Doo-bi-doo… oh, what's this? Another update? =O
The answer to this, my lovelies, is HELL YEAH! If you don't fall in love with this chapter as much as I have, then I have officially failed in my role as a fic-writer. XD
Anyhoo. Enjoy it, you beautiful people you. Reviews, as always, are MAHUSIVELY appreciated!
Chapter Twenty-Two - Navigation
JD POV
It was pouring with rain. The sky around the hotel was full of dark-grey clouds, screaming of possible thunder and lightening - I shuddered as I considered the fact that I now had to step outside of the door of my building and find my way to the center of a damned maze… freakin' Dr. Cox. He better have a damned good explanation for making me come out in this sort of weather.
Dredging up every inch of courage that I had, I forced the door open and started to walk purposefully in the direction of the maze which sat covered with beautiful fairy-lights that were shimmering through the rain at me, right in the middle of a stupid field. I stepped onto the grass, instantly regretting it as water instantly soaked my sneakers through and through - stupid crappy Converse replicas! I stopped for a second, staring at the maze that seemed miles away, trying to decide if it was really worth it or not to go there, most likely to simply hear Dr. Cox thanking me for my time and sex but that he would very much like things to go back to normal.
At least the rain will hide my tears.
Cursing myself quietly, I took in a deep breath and forced myself to carry on over the wet, muddy grass, trying to ignore the horrible squelching sound that drifted up to my ears at each step I took. The rain fell down hard upon me, soaking through the black ribbed zip-up I was wearing and, somehow, through the white t-shirt underneath; I wondered who the hell would come out here without a jacket, stomping my feet a little harder as I got closer to the maze, frustrated at myself for not thinking ahead.
I was totally going to get a cold.
Grumbling under my breath and shoving my hands as deep into my pockets as humanly possible, I approached the entrance of the maze - good god, it was huge! I gulped lightly, looking around to see if anyone else was crazy enough to try going around this thing in this sort of weather - nope, it pretty much just looked like me. I screwed my eyes up against the rain that was still mercilessly pounding down on my skin, taking my first step inside and looking around.
So.
Left or right?
I chose left. There were fairy lights on the inside of the maze too, so pretty but surely dangerous in this sort of rain? I kept to the center of the trail, not wanting to risk getting electrocuted should they not be suitable for this kind of weather.
Twisting and turning throughout the maze, I started to freak out a little; how did I know that I was going in the right direction? I slipped my phone out of my pocket, checking the time - five to five!! No way in hell would I make it in time!
I sped up a little, darting around corners and feeling the frustration well up whenever I hit a dead end - I couldn't remember which turns I'd taken! Who would remember that sort of thing anyway?! I growled at myself as I hit yet another one, leaning against the wet bushes and shutting my eyes, rivulets of water working their way down my face and down my neck, leaving me uncomfortable and unhappy.
Knowing it would only depress me more, I glanced at my phone again.
Twenty past five.
He'd probably given up by now.
As I started to slip my phone back into my pocket, my heart slowing and the defeat of my millionth failure setting in, I felt it suddenly buzz.
VVVVVVVVV.
VVVVVVVVV.
VVVVVVVVV.
I looked in utter disbelief at the Caller ID.
Incoming Call
(The Big C)
I flipped my phone open, bringing it slowly up to my ear, instantly making it damp the second it touched my cheek.
"I'm sorry."
His tone was somewhat indifferent. Distanced. "I take it you're not coming, Newbie?"
I blanched, pushing myself off of the bushes of he maze wall. "…I'm lost."
"You're not the only one who's confused - you could've at least told me you weren't coming. I'm soaked through."
"You're not the only one," I said, a laugh somehow escaping my throat at the knowledge that he was still somewhere in this damned maze. "I mean I'm lost in the maze, and I have no idea where the hell I'm going."
A few seconds of silence, before,
"Do you want me to come and find you?"
I pressed my palm to my face. "I don't know, I… I could keep looking."
