Okay guys. Another update. FIVE updates in four days. INSANE.

This is a TRULY epic chapter - out of all of the chapters, I enjoyed writing this one the most by FAR. Intensity by the bucket load. It is because of this that I ask, no, I BEG of you to review and let me know what you think - I am speaking so honestly when I say that the joy I felt in writing this, for no real reason (I've written intense chapters before!) will probably last me until well into the morning.

You're not obligated to, but genuinely, reviews for this chapter would be incredibly appreciated. :-D I love you all so very much for sticking by JD and Dr. Cox so far, and I hope with all my heart that you stick with me and the boys. To the very end.

(To reassure: we're not there yet. The end is a little while off yet, so don't worry.)

Chapter Nineteen - Threshold

JD POV

Waking up the following day wasn't easy. All I really wanted to do was curl up under the covers and never come out of them, at least not until the horrible stabbing in my chest went away but unfortunately for me, Turk had already arranged for a few distractions.

"Turk, I don't know how to ride a horse," I complained, spooning cereal into my mouth and looking at him out of my sore, tired eyes - I hated that. Crying always made my eyes go stupidly puffy for hours afterwards, and made me feel more tired than I actually was. He shrugged, shovelling into his mouth his fourth slice of toast.

"Doesn't matter, dude. The class is for Beginners."

Like THAT mattered. I tried my utmost to convince Turk that it was a bad idea, but he wouldn't give in - instead, he came to wave me off after I'd somehow managed to be shoved up onto a horse by two instructors who, and this is a direct quote, 'had never seen someone so unsuited for horse riding before'. I scowled down at him, feeling stupid in a helmet that was far too big for me.

"You're not even coming?!"

He grinned. "Nope. Carla wants to get massages together, and I'm not missing that for anything, even if it is seeing you attempt to canter."

I blinked. "Canter? Turk, I thought you said this was a Beginners class?"

The male instructor came around the side of me, checking my feet were in the stirrups correctly. "It's a Beginner to Intermediate class. We'll start off at a steady walk, then introduce you to a casual trot -" I glared at Turk. "And then, if you're ready for it, when the Intermediate class goes off for a canter, you can join them. But you're free to do what you want to do." He smiled reassuringly up at me. His eyes were the same kind of blue as… I stopped the thought before it could imprint itself into my mind "No pressure."

"No pressure my ass," I muttered, sending one last evil glare back at Turk who saluted me and stepped back, eyeing the back of my grey horse (if I pretended hard enough, I could always pretend it was a unicorn…) with trepidation. The instructor pulled himself up into the saddle of a huge, black stallion (I laughed inwardly) and pulled his horse around so that it was beside the one of the female instructor and so that he could face the little group of us, half of which looked terrified.

"Okay, I'm Steven and along with Lesley here," he motioned towards the woman, who flashed a pearly-white smile, "we're going to start you off on a walk through the woods straight ahead of us. For those who are more confident in your riding - wait a second, there's a horse without a rider." He walked his horse forward so that it stood beside a deep chestnut one, almost as big as his. "Are we missing somebody?"

"That would be me," a deep voice rumbled from somewhere on the edge of the riding group - my stomach clenched hard upon itself. I couldn't tear my eyes away as he, the person I was so intent on avoiding and the person who had now ruined my (well, Turk's) attempt at distracting myself, placed his hand confidently onto the saddle of the horse, pulling himself up and swinging his leg over until he was sitting astride it with an assurance I found both frustrating and, though I was loathe to admit it, attractive as hell. Dr. Cox deftly placed his helmet on, tying it underneath his chin and settled his hands on the reins. "Ready when you are, chief."

Steven grinned at him. "Glad to have another experienced rider in the group. As I was saying, we'll lead you through the woods on a walk, and then as the clearing gets a little wider we'll try a trot. Then, when the more confident of you -"

I phased out. All I could see right now was him, his back straight as he sat in the saddle, his dark grey t-shirt shaping his back in a way that made me want to pull him off of it, pin him to the floor and make him see stars.

Course, that was out of the question now.

My stomach clenched again, distracting me momentarily from the ache in my chest.

