Oh yes. The 9th Chapter.

3 Enjoy. I know I did.

Chapter Nine - Mistaken

Dr. Cox POV

"Carla, can you get a blood sample on the patient in room 202? I swear, these patients just keep trying to die on me today and I am not letting them have the satisfaction."

"I'm sorry, Doctor, but right now I have more than enough to be getting on with. Get one of your interns to do it."

I glanced up from the chart I was perusing and focused on the Latina nurse across the desk from me, raising an eyebrow at the cold tone I received in reply. Was she still angry at me? I re-he-heally wasn't in the mood for it having already almost lost three of my patients this morning, and slammed the chart down, making one of the newest interns standing at the nurses station jump in fear. I half-heartedly growled at him. "Hows about you grow a pair - loud noises can't, I repeat, can't hurt you."

"Oh that's right, pick on the new ones before they even have a chance to grasp hold of some confidence! Don't listen to him, Adam," she said, mothering him like I had once seen her mother Newbie. "Why don't you go and get that blood sample from Mrs. Harris in room 202? I'm sure Dr. Cox would be glad to have you do it. Right Dr. Cox?"

Oh, no way in h-y-ell was she getting away with belittling me in front of an Intern. "Sure, why not? Whilst you're at it, do you want to grab a nice dirty scalpel and try putting in the pacemaker that Mr. Roberts in 201 needs? Don't bother knocking the guy out, just slash away 'til he passes out in pain."

The intern turned white, mumbling something before turning around and hurrying in the direction of the infamous closet (the one that Newbie had favoured in his first year), giving me that grim sense of satisfaction that only fresh meat overwhelmed with fear could give. I turned to Carla, a grin on my face until I saw that she was looking at me with a mixture of what seemed to be disgust and anger.

"Oh come on Carla, you can't be mad at me forever, particularly when I haven't done anything wrong."

She raised her eyebrow and placed her hands on her hips, giving it a little 'Carla-from-the-block'. "You honestly don't think you've done anything wrong? How about having an affair, Perry, because that seems more than a little wrong to me!"

"Would ya keep your voice down? Holy hell," I put my hands on the top of my head, looking down at her. "I thought I made it clear last night that I'm not having an affair."

"Then you tell me why you've been so distracted recently."

What the hell was she talking about? "You'll have to enlighten me here, Carla, I haven't got the faintest clue what you're talking about."

She blanched slightly. "Well, it's not… Jordan said -"

Ah. It all made sense now. "So you hear Jordan say 'he's distracted' and you hear 'having an affair'? I never thought I'd say this, but it's times like this that make me glad that you and I never got it together, let me tell you." I couldn't help it, I was angry at her for having so little faith at me - anyone would be, no one likes to be doubted by the person whose been by the side since day one. I shook my head, picking up the chart I had slammed down and giving my attention back to it, effectively making it clear that the conversation had ended. She stayed silent for a few moments (very unlike Carla) before she muttered,

"You wouldn't have been able to handle me anyway, jackass."

She stalked away, head held high - damn that woman was proud. I ground my teeth, trying to keep calm long enough to see to a few more patients before exploding but lo and behold, I caught Newbie strolling up the corridor, slightly flushed from the cold and looking like the sun was shining out of his ass. I growled under my breath and turned to walk in the opposite direction - I hadn't forgotten what had happened last night, but I sure as hell wasn't addressing it. Not ever.

Plus I'd made the decision to ignore him until he realised I had no intention of ever allowing him into my life again.

"Dr. Cox!"

On auto-pilot, I almost found myself turning at the sound of his voice but managed at the last minute to keep my body trained on walking away, grasping the chart in my hands so hard I could almost hear it screaming to be let free.

"Hey, Dr. Cox -"

Just the sound of his voice was grating on my nerves… I knew it was partially my fault and I was still angry as hell at myself for actually calling him back but honestly, did he have to be so eager? I knew that for whatever reason my phone call was the reason he was in such a good mood but in all honesty that just made me even angrier - he had to back off, and soon.

"Perry?"

I stopped dead in my tracks. I sensed him come up behind me and it was at that moment that I finally lost it.

