Okay, I'm a horrible person again. All I can say is that I'm trying my best to update but I'm only human you know. So here is 16, hope you all forgive my tardiness in getting it up so late. Enjoy, and please review.

Disclaimer: of course I wish I owned them, but I don't. This is all for the soul purpose of my entertainment, no money is made.

The Search – Chapter 16

Hulk

Luke couldn't believe it when Damian had come into his room to tell him that his mother had finally woken up from her coma. Of course Luke new the truth, but he wondered how his mother had convinced Damian to allow them to see one another. It couldn't be a something good, Luke knew Damian all too well, and now he feared that his mother had made a deal with the devil for him. It had been 2 days since he and Noah had talked and Luke could still feel Noah's lips on his when he closed his eyes and remembered there few moments together. These memories were what were getting him through these extremely painful days.

Luke's physical therapy sessions were going great. He was beginning to feel again and he could actually move his toes. The down side to this miracle was that he was also experiencing painful muscle spasms in his legs. It was as if the weeks of disuse and whatever Damian had been injecting him with were combining to torture his body. The therapist was stumped as to why Luke would be getting these cramps and was trying his hardest to help him through them. When they first began it was during one on his sessions and Luke's legs began to shake uncontrollably. It was as if every muscle in his legs decided to cramp at the same time and he could do nothing but scream in agony. The therapist and Luke's personal guard had to hold him down as the doctor was called in to give him a muscle relaxer.

As Luke thrashed around and screamed he noticed Noah standing hidden in a dark hallway across from the room. He could see the panic look in Noah's face, and could tell that he wanted nothing more than to run to his side and comfort him. From his point of view Luke could see that Noah was struggling with someone who seemed to be holding him back, and he knew that he had to get him the message not to come to him. Luke had an idea, and he hoped it would fool anyone who may be eavesdropping; Damian. Luke sighed heavily fell back onto the bed and hoped that he had the acting skills to make them believe that he had passed out. He knew that his father was aware of his nightmares, so he took advantage of that and suddenly sat up screaming out to Noah, "NOAH! STOP….NO! Plea…se…..Noah…no! Then he fell back against the bed and closed his eyes again, praying that Noah would understand. The doctor was at his side instantly injecting Luke with a sedative.

Luke knew that he had no choice but to lie there and accept what was happening, he couldn't risk all their lives. While the sedative was working its' way through Luke's body, he was still conscious of the fact that his personal guard was standing right next to his bed, his hands slightly touching Luke's thigh. Luke couldn't contain the shiver of fear that ran through his body. He was about to lose consciousness and this monster was going to be alone with him in his room. Luke opened his eyes and looked up into the face of his nightmare and watched him smile. It was more of a leer then a smile, this animal looked like a predator about to devour its' prey. Luke fought as long as he could but the sedative was too strong and the last words out of his lips were said so softly spoken that only the nightmare guarding him heard, "No…a…h…" Luke watched as he fought against the impending darkness the man's smile grow bigger as his hands began to move to other parts of Luke's body, parts that would only ever belong to Noah, that only Noah would ever be allowed to touch. As the darkness descended Luke prayed to the God he believed in that this nightmare would be kept away from him.

Noah fought against Antonio's grip as he heard Luke screaming in agony. They had been setting up an arrangement of flowers across from the physical therapy room, when he heard Luke scream in pain. He looked over in time to watch Luke clutching his legs, which seemed to be shaking of their own accord. Luke's face was flushed and even from the distance between the room and the hallway where Noah and Antonio stood, he could see Luke's hair plastered to his forehead, wet with sweat, and his face contorted in agony. Just a few minutes before Noah had caught Luke's eyes while the therapist was working on moving Luke's legs up and down, as he had down once himself, not that long ago. Noah looked away, he knew they couldn't get caught and if he kept looking at Luke he knew sooner or later someone would notice. He had just turned his back when the scream cut through his body and stopped his heart cold.