"Let's go!"

I jerked to attention just in time, as the riders around me gently urged the horses forward - I shook the reigns lightly, but to no avail; the horse refused to move. I patted its neck and asked it politely to join the others but again, it chose to ignore me and simply stand, shifting slightly on its hooves.

I didn't have the patience for it. I pushed myself up from the saddle, accidentally nudging its sides in the process - it jerked forward, starting a brisk walk that was so unexpected that I plonked back down onto its back, gripping the reins hard between my clenched fingers and praying to Jesus that I wouldn't die.

"All you need to do is give her a little nudge and she'll get moving," the female instructor, Lesley, said in a friendly tone to me, having apparently waited for me. "Ally's a good horse, nice and calm for beginners like you, though she gets a little edgy when we're near running water, so you may want to be careful once we get near the little brook near the end of the wood-path."

I forced a smile in thanks, trying to convince myself inwardly to loosen my grasp on the reins. It wasn't long before we were cloaked under the masses of trees of the woodland area, clip-clopping along in almost perfect imitations of each other. I hated to admit it, but there was something wonderfully calming and distracting about being on a horse - all I had to was hold on and look about me at the beautiful scenery we were riding past and I felt a little better. It was a huge relief.

For a little while, anyway. Soon we reached a slightly wider part of the path, and Steven called back to us to nudge our horses into a gentle trot - Lesley said quietly beside me not to nudge too hard, otherwise Ally was likely to get carried away and start to canter; that (other than galloping, falling off or generally making a fool of myself) was the last thing I wanted to do, so I gently pressed my heels into her side and sure enough, she started to trot.

I did not like that. It was bumpy, and looking at the people around me I saw that the best thing to do was to move myself up and down in time with the trotting - no, I didn't like it any better when I was doing that. I cast my glance ahead to where Dr. Cox, practically riding beside Steven, was riding like an expert, talking to him about god knows what - I felt the bitterness start to rise, and forced myself to look about me again. My eyes caught Lesley's, who smiled at me again - she was quite pretty, really, with strawberry blonde hair and eyes that were kind of greeny-brown… she took my eye-contact as a positive step, asking me who I was and what I was doing at the hotel.

"Oh, right, I'm John -" (JOHN?!) " -I'm running some talks here at the moment, a few conferences and presentations."

She looked pleasantly surprised. "Oh, you're with the Sacred Heart party? Like that gentleman up ahead?" She motioned towards Dr. Cox - I gritted my teeth. Typical that he should have made himself known to her already. Oh, and more importantly? Gentleman my left buttock.

"Yes, I'm with him. With the hospital, I mean."

Lesley nodded, turning her attention back to me. "Are you enjoying your stay so far?"

No. "It's beautiful here," I side-stepped, looking around me for emphasis. "I can't believe we're only two hours away from all of this."

Her responding smile was warm. "I love it here. When I got the job as an instructor here after only a few weeks after my twenty-first birthday I was thrilled!"

Twenty-one?! Instantly I felt slightly perverted for even considering her to be attractive. She seemed to notice the tiny cringe.

"I'm not twenty-one anymore!" she laughed, patting the neck of her dappled horse. "No, I've been working here for two years now."

"Two years?" So she was twenty-three. "Don't you get bored of the same thing, day in, day out? Same horses? The conversation must get a little repetitive."

She had the good grace to laugh at my appalling attempt at humour - I was trying to pick it up again, pick up my easy sense of what was funny and what wasn't, but it was difficult. Everything seemed difficult today. "The horses don't change that often, I'll give you that. But you meet new people every day, new conversations, new…experiences." Lesley caught my eye again, with that warm smile. "It's not uninteresting if you know what to look for."

Was she coming on to me?

"Hang on, I just need to go up front and talk to Steven - we're getting into more open ground now, so we need to split the groups up for those who are cantering and those who aren't. And don't worry," she flashed me a slightly cheekier smile. "I'll try and get the group that aren't. You're not doing too badly, though!"

She trotted around the horses in front of me (I realised that we'd been trailing a bit behind everyone else) and pulled in close to Steven's side - they leant towards each other, talking quietly. It was only natural for me to look from Lesley to Steven, and then Steven to… him.