"I just wanted to -"

Whirling around, I caught him by surprise - I could tell from the sudden warmth disappearing from his eyes and the replacement fear that he knew in that second exactly how I felt about the whole phone call situation, and that him even approaching me was a big mistake. But it was too late. He'd made the mistake.

"Don't ever call me Perry again or I swear I will mess you up so badly you won't even remember my name in the first place."

I saw an edge of a smile start to appear - he thought it was a joke. He thought it was one of my normal rants.

Well.

"Think it's funny? Why don't you go ahead and laugh at this - under no circumstances are you to approach me at this hospital again. I don't want to see your face, hear your voice or even hear about you again. If I do -" my voice lowered to almost a growl, " - I will kill you."

"But -"

"No buts, Dr. Dorian." I watched his face fall at the lack of a familiar girls name or the usual 'Newbie' - and felt nothing. "This is the end of your little make-believe father-son relationship. I want nothing more to do with you. Keep out of my way and you may just stay alive long enough to see the end of the day."

With that I turned, ignoring the small crowd that had gathered (including a now-furious Carla) and threw down the chart I had been holding, heading for anywhere that would get me away from the hospital - all the while wondering when this place had stopped being somewhere I could escape to and become somewhere worth hiding from.

X X X X X

JD POV

"Bambi, come on. Let's go somewhere else, okay?"

I could feel Carla's hand on my elbow but I was numb - I knew my mouth was slightly open, my face still registering the shock from Dr. Cox's speech but I couldn't seem to pull myself together. I was completely dumbstruck.

"Could you get someone to cover for him for a few hours? Thanks - come on JD, let's go for a walk." Carla was leading me forward, somehow managing to make my legs move so I was beside her, being led to god knows where as my head began to spin. It felt like we were walking in slow motion, yet when I finally managed to pull myself together enough to see where we were, I could see the sky, parking lot and surrounding neighbourhoods - the roof? How had I not noticed walking up all of those stairs?

"Talk to me Bambi, what's going on with you and Dr. Cox?" I looked at Carla, standing beside me, eyes concerned but edged with an anger I knew wasn't directed at me. I forced a smile and shook my head. "Oh come on, you expect me to believe nothing's happened? I know you and him have your ups and downs but that's the worst I've ever seen it. Come on, talk to me."

"I don't know Carla."

She rolled her eyes.

"Sure you don't. So things just suddenly went from what is somehow considered as normal to him telling you never to go near him again? Why don't you just talk about it, it may actually make you feel -"

"Feel what? No offence Carla, but I've been trying to deal with the shit Dr. Cox heaps on me for the last four years and you expect now to be any different? I'm just going to paste on a smile, go down there and work my ass off as usual. The only difference is that I won't have him breathing down my neck every step of the way."

"And that makes you happy?" Her tone was incredulous, and I couldn't really blame her. "I know you Bambi and I know that no matter what you say, you like the fact that Dr. Cox is always behind you, always on your back. You've spent your entire time in this hospital trying to impress him and now you're telling me you're going to be okay with him not even acknowledging that you exist?"

I leant against the ledge, burying my face in my hands and sighing in frustration. "I have no idea what I'm telling you. I don't even know how we even got here. If he'd never offered me that hug, maybe none of this would've ever happened."

"None of what?"

Carla was suddenly beside me, looking at me quizzically - oh damn.

"Come on Bambi, none of what? What actually happened in that lounge?"

I mumbled a reply, but she wasn't having any of it. "Did he hurt you?"

This made me laugh; yes, he had hurt me, just not in the way she implying. From what I could remember he'd told everyone that he'd punched me in the face, hence the nose-bleed, so I could always play along to that. "You know he hit me."

She snorted. "And that's why there was no damaged cartilage, not even a bruise - of course he hit you." I looked at her in surprise - how had I forgotten that she'd been the one to check it out after it had happened? She smiled wryly. "No point trying to lie to me, Bambi."

I hated to admit it, but she was right. Could I tell her everything though? I felt so pathetic, so stupid to let it all get to me - what was it they were calling those kids who were always unhappy and whining about their lives? Emo?

"I'm not going to judge you, JD. You know that, right?"

