A/N : So sorry it's been awhile again! I got distracted by anther fanfic I started to write. I'll have that one posted some time too it's going to be a CroKri because I love that ship and there aren't a lot! But anyways since you guys waited so long I had to make this chapter longer so I hope you like it! and thanks again for reviews and favorites it really makes my day when you guys do that so thanks a lot! LOVE YOU GUYS! Okay here you go :)
You were waiting at a bus stop for some odd reason, but you knew you had to board that bus, you had to board that bus with your friends to continue your day, the way you were supposed to. You stood at a quiet three way intersection away from any city activity just in your neighboring back roads. You lived down the street from here and you took this bus everyday, it was a gate way to your life. The life you despised and cherished because it was the only life you were given. You were waiting at the stop for a few minutes before the other passengers arrived to join you on your trip. But you didn't mind waiting you always liked the quiet atmosphere and you never wanted to risk not making it on time.
You saw one of your bus companions walking down the street you were facing momentarily. It was none other than Tavros Nitram, a troll of the chocolate colored blood. He walked awkwardly down the street hill in his bionic legs smiling like ninny. He then after narrowly avoiding a rock that would have caused him to fall strait on his face, crossed the street ending at his destination next to you. He was holding two notebooks and one folder. Looking at his books you realized you yourself were holding some books. You held a small binder and an accordion folder, they both had doodles all over them. Where did these books come from?
Wait what wereyou thinking, you held these books everyday, you needed them for whatever your destination was. You analyzed the familiar doodles, yes you remember drawing these. You drew them over the course of this year. You looked over them smiling inside of the memories of you and you friends drawing stupid ass pictures. There was one picture of John "O.M.G.-ing" and others across the hold thing of him running around and doing the windy thing and such, most of them blurred out from you scribbling over them in anger and you remembered that memory, you had simply left your folder on the counter one time and you had come back to him all over it. You remembered your embarrassment and you instantly trying to erase them and get rid of all the evidence of one John Egbert being upon your own personal material possessions. You flipped your accordion folder up to reveal the cover of your binder, all over it was covered in sharpie of even more disturbing and idiotic drawings of you and Dave Strider's angry shoving marker doodles of dicks and such... This is idiotic why are these human tools markings all over your things.
Nonetheless you nodded towards Tavros showing him you knew of his presence, you never really talked to him much, or really anyone when you waited for the bus. Everyone else agreed with this too, it was just an unspoken agreement to not talk until you got on the bus at the earliest.
He smiled back and was looking down at his feet padding on the ground. You then stood there waiting a little longer levitating from the tips of your toes to your heel over and over again.
After a moment of silence that wasn't at all awkward you saw out of the corner of your eye two more of the bus passengers walking down the hill towards you. It was Aradia Megido and Feferi Peixis. Them both in there signature outfits. Feferi in a colorful skirt with a tang top wearing many accessories. Then there was the more gothic style of Aradia her also in a skirt but this one ripped, long and grey and wearing a black t-shirt.
They came down at almost the same exact time one Sollux Captor walked down from the same road Tavros almost fell down. This one is the partner that you sat with on the bus. You sat with him every day not skipping a day for years now and somehow you always felt more settled seeing him walking down the road, he was almost always the last one to arrive sometimes just in time for the bus. Although he made it everyday, you knew if he skipped a beat then something would happen to him and you didn't want that. You've been friends for years and you couldn't act like that just didn't matter...
Sollux came down and grinned at you then stood next to you in a comforting silence again. The silence lasted only about thirty seconds when you saw the bus appear over the top of the hill from the way Fef and Aradia came from.
"uh oh..." Tavros looked at his books and you glanced over at him in a questioning look. He kept fidgeting nervously and suddenly started to run the way he came from screaming something about him accidentally leaving something. Shit. He's not going to make it in time. You went to scream after him to forget about it, but it was like your mouth was shut. This. This whole time were you even able to talk? You always thought you could if you needed to. But come to think of it the most sound anyone here ever made was understanding moans and such. But then how could Tavros talk.
Unless it was his granted last words.
Shit. That stupid fuck. You felt the pit in your stomach up turning. No. You couldn't loose anyone else.
