What can I say? It's been an absolute pleasure reading your reviews so far; I'd just like to apologise for the typos in the last chapter - I was so excited to write it and post it (slashiest chapter so far and all!) that I didn't re-read it through, just slapped it on FF with the hopes that I didn't mess up. I did, and I am genuinely sorry for it!

So let's move on, shall we? Chapter thirteen. Have fun!

Chapter Thirteen - Drink Up Me Hearties

Dr. Cox POV

"Newbie. Let's go."

I didn't know if he was still crying, nor did it matter - I needed to get him out of there. He was drunk, vulnerable and could become hysterical at any second - something I didn't really want to deal with at that moment in time. I pulled myself away from him, grasping him hard by the shoulders and forcing him to look me in the eye.

"C'mon, I'm taking you home."

He looked away, ashamed, flushed from crying, looking more and more like a scared little boy than the man I'd been pressed up against minutes ago… it was unsettling, the change. For a moment I was tempted to just leave, to let him look after himself and go back to being an asshole the moment we saw each other, but it was too late for that. Not only had something 'happened', it was me that had initiated it. There was no more denying that there was something else there, be it important or not - I didn't know how things would change from now on, nor did I want to know.

"I don't… I don't know." He looked up at me again, his eyes large and lost. My stomach clenched.

"You don't need to know anything right now, kid," I sighed, reaching down and taking his wrist in my hand; as if by instinct rather than active decision, JD turned so that his hand slipped into mine - I froze, staring down at our cupping hands and trying to resist the urge to tear away. I didn't want this sort of intimacy with him. I had come to a decision - albeit one that could be potentially damaging on so many levels - that no matter what happened, whatever things we ended up doing, so long as I kept myself emotionally distanced it would be fine. That's, of course, ignoring what this could do to my relationship.

Right at that second, though, Jordan was the last thing on my mind.

"But…"

"Come on."

"But what are we… I mean, what are you -"

"I won't say it again, JD. We're leaving, Keep a hold of my hand and follow me out."

I turned and started to pull him after me, through the crowds until we finally reached the door. I didn't wait for him to pull himself together - I carried on dragging him, out into the somewhat misty street, towards my car that was parked on the other side of the road. Newbie looked from me to the car before shaking his head.

"You can't drive, Dr. Cox, you're drunk."

I unlocked the car and motioned for him to get himself in. "No, I'm not."

He fell in beside me, red-rimmed eyes confused as he stared at the steering wheel, trying to work something out. Eventually he said, "So why did you just do that?"

I leant across him to shut the door, before pulling his seat-belt across his body for him; the scent of him surrounded me, giving my arousal another surge of power - goddamn it, Perry, get it together. "Do what?"

He looked at me, frowning slightly. "You know… what happened in there… the kissing, the grinding and touching, making me -"

"I did it because I wanted to," I replied shortly, starting the engine and staring ahead and out of the windscreen. For a few seconds the silence was blissful, until I felt a slight shaking from beside me. I turned, my fears confirmed - he was crying again. He lifted his hands up, gesturing with them at nothing.

"But why? I don't get it. I don't understand. Dr. Cox, I just don't understand."

His drunken ramblings were slightly annoying.

I sighed tiredly. Should I do this now whilst he was out of his head or wait until he was sober? I decided to try it now. "Because something changed, Newbie. When you did what you did yesterday -"

"When I kissed you?"

I grimaced. "Yeah, that. Afterwards I couldn't stop myself from thinking about it. This morning when we sorted out the rest of the paperwork I couldn't stop myself from thinking about it. Over and over, playing in my mind like a goddamned movie." I glanced at him, but his eyes were staring at the dashboard. I carried on. "Thing is, Newbie, this can't go anywhere. What just happened in there…"

"That was amazing," he whispered, a drunken smile lighting up his face in stark contrast to the tears streaking his cheeks. "As in, seriously amazing. Your hands on me, just… god."