I did know. "When he offered me the hug, I kind of lost it. I shoved him a few times, three times actually -"

"Never shove Dr. Cox more than twice, it never goes well."

I raised an eyebrow - she pretended to zip her lips. "And even though I was sure he was going to hit me… he didn't." I took a deep breath; how would I explain what happened next without making it sound… weird? I was pretty sure there wasn't a way to do it, so I just said what came to my lips first. "He threw me up against the wall, and whilst he was ranting I went off into my own little world and… well… I…"

I motioned towards my lap - for a few moments she looked confused, trying to work out what I was implying. "You know, I got… I got an ere-"

"No!"

"Yes," I moaned, replaying the moment in my head. "And then he felt it, started to mock me about it and then suddenly he wasn't mocking me anymore but was whispering in my ear and offering to… to…"

I didn't need to finish; her eyes were blazing as she stepped away from me, striding towards the door so she could no doubt find him and tear him a new one - I leapt after her, grabbing her arm and turning her around so she was facing me, could see the desperation in my eyes.

"I don't think he actually would've done it, Carla, I just think he was enjoying seeing how uncomfortable I was -"

"I know exactly what he was doing, JD - do you think that makes it any better? Your Dad had just passed away and he was terrorizing you? I am so angry right now…" she stopped, shutting her eyes and blatantly trying to pull herself together. "Dr. Cox has made things difficult for people before but never like that. Never."

I shut my own eyes. "That's not all."

Suddenly her hands were grasping my arms, forcing me to open my eyes and meet her own burning gaze. "What else did he do? You have to tell me, JD, you have to tell me! He can't treat you like this, I won't let him!"

It was that, her fierce protection and her blatant desire to take care of me that made me break; I told her everything, him coming to my apartment, giving him a ride home on my scooter after work the next day, remembering him undressing me, him finding me in Mrs. Berry's room and then acting a similar performance to the day my Dad had died, bumping into him in the hospital corridor and feeling overwhelmed when I was trying to find somewhere to stay and, finally, about the phone calls. By the end of it, she was looking so shocked and inundated with information that I moved ourselves back over to the ledge and sat down, waiting. I waited for the feeling of relief to hit me for telling someone, but instead I felt a wave of fear that he might find out I had told someone - and then wondered why I was so terrified of him after what he had said the night before.

Then again, it's not exactly like he said it was a good thing.

"I don't understand."

When Carla finally spoke, her voice was quiet, perplexed, still filled with concern. She looked me in the eyes, as if trying to discern how I was feeling - but even I didn't know that. All I knew was that things surely couldn't get any worse.

"One minute he's mocking you and making things more painful and difficult and the next he's telling you he can't stop thinking about you… what's going on in his head?"

"If I knew that… believe me Carla, I'd tell you."

"I could still kill him," she said fiercely, reaching out and taking my hand in hers, squeezing it. "But you've just added something to the mix that doesn't sit right on my mind; he treats you so badly yet… I don't know. It reminds me of last time he -"

I leapt on this. Last time he what? She saw the look on my face and bit her lip, clearly wondering whether to divulge the information she had or not - she obviously thought she'd made a mistake, letting this little piece of information go but I couldn't let her go without knowing what she meant.

"Carla -"

"There was a female intern a while back, I can't remember what her name was. It was a few years before you got here. She was a little like you, always lost in her own little world and cared a lot for what she was doing and the people she met - Dr. Cox couldn't stand her."

I looked at her, soaking up the new information.

"It got to the point where he was making her miserable, constantly berating her, treating her like she was a thousand levels below him - one day she lost a patient she'd been caring for since she'd first arrived and she was pretty heartbroken. I walked into the doctor's lounge one afternoon afterwards and he was standing right up close to her - she had tears running down her face and he was clearly not making it any better. Luckily as soon as I walked in, he stepped off and left the room."

"What did he say about it? What did she say?" I was suddenly clinging onto every word, flooded with a mixture of relief that I wasn't the only one and a weird sense of envy that I wasn't the first intern he had become 'involved' with.

"He never said anything about it, but when I asked her about it she said that he'd been being the usual Perry Cox, berating her, treating her like she was a little girl, mocking her - few days later, she was gone."