You had a terrible feeling and it wasn't going to go away anytime soon. But your feet couldn't move nor your mouth speak. Or anything.
This is not working, you needed to think fast. How, fuck, how can you save him.
Wait you didn't even know if he would be okay. Maybe it'd be okay to miss the bus maybe he can get the next bus or something. You're pretty sure there's another bus. But would he get in trouble for taking it, would he be punished.
Wait shit you're wasting time there's a possibility that another one of your friends may seize to exist. Even if there is a slim chance you have to help. But shit what can you do?
You glanced over to your other friends who haven't had the slightest feeling of the endangerment of our dear friend.
Your head was spinning and the bus pulled up in front of you soon, only to reveal what you think is the end of your friends end reassured.
~~~
You're eyes opened rapidly and again you wake up suddenly without warning choking over your spit and hacking. Shit people on Derse could probably hear you, you're getting really tired of this waking up gambit.
You were still coughing and you couldn't stop there was something lodged in the back of your throat. It wouldn't go away.
Soon enough there was an arm holding you in a sitting position and a hand rubbing your back in cirlces. It seemed to help a bit but you still were coughing to yourself.
It seized a bit after a few minutes still nagging at your throat but you continued to swallow it down deeper and deeper each time it rising back up. But you were afraid that if you even tried to clear your throat you wouldn't be able to stop. So you continued this while glancing up to the face that the arm and hand belonged to.
Kanaya was at your side smiling slightly.
"wha- what happened?" Gog you sounded terrible, you sounded like you were about to hack out your heart, and well you felt like it too. Your voice was really strained and it hurt badly to just blurt that out.
"I'm so glad you're awake..." That's all she said then you realized the pain in her eyes and there were bags under her eyes as if she'd been crying. But that couldn't be, Kanaya was a strong woman and if she did cry she definitely would not show it.
"bu-" you cracked but was interrupted by Kanaya placing her finger on your lip, She shooshed you then began.
"Karkat... you know that you're special...we wouldn't be here if not for you." she took a breath then continued
"Please don't do anything like that again..." There was a hint of sadness in her voice. But what? What did you do?
"Kana-" she leaned over and just hugged you this made a silence fill the atmosphere. You looked over her shoulder to see yourself in the infirmary, barely anyone went in here. Unless it was a true emergency but that didn't happen a lot, the only time anyone went in here is if it was to just get a quick band aid or gauge pad anything along those lines. So why were you in here lying on this unfamiliar bed?
Kanaya clinged to you and seemed like she wasn't going to let go for a bit, why was she so sad though? What the fuck did you do? Whatever you would find out later, for right now you just hugged her back. Although while you hugged her you couldn't help wonder what you did to her to make her so sad... and where was everyone else? Wait. SHIT.
Where the fuck is Tavros! Your heart rate increased rapidly along with breathing and you couldn't get in enough oxygen to your body again. You started hacking up a shit storm. Kanaya pulled back and started to rub your back again but it didn't help this time. You had to ask her about Tavros, maybe you still had time!
"Ka"-hack cough-"wherr"-tearing up-"fuu" you couldn't get oxygen, it's as if your lungs just shriveled up and they weren't proportionate to the rest of your body, but you had to ask.
"Taa" Your throat was completely closing up.
"Stop trying to talk!" Kanaya burst out, she practically sprinted across the room which was only a few steps and came back putting a inhaler in your mouth. She held it there as you tried to spit it out. But she made sure it stayed there, you pushed her arms away with full force but damn was she forceful when she needed to be.
You figured she wouldn't budge so you eventually just leaned back into her arm, catching your breath on the contraption. She let out a sigh full of relief. Then she just pulled you up to her chest and held the inhaler there even though you weren't pulling away anymore. She held it there afraid that if she even let go for a second you might rip it out and have a coughing fit again.
You closed you eyes and focused on your breathing for a few minutes. The moment of panic that was in your head a few minutes ago shriveled up.
"In...out...in...out." You didn't need Kanaya's guidance on how to breath but you couldn't complain right now, plus it was reassuring to have her right here next to you.