I couldn't help the tiny grin that escaped, but I managed to suppress it before he got too carried away. "All right there, no need to go on about it. It was fun, but it was one of those things that you have to get out of your system and not repeat ever again. You understand what I'm saying?"

He hesitated. "That… you don't want to do it again?" His eyes met mine, asking for confirmation - I half nodded, before changing my mind and shaking my head.

"I gotta tell you, 'cos I can't see any point in lying - but I think under the right circumstances I could easily do that again. It's very…" I took a deep breath before looking away. "It's very easy to get carried away with you."

Newbie snorted. "Cos I'm a vulnerable little girl, right?"

I raised my eyebrow. "You certainly weren't acting like it in there. At least, not for the most part."

He blushed. I decided that was enough for one night.

"Okay, enough talking now. I'm taking you home."

"Awww, can't we go somewhere else?"

"No, you need sleep for work tomorrow, don't think I'm going to let you slip up just because you had a late night."

He grinned. "But I have a day off!"

Was that disappointment I felt stabbing at my stomach?

"Gotta let Carla know that you're okay."

He seemed to take this seriously, collapsing against the chair and shutting his eyes. "You know what's best."

I did. He wasn't in any sort of position to know what was best for him, so I guessed it was up to me to decide. That was fine by me; taking control was a talent of mine, and at a time like this it was the only thing I could do. I drove slowly through the streets, not wanting to make the car judder too much - the last thing I needed was him throwing up all over me and my most prized possession… that being the car, not him. Once upon a time I saw him almost like a possession, a trophy, the best resident there was - now it was different. I had, somewhere along the line, let him become something else and that more than anything was driving me insane. No one was allowed to get close. Even Jordan had to keep an emotional distance, though this was as much her choice as mine,

Jordan.

Shit. She didn't know I was going out tonight, and was going to wonder where the hell I was. Then again, she disappeared for random hours during the day and night, so maybe it was my turn - another good thing about Jordan was that she wasn't afraid to do what she wanted to do, and expected me to be the same. There were a lot of things I liked about being with Jordan. So why was I doing this? Technically, I realised, I was having an affair - even if it ended after tonight, we'd kissed twice and now I'd taken it a step further… there was no denying that, either. Damn it, had I completely lost my mind?

"Donwannagohome."

"Well you're going there whether you like it or not. You're sure as hell not coming home with me."

Silence. I kept driving, trying to ignore the building frustrating in my chest. I truly didn't want to take him home - that would mean waking up with him in the same building with me, though looking at it realistically I had already done that once this month. I remembered him standing there in his sweats, clutching a pillow and looking at me with big eyes. An uncomfortable stirring in my stomach made the frustration grow, to the point where when we eventually reached his apartment I wanted to just shove him out of the door and get home.

"We're here, Newbie," I said loudly, knowing he was sleeping but not particularly caring. I had been too intimate tonight anyway, holding him like that in the club as he sobbed all over my shirt - now was not the time to build on it. I stepped out of the car, walking around to his side and opening his door, pulling him out. "You okay to get up to your apartment?"

He nodded slowly, hazily focusing on me as I held him up, at a distance. His blue eyes found mine, and with painful hesitation, he stepped closer. I stepped away.

"Get upstairs, kid, you're drunk and need to sleep it off."

Damn he looked hurt.

"I want to… I want…"

"I'm leaving now. Go sleep."

I turned away, walking back to the drivers side of the car and sitting down, slamming the door. When I turned to glance at the block of apartments, he was standing at the door, fumbling with his keys. I started the engine - suddenly he had turned back to face the car.

I read his lips clearly. "Text me?"

I drove away, knowing with an irritating acceptance that I would do just that.

X X X X X

I pulled my cell out of my pocket and set it down on the bedside counter; Jordan wasn't in. Quickly I pulled off my clothes, showering and scrubbing hard, vaguely acknowledging that I was punishing myself for what I had started. Only when my skin was raw did I step out and back into the bedroom, pulling on a pair of clean boxers and slipping between the sheets. It was cool and comforting; the pounding headache that had started around my temples was temporarily soothed by the pillow beneath my head.

