down to everything above Prowl's most basic self-awareness. Everything linked into the tac-net had to be off line, and it was only with asking about this that Jazz had understood just how serious Prowl was when he said he'd been created to support the tac-net, rather than the other way around.
At last Redline seemed to relax and looked at Jazz, Wing and Thorn. "I'm bringing him on line now."
Jazz nodded in understand, frame twitching in his desire to move closer and his field reaching out for the comfort and assurance of the Knights nearby instead. They were not who his spark wanted, but they were safe and trusted, and right now any bit of comfort was good. Wing's hand found his shoulder, adding physical touch to the support.
They were all worried. The steady hum of readouts and Redline's calm lack of action were both soothing as Prowl booted up. A process that only took a couple kliks, rather than the breems it would have to initialize and load everything he normally had going on.
"Prowl?" Redline asked, still plugged into the mech.
"Yes. You are Redline." Prowl responded. His voice was flat, choice of glyphs simple, but there was some knowledge there. "Jazz?" He had to work to remember how to move his helm.
"Yes." Jazz answered instantly, hopeful at the early mention of his designation as he moved to be more in Prowl's line of vision, as he trembled with the desire to approach, to come closer and feel for himself that this was still Prowl. He did when Redline motioned him forward and quickly caressed Prowl's field with his own.
This was the spark he loved, no question of it. The mech it powered though... Jazz knew sparklings with more processor influence in their fields.
"We bond now?" Prowl focused on Jazz. He knew he should feel loss, that much was missing, but his only focus was on what he knew. He'd done something massive to himself to be with Jazz.
"Soon." Jazz promised, moving closer to the other mech and reaching out with love and affection and comfort, knowing that Prowl could feel even if he didn't entirely process what he was feeling. The words painful as he looked to Redline, field pleading. "When?"
"He's stable and I'm ready if it goes wrong," the medic unplugged from Prowl. "You will have to lead. He is self-aware, but so much of his memory is only accessed through his tac-net that he only knows the tiny bits he managed to put in the boot sector storage. You need to be sure enough of this that his lack of ability to say no won't hamper the process."
Jazz nodded, but he was shaking.
"What is wrong, Jazz?" Prowl asked. He couldn't follow what he was teeking, but he recognized the shift as something not good.
Jazz gathered the other mech too him, soothing them both with being near. "I am afraid. Do not worry." He instructed, keeping things simple as his hands smoothed over the other mech's frame and Jazz centered himself. His spark wanted this, wanted this chance, and they had all agreed to hope that would be enough.
Prowl nodded and snuggled close, holding onto Jazz as well. His field, his spark knew the one close to his and wanted it. "Nothing to fear." Prowl told him. Repeating a tiny bit of knowledge he had.
"We bond now." Jazz murmured, relaxing.
Prowl relaxed and Jazz let him lay on the berth. He looked up at the face of the mech he would bond with. He knew it should bother him that he didn't know what that meant, but he trusted what was in his memory, small as it was.
Trust Jazz.
Trust Medic.
Bond with Jazz.
Nothing to fear.
There was little else in his awareness. Prowl could only look to Jazz and wait for instructions.
Gentle hands stroked over his frame, comfort to the mech above him as Jazz assured himself once more that this was Prowl with him. Gathering himself, he leaned down and caught Prowl's lips in a gentle kiss.
"Open." He instructed, leading by example as his chest plates parted and exposed his spark for the other to see. "Let me have your spark." There was a part of Jazz that was rebelling at this whole process, of instructing another who didn't entirely understand what was going on to essentially hand over his entire existence. Reaching deep, he pulled up the memories of that last merge, of Prowl's assurance that Prowl wanted him, and to order of Prowl whatever needed to be done.
There was no hesitation below him. Dark chest plates parted, offering up the brilliant ice blue space that was Prowl's core. As the chamber iris opened near-white leaders searched for the spark they could feel close.