Kanaya has always been sort of a "mom" figure to you. She always looked after you, making sure you were safe, she even treated you like a son sometimes. Telling you to pick up your clothes and then you would complain that you could put you clothes anywhere you damn want, she would give you a stern face and then threat you something like she wouldn't make you cupcakes like she promised if you didn't pick it up. You would scowl and groan and pick it up, putting it away. You would come back grumpy faced but she would call you a good boy, then later make you those red velvet cupcakes with some having chocolate frosting on top and others with vanilla frosting and you would help mix the batter. You would make a mess but you two just laughed. While they baked you would help her clean up. You would later eat them and they would come out perfect every time, you usually got frosting all over your face and she would wipe it off you face, smiling about how you're so messy.
Everything was so happy and you felt a smile forming along your face, you forgot about everything that was happening in this moment and everything was just so perfect and warm.
After a few more minutes of just listening to the even beating of Kanaya's heart you could breath again. You always found certain peoples heart beats so comforting including hers. It was so warm and it always seemed to beat like a metronome except instead of that clinking sound it sounded like a beat of a drum in just the middle part of the face of it so it always sounded perfectly on key.
You went to pull the thing stuffed in your mouth back but she held it there longer, just to make sure you were okay. You couldn't help but feel so grateful to have someone like her.
After about seven more minutes of just being cuddled in her warming arms she loosened on the inhaler and pulled it out. She placed it on the bed and continued to hold you.
"Thanks..." you mumbled. She hummed a bit. Then continued in a speech.
"Are you okay, dear?"
"yeah... I just couldn't breath for a minute..." You could breath much better now and the clump in the back of your throat seemed to have loosened up a bit making it easier to not cough every second.
"You scared me Karkat." She hardened her grip on your sweater.
"sorry..." you mumbled again but this time hugged her back. After another moment of staying there you pulled back and asked what's been nagging you.
"Kanaya?" she hummed in response
"Where's Tavros?" She seemed to ponder the question for a moment, you waited impatiently. You needed to know if he was okay.
"Last I saw he was walking to his room, why do you ask?"
"How long ago was that? and it's a long story..."
"I believe it was a two days ago or so."
"Two day!" Shit! You flipped out of your hold of Kanaya and nearly fell when you stood up, you hadn't realized how dizzy you were. Fuck you just need to calm down... okay in, out...
You sat back down on the bed across from Kanaya in the chair.
He's probably dead by now.
Shit no. No he's not.
Are you really going to lie to yourself?
"I'm not lying!" there's no proof that he's dead!
We both know you're kidding yourself. He's dead.
"SHUT UP!" You screeched. Tears running down your pink cheeks. Your head was spinning again.
There's no escaping the truth Karkat.
"NO SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!"
"Karkat calm down!" Kanaya stood up holding your wrist still, you shook your head with red dripping down your face.
Don't cover up the truth, if you do that it'll be harder to unravel later. He's dead deal with it.
"THAT'S NOT TRUE! STOP!"
You awoke not knowing how long it's been or what just happened. You were still in the infirmary except this time there were a few figures in front of you. You couldn't make out who was there, everything was so blurry. You moaned and the figures shifted they started talking but you didn't understand any of it. They sounded sort of like Troll Charlie Brown adults. You smiled at the thought of the childhood show.
You were so giddy and you barely could concentrate on one thing at a time but that was okay, you didn't feel any pain. You just started to giggle and laugh. Everything was okay... everyone over you is laughing with you too. You were all happy. Everything in the world was happy and nothing hurt anymore.
You looked at the figures and giggled about how they looked like weird shapes forming animals and items. That tall one looked sort of like a big lamp. Suddenly that big lamp was towering over you making you laugh out more, it looked so silly there what was it doing...
It touched your face but you barely felt it, it was soft to the touch. It started speaking. What the heck lamps don't talk! This is so silly! But this only made you laugh more and you leaned on your side holding your stomach from laughing to much.
When you turned you were greeted by a cat figure, that figure too laughed. You started to laugh and mew a little bit to show you understood the cat figure. Who mewed back at you. Then you both exchanged mews and you two were smiling almost impossibly large, giggling.
You were suddenly hit by something. It hurt. It hurt. Pain was back. Your face immediately frowned.
"KK!" you moaned to the sudden awareness of not being alone.
"Hellloooo, anyone home." Sollux knocked your head lightly.
