A/N: Well, here we are again. Another chapter, and me still unsure about how many more there will be (I'm kind of hoping to end on 25, but we'll see what happens. Seeing as how I originally planned on 15, I've kind of stopped guessing :)

Title: Of Twisted Morals and Human Weaponry
Author: BeyondTheStorm
Rating: T for...well, a lot of things. Some language, some violence, the whole general situation, a bit of torture, etc.
Characters/pairings: The cast is as follows: Merlin, Arthur, an antagonist, two guards with names, and a few without. Merlin and Arthur are the main focus of this story. Oh, and no pairings. Only friendship here, though if you want to read more into it, feel free. Whatever floats your boat :)
Spoilers: Um...none, as far as I know.
Warnings: Abuse, a bit of torture, me being descriptive
What to expect: Bromance, introspection, angst, some whump, H/C, lots of drama, lots of worrying...oh, and some magic. Can't forget the magic :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin :)

So, despite the ridiculous amount of trouble this chapter gave me, I rather liked writing it. The ending took over a half an hour on its own (five lines. Five sodding lines), but overall I'm happy with it especially since the second half was completely a spur of the moment thing. I was actually going to jump right into when Rordan comes back, but it didn't feel quite right segueing into that from where I was, so instead I went for something completely different. It was rather fun, and I certainly hope you all enjoy the chapter :)

Onward!

CHAPTER 23

By the time Owyn returned from gathering firewood, Merlin was once again asleep while Arthur sat by his side, watching over him. It hadn't been too long after their conversation that the exhaustion had set in again and pulled the warlock back under, but this time around his expression was peaceful, at ease. He looked more like someone who was merely resting as opposed to someone who didn't have a choice in the matter. It was reassuring to see so much contentment on that face, to know that a good deal of fears and doubts had been laid to rest.

When Merlin had first started to panic, Arthur hadn't been sure what to do. In hindsight, he should have probably chosen his initial words more carefully, but at the same time there really wasn't a casual way to bring up the topic of Merlin and his magic. It was quite possible that regardless of how he had gone about it, the warlock would have panicked anyway, and the prince honestly couldn't blame him for that. It was a secret that had been kept for a long, long time, one that could have easily gotten him killed any number of times if anyone had ever found out about it, so it was perfectly natural to worry about someone's reaction to learning the truth. Even if he didn't like it, Arthur understood it.

He just wished that things hadn't happened the way they had. He wished that someone would have taken the time to tell him about the true nature of magic sooner, that he could have learned the truth long ago so that Merlin never would have had to fear him finding out, so that he could have told him himself.

Things were going to change; they would change, no matter what the cost. No one should ever have to live with that kind of fear hanging over their head, with that kind of weight on their shoulders. He knew that it was impossible to change the law against sorcery while his father was still king, but he vowed to do whatever he could to protect as many people as possible. Even if all he could do was help to share the burden that had been placed on Merlin, he would do it without question. His servant had always been there for him. It was time to start returning the favor. That was what friends were for, after all.

"You seem rather deep in thought."

Arthur looked up from the makeshift fire pit that he had been staring into—the flames were long gone, unneeded in the light of day—and met a curious pair of green eyes above a seemingly casual grim. He watched as Owyn dropped his load of firewood off to the side of the cave before sprawling out on one of the blankets that they hadn't bothered to put away (there was no point in packing anything up since they couldn't leave until Rordan returned and Merlin was well enough to travel).

"So," he began as he brought his arms back and folded them behind his head, using them in place of a pillow, "care to tell me what's on your mind?"

The prince couldn't help but smile a bit. Trust Owyn to not only pick up on the fact that something had happened but to also realize that for once Arthur actually wanted to talk about it.

"Merlin woke up," he said. Part of him wondered if maybe Owyn had already guessed as much, but the surprise that flashed across his face seemed genuine.

"Really? When?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe half an hour ago or so. He wasn't awake for very long."

"Did he seem alright?"

That was a loaded question, and both of them knew it. Obviously Merlin's physical health left a lot to be desired. It would take quite some time for him to fully recover. However, while those wounds would eventually heal, they weren't the only ones that required attention. The warlock had suffered greatly at the hands of his captor, and there was no telling what the weapons dealer had done to him. No one had been in that room aside from him and Merlin. It was impossible to know exactly what had happened in there.

Arthur was tempted to say yes, because he wanted to believe that he would be, given a little more time to rest, but at the same time he knew he couldn't. It was impossible for him to make that claim after what had happened in just those few short moments.