I lifted my phone from its place and glanced at the screen. 1 New Message.

I sighed. I knew who it would be from.

Joanna (02:21) Thamk wou for taling me home. Thank yno for the orgbsm. Not gay thougg.

I rolled my eyes.

I know you're not. Now go to sleep.

I couldn't help it; I waited for a reply. It came ten minutes later.

Joanna (02:34) I whsh you were here to cuddl me to slep

No… no, he couldn't say things like that. He shouldn't. Sex was detached, but cuddling… cuddling was something even Jordan and I didn't do. I hesitated before replying.

You'll do fine with a pillow. Don't say things like that Newbie, it's not appropriate.

Joanna (02:45) I cant help it. Godnight. X

Was that a kiss at the end? What did he think I was, his boyfriend?! This was clearly out of control - somehow I had played him so hard that he had developed feelings for me, whether he would admit them or not. The only problem was, I didn't return them. At all. True, just thinking about what had happened earlier gave me a hard-on, but that was sex. It was sexual. It wasn't and would never be emotional.

I switched my phone off and didn't sleep.

X X X X X

JD POV

Oh god, oh god, oh god -

Ignoring the fact that I had the hangover from hell the next day, that was the last thing on my mind. The fact of the matter was that Dr. Cox had made me come in the middle of the dance floor, and that he had wanted to. He had started it.

And that I had liked it.

Worse was the first thing that Carla said to me the next morning.

"I saw you and Dr. Cox, JD."

I pulled the cushion I was holding closer to me and refused to look at her. She came around the sofa and sat next to me.

"Don't pretend you didn't hear me, I know you did. I saw what you were doing, or more to the point, what he was doing. I saw the entire thing."

I gulped. "Did… did anyone else see?"

"Elliot did. Turk didn't."

Thank god.

"What do you… what are you thinking?"

She half-smiled. "It's difficult, Bambi. On the one hand I'm happy that he finally did something positive -" I blushed. " - but on the other hand, this could get very messy."

I nodded. "I know."

"What about Jordan, JD? Did you think that through?"

I shook my head. "No." I hadn't even considered her.

"Are you going to tell him how you really feel?"

This made me laugh - which made my head hurt. "How I really feel? I don't even know what that is, let alone how I could ever vocalise it. You know Dr. Cox better than I do, so you must at least be aware that he'd never want a… a relationship."

She didn't deny it. "It was difficult enough for him to admit he loved Jordan, let alone marry her."

The next words that appeared in my head made me stop for a moment. "It's just… before now, I looked at him as a demented kind of father-figure, or the scary uncle. At least I tried to. What I do know is that these feelings… I haven't had them before. For him, I mean. They're pretty much new."

Carla nodded. "I know sweetie. That much is obvious."

I forced myself to look at her.

"So how did you know I would have, or did have feelings for him, if that's what this is?"

"I'm good at reading people, that's all. You didn't make it obvious."

I could vaguely recall Dr. Kelso's comment about homophobic eye-contact. "I really hope not."

For a few minutes we sat in silence, my head whirring with the thoughts that were spinning around in their little boxes, confusing and upsetting me. Eventually I couldn't contain it anymore.

"GOD! I don't want this! I don't want to be all confused about him, I don't want to remember what he did and get all, you know," I waved in the general direction of my crotch - she smirked. "I just want things to be back to normal. But at the same time I want to…"

"See where it goes?"

I nodded pathetically; she leaned over and placed her hand on mine; her engagement ring glittered up at me, making my eyes hurt. "All I can suggest is that you keep things on the down low. You don't want anyone else knowing. Elliot and I will keep it to ourselves, and Turk is so disturbed by the thought of you being in love with a man that he won't say anything to anyone."

That nod again - but then I realised what she had said. "Carla, I'm not in love with him."