Antonio had a tight grip on Noah's arms and was dragging him further back into the hallway. They both stopped when Noah heard Luke say his name. "NOAH! STOP….NO! Plea…se…..Noah…no! Noah knew that Luke was sending him a message and he stopped fighting Antonio as he dragged him into an empty room, "boy….I will not tell you this again. You cannot go to him." Noah looked down; he knew that he was letting his feelings get in the way of them doing what was needed. But his love for Luke was so strong, that hearing him in pain caused a knee jerk reaction. Antonio grabbed Noah's chin and raised it to meet his eyes, "do you understand me? You could have ended this right here and now. Is that what you want, Noah? Do you want all the hard work to be for nothing?" Noah pulled his face away from Antonio's grip, "I know I was wrong, and I am sorry. But hearing him scream in that kind of pain…..it just…..it…it was reflex. It won't happen again. I'm sorry Antonio, I won't fail you or all the others who are helping us." Noah straightened his shoulders took a deep breath and centered himself, like his therapist had taught him, those first few weeks prior to his surgery and the month after. He thought back to those days and realized how much he had needed those sessions, so much more than he ever believed.

Dallas, TX

Shortly after arriving in Dallas, Noah found out that part of the requirement to his surgery was to see a psychiatrist. It was for the good of the patients who had the possibility of their surgery not working. Noah was in no way pleased with this bit of information, but he was told if he did not do it then he could not have the surgery. They had to be sure that he would be alright and not try to hurt himself if the surgery failed.

The first day of this forced therapy as he liked to think of it was the day after he arrived in Dallas. He was to go to see the Psychiatrist first then some more physical therapy. Noah waited impatiently in the waiting room of Dr. Timothy Harris. He couldn't quite keep his leg from bouncing up and down impatiently and secretly wishing Luke was with him to hold his hand. Noah threw out that thought as soon as it hit him, he wanted independence from Luke and he got it. Luke had broken up with him before he left for Texas.

Noah tried to explain to Luke why he needed the space and time away from him, "I will never be the same Noah Mayer I was before." He knew Luke wouldn't understand that he would keep pushing, but that was Luke, "Dr. Oliver doesn't think that's true." Noah was beginning to get frustrated, he couldn't seem to make Luke understand what he was saying, "Dr. Oliver is sure he can give me my sight back, and I want a Doctor who's sure. But I can't be…I can't be, cause I'm going to have to live the rest of my life like this if he fails." What happened next tore through Noah's soul as he listened to the realization hit Luke, "then why do you think you need to learn all of this stuff on your own if we're gonna to be together? Noah….what are you trying to say here?" Noah's walls went up and he put on the mask he kept very well secured in his mind, so not to show how his insides where twisting and making him want to die from just listening to the pain in Luke's voice, "you know…we don't know what's going to happen."

Noah wished so hard he could reach out and touch Luke, take away the pain he was causing him. He knew Luke wouldn't stop and that he was getting really close to understanding where Noah was leading them, he could hear the break in Luke's voice as he spoke, "well, I always thought that we both knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together." Noah could feel Luke's breath close to him, he could smell him, that scent that was uniquely Luke, but he had to keep his mask in place, he knew what he had to do, he couldn't burden Luke with a blind man for the rest of his life, he deserved so much more, so when Noah spoke he said the words that he knew would anger Luke, "things change." Luke was getting angry and Noah knew his breaking point was coming, "please stop using that excuse."

Noah's resolve was slowly crumbling, but he pulled it back, "I'm sorry, I wish I….I could make this easier…I wish I could do this better, but I can't. It's just what I need to do." Luke was trying so hard not to break down and Noah knew what was coming next, "what about what I need?" Noah knew he wouldn't be able to keep some of his emotions out of his voice, even though he tried, "I'm sorry. Hey…I…I know that this is selfish, but I'm just being honest." That was it; that was going to be the breaking point for Luke and Noah knew it. He could hear Luke take a deep breath, reading himself for what he was about to say, "I'm sorry too, because…honestly Noah, I need more from you, and if you can't give me that, then I can't do this anymore."