"Sort of, I guess…maybe. It's hard to tell. He was probably in a lot of pain, and he couldn't really talk, so it would've been difficult to ask him too much about how he was feeling."

"So I was right. Well, his voice should return in a couple days or so, provided he doesn't strain it. Did you make sure he didn't try to talk?"

"I tried, but he's rather stubborn." Merlin really wasn't good at being quiet. He had a habit of filling the silence…and maybe, just maybe, a part of that was because he didn't like being left alone with his own thoughts for too long. Merlin was someone who carried a great deal of secrets and lies, who hid behind a lot of false impressions and his own (more-than-likely genuine) clumsiness. However, Merlin was also someone who took a great deal to heart, who felt bad about even some of the smallest grievances, and so there was no way that all those lies and all those secrets wouldn't result in a great deal of guilt. It had to have been painful. It was a wonder how he could even stand while bearing all that weight. Merlin truly was so much stronger than anyone gave him credit for.

"Well, I suppose there's no helping that," Owyn said with a smile, and Arthur couldn't help but wonder just how much of himself Merlin had allowed these men to see. Did Rordan and Owyn know Merlin the same way he did…or did they know him better? Unhindered with having to keep his magic a secret, had they been able to learn more about him? He couldn't help but wonder what Merlin was like when he had nothing holding him back from being who and what he was, when he didn't have to draw a line for himself to follow. What would be different and what would stay the same?

There was so much for him to learn.

"…So?"

Pulling himself away from his thoughts, Arthur focused his gaze back on Owyn only to find the guard staring at him rather expectantly. He seemed to be waiting for something.

"So what?"

"So, how was Merlin? You didn't exactly finish answering my question. Was he…well…" Owyn shifted a bit, turning his eyes away as his voice trailed off. It was a rare thing to see him struggling for words; the man always had something to say, and he usually knew exactly what to say as well. Arthur couldn't fault him for it this time though, because there really was no easy way to ask. There were really no words that could ever make something like this alright, and so the prince decided to save him the trouble of searching (just this once, mind you. The next time Owyn found himself at a loss for words, he was definitely going to point it out. And laugh).

"He'll be alright." Owyn turned his head towards him again, clearly surprised, but Arthur paid it no mind. "I think in time, he'll be alright."

It was something he wanted to believe but also something that he vowed to make true. Even if Merlin wasn't alright, he would do everything in his power to fix whatever was wrong. He didn't want to believe that the damage done was irrevocable. He knew that it would take time, possibly a very long time, but together they would get through it. He had to believe that, had to believe that the fear and the panic wouldn't last, that Merlin's very soft but very sincere "thank you" was a step in the right direction, was proof that everything would one day be alright.

Though honestly, he wasn't sure if he deserved it. After everything he had done and even more so for the things he hadn't done, he certainly hadn't been expecting gratitude. He had been planning on spending the rest of his life, if necessary, earning back every ounce of the trust that he had lost as well as the part that he had never been able to earn to begin with, but Merlin had looked ready to give it all to him in that one moment. Though the words hadn't been said, it had felt like he was being forgiven.

"…Did something happen?"

Snapping out of his thoughts, the prince heaved an internal sigh. He probably should've seen that one coming. Curse Owyn and his perceptiveness.

"Sort of." He wasn't entirely sure if he wanted to talk about this, but given the man's nature, it was unlikely that the guard would leave him alone until he did. "When he woke up, he asked me what had happened, so I told him about Barragh. He was fine up until the point where I brought up how he had used his magic to help me. After that he started panicking. I don't know for sure what caused it, but I think it was probably because he remembered that I knew. I fear I didn't take it too well when I first found out."

"But you're alright with it now?"

"Yes. Magic or not, he's still Merlin. Nothing will ever change that. I don't care about the magic."

"Did you tell him that?"

"Yes." Arthur cast his eyes downward as he slumped against the wall of the cave behind him with a somewhat dejected sigh. "There were so many things I wanted to tell him, but that seemed the most important. I don't know what I was expecting afterward, but in the end, he…he thanked me."

"Of course he did."

"I'm not sure if I deserve it."

"Of course you do."

When Arthur didn't say anything, a sigh came from the other side of the cave, and even though he was still staring at the ground, he was able to hear the rustling as Owyn pushed himself up into a sitting position.