He snorted, derisive. "And be out in the rain for the rest of the evening? I think nawt. I'm on my way. Stay where you are."
Dr. Cox ended the call; I pulled my phone away from my ear, staring at it. Wait for him to find me first? Stay standing whilst he got to play adventurer? No! I would find him and he'd be damn well impressed with my navigating skills, skills that I was almost certain I didn't possess.
I set off in another direction, instead sticking to the right-hand side instead - I came across more dead ends, turning and heading off to another set of forks, steadily becoming angrier and angrier as they all brought the same set of disappointments. Was this some sort of test? Find him and he'd let me down easy? Or wait for him and be told that I was a complete ass that wasn't worth knowing? My mind ran over all of the negative possibilities that could be coming my way at this very second, trying not to even consider the positive ones… were there any positive ones? He'd made it clear last night that regardless of anything that had happened between us he still cared deeply for Jordan and Jack - more than he'd probably ever care for me.
Sure, he hadn't said it, but he was probably thinking it.
My phone started to vibrate again.
"Hello?"
"Newbie, where the hell are you? I know this maze like the back of my damned hand and I can't find you!"
"I… I'm in here, I promise!"
His voice was contemptuous once again. "You're not in the wrong maze, are you Melinda?"
I stiffened, instantly defensive. "I'm in the right maze. I'm the one that can't find you!"
Silence greeted me, until -
"You've been looking for me?"
I gulped. "…maybe…"
A growl emitted down the phone sent shivers down my spine. The cold water trickling down the back of my zip-up and t-shirt didn't help.
"I told you to stay where you were. Seriously Newbie, can't you follow ANY instructions that I give you? It's truly a wonder that you haven't killed more patients than you have, my god…"
"I want to find you, I want to prove to you that I can do this," I said ferociously, interrupting his rant; he instantly went quiet at my words. "Let me find you. I will find you, too. Give me another five minutes and I guarantee that I'll be at your side."
I snapped my own phone shut on him, doing a rapid 'zoom zoom zoom' before hurrying in the opposite direction to where I'd been heading.
All of a sudden, the most brilliant idea flashed upon me.
I grinned wickedly.
"ARRRRGH!"
Oh yeah. That was a scream and a half. Instantly I got the reaction I wanted.
"Newbie! Newbie, are you okay?"
Grinning with a devious glint akin to Turk when about to fooffy in bed, I started creeping as quickly as I could in the direction of the voice.
"Dammit, Newbie, answer me!"
Yes!! It was working! I could hear his voice getting ever closer - wait, was that him through the bushes? I peeked through the branches, in my excitement and genius no longer caring that I was soaked to the bone through the torrential rain and instead feeling an overwhelming spark of glee at the sight of him looking incredibly concerned, wearing white t-shirt without a jacket… did he do that on purpose, knowing what the rain would do to it? I stared for a few seconds at the way the material clung to his body, showing the contours and lines that suddenly made me want him in a fit of passion -
"NEWBIE!"
Oh shit.
He'd seen me.
Suddenly I was running in the opposite direction, letting out a bellow of laughter without even meaning to, full of childish joy as I heard him chase after me. Vaguely I remembered the last time he had chased me, when I had run for freedom to the roof of all places - where he had kissed me for the first time…
A stupid grin spread across my face as I continued to run, quickly glancing behind me - oh shit, I'd forgotten how fast he was - and then upping the pace a little.
Really bad idea. I smacked head-first into a bush, leaves and twigs trying to force themselves into my mouth, surprisingly painful on my ribs - I spluttered against them, trying to shift away from them -
A large pair of hands closed over the tops of my arms - hazily I acknowledge that this, too, had happened that night - and whirled me around. I found myself staring into a pair of steely-blue eyes that were positively burning with anger.
He shook me. Hard.
"What the hell do you think you're doing, screaming like that? Was it your idea of a joke, Newbie? You scared the shit out of me!"