Just SAY it. Dr. Cox. Dr. Cox. Dr. Cox.

Even though I was somehow having a good time, I still couldn't help but feel the same plummeting sensation at acknowledging his name, even in my head; I remembered, flinching, the unbearable feel of the emotions I had felt last night, the constant and overwhelming desire to cut across the courtyard and find his room, hammer my fist on the door until he answered and force him to tell me why he couldn't love me. I was grateful this morning to have had Turk with me until the early hours of the morning, talking me through it, but still… the idea of demanding something from him was outrageously appealing.

"Okay gang, it's time to separate into different groups! Those who want to try something a little more advanced, I want you to just bring your horses up here with me," Steven was saying, turning his horse to face us once again. "And the newbie's -"

Time stuttered to a halt as the name drifted into the shell of my ear; instinctively my eyes shot to Dr. Cox, but be it a miracle or the complete opposite, he didn't turn to acknowledge that he had associated the common term with me - to be completely fair, he hadn't even acknowledged I was there at all. For all I knew, he didn't know.

Again, a miracle or the opposite. I couldn't tell. My head and heart were screaming two very different things.

" - head over to the back there where that young gentleman in the dark blue top is right now - can you wave for us, young gentleman?"

I waved half-heartedly. Dr. Cox still didn't turn.

"Thank you very much - yes, if you just head over to him we can get this show on the road!"

Everyone milled around, nudging their horses in different directions until we were all separated into our two groups. Lesley trotted up next to me again.

"Okay, confident riders, follow me!"

In barely five seconds, the four or five people more confident in the saddle were already cantering away up the path - I shuddered, just imagining how it would feel on my poor tush were I to try it. Lesley motioned for me to join her up front (I couldn't help it, I felt a slight moment of pride even though I knew she was singling me out for conversation rather than the fact that I was a good example) and started to trot again. She started up where we'd left off.

"What about you? Don't you get bored, dealing with the same illnesses over and over again?"

I pondered over it for a few minutes. "I don't know, really. I mean, yeah, the illnesses are the same and it's rare that we get anything that completely stumps us, but… I think it's the varying symptoms that keep it mildly interesting, plus there's always the knowledge that you're helping people."

She grinned. "You doctors and your healing hands - what would we do without you?"

"It's really not that big a deal. I mean, the people you have around you make a difference too - like, friends and stuff."

"You mean outside of the hospital?"

I shook my head. "No, those around you - my best friend, Turk -"

"Great name!"

"It's his surname, don't get too excited," I joked. It was slightly easier now, knowing he was far ahead of me and I was back here, safe with the Brilliantly Distracting Lesley. "Well, he's a surgeon and it helps to have him around to rely on when it comes to calling a surgical consult. His wife, Carla -"

She made a noise of disappointment. "Damn, he's married? I thought Lesley Turk had a bit of a ring to it."

I looked at her - she was smiling, clearly just joking with me. "Oh yeah. We doctors, we get snapped up quick."

"Should I take that as 'back off, I'm taken and my girlfriend will totally kick your ass'?"

God knows how I did it, but my response was so inappropriate to the coursing feelings going through me for someone else - more pointedly, another man - that I questioned if it was really me moving my lips. "That depends - is there a reason I should be telling you to back off?"

Her cheeks flushed a light pink. "You might."

My eyes cut to the group ahead of us, singling him out in less than a second.

I made a choice.

"This may be a bit forward, Les - can I call you Les? No, scratch that, it makes you sound like a fat, butch lesbian." She laughed, a real laugh, one edged with a little adrenaline - I knew the feeling well - the knowledge that you were about to be hit on by someone you found attractive. Needless to say, if the last two months were to disappear off of my radar I'd be feeling a similar thing. "If you'd be interested, I have to go, none too willingly to the formal dinner tonight with a colleague or two." No doubt Kelso would be there, it wasn't a complete lie. "Would you maybe want to join me?"

"You mean… like a date?"

I couldn't miss the hope in her voice. I shrugged. "It… can be like a date. If that's what you want."