"You know, for being called an arrogant prince, you certainly have a lot of issues with self-doubt. I don't think you realize just how important your words were or how badly Merlin needed to hear them. You're important to him. Though I didn't really get a chance to talk to either of you about it much before I got locked up, I at least know that. I'm not sure if you realize the true extent of it, but Merlin is fiercely loyal to you. I heard him tell Barragh once that he had sworn his loyalty to someone a long time ago, that his life and his magic were for them and them alone. That's you, Arthur. Even though you hated magic, even though he was afraid of you finding out he was sorcerer, he still believed in you enough to pledge his life to you. With his talents, Merlin could have easily gone to another kingdom and been revered for what he is, but instead he remained in Camelot and hid his magic, all for you.

"So don't sell yourself short, alright? You may not think you deserve it, but I'm pretty sure you do. You offered both your thanks and forgiveness to him, and with Merlin being who he is, how could you ever expect that he would do anything less?"

…There it was again, that feeling in his chest, like someone was squeezing his heart and lungs until he could hardly breathe, but this time it wasn't from worry or guilt or relief. He wasn't entirely sure what it was. It was different from the rush he got from receiving praise, different from the pain he felt when he was proven wrong. His whole chest felt tight, aching with something he couldn't describe, and before he knew it, his eyes began to sting in a way that was familiar and yet not. The prince quickly raised a hand to cover them, his fingers pressing against his temples, while his other hand curled into a fist, clutching the fabric of his tunic where it rested over his heart.

He had never felt like this before.

Touched. That was the word. Grateful was another. He wasn't sure whether he loved or hated it.

Was this what it felt like to be saved?

He bit his lip to try and keep it from trembling, but it was a losing battle. In the end he merely lowered his head further to hide his face.

"Thank you," he whispered, his voice coming out thick and so full of everything that he wasn't sure if the words had actually been intelligible or not. In all honesty, he wasn't even sure why he had bothered to say them at all, but it had felt necessary, like they had needed to be said. He couldn't help but wonder if that was how Merlin had felt when he had thanked him.

"You don't have to thank me," Owyn said, but the words barely registered past the beating of his own heart and the burning behind his eyes. "I was only telling you the truth."

Arthur choked back what felt like a sob.

So this was what it felt like, being saved.

When Merlin finally opened his eyes again, it ended up being a lot easier than the first time. There was no blinding light, no encroaching headache, and even the haze over his vision cleared up quickly. However, most of his surroundings this time were dark, lit only by the flickering of dying flames. He tried to move his head to get a better idea of what was going on around him, but that proved to be somewhat difficult. Apparently laying in one place for too long was a good way to become rather stiff. It certainly didn't help that most of him still hurt, even though it was only a dull ache. It also didn't help that moving his head made him feel just a bit dizzy, and the last thing he needed on top of everything else was to make himself nauseous; he had enough problems the way it was.

"Oh, you're awake."

Had he actually been capable of moving, he probably would've jumped, but as it turned out, all his body was capable of was a slight flinch.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."

Merlin very carefully shifted his gaze over towards where the voice was coming from only to see a very familiar face standing at the mouth of the cave, leaning against the wall. The warlock couldn't help but grin. It had been a long time since he had last seen that carefree yet undeniably warm expression.

Pushing away from the wall, Owyn made his way over to where the warlock was lying and sat down next to him.

"It's been a while, hasn't it?" the guard began, though it was obvious he didn't expect a response. "Sorry if I worried you."

Merlin was about to open his mouth and ask his friend about what had happened to him, but Owyn was rather quick to cut him off.

"Nope. No talking, remember? I'm pretty sure Arthur already told you that."

At the mention of the prince, Merlin quickly realized that he hadn't seen him yet. The talking hadn't even drawn his attention. Curious (and maybe a little worried), the warlock tried to look around, being careful about how he moved his head, and as soon as he turned his attention towards the fire, he found the prince. Arthur was sprawled out on the other side of the campfire, fast asleep with one blanket thrown over him and another rolled up to serve as a pillow. He looked rather peaceful, content, but at the same time he seemed exhausted, like he had just been through a great deal.

"Don't worry. He's alright, just tired," Owyn told him, prompting the warlock to turn his attention back to his current companion. "I think talking to me probably wore him out."

Merlin couldn't help but smile widely at that, chuckling silently to himself.

"…It's good to see you can still smile like that, after everything that's happened."

Surprised at the response, he looked up at his friend's face only to find that his grin was still there despite the sadness in his words, but it was softer, more subtle, and a little bit melancholy. He didn't like it. He wanted desperately to ask what was wrong but knew he'd only be scolded if he tried, so he simply mouthed the words and did his best to use his expression to get his intent across. Owyn was good at reading people (more than once Merlin had wondered if the man couldn't actually read his thoughts as well), so hopefully he'd be able to understand this time too. Sure enough, the guard stayed true to form.