Ever the stronger of the two, Noah kept his emotions in check, and tried not to let Luke know how much this was killing him inside. Luke of course wore his heart on his sleeve, and Noah could hear the tears in his voice and the small gasps Luke tried to hold in. When they hugged goodbye, he could feel Luke's body shaking with sobs and his tears where soaking through Noah's sweater. Even then as Luke tried to tell Noah that he loved him, "Noah….I….", Noah cut him off with his standard answer that didn't give away too much, "yeah…same here…"

Noah was brought out of his memories by the sound of the receptionist telling him that the doctor was ready to see him. It took months of work for Noah to realize why he did what he did to Luke. Dr. Harris was very good at what his job, he got past Noah's walls and helped him see that he left Luke before Luke could leave him. They were going to be tough sessions and it turned out that the therapy was not just to make sure he was stable enough to handle a letdown if the surgery failed, but to also help him come to terms with what he did to others who tried to love him and help him.

It had been 2 weeks after his surgery and he was still being brought down to have his sessions with Dr. Harris. The bandages where coming off and he knew that it if he didn't see right away, then he would have to deal with being blind for the rest of his life, as well as alone. He was sure that Luke would have moved on by now, especially after the way Noah had treated him. How could he not, Luke was one of the most beautiful people Noah had ever seen, even though Luke said women were beautiful and he wasn't, Noah would never stop thinking that he was so wrong. When the doctor asked Noah to tell him about someone he loved, to describe this person, the only face that came to his mind was Luke's. He took a deep breath and began, "Luke….Luke is beautiful and I don't mean just on the outside. He loves unconditionally and sacrifices for those he loves most. His hair is this beautiful shade of dark yellow, I guess you could call it gold, and his smile, God, his smile lights up a room. He has these beautiful dimples that used to make my knees week, I wanted to always make him smile just so I could see them. And his….his eyes are this rich chocolate brown, that when they look at you, it's like they're looking into your soul and you want nothing more than to get lost in them." Noah stopped, he could feel his cheeks ache from how hard he had been smiling while thinking of Luke, and realized that he hadn't smiled like that in a long time.

Dr. Harris watched as Noah's face lit up. It was the first time he'd actually seen Noah really happy. And it all stemmed from his memories of the man he loved. The Doctor was never good at coddling his patients, he knew he had to call Noah out on what he was feeling, no matter how hard it would be, "I notice that your face seems to light up and you have the biggest smile on your face Noah, when you say his name. Why is that Noah, if you're no longer with Luke?" Noah, knew he had been smiling but he wasn't expecting the Doctor to be so blunt with his questions as to why. He stopped smiling immediately and tried to hide behind his mask again. "I guess I can't help it. Luke and I had what we thought at the time to be a great love. I was young and naïve and I guess I still have a bit of those old emotions inside. Luke is a great person he loves to help people and deserves the best life can give him…not…." Noah stopped himself before he could finish that sentence, but Dr. Harris was not going to let him get away with that, "not..what, Noah? Not some blind guy who can't even take care of himself. Not some burden that he'd have to carry for the rest of his life. Or maybe, not to have to make the choice of leaving you when he realizes that you are damaged beyond repair." Noah sat stunned, he'd never known someone who was this blunt, "I thought you were here to help me, not make me feel like crap?" Noah, could hear the doctor inhale, almost like he was trying to calm himself before he spoke again, "I am here to help you Noah, but I'm not here to coddle or to facilitate you in your need to lie to yourself. I will not help you deny what you were really thinking and feeling when you left Oakdale, and Luke behind." Noah, could feel the tears running down his cheeks, he hadn't realized until that moment that he had been crying. "Is our time up yet? I'm really tired and I want to get some rest." Again Noah could hear the doctor take a deep breath before he spoke, "alright Noah, I see that we still have work ahead of us. But don't think that this conversation is over." Noah could hear the Doctor stand and open the door for the nurse who was waiting with his wheelchair to take him back to his room.

As he sat in his room alone all he could do was think about what Dr. Harris had said. How he was afraid that Luke would one day realize his mistake and leave Noah. No one wants to be burdened for the rest of their lives with someone who can't take care of themselves. At least that was what Noah believed, so why not push Luke away before he could leave Noah, like his mother did. Noah curled up in his bed and cried. He wept tears for his loss, for Luke who because of his own stupidity he probably lost forever. Noah could picture Luke's face in his head, he could see those beautiful expressive brown eyes that always let Noah know how he was feeling. Whether they were sad, happy, or Noah's favorite, horny, Noah could always read Luke by the way that he looked at him. But when he lost the ability to see Luke's eyes and to be able to read Luke's feelings he knew that they would never be the same again, and that Luke would one day get tired of Noah not being fully there for him. So he did, what he does best, he pushed Luke away. He pushed him so hard this time, that maybe there would be no coming back from it. He would have to try though, no matter how long it took, he would find a way to get Luke back. He had to.