Her expression became slightly defensive. "What do you want?"

The last time someone had asked me that, I had ended up turning what could have been something salvageable into something that would probably haunt me for the rest of my life.

I looked her straight in the eyes. "A date would be good."

Lesley's answering smile was so bright that I found I couldn't stare at it for long; true, she was only six years younger than me but the years she hadn't yet encountered were the ones that turned adolescent ignorance into adult cynicism - something I had learned, though not necessarily always paid heed to. Her smile was full of that ignorance, particularly as she had no clue that I was planning on using her to get over someone else. As per usual. I'd done it when I thought I loved Elliot and now… now I was doing it when I knew I loved someone.

Oh, it was a bitch of a circle to be caught in.

I was so lost in thought that I completely blanked her out - whatever she had been saying to me was lost, and as we came up to a little stream in our way I felt a mass of confidence wash over me - even if I wasn't hugely interested in the sweet, friendly girl beside me, she clearly was somehow attracted to me and that more than anything inspired me into complete and utter stupidity.

Taking in a deep breath, I nudged my heels hard into the horse below me, my heart racing and adrenaline rushing as my imagination spurred ahead of me to how it would look when Ally jumped over the brook with me astride her, impressing not only Lesley but Dr. Cox too -

"John, no!"

Too late I recalled what she had said about my horse and her fear of water; as she broke into a terrifying canter towards the brook, she seemed to hesitate right at the last moment. Neighing loudly, clamping at the bit in her mouth, she reared up hard and fast, unseating me and, in classic Dorian bad luck, throwing my helmet off of my head before I hit the ground.

When I did finally hit the ground, it wasn't on the dirt where I could have just bruised my spine, noggin and ego - no, my body, deciding to carry on the shitty hotel tradition of making me feel and look like an ass, found itself crashing into the thin, shallow brook, body awkwardly landing so that my wrist hit the bank on one side hard, my head joining it milliseconds later.

I blacked out for a few seconds, my brain feeling as it were vibrating from the force of the fall, and as always when I fell unconscious, when I came to a few seconds later I was completely and utterly confused as to where I was.

"What… why am I wet?"

I tried to move to sit up.

"Okay, OW - why is my wrist hurting?"

A shadow fell over me - I looked up, to see Lesley looking down at me in alarm, her horse a few metres away. "Oh my gosh, John! Are you okay? Wait just there and don't move, I'll get a doctor - oh wait, your colleague, he's over there - EXCUSE ME? EXCUSE ME, DOCTOR -"

She leapt onto her horse, apparently not hearing my desperate noises in an attempt to stop her from getting 'my colleague' to come and help - I didn't want him to help me! I could sort this out myself, I was a doctor too!

I shifted myself again, using my good wrist to try and stand up - nope, my head had other ideas. I fell again, this time hitting my head on a rock on the way down - oh wow, yup, that was blood…

"Lesley said not to move!" a high pitched, panicked voice said from the side; one of the other beginners, a mousey-haired woman with a part-concerned, part-sickened experession on her face was half on, half off of her horse in an attempt to get down and 'help'. I groaned, shutting my eyes and once again trying to force myself up, ignoring the sounds of hoof beats on the ground coming closer and closer.

Within seconds, he was at my side.

"What in the hell do you think you're doing, trying to get up? You might be concussed," he said sharply, kneeling beside me and feeling up and down my arms for possible breaks. "Sit still whilst I check you over." His hands moved, to my ribs, my hips, to my legs -

"I'm fine," I hissed, pointlessly shoving his hands away with my non-painful wrist, trying to ignore how gentle his hands were on me - it was the usual way of a doctor, being firm but careful as they checked over a patient after a fall, but it still got to me. I continued to try my feeble attempts to push him off of me, but he refused to budge, looking me over.

"Sure you are," he said breezily, leaning over to get something that Steven was trying to pass to him - I took the opportunity, using the wrist furthest away from him - and incidentally, the one that was swelling up before my eyes - to push myself up into a standing position. The pain that shot up my arm caused a strange yelping noise to leap out of my throat, and the wooziness that flannelled my brain made my body move in the same direction it had just come from. Apparently it liked it there.

