Hello all! No excuses this time as to the length of time between updates, just an apology. I've been busy lately and a bit unmotivated to write anything that I have currently going. I do have a Naomily story in the works that I will completely finish before posting. Right now it's around 12k, but I'm guessing it may get up to around 30k.
Anyway, I do hope you enjoy this chapter. You get to find out some of what Anthea wrote in her journal.
Thank you as always for your alerts, subs, and reviews. I love getting them, and it's some random one's I've received as of late that prompted me to hurry up and get this chapter done. Let me know what you think!
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Dearest Jenna,
This is the first letter I've ever written to you, yet I know I'll never send it, never tear it from this journal, and never have you read it. You and I both know that our lives would be turned upside down because of what we are and what we've been doing together. I know that somewhere in your heart you believe that what we have is wrong, that we are wrapped up in a tornado of sin... but I don't see it that way. Love is never wrong, especially to God. Isn't God supposed to be the epitome of love? You've told me this same thing before, time and time again, and I still believe with every fibre of my being that what we have is nothing to be ashamed of.
Behind closed doors we are close, much closer than simple friends. Friends don't touch like we do, don't embrace like we do, and don't kiss like we do. Sure, it's innocent enough, our clothes stay on, yet our hands sometimes roam under the constricting fabric until you decide that we should stop. I never want you to stop, Jenna. Your fingertips set my skin on fire and my blood feels as if it is lava rushing forth from an active volcano.
Just give us a chance. We can run away together if your parents don't accept what we are. You know you can always live at mine; my parents couldn't care less what we are, as long as I'm happy. They would accept you with open arms and smiles on their faces, they love you as an adopted daughter that they never had to adopt.
Stop fighting it.
A
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Emily's voice was shaking as she read the first journal entree written by Anthea. Naomi stayed quiet as the emotion poured off the page from her lover's lips. Emily couldn't help thinking that Effy was absolutely correct by saying they were more than friends. It made her nervous to go on, though, because if there was this much intensity on the first page, she could only wonder how much more would be there as time went on.
"Shit, Naoms," Emily whispered softly as she stared at the neat script on the page. Her hand hovered on the top corner of the page as if she was going to turn it, but she never did. Her eyes took in the date and mentally calculated the age of her mum at the time it was written. Fifteen. Jenna would have been fifteen at the time, nearly sixteen.
To her credit, Naomi continued to stay silent, even if she did have a herd of thoughts racing through her head. Her hand drifted to Emily's lower back and she traced small circles at the small of her back. It was something that never failed to calm down the redhead, but this time it didn't seem to be working. The blonde bit down on her tongue to keep her from saying something rude and sarcastic about Jenna being the hugest hypocrite on earth.
Emily turned the page after hesitating for long enough. She couldn't stop now though.
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Jenna, my love,
You are beautiful. I can't seem to tell you enough just how gorgeous you are to me. I could shout it from the rooftops or tattoo it on my forehead, and I don't think it would be enough. If only you didn't have religious zealots for parents, then maybe we could be proper together.
I know it's just a front. I know you don't actually like the boys that you go on dates with, but I can't help but become jealous and insecure. Yes, it is always me who you return to after such an outing, but I sit and stew about whether they've touched you, or kissed you, or if they want it to go further. It would kill me to know that you have been unfaithful to me. I know that most of the dates you've gone on have been set up by your mother, but that doesn't account for all of them. I know you've agreed to go on some to make it seem as if there isn't anything between us. But there is.
At least, I think there is.
A
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Naomi couldn't stop herself from laughing slightly and she stifled it with her hand. Emily's head whipped to the side to take in her snickering girlfriend with a frown plastered firmly on her lips.
"You can see why your mum is how she is, Ems. Her mother was the same way with her," Naomi explained carefully after seeing the look of mirth on her lover's face over her sudden bout of laughter.
Emily was reflective for a moment. She did know how her grandparents were. They were extremely religious to the point of being fanatical, so it's no wonder that Jenna ended up the same way, or at least similar. It wasn't just that though, this relationship her mother held with Anthea went on for years, and it seems it went on even after her parents had married.
Emily wondered just how similar she was to her own mother. She had always thought that it was Katie who was more like Jenna, but she began to wonder if that was true. Sure, Katie was more like their mum on the outside, opinionated, loud, and bossy, but was she more like her mum on the inside? Katie acted like a bitch to protect her soft centre, and was very easily hurt by those she let in. Jenna seemed to be like that to a point, but maybe it wasn't due to being sensitive, maybe she hid herself due to her feelings for women, or at least to one woman, Anthea.
Had her mother been gay? Or was it a one off connection that she had felt with Effy's mother? If they were still seeing each other after her, Katie, and Effy were born, then how did that work? How did they even get married to men in the first place?