Softer blue wisps reached out from Jazz's own spark, teasing and twining with the ones below and dragging a moan of longing and relief from Jazz as the contact did what nothing else so far had done. It assured him that this was his love, and that this was wanted, even if it wasn't currently understood. That fact rose as a driving factor for Jazz, urging him to push the simple, pure contact deeper.
~Remember. We bond. Not overload.~ Jazz had to repeat the glyphs as a litany for himself and his lover. The first touch of coronas was warning enough that Prowl in this state had very limited self-control. Basic interfacing protocols wanted an overload. Bonding was not a normal thing to do. But Prowl responded, the four orders left in his boot cycle memory demanded obedience to Jazz.
So Prowl focused on bonding, on calling up those protocols, even without understanding what it was he was agreeing to.
~Yes. Good. More.~ Jazz praised and urged, forcing himself to remain focused despite the desire to give into his lover's wants. Wants that were so alien to Prowl that is a little bit of a shock to Jazz feel them now. He pushed that aside, focusing on the energy between his spark and Prowl's, on building and channeling the charge. There was a momentary flare of fear, his spark remembering what had happened the last time it was in this position even if Jazz's processor did not.
But instead of finding a bottomless well this time there was an answer, charge pushing back and mingling with his own, and it drew another moan from Jazz as he held the other mech closer, sparking sinking deeper until there was no visible difference between the two.
Prowl's spark, empty of memories and understanding it could draw from its frame, still welcomed him with an open joy and desire that made Jazz's spark sing. Jazz opened himself up fully, offering Prowl everything he was. His hopes, fears, losses, joys, faults and pride.
Answering back was a single thing: to be complete.
Stripped of any understanding or history, Prowl's spark still knew what it was meant to be, and that it was missing that.
~Yes. You will be.~ Jazz promised, letting go and offering everything to the connection, channeling it with the desire to make it permanent and falling into the blazing exchange of energy. It was impossibly different from the first try. As different from that nightmare as his most intense overload was to what Prowl normally felt.
Slowly, gently, Jazz returned to awareness. It wasn't booting up, but a coming down from an overload so intense it should have knocked him out. It wasn't an overload though, and for a moment he thought they were still merged. There was a warmth in his spark, the familiar sensation he got from Prowl of snuggling against and inside the thing that made him feel whole. His armor was closed though, and while he was sprawled on top of Prowl, they had no connection in the physical world.
Joy filled him, singing across the connection in a glorious blaze of delight and contentment as weakly held the other mech to him. ~It worked. My love.~
~I like this,~ Prowl purred back, fascinated by the new connection in his spark. ~It feels good.~
~Good.~ Jazz whispered. ~It is yours. Forever.~ He promised, meaning every word that he uttered and savoring the presence he had craved so long in his spark.
"Jazz," Redline managed to get his attention. "Can you handle Prowl for the night? It really would be best if I recharge before putting him back together."
Jazz nodded from where he was still sprawled on the other mech. "I think so. It, he feels..." A small shudder ran through Jazz's frame as he kissed Prowl's helm, the gentle motion full of affection.
"His spark remembered yours," the medic said gently. "That is what is important. The bond is solid for its age. That can't happen if he didn't want it to."
The smaller mech nodded in contentment. 'What do I need to watch for, with him like this?" He asked softly, his field thick with the desire to care for and protect his bonded, and the willingness to whatever was required.
"Watch his energy levels, and I do not recommend letting him wander," Redline said seriously. "No more than one cube of low-grade, no matter what he says. If his energy levels drop below 97%, bring him here. It's possible he will try to fuel for his full system use, rather than what he has. At most he's using 3% of what he does fully intact. A single cube of low-grade would power him for upwards of three full orns. It would be best if you get him in his berth, snuggle close and both of you recharge until it's time to come back for repairs."
Redline paused, regarding Jazz for a moment. "I need you to make sure he actually enters recharge. This will be the first time he's ever done so. It is not normal for his systems to shut down that far."
"We're going to be there too," Thorn said quietly, his focus on both newly bonded mecha. "I'll be in the living room."
Jazz nodded in thanks and understanding to the Knight. "Any reason why I shouldn't stay hardlined once I get him down?"
