xiii: Dear Hermione
Dear Hermione,
You'll never read this letter. I'm not going to send it - and even if I did, I doubt you'd get it because the owl probably wouldn't get through your security charms. You really are too clever for your own good sometimes. But I need to write this. Writing to you (well, imagining writing to you) is the closest I can get to telling you how sorry I really am. Because I'm so, so sorry.
It was a burst of anger. That's all. I have them all the time, and you know I do. Sometimes I just need some air, some time away from people, so that I can sort myself out. We're always bickering, but it never takes us long to make up, does it? Well, that's not counting last year... crap, I didn't mean to bring that up. Ugh. I'd cross this out, or screw it up and start again... but what's the point? You're not even going to see it anyway.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I wanted to come back five minutes after I left. The Horcrux seems to affect me more than it does you or Harry. I left because I was tired, hungry and angry, and I needed some time. But I can't use those as excuses - this is the real world now. We're fighting Voldemort (how ridiculous is it that I struggle to even write the name?), and if I lose control, we could all be dead. Maybe it's good in a way that I left... puts you in less danger. I needed to grow up and take hold of my emotions a long time ago.
I'm like this because I'm a jealous git. It hurts when you sit down and discuss your theories with Harry, and it shouldn't because he's your friend too and he's cleverer than me, but it hurts that I'm not good enough for you. Because I love you, Hermione, and I'm too much of a coward to admit it. It took me so long to even admit it to myself, which was what the whole Lavender thing was about. But I know it now, and I'm truly sorry for that and everything else.
I can't even explain how much I wish I could go back. You know I'm no good at writing - in fact I know you'd be all over this with your quill, crossing things out and changing things nearly every sentence. But know that not a moment goes by when I don't worry about you, and wish I could go back in time and change everything. If only we hadn't destroyed all the Time Turners at the Ministry, eh? But seriously, I'll never forgive myself if anything happens to you. Please, stay safe. And, even though I don't deserve it, hopefully you'll be able to forgive me one day.
All my love,
Ron
A/N: For the prompt "letter" on the OTP Boot Camp. This is quite incoherent, but it's meant to be - I think Ron would be pretty mixed up at this point. It makes me saaaaad :'(
Also I suck at replying to reviews even more than usual at the moment, but I'd just like to say thank you for all the lovely feedback on the last chapter because it was probably the one I most enjoyed writing. :)