"…did he ever say anything about it?"

Carla shook her head slowly, but suddenly stopped. "Not… exactly. We went out for drinks a few months later, just me and him, and when I brought it up he just said that he couldn't resist a fragile girl who was easily overpowered."

My eyes widened - she laughed and shook her head.

"Oh Bambi, not like that. You have to have noticed by now, Dr. Cox loves playing mind games. He likes to manipulate, he likes to have something over everyone - he's power-mad! Surely you've seen that in him?" I nodded. "The moment I saw you, I knew you'd be the next one. Why do you think I took such an interest in you? I knew he'd see how gentle you were, how big your heart was and how easily you'd be to play around with - and I didn't want you being his new plaything. Even though I knew he was just entertaining himself with that female intern, there was just something about the way he seemed to gravitate back towards you despite his attempts to stay away that made me want to keep that little bit closer, keep my eyes open just in case he went too far."

"Guess I'm lucky you met Turk," I said with another forced smile. Carla smiled back, but her smile was edged with sadness.

"I'm lucky I met both of you," she said softly, lacing her fingers with mine. "I love you so much, Bambi. I don't want to see you get hurt, but now… now I can see I wasn't looking hard enough."

I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat. There was that overwhelming relief; Carla somehow managed to understand. She wasn't telling me to get over it and move on - she could see just how much this was affecting me. "I don't know what to do, Carla. I want to stop thinking about it, stop thinking about him but I don't know how. I don't even know why he's always there, always lingering on my mind -"

"You can't help it, not when he's treating you like this. You're bound to hate him."

"But…" I struggled with my next few words. "I don't hate him. At all."

Something lit up behind her eyes, a new idea, a new piece of information. For a few moments she simply looked at me, her head tilted slightly to one side.

"Bambi…. Do you…" She stopped.

"Do I what?"

That look again, that quizzical light. Slowly she shook her head.

"Nothing. Forget I ever said anything."

I blinked. "You didn't say anything! Do I what? Carla!"

She was heading back towards the door - I followed her, but she simply opened the door and turned to me. I could tell from the look on her face that she was going to stay silent on whatever she'd been thinking.

"I've got to go, JD. I can get the rest of your shift covered - go home, get some rest, pull yourself together. Forget Dr. Cox, okay?"

Forget Dr. Cox? Not likely. My expression probably said as much.

"Just go home, then." She placed a warm hand on my forearm. "Have some time to yourself for once."

With that, she made her way down the stairs, leaving me by the open door with a million and one things on my mind.

X X X X X

Dr. Cox POV

After spending hours waiting for Carla and her bald counterpart to descend upon me with pitchforks and rage, I came to the conclusion that for whatever reason I was being ignored - which suited me fine. I didn't have time for angry nurses and surgeons, my hands were full with not only my patients but somehow Newbie's - it was clear that he had left, though whether that be for the day or forever I didn't know. Nor did I care.

I walked into Mrs. Berry's room, exhausted from the patient load - she took one look at me and smiled slightly.

"And there was me thinking no one could feel worse than I do right now."

Damn it, I cursed inwardly. This woman has fatal cancer. Pull yourself together. I smiled at her, picking up her chart and flipping through - no change. I wasn't surprised.

"No news is good news, right?" Her voice was weak, tired, thin - within weeks of her being admitted here she had somehow become ten times worse. I couldn't see her lasting the month, let alone the year.

"We're doing all we can for you, Mrs. Berry. The moment anything changes you'll be the first to know."

"I know, Dr. Cox. I'm very grateful." Her eyes reached over my shoulder as if searching for something - I knew what she was going to ask before it even escaped her lips. I tensed. "Where's that lovely young doctor you usually have with you? Dr… Dorian?"

"Day off," I replied shortly, knowing my tone would surprise her but not knowing how else to reply. He was not up for discussion, and I knew my attitude said as much.

"Oh. Well, that told me!" She shifted her blankets a little and turned to gaze out of the window - effectively ending our conversation. I suppressed the growl, knowing it wasn't her fault I was in such a foul mood and left the room.

I hated that the kid wasn't anywhere near me yet he was still on my mind.