Naomi and Emily read the next few pages in relative silence, each keeping their own thoughts to themselves. In truth Emily wanted to skip ahead to when she knew her parents had started dating, or even when they got married. Anthea seemed to update her journal at least every couple of months, and sometimes every week. Emily knew from her own journal writing that she would write more often when she needed to get something off her chest, and spewing words out onto a page often was able to do that for her.
The journal had much of the same things written until when her mum and Anthea would have been late into their sixteenth year or maybe early seventeen (depending on when Anthea was born). She read this one slowly, knowing that they were nearing the point when her mum and dad had met.
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Jenna,
I don't know why I agreed to do this double date with Rob and Jim. I did it for you, I suppose, to help in your quest to seem as if we didn't mean as much as we do to one another. You had told me about Robert Fitch and just how fit he had been. Sure, he's okay I suppose, a classic footballer with a muscular frame and a bit dense. He's sweet though, so I suppose that's a plus. He didn't seem the type to put you in a predicament or force himself on you.
It wasn't you who ended up in a predicament though, it was me. You don't know yet, but you will. I had to be completely sure before I decided to tell you, and two months is plenty of time to realize that things with my body aren't normal anymore.
I'm pregnant.
Jim Stonem is the father. He's a nice bloke, sure, but I have no interest in him whatsoever. Well on that double date we went on, when you and Rob went out to the kissing rock and left Jim and me in the car, well, he put moves on me. I was completely terrified, not because he was forcing me, because he wasn't, but because he didn't have a condom. He assured me that he could pull out before he came, and I ignorantly accepted that as a valid reason.
Jenna, it hurt. He was rough, not gentle like you are when we are together. It was hurried; it was in the back seat of the car after all. I swear it had been less than five minutes of painful thrusting before he grunted whilst groping my tits. He didn't pull out like he said he would, and I swear I could feel him fill me. I felt absolutely repulsed. He climbed off me and got in the front seat as if nothing had ever happened. Maybe you remember me taking an hour long hot shower when they boys dropped us off at mine. I was trying to clean him out of me.
I waited before I got tested; I wanted to be absolutely sure about what I already knew to be true. When I missed my next period, and then the next, I knew what had happened. You had even questioned me when my monthly didn't arrive at its usual time, but I told you that I hadn't felt all that well and that that had probably messed with my body. You believed me with no questions asked.
I told Jim yesterday that he was going to be a father. He looked a mix between happy, horrified, and proud. He immediately prompted me to get married to him because his parents wouldn't like the idea of them having a kid out of wedlock. I think I have to, Jenna. I don't want to. I want to be with you, somehow, someway. That all seems impossible now. I don't have a choice, as lenient as my parents are, they would agree with Jim's parents, that having a kid requires being married. I told him I'd have to think about it, but he was pretty insistent about it, handed me his ring and everything. I looked at it, sat there in his hand, much too large for my own fingers. He took my hand and put it in my palm, closing my fingers around it before he kissed me on the cheek and said he'd talk to me tomorrow.
Tomorrow has turned into today, and I didn't go to classes today just so I wouldn't see him. He called around here but my mother blocked him, saying that I wasn't feeling all that well. I know he'll stop by after football practice. I just wish I could talk to you, Jenna, so you could tell me what I'm supposed to do. I'm so lost.
I will say yes to Jim, it's the right thing to do. I have no means of bringing a child into the world, and I'm not even seventeen yet, not for another month.
I'm sorry, Jenna. I hope this doesn't ruin us.
A
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"Fuck," Naomi whispered with her azure blues wide in surprise.
Emily could do little but nod her head, shocked into silence at what she had read on the page. She was starting to feel rather guilty for reading into this woman's life like she was. She couldn't help it though; it was like a fiction story that was unfolding before her very eyes.
"I don't know if I can keep reading, Naoms," the redhead admitted quietly.
The blonde didn't answer right away and Emily looked over to see her brilliant eyes looking right into her own chocolate ones. Naomi spoke quietly and carefully, "If you don't think you can, then don't, Ems. But you know it will eat at you and you'll come back to it."
Emily knew she was right. She was in too deep by this time to just let things stay as they were. "But Naomi, what if this changes everything?" she asked in a husky tone of voice that was shaking slightly from the thought of it not turning out alright.
"Then we deal with the changes," Naomi answered confidently, placing a chaste kiss to her lover's temple.
Emily nodded and closed the journal, which was rather surprising to Naomi. "I already have a lot to take in, Naoms, I just want to be in your arms and let it all settle. Is... is that okay?" she asked unsurely.
Naomi could do little but smile gently and nod her head, taking the book from Emily's hands and setting it aside so it could be picked up later. For now, nothing else would matter but them; they could deal with the repercussions of the events that happened long before they were born later.
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Until next time!