I couldn't help it - I snorted, despite the blood draining from my face… followed by an utterly random comment that made no sense whatsoever. "Did you think there was a dinosaur?"
He blinked. "I… what?"
I lifted my hand to my mouth, rubbing away the taste of leaves. "A dinosaur. Y'know… I screamed… it might've been a dinosaur."
Dr. Cox leaned back slightly, looking at me through narrowed eyes.
"You're actually insane. I see that now."
I nodded. "I don't know quite how you missed it before, to be honest with you."
For a few seconds, we stared at each other, his hands still wrapped tightly over the tops of my arms, the anger still burning a ring around his irises - but slowly, as he caught his breath and looked at me a little while longer, the anger faded slightly to reveal something else.
Total and utter relief.
My hand hesitated midair, hovering at his cheek, moving to loiter over his shoulder before finally coming to rest on his chest. I shut my eyes, shaking my head, suddenly overwhelmed by this all. We were truly the only two people at this hotel insane enough to be standing in the middle of a maze, in the pouring rain, just talking… still, that reminded me that this wasn't my doing, I hadn't made him come here - he had asked me. I forced my eyes open, looking hesitantly at him as I asked,
"So… what's up?"
He laughed, a throaty laugh that landed beautifully in the shell of my ear. He loosened his grip on my arms, shaking his head slowly back and forth, his eyes raising to the skies. "Aw hell, I don't even know anymore. I was all set to make a decision and stick with it but then you go and scream and it goddamned changes everything."
Instantly I felt confused. "My scream… changed stuff?"
Dr. Cox let go of my arms and nodded, stepping back from me slightly.
"Yeah. Goddamn it."
"I did do Drama in college." It was stupid, unnecessary and completely unimportant, but I hoped that he would somehow understand that at this moment in time it was literally impossible for me to make sense… he looked at me, narrowing his eyes, but said nothing. Apparently he finally understood this about me. It was somewhat relieving. "My talent overwhelms many."
Suddenly his hands were framing my face, his eyes staring intently into mine - my breath left my body, the sheer intensity of this action making me feel weak yet strong, powerless yet invincible; his hands were somehow still warm despite the rain, heating me right through to the bone as his silver-lining eyes became pools of mercury for me to drown in.
I grasped his t-shirt between my fists and shut my eyes, determined to stay afloat as he broke my heart.
"You… damn it." A low rumble of a growl in the back of his throat before he tried again. "You completely and utterly… just… shit."
Despite the frustration in his tone, his hands were still soft and gentle upon my skin, his thumbs absent-mindedly caressing my cheeks… the movement sent goosebumps trailing down my arms, making me shiver slightly underneath his touch.
This will never get old.
I leant into his touch; he didn't pull away.
"When you screamed just now, the very… idea… that I could lose you, that you could just disappear from my life as quickly and as painfully as you came into it -" he smiled slightly, a shadow of his crooked grin, "- it just… it…"
"Hurt?"
Dr. Cox's eyes focused wholly and intently on my own.
"Yeah. It hurt."
I took in a sharp intake of breath, hardly believing what I was hearing. And, despite the strangely magical whimsical quality that this late afternoon was taking on, I knew I had to stay even a little inside of reality. "But before you heard that… before I screamed… you were going to make me lose you instead, right?"
His hands pressed a little harder against my skin - I didn't care. It was still intoxicating despite the fact that he was about to admit he was going to shove me out of his life without a second thought. "Yes."
I nodded, struck between the strange impulse to kiss him and the numbness that was slowly starting to settle in. "How would you have managed that?"
His eyes never left me as he replied, "I would've moved Jordan and Jack out of town and got a job elsewhere."
My stomach plummeted. All colour left my face, making me feel dizzy and unsupported despite the strong man in front of me - I blinked repeatedly, suddenly glad of the rain and it's wonderful ability to mask emotion. "Wow. You would've just gone, like that. Wow."
His lips set in a straight line. "That's right."
