Thoughts Of Boys and Childhood

The horse faltered suddenly, jolting Rowena awake. "

Just a misstep," Bronn reassured her, his mouth close to her ear. As her sleepy head cleared, she realized that her hands had slid off the pommel and one of them was on top of his hand that circled her waist. She snatched it away as if something had bitten her, and then felt foolish. She sat up and stretched as well as she could, and then sat back against him again, surveying their surroundings and wondering where they were.

"What exactly has my uncle told you about me anyway?" she asked. She was too relaxed to be angry about it just now.

"Well, he told me of his concerns about Baelish first of all, the morning I came back with you. And told me he was at his wit's end over how to deal with it. I told him I would help where I could."

"You did?" she was surprised, but she also liked the idea that he had spoken up for her. Of course, it may have just been that he had seen an opportunity for money, but she didn't care at the moment.

"I did." Bronn replied. "And I asked him what your story was, and he told me about his brother. What his intentions towards you had become."

Rowena could hear the anger and disgust in his voice, but she didn't say anything, waiting for him to continue.

"And he told me that I might mention it to Tyrion," he went on. This was definitely surprising news to her, and she turned to look at him curiously.

"It seems he knew your mother," he continued, and she settled back in her seat, trying to absorb what he was saying. "She was someone he knew quite well at one point, and over the years he's kept up with your whereabouts and checked on you from time to time."

This was all very confusing, but explained the Lannister's occasional visits to her uncle. She didn't really know what to think. She wanted to ask so many questions, but it was all a bit overwhelming, so she stayed silent, and waited for him to continue.

"You will not be happy to know that we will be leaving one of the young squires outside the stables during the day, and he's to accompany you wherever you go. And we'll do everything possible to make sure Lord Baelish doesn't get anywhere near you in the future."

She sighed. Of course she hated the idea, but she was terribly frightened of the Lord, and was afraid he might just snatch her away one of these days and take her somewhere no one would find her. She shuddered at the thought, and Bronn pulled her tighter against him.

"Don't worry," he assured her, "I won't let him harm you. That will not be the life for you. We are all in agreement on that, your uncle, Tyrion, and myself."

She was relieved and felt sure he meant it, but part of her wondered if anyone could really protect her from that man. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes. She felt a great sense of relief, about Lord Baelish and about coming face to face with her uncle, knowing Bronn was on her side. But most comforting of all right now, she realized, was how safe she felt leaning against this man, with his arm wrapped protectively around her waist. Despite his rough exterior and sometimes abrasive manners, she had put her trust in him, for better or for worse.

"Now I have a question for you," he spoke after a period of silence. "I understand your concerns about Baelish…" He hesitated then, and she turned her head to look up at him, from where she relaxed against his chest.

"Is it the idea of being with a man that you oppose? Or the man himself?"

"It's the man himself, of course" she replied, knowing that her face had turned red over the other half of the question. "He's cruel and he frightens me more than anyone I've ever met."

"So you do think of things other than dogs and horses then?" he said. He was teasing, but his tone was lighthearted, and she knew his smile had returned.

"Of course I do." She replied, less embarrassed now that he was being playful. "I think about men, but my situation doesn't make it very likely for me to find a husband. I'm happy most of the time, with my rooms over the barn, all to myself. But sometimes…" she sighed as she trailed off. "It's pointless anyway."

"Sometimes what?" He prodded gently

"Anytime a boy has shown the slightest interest in me at the stables, my uncle finds some reason to send him away. His brother did the same thing with his own sons, and they were nothing more than playmates and friends. We were children, for goodness sake. I thought of them like brothers…mostly. But you know they weren't my true brothers and sisters." She trailed off here, and he knew she wasn't saying something.

"But you liked one of them, more than the others?"

She hesitated, but his voice was soft and gentle, hypnotizing her.

"Yes," she admitted, wondering why she was bothering to tell him this. She blamed it on the fact that her head was still fuzzy from sleep, but she had really never had anyone to talk to about it.

She had few girlfriends. Most couldn't stand the stables. All they could think of was when they would find a boy to kiss, to marry, to make babies with. It was more than she could stand sometimes, so she tended to avoid them. Most of the girls in town thought her strange anyway, with her preferences for being dirty, wearing breeches instead of dresses half the time, and spending all of her time with animals. She herself thought they were silly and ridiculous, always giggling about boys and new dresses and how to wear their hair, none of which seemed nearly as interesting to her as dogs and horses.

Rowena was surprised when Bronn didn't press her any further, leaving her to her own thoughts.

She smiled when she thought of Jon, the eldest son of the shepherd, Averet. He had lovely amber eyes and dark curly hair. She sighed aloud.

Rowena's early life on the farm had been a happy one. But when Averet's wife, Anne, died, things changed, and the farm was not the happy home it had once been. The children were left to themselves a great deal, and they bonded together to take care of each other and keep each other from being too sad at losing the only mother they'd ever known. The farmer was deeply saddened when he lost his wife, and they thought he would never recover. He became more volatile, more unpredictable and scary to be around, especially when he drank too much wine. So the children found their havens outside of the house – in the barn, with the animals, and in the pastures and the forest.