Before I had a chance to fall again, a pair of strong arms steadied me, practically holding me up; Dr. Cox's scent washed over me, masculine and undeniably beautiful, and without meaning to I found myself leaning onto his chest as he gripped both of my arms from behind. He didn't tell me not to - on the contrary, he moved himself closer. I knew it was just to support me, but I couldn't help wish he was doing it because he wanted to be close to me.

"Okay, that wrist looks pretty painful - can you move it?"

I could, though it hurt. Quite a lot.

"I'd say it's just a light sprain, Newbie, nothing to freak out over." He gently pressed his fingertips over the swelling, feeling to make sure he wasn't wrong - he wasn't. I knew he wasn't. He was a brilliant diagnostician, and I didn't doubt for one second that he knew exactly how bad the sprain was, how deep the cut on my scalp was and if I was concussed or not. "I'm going to have to get you back to the hotel, so I can check you over properly - can someone help me get him up onto my horse?"

"No horses!" I mumbled sleepily, suddenly overwhelmingly desirous to go to sleep. Dr. Cox growled in the back of his throat, practically baring his teeth.

"We have to get you to the hotel, Newbie, no two ways about it. Don't argue with me, just -" He guided me slowly towards his horse, which, for whatever reason, whinnied and backed away from me, scuffing its hooves on the ground and snorting.

It reminded me a little of Perry. I snorted, lost in my own little world.

He growled again - I vaguely wondered if he knew what I was thinking. He usually did.

"Newbie, just let me get you on the damned horse."

He made an attempt to lift me up there, but I wriggled away and fell against the horse's quivering flank, making it rear up slightly and glare at me with fire in its eyes - oh, I would KILL Turk, now even unicorns would scare me!

Dr. Cox glared at me for a moment, ice-blue eyes both irritated and blatantly pissed off, before he suddenly turned around and faced Steven.

"So what am I supposed to do with him if he won't go near the horse?"

I turned slightly, facing away from him as I took in the scene around me; everything and everyone seemed to be swaying back and forth, hazed at the edges - I gulped, confused by this image and suddenly feeling like all I wanted in the world was to be safe and back at home with Turk and Carla, watching 'Sanford and Son' and just in the comfort of my own home - rather than in these woods with complete strangers and the man that was driving me half-insane just by being here.

I didn't have time to dwell on it for long.

"As you won't get on a horse -"

His voice came from directly behind me, and without warning I was swept up into the air - for a few moments time decided to suspend itself, leaving me staring at the leaves, sky and clouds above us and in blissful ignorance as to what was happening - and all too soon found myself cradled in a pair of arms.

His arms.

Dr. Cox's. Arms.

"No, I can walk -" I struggled, my head spinning and my eyes desperate to close, but my instincts somehow reminding me that this was the very last thing I should want when I was trying to get over him. His arms tightened their grasp as he started to walk, ignoring my pleas as the group of horses made their way slowly behind us - I couldn't fight it anymore. I closed my eyes.

Once again, my relief didn't last long.

"Don't you dare go to sleep, Newbie," he sad roughly, shaking me a little. I cracked my eyes open, seeing him looking straight ahead of him, strong jaw so close to me that I could touch it if I wanted to. I thought about it momentarily but stopped myself, from fear of getting killed. "If you are concussed, which is likely, you going to sleep is about the worst thing you can do. Do you feel any nausea?"

My palm flattened itself over my stomach instinctively. "No. My head hurts though."

He rolled his eyes. "Well that's helpful. Anyone after a fall - no, wait, two falls like yours would have a painful head."

"Whatever," I mumbled, shutting my eyes again and listening to the sound of the birds around us, the gentle clip-clopping of the hooves (from the horses of DOOM) and… what was that? That weird thrumming noise? I concentrated hard, trying to figure it out -

"NEWBIE! I said no sleeping!" He shook me again, a little harder this time. "Carla would kill me if you ended up dying, so don't you dare. And don't think this will get you out of the dinner tonight either, because you're not getting away with anything that easily."