Slowly, but deliberately, I pulled my face from his grasp and stepped to the side slightly. The rain seemed colder than before.
"Wow."
This irritated him. "Don't just say wow Newbie."
"What would you like me to say?"
He sighed, rubbing his hand over his face - he looked even better in the rain, if possible.
You'll never see him in the rain again.
The thought tore a hole in me.
"I don't know, kid. You asked me what I was going to say and do and I told you. It'd pretty much be your turn."
The rain mixed within the salty tears that had started to trickle down my cheeks, though I knew my face was composed and without emotion. I'd learnt from the master, after all. "I honestly don't know what to say to you. Good luck for the future, I guess."
So that was it. He'd dragged me out into the middle of a fucking maze in the pouring rain to tell me he was leaving Sacred Heart, leaving me and going off somewhere else to live another life. A life without me.
I turned to leave - his hand shot out and grasped my zip-up, pulling me close to him right up against the almost unbearable heat of his body; I fought against it, determined that I wouldn't break down, determined that I would leave this conversation with my dignity still intact. He kept his grip on me, his face calm, somehow unfazed despite my apparent indifference towards his leaving.
"So that's it, kid? You walk away without another word, leaving me to walk off into the sunset?"
Why does he always have to tell me one thing and then ask me why I'm not fighting for another?
I closed my two hands around the ones that held the material of my top tightly, staring intently at them. "If it makes it easier for you, Dr. Cox, then yeah, that is what I'm going to do. Please don't…"
"Please don't what?"
"Don't make this any harder than it already is."
He let go of me.
"You think this is just hard on you? You think I want to walk away from you?"
My eyes met his, taking on their own flames as his had done earlier. "You've tried enough times now that it doesn't surprise me. I understand that it… takes a certain amount of emotion to stay attached to someone and I also understand that you don't have those feelings for me enough to stick around. So…" I shrugged. "Yeah, I think you'd quite easily walk away from me."
His voice was dangerously quiet. "Don't you think that me having to leave the hospital is a pretty clear indication of my feelings for you?"
Our eyes locked together. He continued to talk, that same terrifyingly soft tone that made my muscles freeze and my limbs lock.
"Don't you think that my leaving my place of work… my home… the few friends I've made over the years I've been there -" He cut off - I saw now that his hands were shaking at his sides, balled up into fists. I swallowed hard, feeling the tears run hot down my cheeks, salty over my lips before being washed away by the rain. "Don't you think that proves just how much I…"
Suddenly he shook his head, taking yet another step back.
I stepped forward, my mouth completely dry. Not even the extreme moisture in the air could aid me.
"How much you…?"
My voice broke as I asked - I knew I was asking for a lot, asking for him to say something he almost definitely wasn't going to, instead asking for tumultuous disappointment on top of what was likely to be pretty severe heartbreak but hell, I couldn't just let it go -
"I… JD…"
My name on his lips tasted like ambrosia.
"I can't -"
"Please," I whispered, walking towards him - be backed away, shaking his head, still leaning away even as he backed himself into a bush much as I had earlier; I reached out to him, tangling my fingers through his hair in desperation and pulling his forehead down to meet mine. He didn't fight against me. "Please, just…"
Suddenly his lips were moulded into mine, warm and slick from the rain - his eyes shut tight, water falling in such a way that it looked almost as if he were crying - moving against mine lightly; my fingers gripped his hair tighter, punishing myself for wanting him to say something that he couldn't, hating him for not saying what I wanted to hear and hating myself for wanting to hear it in the first place. For what felt like hours our lips stayed connected, fire coursing through me as his hands grasped my cardigan tightly and pulled me closer, his body heat radiating through into me and binding us together in our own rain-soaked, twisted sense of perfection -
His lips left mine and moved to just below my earlobe.
"I…"
Dr. Cox's temple pressed into mine, the rain practically melding us together -
"…fucking…"
The grasp on my top tightened.
I opened my eyes, the tears falling freely.
"…love you."