She looked at me sympathetically. "No?"

"No! Yes, I have feelings I don't quite understand and, yes, I miss him when I don't see him… and okay, I like it when he gives me a rare compliment or a hug and it brightens my day when he smiles at me, but -"

"But you're in denial?"

"NO!" I exploded. "I'm not in love with him, I just have…" I realised it as I said it. "Have ridiculously strong feelings for him."

This seemed to satisfy her, but she clearly wasn't going to completely drop the subject. "But you will fall in love with him."

I smiled wryly at her, knowing the truth of her words and knowing the truth of what I was about to say. "Not if he can help it."

X X X X X

Turk approached me later that day.

"Dude, I need your help."

"Sure, what's up C-Bear?"

He sat beside me, looked around him carefully before leaning forward. I leant forward with him, instantly intrigued. "I smell a secret on the horizon… don't keep me waiting, I can't stand the anticipation!"

He set his hands out in front of him, spreading his fingers. I recognised this as his 'we have something serious to discuss and you must keep QUIET about it' action, and zipped my lips. "Carla's birthday is coming up."

Instantly I became excited. "What you think of doves? I know, I know, a little corny but just imagine, we can let them free outside of the window or something -"

"JD, I love you man, but this is not the time for your crazy ideas, okay?" I tried not to feel offended. "It's her 36th and I want it to be special. I'm not talking going out to an expensive restaurant or whatnot, we all know a brother does it better when it's done his way. You following so far?"

I nodded, intent on keeping up and helping Turk out.

"So I know it's not original or something, but I was thinking a party or something? Like, a house party?"

I blinked.

"But we have an apartment. The neighbours would kill us."

He nodded. "They'd kill us here, but what if we had it at someone else's apartment? Someone who doesn't care who they piss off?"

I had a horrible idea that I knew where this was going. "Ooookaaay… where were you thinking?"

His deep brown eyes looked into mine in the way that screamed love… oh god, he knew I couldn't deny him…

"Dr. Cox's place, maybe?"

I sighed and fell back on the couch. "Yeah, 'cos he'd agree to that."

"Dude, you know usually I wouldn't ask, but I can't exactly get Carla to ask, can I? Would ruin the surprise!" He got down on his knees. I panicked and picked up the remote control in defence. "JD, I'm asking you as my best friend and brother from another mother - will you please ask Dr. Cox if we could use his apartment for the party? I will owe you BIG time. BIG time." He stopped for a second and shook his head vehemently. "Actually no, you owe me big time anyway for going to that stupid gay club with you last night. And the eyeliner, I won't forget that either…"

I didn't want to think about yesterday - too befuddling. In desperation to distract him before he asked the question I could see dawning in his eyes, I said a little too quickly,

"Fine I'll ask him!"

His eyes brightened; I excitedly acknowledged the possibility of a hug. "You'll do it?"

I nodded, dread filling my stomach like iron. "Yeah, I'd do anything for you, buddy."

He threw himself at me in the classic Black Whale hug, and I enveloped him in my arms - oh, it was heaven… his head was so warm and smooth…

"Okay, so I'm gonna need your help organising this thing." He was out of my arms and holding a tiny notepad that I recognised as mine - I stored this away in the back of my mind to chide him about later. "We need food, decorations, music, guests… what else?"

I took my back-up notepad out from under the couch cushion (well, you never know!). "What about pictures of Carla from over the years, put up on some sort of giant notice-board?"

He nodded. "That's an awesome idea. Should we have a theme of some kind?"

YES!!! "I don't know, would Carla want a theme?"

Turk thought for a second. "Good point. Well, we could have a Puerto Rican themed party?"

I stifled a grin. "She might kill you for that. She's Dominican."

"Damn!"

Well, we can still have some sort of theme that's linked with her background, right?"

Turk suddenly grinned, a full grin that made me grin right back.

"I've GOT it."

X X X X X

Elliot blinked.

"Pirates?"