"Solllluux" You moaned while rubbing your eyes open. You were greeted with Sollux leaning over you, grinning and IV lines running up your arm.
"Morning thleeping beauty." His lisp as noticeable as ever.
"The hell... time is it?" You questioned still half asleep.
"Almotht three thirty." You stood up to a sitting position on the bed, to realized it wasn't just you and Sollux in the room. Kanaya was here still, along with Eridan, Fef and Terezi. They were all staring intently at you.
"What the fuck happened?" You asked again, you just wished someone would give you an answer this time. They all glanced at each other no one knowing what to say.
"Well?" Why won't they just fucking tell you already.
"KK..." Sollux broke the silence "You really don't remember do you?"
"What don't I remember?" Again everyone looked at each other not knowing what to say.
"Karcrab you know you're special no matter what you think!" Fef pitched in
"Yeah, Kar no need to pull a stunt like that. Who had us all worried sick" Eridan spoke with a flip with his wrist.
"Yeah Karkles no one's funner to bug than you, and you plus you're my favorite color." Wait Terezi actually sounded serious there.
Where was all this coming from again! Kanaya was going on about how I was special before so what was all this because apparently I didn't just do something to her I did something to everyone...
"Don't do that again KK..." Sollux mumbled. Why was everyone so serious all of a sudden... WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO!?
"Listen I don't know what the fuck you guys are talking about so can someone please fill me in my listening holes are just dying to hear what kind of things happened when I apparently didn't comprehend any of it." You crossed your arms waiting for an answer. Everyone went quiet but then Kanaya stood up. Then she sat down next to you on the bed placing her hand on your leg.
You looked up to see her emerald eyes glancing down at your leg where her hand was. After a moment passed she glanced up to look you in the eye.
She swallowed and took a deep breath then let it out.
"Karkat... you tried to commit suicide." You went to speak but she stopped you with a flick of the wrist telling you to wait.
"You tried to strangle yourself with your bare hands after seeing the mess of Vriska." She took another breath "You would have killed yourself if it weren't for me running into Equius and Nepeta coming from the scene. Equius told me to check up on you. I didn't ask questions seeing Nepeta in pieces in his arms, I automatically knew something was wrong so I ran to the bloody scene." She was starting to tear up now but kept sucking it back up. She was thumping her hand up and down on your leg. You don't think you've ever seen her like this before.
"When I got to the scene you... you were sprawled across the floor choking your self to death. You were gasping for breath but you continued to hold your hands up to your throat." She sniffled a bit, swallowing. "And... you were in so much pain but you continued to lodge your hands up to your neck in hopes that you would just die already... There were tear stains across your cheeks, the smell of blood was everywhere. You were viciously grinding your teeth and eventually you just fell. You went completely limp except in your hand where you continued to grip your throat even though you were unconscious. I was trying to rip your hands off your neck at the moment but you put all your strength in keeping them there. Eventually I was able to move your hands after you lost most of your energy and... and there were claw marks across your neck everywhere. Blood was gushing out of your neck and all across your hands... I immediately felt for your heart beat and ... and" Kanaya looked down you couldn't see her face and she couldn't even make words.
You leaned over and hugged her, she leaned into you wrapping her arms around your waist. She stuffed her face into your shoulder breathing restlessly.
"Thhe felt your heart beat and there wath none." Sollux finished. You turned your attention to him while still holding Kanaya.
"But thhe refuthed to believe thith tho thhe brought you here and thet you up on a heart monitor and thtuff, thhe in thome miracle got you to breath again. No one even knowth how. It wath a true miracle." Sollux appeared to be done but right when you were about to say something you don't even know what Kanaya pulled off and started again.
"But that isn't it" she sniffed her last sniffle for a bit and looked back up to you
"After I got you to breath again, I stayed with you for two or three days to make sure you didn't stop breathing or something... I'm really glad I did stay with you though because you woke up after those days at some point acting fine, just confused and I was so glad... but right when it seemed like you were okay, you started to have a panic attack. You kept screaming Shut up and You're lying and things like that. I tried to calm you down by holding your wrist but you kept flailing and screaming. You kept covering your ears screaming and then trying desperately to get out of here. So I gave you a ... I gave you a shot, it was the only thing I could do. You flailed for a bit longer but you eventually fell asleep." She took a breath as if she just felt the relief again in that moment.