The next day his bandages came off, and Noah could only see blurred images, but he could see. It took some more weeks of therapy and marathon sessions with Dr. Harris before Noah decided to go back to Oakdale, back to Luke, if he would have him. Then all hell broke loose and Noah lost Luke again.

Noah snapped out of his memories when Antonio began to shake him, "Noah…Noah, are you alright. Does your head hurt again?" Noah opened his eyes, they were moist with unshed tears but he pushed it back and answered his worried friend, "no, Antonio, thank you for worrying, but I'm fine. I was just taking control of my emotions. A technique I learned in Texas." He smiled when he saw the confused look Antonio was giving him, "really, I'm fine. Let's get back out there before anyone realizes we're missing." As they stepped back out into the hallway Noah noticed that Damian was outside of Luke's room talking with his doctor. He looked back in the room, through the glass walls and saw that Luke was alone with his personal guard and unconscious. As Noah watched he saw the man look up toward Damian and the Doctor, as if he were trying to determine if they could see him or not.

The man took advantage that Damian and the Doctor where busy talking and he did something that made Noah want to run into that room and tear his head off. The huge muscled man was touching Luke. He wasn't just touching him though; he was caressing Luke's body. Luke lay unconscious on the bed and this man was running his huge fingers through Luke's hair, then he was slowly sliding his hands down, touching Luke like only Noah should ever touch him. He watched as this giant licked his lips and closed his eyes as his hands traveled to Luke's groin. It took Antonio holding him back and pinning him up against the wall with his hand covering Noah's mouth to keep Noah from screaming and running into that room, "Noah, do not do this. It's almost over I promise. Luke will be safe soon." Noah could only turn his head slightly as he watched this behemoth of a man pick up Luke's unconscious body and carry him toward his room. He was going to be alone with a helpless Luke and Noah was ready to go find the gun Antonio had hidden in the kitchen and use it on him. Fortunately, just as Noah was going to break free of Antonio he watched as Damian headed to Luke's room.

Even though Noah could see Damian enter the room he was still in a panic, since this animal had been alone with Luke for at least ten minutes, which felt more like 10 hours to Noah as he wondered what that animal was doing to Luke, while he couldn't fight back. Noah knew at the moment that he had no more doubts about using the guns that were hidden throughout various strategic places, and if he had to killing anyone who tried to stop him from getting to Luke. This included this monster of a man who Noah knew would only go down with a bullet between the eyes. Noah shuddered as these thoughts came to him, and he knew that for a short while he would have to really become the Colonels son; 'wouldn't he be proud', Noah thought sarcastically. Noah looked around the corner to Luke's room and whispered mainly to himself, "I'm coming Luke, just hold on a little longer. I won't let him hurt you."

Antonio stood behind this young man and watched his transformation. It scared him to see the cold look in Noah's eyes as he stared at the closed door to Luke's room. He had no doubt that if he had let Noah get away he would have gotten one of the guns and shot the man who had been touching Luke, right between the eyes. Antonio watched as Noah's body shook from his anger and frustration of not being able to help the one he loved. He watched this gentle loving young man turn into something else, a cold calculated killer. Antonio had seen that look before in men whom he knew where pushed to the brink and beyond. He had seen that look in his own eyes after his wife had been attacked. He wanted nothing more than to kill the sons of bitches that hurt her, that took her away from him, not just physically but mentally as well. If it hadn't been for his children he would have gotten as many weapons as he could and killed every single criminal he saw until they took him out. All Antonio could hope now was that this transformation Noah was going through was only temporary, and not just for his sake but for those who loved him as well. The party was in a few days and Antonio prayed that Noah would be able to hold out long enough for their plan to come to the conclusion they all hoped would end this nightmare.