It was his heartbeat! Even though my head was closer to his shoulder than his heart, I could still hear it, just about - I pressed my head closer, shutting my eyes so I could focus on the feel of it… I faintly acknowledged him stiffening against my pressing closer to him, but I couldn't help it. The noise was just… so… soothing…

X X X X X

When I woke up next, I was in my room. There was running water coming from somewhere - was someone filling the tub for me? My head was pounding and my wrist felt like it had ten bricks attached to it, but all in all… no, all in all I still felt like crap. I sat up, surprised to find myself on a sofa rather than a bed, and even more surprised to find the little fireplace in the living area was lit. I glanced down at my body, slightly disgusted by the dried mud that was on my skin, and confused as to how my shoes, socks and top had been removed but not my pants and underwear.

Hesitantly, I lifted my good hand up to touch the back of my head where it was hurting the most, and cursed as I met the feel of a stitched-up cut.

"Y'know, most people are smart enough not to touch new wounds."

The voice made me turn - too fast, initiating more pain - to face where it was coming from. Dr. Cox stood behind me, no longer wearing the dark grey t-shirt and instead wearing a dark charcoal blue long sleeved top with the sleeves pushed up. I ignored the ache in my chest that was competing with the pain in my head as I fought against the knowledge of how safe and comfortable he looked, and instead tried to concentrate on what he was doing in here in the first place.

"You… carried me here?" The memory was hazy, but I could vaguely remember the smell of him being overpowering, as well as a steady rhythm in my ear that had been so wonderfully relaxing to listen to.

He nodded shortly. "Had to quickly get a change of clothes after you bled all over my t-shirt -" I felt slightly ashamed and slightly more pleased, "but you'll be happy to hear that you're not concussed - somehow - and that the sleep you're likely to want in the next few hours would be good for your recovery."

I knew this, but I humoured him. I liked the feel of him taking care of me. I knew I was just kidding myself that he cared about my welfare, but it was reassuring when he was the only one in the room. I'd rather pretend he cared than assume he was still pissed off or annoyed or whatever he had been.

He took a step towards me. "You need to get into the tub."

I nodded, surprised that he had cared enough to run a bath for me. I stood.

The hesitation that radiated from him was palpable.

I waited.

He sighed. "In your condition… for the love of god, in your condition you shouldn't be in water alone."

I couldn't help it - I snorted. "What, in case I get some sort of 'Nam flashback?"

Dr. Cox's jaw tightened.

"Even if you don't have concussion, you could still pass out. You need someone in there to make sure you don't."

Oh.

"Umm. So. You're going to…"

"That seems to be the way of it."

I gulped. "Can't Carla or Turk…?"

He smirked. "The Turk's are currently getting an in-room massage. Unfortunately it would appear that I'm your only option at this moment in time."

Damn, damn, damn.

"Right, well, I'll just -" I motioned towards the bathroom. He nodded, jaw still tight as I shuffled my way to the door and pushed it open. I couldn't help but feel relief at the sight of bubbles frothed up to the sides - at least this way I could hide Mr Peeps without making it seem to obvious that I was embarrassed as hell at him having to see me naked.

He's seen you naked before.

"I know!" I hissed to my brain, pushing my pants and underwear off of my body, stepping out of them and into the bath - god, the water was warm. Hot, even. I eased myself into it, using my good hand to slowly lower myself in. I rearranged the bubbles around myself, making sure nothing was visible before calling out tentatively,

"I'm… ready?"

He walked in, shutting the door behind him but not bothering to lock it - who would come in, after all? I watched warily as he sat down on the toilet seat, keeping his eyes away from me the entire time.

It was incredibly awkward.

I managed to scrub the dirt away from the front of my body, taking care not to jar my wrist as I moved the posh hotel sponge over myself, but as soon as I got to my back and my shoulders I hissed in pain - his eyes glanced over at me.

"Feeling a little stiff?"

I flushed bright pink, despite knowing his question was completely innocent - he smirked as he had done earlier in the living area, and stood up.

"Turn around."