JD POV

I was going mad sitting in my apartment. It was gone midnight - all I'd done all day was sit around and think, think, think… I'd changed out of my scrubs and was wearing a typically Dorian outfit - long sleeved black top underneath a short sleeved dark blue top and jeans - but it helped. For some reason, taking off my scrubs made me feel further away from the hospital, further from the man that was screwing with my mind so much I was honestly considering my options were I to leave.

Turk had sent me a text to let me know he was out with The Todd, meaning he'd probably stumble home drunk and wanting to talk about Carla - I didn't mind, he was my best buddy and I wanted to be there for him but I had so much on my mind at that moment that I didn't know if I could handle all of it at once. This left me with two options - pretend I was sleeping (and risk him coming in to wake up me up anyway) or going out. But where?

I'd made up my mind within seconds, practically jumping off of the couch and heading towards the door, shoving my sneakers on and leaving the apartment, scooter keys in hand. It wouldn't take me long to get there, especially considering the time.

All the way over there, my head was screaming at me to turn around, go back home, to forget what had happened today and move on but my senses were driving me towards whatever was going to happen in this direction, never relenting, ignoring the cold and biting wind on my skin as I sped and weaved my way through the small amounts of traffic on my journey. I had made my decision and seemed to disregard the fact that I was probably heading towards trouble, rather than away from it.

As I pulled up in front of Sacred Heart, my stomach released a thousand butterflies, all of them clamouring to escape - I shut my eyes, feeling the blood drain from my cheeks, feeling my heart start to hit hard against my chest, telling me to leave and never come back. But I'd clearly made my mind up.

I couldn't leave things the way they were.

Practically stumbling my way up the ramp to the entrance, I took a deep breath as I walked in through the doors - the front reception was almost completely empty, I couldn't remember the last time it had been this deserted. Maybe he'd already gone home. Maybe he hadn't been needed, considering how little patients were around.

Stop trying to convince yourself to leave. Get in there and get on with it.

I forced myself to keep walking, hands clenching and unclenching, skin still cold from outside, waiting for that fatal glimpse of the man I was looking for. I walked past nurses, doctors, surgeons, orderlies - none of them him. Where was he? Maybe he really had left. Maybe this was a stupid idea. Maybe all of my ideas were stupid - it was definitely starting to seem that way.

I ignored the rush of thoughts - just keep walking, JD. You won't get anywhere if you turn around and walk out again, just do it, trust your instincts. Worse comes to worst, Carla can kick his ass tomorrow -

I still hadn't found him. The cafeteria? Maybe he was in there. I was pretty sure I was wrong, it was very unlikely that I'd find him in there - far more likely that he'd be in a patients room, the doctors lounge, by the nurses station - but still I let my feet guide me there, into the dark room that was barely lit.

As I walked in, I saw him.

He was sitting with his back to me, table empty - the light from the streetlamp outside was resting on the back of his lab coat, illuminating him… not that he needed it. He was the only person in there, other than me, and he still had that presence about him. The one that drew me to him. I knew at that moment that even thought I'd spent minutes looking elsewhere, if I'd just let myself feel it I would've known he was here the whole time.

Like the night before on the phone, I found I couldn't speak.

Suddenly he stood; I froze. For three blissful seconds I was safe as he made his way out of there, away from where I stood - but then he, too, stopped in his tracks. I stopped breathing.

Dr. Cox turned, eyes meeting mine across the room. I didn't need to think about not breathing anymore - it happened naturally as he stared at me, my heart picking up despite the fact that it should surely be slowing down from lack of oxygen - I was screwed, well and truly screwed.

A soft growl escaped his throat.

"I told you, Newbie -"

That was all it took. My legs unfroze and I found myself pelting full speed away from him, towards wherever, not caring where I took myself so long as it was somewhere safe. I ran up stairs, hearing him behind me, knowing he wasn't going to give in, would chase me until he could finally - wait, what had he said?

I don't want to see your face, hear your voice or even hear about you again. If I do, I will kill you.

