A very long one for my last chapter. Just an epilogue to go now. Hope people have enjoyed the story.
3rd March 2013 , Lough, Dingle Peninsula, County Kerry, Ireland
Whilst enjoying her first grilled cheese sandwich in over eight months, Chas sat with Aaron in the lounge and talked about the events of the last few days. She thanked her son for his actions, in rushing to her aid, in calling the family, in being her rock as he'd been for the last few months. She'd apologised for dragging him into her mess of a life, for endangering his relationship with the rest of the family.
Aaron let her talk, smiling at her words, revelling in her praise. Then he shook his head.
"I think I've finally got it, Mam, the Dingle way. And it's you that's taught that to me. Family loyalty"
Chas snorted, "yeah, a fine example of that I've been" she laughed humourlessly.
"All the years I lived in Emmerdale, I pushed you away. I hated you for so long and no matter how many times you told me you loved me, I could never forget the fact you walked out of my life without a second thought. When you'd lecture me on family loyalty, sticking together, it made me so angry – I thought you were the biggest hypocrite around".
"Aaron…I…" Chas tried to explain herself, surprised by the attack out of the blue, but as ever, completely unable to defend her actions. Her biggest regret in life was leaving Aaron, no matter how messed up she was at the time.
Aaron held a hand up to stop her. It had taken a few days to put his thoughts in order, and he wanted to get them out while he could. "Since I moved away, I've been able to look back and see things more objectively, without a new drama erupting every five minutes. Without you pecking my head all the time worrying about me. No offence."
Chas smiled to show none was taken.
"I realised that you'd tried your best to help me, even though I tried my best to push you away. And I was really vile to you sometimes. But you kept coming back, trying to make me see sense when I was being stupid, took me in when I was at my lowest, when I was hell-bent on self-destructing. And I never said thank you…"
"You did, Son," Chas replied, tears in her eyes, "at the airport, as you were leaving. When you told me you loved me…that made everything worth it. But being there for you…that's the bare minimum of what's expected as a mother. I've failed you, and the rest of the family…what I did was unforgiveable…"
"No, you did something really, really stupid. And yeah, you hurt your family. But you're not the first, and you won't be the last. And how many times have you had to forgive one of them for something they've done to you? Countless…but you always have."
"It's not the same…"
"It's exactly the same. Don't argue. And I think I probably would have lost respect from the rest of the family if I hadn't stuck up for you. Cain went crazy when he found out it was me that's been covering for you all this time, but I think he's got more respect for me now than he ever has. Which I don't really understand fully…"
"Welcome to the crazy world of Cain's logic" Chas laughed.
"He's read your book" Aaron told her, "the one you did for Evie. Everyone has…don't know how you feel about that, but it was out…"
Chas swallowed heavily, a bit embarrassed, "and how did Cain take it?"
"Don't tell him I told you this, he doesn't know I saw him…"
"Saw him what?"
"Break down. In tears. Full on, down on his knees sobbing".
"Right" was all Chas said.
They sat for a while in silence, until Aaron stirred from his musings. "You up for a drive? Marlon's left a shopping list for dinner, and it'd be good to get Evie out of the house for a bit. We can take your car".
"Haven't you got a snazzy rental car? Why would you want to take my old banger?"
"Ah, well, thanks to the expertise of two brilliant mechanics who have been quite bored, your old banger now runs like a dream" Aaron told her proudly.
"Eh?"
"Me and Cain have given it a good going over, replaced a load of old parts with new ones we got at a yard, generally spruced it up".
"Wow. Thanks. I've been wondering how long it was going to last before it conked out".
"Not being funny, but you need a decent car if you're living in the middle of nowhere".
"I know. Thanks love. I'll go and get Evie up and ready for our road trip" she squeezed his arm and made her way upstairs.
It was nice for Aaron to do something so normal as grocery shopping with his mum and sister, despite the fact that they were getting some funny looks from other shoppers.
"What's wrong with everybody?" he asked Chas as she reached for some nappies.
"I'm assuming Fianna's told half the area who I really am and they're all trying to find evidence of me dad on me face" Chas told them without any sign of annoyance.
"Well she shouldn't have" he said, trying to stare down an old lady who wasn't even trying to hide her voyeurism.
Evie gurgled and Chas smiled, leaning over her carrier and stroking her face. "I don't care, let them stare. They'll just see a mum taking her two babies shopping. Nowt wrong with that" she ruffled Aaron's hair, "is there?"
"There'll be summat wrong if you call me your baby again" Aaron harrumphed. But he saw the pride in his mum's eyes, and felt his own bubbling away inside.
"Ah, but you are, you're both my babies, always will be. And I love you both, more than anything" she ruffled his hair again and then dashed away with the trolley before he could retaliate.
It was dark when they arrived home, and they saw the Dingles' van and Cain's car parked outside the cottage. Chas took a deep breath and got out of the car, lifting Evie carefully from the back as Aaron carried the shopping bags. They made their way inside to find Belle, Lisa and Marlon in the living room, Lisa sat laughing on the sofa as Marlon and Belle tried to Irish dance to some music on the cd player. When they noticed the new arrivals, Belle shot over to greet them as Marlon sank onto the sofa next to Lisa, out of breath from laughing and dancing.
