"It's Not Who I Am."

Dean woke up first the next morning and just stared at Seth. Last night, he had done something he told himself he was never going to do. He'd been with a man and no matter how much he tried to deny it, every fiber of his being was telling him that he loved it. He sighed and got off the bed, trying not to wake up Seth as he walked into the bathroom and got straight into the shower. Letting the water beat down on his head as he pushed his hair from his face, he wondered if anything was going to come of this. Part of him wanted something to but the other half just kept thinking about what everyone would say if they ever found out.

Shaking his head, he got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. When he went back in the bedroom, Seth was sitting up on the bed slipping his clothes back on.

"Morning." Seth whispered, not quite meeting Dean's eyes.

Dean leaned against the door jam. "Morning..." He whispered then cleared his throat. "Uh... are you leaving?"

Seth ran a hand through his hair. "I have a meeting in a couple hours." He lied. It was just too awkward for him to be around Dean and not know how he felt about last night.

"Right," Dean said, scratching the back of his neck, not know what else to say. He really wished it wasn't so awkward.

Seth got up from the bed and walked over to Dean, standing right in front of him. Dean looked at the ground, not able to meet Seth's eyes. Seth put his hand on Dean's chin, lifting his face up, making him look up at him. "I don't want this to chance anything." Seth whispered.

Dean moved his eyes to look away. "It won't."

"Dean, look at me."

Dean moved Seth's hand from his chin and walked around him to go to his closet. "Just go, Seth. Everything is fine."

Seth walked up to Dean, wrapping his arms around Dean's waist, who sighed and closed his eyes as he felt Seth's fingers graze against his stomach. He couldn't deny the fire inside him that grew stronger every time Seth touched him.

"Please don't let this change anything." Seth whispered in his ear.

"How could I not?"

"By just accepting that it happened."

Dean shook his head. "There's nothing to accept."

Feeling Dean push away, Seth tightened his hold. "Please, Dean. I don't think I can handle not being with you again. I can't handle you acting like last night didn't mean anything."

"What did it mean to you? Huh, Seth? What do you honestly think is going to come of it?" Dean pushed Seth away from him. "Nothing. That's what is going to happen. Nothing. I don't want to be with you."

"You don't mean that." Seth whispered, his voice etched with pain.

Dean hated himself for hurting Seth, but he needed to figure this out. He couldn't agree to give Seth his all if he wasn't sure he wanted to in the first place. "Get out, Seth. Just get out."

Seth walked up to him and grabbed his face, kissing him passionately as he pushed his body against Dean's. Dean shook his head and pushed Seth away from him. "GET THE FUCK OUT, SETH! I don't want to see you! I don't want to talk to you! I don't want you!"

"You don't mean that." Seth said, his heart shattering.

"Get the fuck out or I'll throw you out." Dean turned away from Seth, not being able to look at his face. He didn't want to be mean... he just couldn't handle this right now.

Seth finally took the hint. He didn't want to push Dean into anything he didn't want to do, but he also didn't want to risk losing him forever. Seth has loved Dean for months now... 2 weeks ago he got the courage to do something about it. Today, he felt like it was the end of something that had just begun. Sighing, Seth walked up to Dean again and placed a kiss on his neck, whispering softly. "I'll wait for you."

Once Dean heard the front door close, he lost it. Leaning on the wall, he slid down to the floor, face in his hands, and let out a loud sob. Tears fell out of his eyes as he felt his heart tightened. Why did he have to make everything so difficult? Why couldn't he just for once do something and not think about what everyone else is going to say about it? Seth was the only person, the only person, who'd stuck by him through everything. Whenever he was depressed, Seth was there to cheer him up. Whenever he did something stupid, Seth was there to bail him out. Seth had always been by his side, the only person who truly cared about him, and he was pushing him away... he was cowardly pushing him away.

Seth sat in his car, his head on the steering wheel as tears rolled down his cheeks. He knew Dean like he knew his own self, but it still hurt to hear Dean's words as they echoed through his mind. All his life, Seth had been trying to figure out why he always felt so different. When he was with women, sure it was great, but the satisfaction that everyone talked about just wasn't there. Last night with Dean, he felt that passion, he felt every nerve in his body come alive when Dean touched him, kissed him, whispered to him. He wanted so bad to feel that again that his body ached with desire. He thought he would wake up this morning in Dean's arms, but when he rolled over and realized he was alone, he knew it wasn't good. Whenever Dean was left alone, he made irrational decisions and today he'd made one. He pushed Seth away.

The next morning, Seth tried to call Dean's phone, but it was turned off. He probably left it by the door and let it die. Sighing, he grabbed his keys and headed over to Dean's house, hoping he wouldn't get pushed away again.

He knocked on the door, repeating his speech over and over in his mind, nervousness suddenly taking over. A couple minutes passed and Seth decided to knock harder this time.

Dean unlocked the door and opened it wide. "What's up, Seth?" He asked as if nothing was the matter.

"You're phone is turned off." Seth whispered, trying to focus on Dean's eyes instead of his bare chest and boxers. "We need to talk."

"I can't talk right now, bro. I'm kind of busy."

"Doing what, Dean? We have to talk about this."

"Dean?" Someone called from inside the apartment.

Dean closed his eyes for a moment before responding. "I'll be right there."

"Who's that?" Seth asked.

"None of your business. Go home, Seth, and leave me the fuck alone."

Seth held the door open when Dean tried to close it in his face. "You're not going to push me away."

"No, I'm going to punch you in your fucking face if you don't leave me the hell alone."

A beautiful woman with blonde here, blue eyes, a model type body wearing nothing but a thong as her double D's bounced walked up to Dean, standing behind him and looking at Seth. "Who's he?" She whispered in Dean's ear.

"He's nobody." Dean said, looking straight at Seth.

"Dean..." Seth felt his heart break all over again.

"Come back to bed soon, baby." The woman said as she traced Dean's jaw line with the tip of her tongue before walking away.

"Really, Dean?" Seth whispered, stepping closer to him. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Look, this isn't me. I'm not like you, Seth, and you need to learn to accept that."

"No, you need to learn to accept that what happened between us was fucking real. You felt it, I felt it, and I can't believe you can just stand there and deny it while burying your dick into some random bitch!"

Dean pushed Seth out of the doorway, closing the door behind him. "You watch your fucking mouth, Seth. I don't need to accept shit because as far as I'm concerned, nothing happened between us. Nothing will ever happen. You need to leave me the fuck alone and realize that we're just two completely different people and it'll never work out between us."

"Why did you do it, then, Dean? Why did make love me to me if you were just going to bitch out the next morning? Huh?! Answer me, got damnit!"

"Seth, just leave me alone." Dean whispered. "I can't do this right now. My head is on the verge of exploding and I can't be around you..." He stopped talking, shaking his head. "I just can't do this right now."

Seth nodded. "Fine. Fine, you go ahead and fuck some random bitch and see if that makes you feel any better. Because I know, Dean, I know that when you cum inside of her, you're going to be wishing it was me screaming your name." Seth walked away, trying to keep Dean from seeing the tears spilling out of his eyes. He would leave him alone. Dean will learn and come running back to him.

Dean leaned against the wall outside of his apartment, trying to keep his emotions underway. "Fuck," He said to himself, smacking his forehead with his palm over and over again. "Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!" He hit the wall with his elbow before walking into the house, slipping out of his boxers, and walking into the bedroom. He went up to the woman he picked up at the bar last night, threw her roughly on the bed, ripped her thong off and fucked her senseless... thoughts of Seth clouding his mind.