Lydia Rockygleek: Um, hi! We haven't caught up in a while, have we?

Finn Hudson: Who are you? And where's KlaineLuneville?

Lydia Rockygleek: Do you want the short version or the long version?

Santana Lopez: Short.

Lydia Rockygleek: I'm taking over. Not always, but sometimes. Like right now.

Blaine Anderson: I don't believe you.

Lydia Rockygleek: You don't? Allow me to prove myself.

Blaine Anderson: d238icsuih zootybseyugfrr ooiuesbhjj!5%

Blaine Anderson: OMG KURT YOU LOOK SO HOT 2DAY I ALMOST JUMPED YOU IN THE HALLWAYS

Kurt Hummel: WTF is this?

Lydia Rockygleek: Oh, hi. I'm just demonstrating my control. I'm making him post that.

Rachel Berry: Yes, but who ARE you?

Lydia Rockygleek: I'm Lydia, known in some circles as Team RockyGleek.

I'm 14, and if you disobey me, you'll end up like Blainers over there.

Blaine Anderson: fzzzppphg gfxruoo09753 '/=se1YNTUONYADA

Lydia RockyGleek: So, let's catch up! What happened in the last few weeks?

Rachel Berry: *sob*

Mercedes Jones: We did Whitney a couple weeks back. Then there was some big Klaine scandal, but they sang and it was OK. The week after that were NYADA auditions. Kurt got in but Rachel choked. And us girls did the Cell Block Tango, and Cooter was beating Coach Beiste and she moved out but then she went back. Last week was prom, and Finn and Quinn were running together which made Rachel furious. So she organised an Anti-Prom, but it sucked so they went back to the real prom. And then Finn and Rachel were prom King and Queen. Oh, and Blaine went without hair gel. He looked like a stalk of broccoli.

Santana Lopez: Our lives are so freakin' dramatic.

Lydia Rockygleek: WAIT... There was a Klaine scandal?

Sam Evans: That's what you got out of that?

GLEEBOOK

Lydia Rockygleek: Now, I plan to sort out your club's mess of relationships. Tike, Brittana, Klaine, you are perfect. Samcedes, Flamotta and Quartie need to happen. Lauren and Puck need to reunite, as do Rachel and Jesse. Finn and Joe can just date outside the club, I guess. Or be single.

Rachel Berry: Wait, you're breaking up Finn and me?

Lydia Rockygleek: Yes. Finchel is a joke. You have nothing in common and he always puts you down. I have made Jesse nice, smart and a vegan. ENJOY.

Jesse St. James likes this.

Rachel Berry is single

Sam Evans is in a relationship with Mercedes Jones

Quinn Fabray is in a relationship with Artie Abrams

Rory Flanagan is in a relationship with Sugar Motta

Noah "Puck" Puckerman is in a relationship with Lauren Zizes

Rachel Berry is in a relationship with Jesse St. James

Finn Hudson: DISLIKE!

Artie Abrams: So I'm suddenly dating Quinn?

Lydia Rockygleek: It's how it should have been from the start.

Kurt Hummel: Hehe... Blaine and I are perfect.

Lydia Rockygleek: OMG IT'S KURT!

Kurt Hummel: Um, yeah, it's me.

Lydia Rockygleek: Hello Kurtie. Will you please dance?

Santana Lopez: Oh no...

Brittany Pierce: What?

Rory Flanagan: We're being controlled by a Kurt fangirl.

Kurt Hummel likes this

Lydia Rockygleek: THE PROPER TERM IS A KURTSIE!

Thwevid Harmompson: Calm down and drink an apple juice!

Rachel Berry: Who are you?

Thwevid Harmompson: We are Thwevid: Thad, Wes, David.

Blaine Anderson: I missed you guys! Hey, I thought Thad had a girlfriend... why is your status single?

Thwevid Harmompson: Wes and David are obviously dating, and there's no option that says "dating myself". So we kept it single.

Thwevid Harmompson: We're not dating!vaatbcr letgoooooo th srujbfdwesyouidiotcwrunh::: noooo

Mercedes Jones: I don't even want to know.

Everyone using Facebook likes this

Tina Cohen-Chang: I have an idea! Everyone, change your last name to that of your significant other.

Kurt Anderson: Like this?

Tina Chang: That's right.

Brittany Lopez: Santana helped me do this.

Rachel St. James: Now THIS is the name of a Broadway star!

Lydia Colfer: I'm impressed. I clearly made the right call going St. Berry.

Artie Fabray: Lydia, what's the deal with your name?

Lydia Colfer: Why don't you ask Chris Rockygleek?

Sugar Flanagan: This is fun. Now let's change our first names to our best friend's!

Kurt St. James: ...This is fun.

Sam Motta: I'm Rory. And is an American thing?

Finn Zizes: No, it's a crazy author thing.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed, especially Team RockyGleek, this chapter's author. She'll be back, guys.