"Welcome home, Love" Lisa called to her, beaming, "you're not just getting back now are you?" she asked, confused.
"Thanks Lise," Chas replied, allowing Belle to take Evie out of her arms, "no, we've been to the shops. Have you had a good day out?" she asked, looking around for her brother.
"We went to Ross Castle, they had a medieval day" Belle told her excitedly as she bobbed Evie up and down, "they made Marlon dress up as a jester, it was ace".
Chas and Aaron laughed, "bet you looked the part" Aaron teased Marlon, who took it with good grace. Aaron took the shopping into the kitchen and came out with the portable heart rate monitor the hospital had given Chas. "Time to do this" he told his mum, passing her the machine. She sighed as she took it, plonking herself onto a chair and pulling the monitor out of its bag.
Lisa stood and moved over to Chas, "here y'are Love, pass it here, I'll do it" she said, sitting next to the younger woman and taking the machine from her. Chas gratefully allowed her to take over, happy when the reading said her blood pressure had dropped even further than before.
"Be right as rain in a few days" Lisa told her as she packed the machine back up, "we'll make sure you're fed up and fit and healthy before we go" she said. Chas tensed when Lisa mentioned them leaving. She didn't like the idea of being all on her own again. She'd been so lonely without her family and friends around her.
"Where's Cain?" she asked quietly.
Marlon pointed upstairs, "he's been up there since we got in".
Chas nodded and stood up, taking Evie back from Belle, "nap time sweetheart," she whispered to her daughter, kissing her cheek and holding her close as she made her way upstairs. She found Cain in the rocking chair in the nursery, sitting in the dark. She turned a small lamp on, bathing the room in a soft yellow glow, and changed Evie in silence. Once she had a new nappy on and was in a fresh babygro, she placed her carefully in her cot and watched her for a minute as she closed her eyes and drifted off like an angel.
Chas moved over to Cain and sat on a stool opposite him, waiting for him to talk. She sensed his nerves. Finally the silence was broken.
"what do you remember?" he asked gruffly.
"Pain. Anger. More pain. And someone holding my hand" she replied.
"I'm not angry with you anymore" he told her, holding her gaze.
"Was it you who held my hand?"
"Could've been Aaron. Could've been me. Do you still suck your fingers in your sleep?"
"Sometimes"
"You should come back"
"What?"
"To Emmerdale. You and Evie".
"No"
"Why not?"
"You might not be angry with me anymore, but I'm still angry at myself. And I know it'll be a long time, if ever, before Debs even thinks about forgiving me. I wouldn't torture her like that, making her watch every day as I bring up his kid in front of her. And I wouldn't do that to Evie either. I don't want her growing up hearing all sorts about her mum and dad. You know what that was like. She deserves better. I'd settle for knowing that I can maybe visit one day. And have visitors. See my family from time to time".
Cain nodded, satisfied, "just checking" he said.
"Checking what?"
"That you're still you".
"Yeah, I'm still me. Mostly. I've missed you, you know?"
"Mmm" Cain answered non-committedly.
"I threw my sim card away months ago. Then found myself wishing I hadn't so I could listen to your voice".
"What, you wanted to listen to me calling you a slag and threatening to kill you?"
"Well, no, obviously I wanted to listen to you telling me you love me, but that would have meant hell had frozen over, so…"
"Still as hilarious as ever then"
"Go on"
"What?"
"Admit it"
"What?"
"You've missed me. Go on, just say it. I won't tell anyone."
Cain picked up the handmade book from the side and flashed it at Chas, "nice stories" he said, changing the subject, "naughty twins with hair as black as ink"
"I was bored. Not much to do round here" she said, embarrassed.
"Dad called us that. Naughty twins, evil twins, twins born years apart…"
"Terrible twins, annoying twins…" Chas continued, "…always at each others throats…"
"…but if you take on one, you take on both…".
"That's the first time you've called him Dad in about twenty years" Chas observed.
"He thought we were possessed, since you put your hand through that window and I felt it from across the estate".
"Good job you did" Chas said, rubbing the scar on her arm as if it was still sore, "I was stuck and I'd severed an artery. If you hadn't found me, I'd have bled to death".
"He always said it was Faith" Cain said.
"Faith in what?" Chas asked, confused.
"Shadrach…Dad…always said it was Mum…Faith's gypsy blood, made us strange. Gave us a weird bond".
"Well if it's true, it's the only good thing that woman ever gave us" Chas replied, not bothering to hide her bitterness towards her mother.
"I'll talk to Debs," he said as he stood up, "she'll come round in time. Charity's already swinging".
He moved to the door, stopping briefly as he reached it to say quietly, "I missed you. But tell anyone and you're dead".
Once he'd left the room, Chas couldn't stop herself from doing a little dance of celebration, a huge grin on her face as she let relief and joy spread through her body. Maybe her future wasn't going to be so lonely after all.