"You woke up a few hours later talking nonsense which is to be expected from the injection. I gave it to you to calm you down but it makes you sort of... uhh"
"loopy?" you questioned. She actually slightly smiled when you said this.
"Yeah loopy Karkat... okay so anyways you kept saying some really loopy things and you would not stop laughing."
"It was reel-y interesting Karcrab!" Fef piped in
"Yeah Karkles I don't think I've ever seen you look so stupid before!" Terezi cackled
"Yeah geez KK I thought you might laugh out all your organth."
"Fuck you guys, you should feel honored of being so blessed to hear my beautiful laugh." You remarked.
"Wwait wwhere wwas I?" Eridan asked
"How thould we know athhole?" Sollux answered. Before this could escalate any further Kanaya cut them off.
"So you were all loopy and such then you eventually fell back asleep some how, I don't even know how since you would not stop giggling. But you fell back asleep and then well we couldn't stadn you not being awake so Sollux hit you in the face with my book" Kanaya concluded. Sollux grinned at you.
"Well thanks fuckass, nice to know that I get beat up when I'm unconscious." You snapped at Sollux.
"Hey thomeone had to do it." Sollux shrugged still grinning. Damn he enjoyed doing that didn't he... You would normally start shouting at him but, you didn't commit suicide. You're pretty damn sure that you wouldn't. You remember being at the scene and uncontrollably choking yourself. You didn't want to die, you tried to stop yourself but you physically couldn't.
Or maybe that was what trolls feel before they commit suicide. Maybe they couldn't control themselves for some reason but no one knows this because the trolls were always dead to explain that it wasn't their fault. Or did you really hate yourself so much? Was it just in the heat of the moment?
Whatever the cause you had to tell them you weren't at least consciously trying tokill yourself.
"But that's not true..." That's all you said
"Of courthe it'th true Kk, like I thaid we had to make thure you were okay." Wait what was he talking about? Oh yeah hitting me in the face...
"No, not that..."
"Karkles what are you talking about?" Terezi exclaimed
"I didn't try to kill myself..."
"I think you're being indenial Kar..." Said Eridan
"Yes, I too believe that you're being quite indenial. I saw you do it with my own eyes." Kanaya chipped in.
"No... I've never been more sure in my life before please believe me guys." You were cut off my Terezi
"Believe that you weren't trying to commit suicide eve-" You cut her off
"No, something was making me do that... I didn't want to die. I- I had one hand on my throat not trying then I went in a moment of panic so I threw the doll I was holding in my other hand and used my now free hand to try to pry off my choking hand. But... then that hand started to choke me too. And soon, I couldn't do anything. I didn't have any control of my arms and I fell to the ground trying to get my head to send my palms the message to let go but it wouldn't work and they started to dig deep in my skin. I- I was dying but even unconscious I kept choking myself..." You didn't know what else to say, that was pretty much the story but I mean how are they supposed to believe that you weren't choking yourself even though you were the only one there...
"What doll?" Sollux asked you. You barely even mentioned the doll so why did that appeal to him so much?
"Yes, I didn't see a doll at the area?" Kanaya added. She... she didn't see the doll there? Actually why are you not surprised it kept moving so why would it be there when someone else could back up your information... still even thinking about that doll made you feel woozy.
"You... you didn't see it there? and umm it was just this creepy doll that kept following me and telling me messages... I know that sounds crazy but I promise you I'm not lying..." Everyone just looked at you funny. But Sollux he, fuck his expression. He looked so scared? No not scared well maybe but oh my gog he looked like he might pass out. His lips parted slightly frowning and you could see slightly behind his glasses his eyes were flared up. He almost looked surprised, but not a good surprise like shit I'm going to die look.
He then suddenly stood up and started to run out the door.
"I have to go see something!" and with that he ran out the door with everyones eyes where the door was flung open.
A/N : Oh wait I forgot I can't believe I haven't done this yet but yeah I don't own Homestuck obviously Andrew Hussie created that! Wait I totes forgot if I already mentioned that... well if I did here it is again anyways, so yeah thanks for reading so far!