We both nodded, smug. She raised an eyebrow.

"How exactly are pirates linked to Carla's background?"

Chocolate Bear shrugged. "I don't know, but she'll love it."

"Okay, it's your funeral… but how am I supposed to explain to her why I'm dressed up as a pirate when I drive to pick her up from the hospital?"

"Easy - just tell her you were in the middle of some sort of roleplaying sex with Shaun," I replied, trying not to cringe at the thought of it. This seemed to suit Elliot though, as she suddenly blushed red and made her excuses. Turk called after her,

"You do decorations!"

She lifted a hand in acknowledgement - Turk and I high-fived - without warning, The Todd popped up from behind the nurses station. He grinned and lifted his hand. "Can The Todd have some decoration love?"

I edged away. "Turk would LOVE to give you some love."

After they slapped palms, The Todd turned to me. "You know how I like to decorate?"

"I don't know, Todd, but I'll bet it's something to do with sex, right?" I replied quickly, ducking behind Turk - I didn't want to have to high-five him. It hurt.

"Rhonda, I thought you weren't working today?"

I twisted around, finding Dr. Cox in his usual lab coat and standing holding a chart. He wasn't looking at me, rather looking at the chart, but I still felt my knees weaken with panic.

"Uh, yeah, Turk and I are just -" I turned to motion to Turk to help me out, but he was gone - damn him and his muscled legs! "Um, just planning Carla's birthday party. We wanted to run something by Elliot, so we -"

He whistled; that hurt too. Did it have to be so high and piercing?

"That's enough of that, I don't have time to stand around and chitchat. Unless you've forgotten, this is a hospital and I have patients to look after."

"Well you spoke to me first," I mumbled, turning to leave. It was then that I spotted Turk hiding around the corner, motioning wildly for me to ask the question I had forgotten about in Dr. Cox's immediate presence. I turned again unwillingly, sighing. "Dr. Cox, I have a favour to ask -"

"No."

My mouth gaped open. "But… I haven't even asked you yet!"

"I'm aware of that Cindy, but whatever you need I most certainly will not provide."

It was then that I knew how to work it - I didn't know how the idea popped into my head, but I knew it'd work. Somehow. "That's okay, I'll just ask someone else. I don't need you specifically, so…"

He folded his arms, eyes meeting mine. "Oh really? In which case, you won't mind me asking what it is you wanted?"

I pretended that I was hesitating. "No, it's… it's not important. Someone else can help out, I've already had an offer, so -"

He flashed his hand; his imaginary warning light. "I won't ask again, Helena."

Three girls names in less than five minutes - I was on a roll. "Well, we need a place to hold Carla's birthday party next weekend, but I knew you wouldn't be interested anyway, and like I said, I've already had an offer, so…"

The 'warning light' stopped. He folded his arms.

"You can have it at my place."

"But Dr. Cox -"

"You don't have a choice there, Newbie." I tried my best to look disappointed and scared at the same time; it totally worked. He grinned sadistically. It made my stomach roll - but not in the same way it used to. "Have it at mine. Carla's an old friend and it makes sense to have it at mine. Plus it means I can spend the entire evening with you as my personal waiter, seeing as you'll owe me one."

It was a threat; I knew it was a threat. And I loved it. Somewhere in the back of my mind there were thousands of mini-JD's slapping their palms on their heads in frustration that I was purposefully using his sadistic side to an advantage - and not just Turk's. It gave me a thrill to know that he thought he had something over me. It made me wonder what he might do.

My stomach churned again - I was sort of horrified by the way I was starting to view this situation, it sickened me a little… but I couldn't ignore the pull I had towards it. I couldn't ignore the budding curiosity.

Nor could I ignore that it was quite a bit more than that, too.

I forced a look of annoyance before turning and walking towards Turk, the entrance and away from my tormentor -

- only this time, I was a willing tormentee.

Dr. Cox POV

I forced myself to look away as he walked away.

And grinned.