Jon and Rowena had started spending more time apart from the other children, wandering off on their own to explore the forest. They both loved the quiet beauty of the trees, and shared the same fascination with the strange creatures they encountered. They had been the best of friends their whole lives, but as he got older, she realized he was starting to look at her differently. Even the way he touched her shoulder or held her hand was different, and his touch made her feel different.

One day when they had been alone, sitting next to a gurgling stream, watching the water massage the smooth stones, Jon had told Rowena he wanted to kiss her. She was surprised, because it simply hadn't occurred to her. She was barely thirteen, but when she looked at him, and saw how he was looking at her, with his sweet, pleading eyes, she couldn't say no. And he had kissed her, just barely touching his lips against hers, but sending strange sensations through her body that she had never known before.

From then on, they would sneak off to the woods and walk hand in hand, and he would kiss her on the cheek and only occasionally on the lips. She thought she could never be happier, and Jon admitted as much to her himself. After all, they were not true brother and sister. She had come to the farm as an infant. No one ever told her anything about her true parents, and after a point, she had just blended in with the shepherd's family as if they were her parents.

Eventually, the day came when the father seemed to notice that she and Jon had grown much closer, and that Jon was becoming a man, at nearly sixteen. And it was as if, once Averet realized how Jon was seeing Rowena, the old man suddenly saw her as Jon saw her. She was young and pretty and becoming a young woman, no longer just a child. But when Rowena caught the old man looking at her in that way, it made the hair on the back of her neck stand on end. She started to avoid him as much as possible, which only made him more jealous of her bond with his son. Finally one day, the father announced that Jon would be going away. Averet had found him a proper and suitable wife, and Jon would have his own home and piece of land. His new home would be far far away from them, and they were not likely to see him again.

She and Jon had escaped to the woods at dawn the very next morning and cried together. He told her he would never marry another, and that he loved her, and would tell his father so. Rowena believed everything he said was true, but she knew that his father would never allow them to be together now. And that was how her childish heart had been broken, and her dearest friend ripped from her life forever, in order to clear the way for his own father to make his vile desires known.

It was Anne who had shown the children affection. Her husband only seemed to just tolerate them, but he was always fair and never too harsh with them, before his wife died. Rowena knew she did not have the affection for him that she did for Anne, but still, he was the only father she had ever known. So when he came to her with his proposition, shortly after her fourteenth name day, she was shocked and horrified. He wanted to marry her and make her his wife! Averett was nearly thirty years her senior, and to Rowena, he was an old man, who smelled bad and was always drunk on wine. He had two daughters older than Rowena herself. She was terrified and disgusted at the prospect, and cried herself to sleep in her room. The older girls had tried to comfort her, the younger ones didn't understand, but they all wanted her to stay. To them she was part of their family. But Rowena couldn't bear the thought of it, and had begged the eldest daughter to send word to their aunt and uncle. The children knew them to be very kindhearted and gentle people, with no children of their own. Rowena thought they might be her only hope.

Rowena wondered now why she hadn't sent the crow herself. The eldest daughters had continued the lessons that Anne had taught them in reading and writing and needlework, to the best of their abilities. Perhaps she was just too young to realize she could do anything herself about her circumstances at the time. But the eldest daughter was not completely happy about the idea of Rowena becoming her father's wife, so she sent a message early the next morning. By the next day's end, the aunt and uncle, Rosamond and Bayard, had arrived, and Rowena knew when she saw them that they would help her.

There had been a great deal of shouting from inside the house, as all the children hid in the barn. Averet made accusations about Rowena and Jon, and Jon was long gone and could not help her or defend her now. But Uncle Bayard won out eventually, and sent Roasamond to fetch Rowena and the other girls, and had them help her pack all of her things that very day. They told her they would not leave her there alone, and would depart for the city the next morning.

On the trip home, her Aunt Rosamond had cried, and both of them told her how sorry they were that they had not thought to check on her. Bayard was angry that he had not realized how much his brother Averet had started drinking since his wife's death. And they very cautiously asked her if Averet had ever touched her, or tried to, and she had told them, through freely flowing tears of relief, that once he had started hugging her too tightly and too closely, she had tried never to be alone with him. She saw something frightening in his eyes, but he never got closer to her than that, and she could see how relieved they were.

They asked about Jon, too, and she knew they had been told lies. She told them every bit of the truth, and begged them to send word so that Jon could confirm her account. But they comforted her and told her it was not necessary. They themselves could also confirm what she believed about Jon. That he had truly cared for her, and that neither of them had done anything to be ashamed of. But Jon was already married and there was nothing to be done about it now. They thought it best if the two did not see each other for the time being.

They assured Rowena that she and Jon were innocent. Their behavior was normal and natural and nothing more than they themselves had done as children before they were wed. Rosamond told her over and over to never think of the ugly things Averet had said about her. They were truly good and honorable people, Bayard and Rosamond. Rowena promised them on that journey home, that she would always be good, and try to behave like a proper girl, and work as hard as she could. But the main thought in her head was that she would never ever have to return to that place.