With intense trepidation, I did as he asked, leaving the sponge on the side of the tub and staring at the white tiles opposite me. Why, for the love of Jesus, had it been him that had to have been horse riding? Why had I let him pick me up, bring me back and generally take care of me? I wished, not for the first time that day, that Turk had come with me because then at least I'd be spared the hideous embarrassment of this whole saga. I listened to Dr. Cox cross the room, kneeling beside the tub behind me - again, his scent spread around me and, though I tried to deny it within myself, comforted me despite the situation.

He sighed quietly.

Firmly but, I couldn't help but notice, gently, he started to rub my back with the sponge, taking care to get rid of the dirt that the brook water and sludge had left on me. He was extremely efficient, and it was without thinking that I joked,

"Your sponge baths would make Nurse Roberts proud."

The tiniest of 'hmmph's and a rub that was slightly too hard made it clear what he thought of my comment, but I didn't care. The feel of the hot water and the light touch of the sponge on my back felt wonderful - I felt at ease for the first time since arriving, and no matter how much I told myself otherwise, I was well aware that the company was a part of it too. There was nothing sexual in what he was doing, no ulterior motive - he was very simply taking care of me, though I knew it was hardly his choice. There was no one else to do it, after all.

Suddenly he hit a spot that hurt, directly over my right shoulderblade - I took in a quick breath, clenching my fists.

He stopped. "Does that hurt?"

"A bit," I replied quietly, not wanting to seem like a baby. He pressed the sponge onto it again - another intake of breath. I could practically hear it in his voice that he knew I was lying.

"Just a bit?"

I rolled my eyes, glad he couldn't see. For all I knew, he'd drown me if I pissed him off even a little. "Okay, a lot."

"It looks like your shoulder took some of the weight when you fell; it's probably going to feel tender for a few days, but other than some pretty impressive bruising you should be fine."

I nodded gently, closing my eyes as he gentled his strokes with the sponge, soaking it with hot water and lightly brushing it over the spot where it hurt. Though it still throbbed, his milder approach when sponging the area somehow made it a little easier to bear. I was, without intention, becoming almost intoxicatingly relaxed.

"Turn back around." His voice was quieter - I don't know if he'd picked up on how I was feeling, but whatever it was, the change was noticeable and soothing in the slightly echoing bathroom. I turned slowly, careful not to jar my head, equally careful not to bash my wrist. It was already starting to hurt more from the heat of the water.

His seemed to remember something. "Show me your hands."

I lifted them out of the water and showed them to him - he made a clicking noise with his tongue, shaking his head irritably.

"Your palms, Penelope."

I turned them so that the palms were facing upwards, and found myself intrigued - though most of the dirty had come away naturally from the water and the sponge, there were cuts all over them - how had I not noticed that?

He still wouldn't look me in the eye. "You probably did that when you tried getting up when I specifically told you not to." A wry almost-smile. "Just keep them like that for me."

Dr. Cox leant over towards the sink, running the hot water from the faucet and rinsing the sponge underneath it - he moved back, pressing the now searing-hot material onto the cuts - I pulled my hands away, reacting to the pain instinctively. I clasped them to my chest, my eyes shooting up to look at him - he was staring right at me. As our eyes met, his gaze refused to waver - instead, he leant over and gently prised one of my hands back, palm-up, keeping his eyes on me.

"I'll do it as gently as I can, kid, okay?"

I half-nodded. "It just hurts."

At that point, I wasn't sure if I meant the cuts of the unabridged eye-contact. The tiniest narrowing of his eyes alerted me to the fact that he probably knew it too.

"I know it hurts." Gently he swabbed the sponge over the cuts again - I went to pull the hand away once more, but he kept a light grasp on it, careful not to hurt my wrist in the process. He was looking intently at my palm as before, rather than into my eyes - it was slightly relieving. "I know that you're in a lot of pain right now." Another swab, even gentler still. I wondered if he was just speaking to distract me from what he was doing. "But you know there's nothing I can do right now to help."

I shrugged, wincing slightly as he continued to clean out the cuts, wincing from the skin contact. "I've been in more pain than this before, it doesn't matter."