"Nothing unusual," Redline shook his helm. "It should be perfectly safe, assuming you've done so before."
That comment drew laughs from the other Knights in the room. "We find them like that more mornings than not." Wing explained with a smile, observing the pair still on the medical berth.
"It'll let me track his recharge." Jazz pointed out quietly.
"That would be good," Redline nodded. "You can take him now. Be back at 5th joor."
Wing made a face at getting up so early. Thorn's amusement was clear for the other Knight to feel, and with it was affectionate approval as he watched Jazz rise and carefully help Prowl from the medical berth, steering the larger mech with ease.
"Want to take them to my quarters, or get the energon they need?" He asked.
"I'll get the energon," Wing said, also watching the pair affectionately. "I'm glad this worked. It's too cruel not to be able to be with the one you want."
Thorn was quiet, nodding as he stepped he opened the door and led the way from room. He would make sure there were as few obstacles as possible in getting the pair to his quarters where they could rest and recharge. It was unsettling for him to see Prowl so vacant, though reassuring in how he responded to Jazz. Even without his processors, Prowl was clearly very much in love with his mate. Hopefully the bond would remain strong when Prowl was himself again.
He stepped aside after entering his quarters to watch Jazz lead Prowl to their room. Gentle, affectionate touches steered Prowl to the secondary berth room, and just as much attentive care went into make sure that Prowl was arranged comfortably on the berth, wings and frames supported perfectly.
"My love. Beautiful." Jazz murmured as he settled on the berth beside Prowl, frame curling protectively and possessively around the other. It was a movement that Prowl responded to by curling in as well, wanting the contact and closeness to the other half of his bond. One hand reached up to stroke Prowl's main dataport. "Open."
Prowl snuggled a bit closer and obeyed without question, offering his systems to his bonded.
"Good." Jazz praised, kissing him gently as he plugged in, matching approval echoing across the new bond between them. Prowl snuggled into that approval, his spark pulsing happily at being connected once more. Jazz was used to not facing firewalls with Prowl, though it was in part because he never went where he wasn't welcome. He knew the potential was there, though. Prowl always had the potential to kick him out and lock him out.
That was no longer true. Firewalls were replaced by the fact that so much had simply been unplugged or removed. Prowl didn't need firewalls to speak of.
It was another shock from his mate, one that he quickly smoothed over with more approval and affection as he nuzzled against Prowl's very spark. ~How is your energy level?~
He could look himself, but he wanted so make sure the other mech could track it himself. He watched Prowl call up the data.
~99.98%. That should be good until morning?~ Prowl half said, half asked. He remembered Redline's instructions to Jazz, and managed to apply it, but he wasn't at all sure if he was correct.
~It should be.~ Jazz said, approval ringing in the response. ~If it gets to here-.~ He pointed out the 97% marker. ~Let me know.~
~I will,~ Prowl promised, innocent and earnest.
~Good.~ Jazz murmured again, holding the other close as he checked his own levels. They were high enough to last until morning, even with all of the energy he'd expended, and right now the medic's orders of recharge were sounding better by the klik.
Carefully he reached into Prowl's systems and found the recharge sequence, pointing them out to the other mech. ~Time to rest.~
There was a moment where Prowl just sort of stared at him in the join space, blank confusion written in his thoughts, before he managed to piece together that Jazz meant him to activate that sequence. Once he figured that out, there was no hesitation. Prowl did as he was told and Jazz was shown just how fast a mecha with so few systems could shut down.
The experience was rather disconcerting, and Jazz was not settled until he had checked his mate over the bond and the hardline connection. Finally satisfied that all was well and the safeties were in place, he initiated his own recharge cycle, peacefully sinking into the rest that his systems were demanding.
SxSxSxSxSxSxSxSx S===================S SxSxSxSxSxSxSxS
It was probably only the extreme circumstances surrounding the whole scenario that prompted Redline to endure the nervous, fidgeting mech across the medical berth from him.