Oh that's right, would chase me until he could kill me! I kept my legs moving, wondering how much higher I could go until I was rewarded with a door, pushing it open and throwing myself out of it with such force that I was at the ledge of the roof within seconds. I took in deep, painful breaths of the cold air, feeling it stab deep down, my head rushing with the adrenaline and the oxygen - I was having trouble catching my breath, the mixture of the exercise and fear making my head spin worse than ever -

Hands closed over the top of my arms, hard; instinctively I wrenched away from them, moving in the direction of the other side of the roof, knowing it was pointless and that I'd been caught but somehow still trying to get away - I stumbled, and within seconds the hands were grasped around my arms once again, harder than before, pulling me up.

Dr. Cox slammed me against the wall near the door, his cold and icy eyes burning as he stared at me, the butterflies in my stomach beginning to jump wildly - I wondered briefly if I would be sick, if that would make him let go of me… but that was hopeless. My eyes were still on his, his eyes still fixed on mine, his breathing coming in as fast and hard as mine, hands not relenting as he held me against the wall.

"I told you -"

"I know, and I'm sorry! I just… I can't leave things like this, I can't…"

His grip loosened slightly, but for some reason I didn't move. I stared into his eyes, willing him to realise that I didn't want things to be different, I wanted us to be the same as ever - I couldn't lose him as a mentor, as someone in my life, he was too important. "Please, Dr. Cox. Just… please."

Dr. Cox POV

Something was changing. I looked at him, how pale he was, the fear in his eyes, the desperation and felt something click inside of me - it was only a small click but it was a click just the same. His eyes, those blue eyes that suddenly reminded me of him standing in the doorway of his room, clutching a pillow and looking at me with so much damned need, were clinging onto my gaze - I tightened my grip again.

"There's nothing you can do, Newbie, things have changed and you know it. I don't want you around anymore and that's that. Deal with it."

He shook his head, tearing his eyes from mine for a second. "No, Dr. Cox. I won't let this happen. I'm not just another 'fragile girl' who you can overpower. I'm me, I'm -"

"You're not what?"

I had heard him, I was almost certain of it - I recognised the words from a looooong time ago, and was now so angry at Carla I couldn't really see straight. She had no right telling him things from the past, things that were surely a private matter.

"I'm n-not a fragile girl," he repeated, stammering on his words - be it from fear or cold I didn't know, but all I did know was that suddenly I couldn't stop looking at his lips, trembling and unhappy. I forced myself to glance up once, catching one last glimpse at his eyes, so vulnerable, so breakable, my words coming out in a low rumble.

"Yes, you are."

And that was when I gave way to the click.

X X X X X

JD POV

At first I wasn't sure what had happened; I was seeing stars, sure, but that usually happened to me when someone hit me or knocked me unconscious - but not when someone kissed me.

Dr. Cox's lips were crushed against mine, hands still grasping my arms like he couldn't let go - it was hurting and I knew I'd have bruises on my skin within hours of him letting go, but I couldn't focus on that. I couldn't focus on anything. My eyes were still open, and all I could see was his skin, his hair, his closed eyes… I was sure I was dreaming, in one of those daydreams I was always trying to pull myself out of before it got to the bad part.

I tried pulling away, moving to the side but his grip tightened even more, somehow holding me in place despite my best efforts to move; his lips were still pressed hard against mine, his body close enough to mine that I could feel the body head radiating from him onto me and for a second I felt my eyes flutter closed, the feel of him kissing me and the scent of him, the masculinity of it, the hardness of his grasp - it made me drift into the present in a more unfamiliar way. The butterflies were back, battling with each other to get out - without warning his lips began to move against mine, his breath hot, and it was that more than anything that suddenly made my hands reach out and grab his waist, pulling him closer and somehow, somehow beginning to lose myself in this kiss that was so so so so so so so wrong -

He pulled back, pushing himself away from me and letting go of my arms - the blood flow rushed back into them, painful, tingling, my eyes flying open.

For what felt like an age, we stared at each other, his eyes hazed over - it reminded me of the way he had looked that first day in the doctor's lounge, the day it had all started.

"I -" the word escaped my lips without being able to stop it. He shook his head, slowly backing away.

"No, Newbie… no."

With that, he was gone - through the door and away from me; with his body heat gone, the cold hit my body in a rush.

I fell to the ground and retched, the taste of horror and realisation sharp on my tongue.