Dr. Cox's eyes lifted to meet mine again. "Doesn't stop me from wanting to take it away." At this comment, his grasp seemed to tighten, eyes falling away as his whole body seemed to stiffen. Clearly he hadn't meant to say it. A rush of something close to adrenaline rushed through me, making me shiver and giving me goose pimples.

For a moment he hesitated, his eyes travelling up my arm to where my hairs were standing on end - I shut my eyes, annoyed and self-conscious that my body would give me and my feelings away so easily. Still, it had done it before, I remembered wryly, thinking back to the first few times we had been in close contact without anything purely sexual behind it.

I stopped those thoughts as quickly as I could. Mr Peeps making a guest appearance would not help matters.

He let go of my left hand, reaching out and taking my right.

"Thank you."

Raising an eyebrow, he allowed himself a glance at me. "What?"

I waved my left hand about, regretting the action as soon as the sharp pain made its way up my arm again. "For this. For taking care of me. For… for all of this. I really appreciate it."

He focused on the job at hand once again. The pain wasn't as bad as before. "It's my job, Hayley, nothing more."

Nothing more. The hand he was cleansing suddenly clenched, along with the one in the bathwater - I ignored the coursing pain. He looked up at me again, and as I was getting so adept at doing, I read from his eyes that he knew exactly what I was thinking about.

Minutely, Dr. Cox shook his head.

"This isn't the time or the place to get angry, Claudia, so would you do me a favour and calm down?" His voice was still so quiet. It was bizarre, considering what topic we were skirting along. "It won't help either of us."

I shut my eyes, knowing he was right. I didn't want to get like I did last night - anger could wait. "You're right. Sorry."

His eyes flew up to mine in surprise. "You're actually going to drop it? My, we're placid today, aren't we?"

Somehow I maintained silence. He added, quietly, almost so quiet that I couldn't hear, "Quite a difference to yesterday."

A flash of horror passed through me - did he know? About how I was last night?

"What…?"

He half-smiled. "You were so cold yesterday it was like Christmas come early." His nose wrinkled in disgust. Everyone knew of his hatred for Christmas.

"I'm sorry for that," I said - and it was genuine. Though for the first couple of days the numbness had been a blessing, I hadn't wanted to be that way with him - I think a part of me had even hoped that I could be normal with him again, or as normal as we could possibly be. As much as it pained me to admit it, he had been right when he'd said it was my choice to go back to how things were. "It was my choice to… well, it was my choice. I should have stuck by it."

Again, he looked surprised, quickly followed by thoughtful, and then, as if by magic, indifferent. I took my hand away from him, suddenly guarded. The indifference was worse than the scorn.

"What?" My tone was a little belligerent, but it didn't seem to phase him. Instead, stunning me and probably himself, he replied in a quiet tone so unlike him,

"Just when I think I know what's going on in your head, you turn around and say something the complete opposite."

The bath, though now lukewarm, seemed freezing to the fire that shot through my skin at his words. I turned my eyes on him, opening my mouth and preparing to ask him the question that had lingered on my mind since he'd carried me here.

I waited a moment too long.

"There's a fresh towel on the heater. I'll see you at the formal dinner later." Without warning, he stood, turning away from me and projecting that almost-visible defence barrier I had come to find as disturbingly familiar - without so much as a goodbye, he stalked out of the room and into the bedroom.

Without any conscious thought, I hoisted myself (painfully and idiotically) fast out of the tub, grabbing the towel and wrapping it around my waist. With fierce determination, I was out of the bathroom door in four strides, my eyes landing on him just as he stepped over the threshold of the door.

I couldn't hold it back any longer.

"Do you care for me at all?"

My voice was a little breathless, but carried clear across the room - for minutes we stood, his back towards me and my eyes focused on his head, willing him to turn around and answer me.

I grew impatient.

"Do you?"

Slowly, so slowly it seemed unreal, he turned until he was facing me, his stare gradually moving to meet mine. The frustration and something impossible to define that blazed from the depths of his eyes froze me in my place.

His lips separated.

"I'll see you by the stairs at eight. Don't try and bail - Kelso'd fire us both."

The door slammed shut behind him.