Jazz had been very careful to remain out of the medic's way, but he was hovering just on the border of underpede. He knew, and somewhere he cared, but both of those facts meant little to his quivering spark at the moment. The bond was pulsing steadily, Prowl's spark strong on the other end. But Prowl was also in deep medical stasis and having core components reinstalled.
There was a very real question on whether the specialized systems would boot up right after being disabled and parts of them taken out. Even though it was only the overload prevention parts that had come out, it was still a dangerous thing to mess with a mecha's processor on this level and everyone knew it.
Would Prowl be himself when he booted up? Would he be the simple mech he was without it? Would something go wrong and short out, leaving his spark alive but his frame processor-dead? Would Prowl even remember the bonding? Would the specialized systems, realizing what the bond actually did, reject Jazz and what had been done?
The only solace Jazz had in all of this was that Prowl's spark was still strong and so was their bond. That felt so very good.
"All right, you can snuggle," Redline huffed as he stepped away a bit to monitor Prowl's boot sequence.
Jazz was on the wide berth in an instant, mindful of Prowl's wing sensors but desperate to be close as his frame molded around his bonded, field sweeping out and full of all the love and affection he could channel into it. He felt it in Prowl's field when physical systems began to power up and operate, and could follow the gradual progress of Prowl coming on line from deep medical stasis just in the changes he could feel.
With the first personality components loaded the bond surged, first with confusion then with delight, awe, gratitude.
A whimper of joy and relief escaped Jazz, one hand reaching out to stroke over the sleek chest armor of his mate as answering emotions flooded across the bond. Matching awe, joy at Prowl's delight, shared awe at the depth of the connection, and hope.
"Love you." Jazz whispered, not caring what anyone else in the room heard or saw in the moment. Prowl was awake, more aware than he'd been for the bonding and Prowl still wanted him. Prowl still wanted the bond. So many of Jazz's fears melted away.
~Yes,~ the pulse along the bond was more sensation than word or glyph, but it was full of the affection, desire and loyalty that Jazz had come to associate with Prowl's spark.
The last of the tension in Jazz's frame vanished, and his frame molded around the other, as close as it could as Jazz simply listened and felt. Love and affection, the steady hum as more of Prowl's systems online and integrated, the growing awareness, physical and mental of his mate.
And all of the safety and care that it represented.
When Prowl was fully booted, he remained still for a long klik, examining the new addition to his reality. With all the innate curiosity of a being whose function was to know and organize, Prowl studied this new part of himself. With every passing moment, Jazz felt him relax just a little more, comforted by the intimacy of being linked to another. It wasn't being part of a city, it wasn't the paradise he had once known, but it felt very good.
"It worked," Prowl's first words were full of warmth as he shifted to hold onto Jazz.
"Yes." Jazz agreed with another surge of joy, moving to accommodate the motion of his love and claim a kiss from him, physical celebration of the joy in his spark. ~Yours now, always.~
~Never alone again. Either of us,~ Prowl shivered slightly and kiss him in return. ~Never alone, never have to be with another.~
~Only want to be with you.~ Jazz replied, freely losing himself in the warm bliss that was Prowl.
"Okay you two, before you work up to reinforcing the bond, get to your room," Redline broke in. "Thorn and Wing have instructions. You aren't going anywhere for at least three orns. They'll bring you energon and coolant and anything else you need."
Jazz couldn't help but laugh, moving off his mate and sliding from the berth so Redline could finish unhooking the last of the monitors and free Prowl.
~Going to enjoy making this stronger.~ He purred over the bond, optics glued on Prowl.
~As will I,~ Prowl's reply was full of desire. He moved as soon as Redline unhooked the last connection and pulled Jazz close. "Mine," he rumbled into a hard kiss. His tac-net was already sending unhappy warnings about the emotional level, but he ignored it.
~Yours.~ Jazz purred, the returned kiss just as possessive. ~Though I think we should take what is ours and leave, before Redline has us thrown out.~
Prowl chuckled across the bond, the ripple of humor not showing in his field at all.
"You're in my room tonight," Wing said cheerfully as he waved them towards the door. "Try not to get too distracted before Thorn brings your energon."
"I'll fly," The black Knight's deep red optics glittered with knowing approval as he quickly cleared the door and transformed.
Jazz reined himself in for the trip, content to walk as close to his bonded as he could with a melded field and teasing across the spark connection. Wing's field, when it brushed them, was full of good humor and happiness. The Knight chatted of unimportant things, too excited to remain quiet as they walked the halls to his quarters.
Thorn was waiting for them inside, the doorless balcony an easy access. "Here," he offered each of them three cubes. "Drink as you need it. I'll bring more in the morning."
"We will behave," Prowl promised. "We will keep our energon up, and call for help should anything go wrong in my processor."
Jazz nodded in agreement, already starting on the energon that had been provided in anticipation of the energy he was hoping to use soon.
Still laughing, the Knights shooed the pair in the direction of Jazz's berth, Thorn breaking off to select a movie for the Knights to watch as they kept watch.
"It was worth it," Prowl drew Jazz against him as the door to their room closed, their forehelms resting against each other. "All the pain, stress and risk was worth it for this."
Jazz shuddered in his arms, holding Prowl close and felt the embrace returned just as strongly. "So glad you think so."
Prowl nudged Jazz's helm up for a tender kiss and eased him to the berth. "I'm glad Redline didn't ask us to merge where he could watch the first one." His hands slid along Jazz's armor, trying to entice some pleasure for their frames. "Bonding with so much company was disturbing enough."
"But worth it." Jazz whispered, shivering at the knowing touches of his bonded and lover as his fingers traced the elegant lines of Prowl's sensor wings. He vaguely recalled the others, but so much of his attention had been focused on Prowl, just as it was now.
"Yes," Prowl agreed, an intense pulse of just how worth it it was to him flooding the bond. He relaxed over Jazz, trading a few more kisses and touches before unlocking his chest plates. "I want to feel this, the full extent of what we have."
Jazz purred, hand reaching around to stroke over Prowl's chest as his own unlocked and parted slightly in matching answer. "As do I. Want to feel it, to feel you again, as deep as I can. To make this-" He sent a pulse over the bond, "- as strong as possible."
Prowl shuddered with a deep, engine rumbling moan. His armor parted quickly, his spark chamber already opening and tendrils reaching for the spark now associated with more of itself.
For a klik Jazz held on to drag the pleasure and anticipation out, fingers reaching to caress the chamber and tease the glowing tendrils of energy that tickled his fingers. Above him Prowl shuddered and moaned, surrendering to the pleasure his lover caused, his enjoyment of it pulsing through the bond with each touch.
"Love you, want you," Prowl moaned, his armor fluffing out to help expel heat and extend his rising pleasure. "Feels so good."
"Always want you. Always want it to feel good." Jazz purred, delighted with the response from his bonded as he gave into the demands of his own spark, allowing his armor to part the rest of the way and expose the already reaching spark. Blue tendrils reached and met, entwining and merging, deepening the connection.
~Jazz!~ Prowl's keen of pleasure was a short, sharp sound that ended in a sob when the hardware protecting his tac-net caught his growing charge and siphoned it away. ~Felt so good.~ He trembled over his lover, lowering himself and his spark blindly. It wanted closer and he obeyed. The ecstasy of his lover flowed through the bond, allowing him to feel what was possible even if he couldn't experience it fully.
~Feel.~ Jazz urged before he started to fall himself, channeling everything that he felt over the connection. The love, the bliss of another spark next to his, the blinding pleasure of the charge racing through him. Offering everything that he could to his love, his spark. His effort was returned with Prowl's thanks, wonder and his effort to enhance Jazz's pleasure because he enjoyed making Jazz feel good.
By the time their cores met the pair were both shaking, keening softly between less understandable sounds of their pleasure and joy. The blending of sparks that knew and wanted each other was a heaven that both had craved for so long without completely knowing what they were missing, and now could not live without.
~Never going to leave you.~
It was debatable which side said it, for both felt it just as strongly and rejoiced in that truth that could not be taken from them.