"It's nothing, really. Well, nothing important, anyway. Even if I were to ask, it's not like you'd be able to answer right now."

He scowled a bit at that. He really didn't like this whole "no talking" thing.

"It's a bit funny, in a way."

Merlin very clearly gave him a look that said "how so," and even though he was hoping that his somewhat incredulous expression would make the guard smile again, it seemed that his grin only fell further.

"Well, I was just thinking about how odd it is that you seem to be taking the situation far better than the rest of us. It kind of makes me wonder why that is."

The warlock shifted just a bit, just enough to make it obvious that that question wasn't one he was comfortable with. Even if he had been able to answer, he wasn't sure if he would. To be perfectly honest, he didn't like thinking about it. He didn't want to remember any more of it than he already did. There was too much fear there, too much shame. If he didn't have to tell anyone, then he certainly wasn't going to. It would be better to just leave it behind. Pretending that it hadn't happened wasn't a possibility, so the most he could do was just move on. After all, there was no changing what had happened. It could never be undone, so there was no point in dwelling on it.

He probably would though. Dwell on it, that is. Something like that wasn't easily forgotten or pushed aside. It was just something he was going to have to live with. One way or another, he would deal with it. It's not like he had much of a choice.

"Merlin."

Giving his attention back to the guard, he all of a sudden found himself rather at a loss. In the past two months, he had seen a lot of different expressions on that face, and even though this one wasn't exactly new—guilt had been a rather common thing amongst Barragh's guards, after all—he didn't quite understand why it was there now.

"What?" he mouthed, knowing that even though the guard wasn't really facing him, Owyn was still probably watching from the corner of his eye.

"I'm sorry."

Not this again.

The sorcerer huffed in response (or at least tried to). If rolling his eyes hadn't been more likely to result in dizziness than the proper conveyance of his exasperation, he definitely would have rolled them, but instead he simply had to settle for glaring to get his point across.

Why did people keep apologizing to him?

Owyn laughed a bit at the look he was receiving, much to both Merlin's delight and his chagrin.

"Oh, I know that look. You probably think I'm being silly, and I probably am, but just this once I think I'll take a page from Arthur's book and apologize anyway, because I just feel like I should."

With a sigh, he settled himself against the wall, eyes peering out at the darkened world beyond their small shelter.

"You see, Rordan and I…we made a few mistakes. Apparently there is such a thing as being too careful, even in a situation like ours. See, we had a plan to get you out of there. I won't go into the specifics right now—I'll tell you later once you get your voice back so that you can laugh at the sheer irony of it all—but we intended to go ahead with it once you recovered from that first set of lashings. Needless to say things didn't quite go according to plan. You certainly did surprise us all though. Let's just say I'm really glad I'm your friend and not someone who's on the receiving end of your ire…too often, at least.

"Anyway, me and Rordan spent a lot of time thinking after that, about how we should have told you what we were planning. Maybe if we had, none of this would have happened. I know it's pointless to think about it. You can't change the past. I also know that it isn't my fault, not really, but at the same time I can't help but feel like it is. Heh, maybe I shouldn't have lectured Arthur after all. Turns out I'm just as bad as he is when it comes to placing blame…"

A soft tug on his pant leg suddenly caught his attention, and Owyn found himself turning back to Merlin, surprised at the sudden movement. Sure enough the warlock had managed to move his arm just enough to be able to grab the material between two fingers. He wondered if maybe the boy had been trying to get his attention for a while and had only just now succeeded. Owyn hadn't even realized just how far his attention had strayed until he was pulled back in, his eyes settling on the ones peering back at him.

The warlock closed his eyes for a moment and slowly shook his head before opening them once again and meeting his gaze head on. Funny how such a simple act could mean so much. Merlin couldn't talk. His voice wasn't strong enough to convey much of anything, and it wouldn't be for quite some time yet, but sometimes words weren't necessary. Sometimes they only got in the way. It was true that he often relied on his words, that he knew how to weave them, how to use them in order to get the outcome he wanted, how to say things that would often make people think or sometimes even rethink. He could almost always find the words that needed to be said as well as know when and how to say them.

However, what it really all came back to was the ability to read people, to emphasize, to understand. The right words would always be wasted if given to the wrong person.

When he had first met Merlin, it hadn't taken him long to realize that the warlock was anything but an open book. He kept the important things closely guarded, locked away just as tightly as his secrets, but at the same time he was honest and expressive. He wore his emotions on his sleeve, and if he wanted to get something across, he could, with or without the necessary words. All he needed was a simple look, because as secretive and as closed off as he could sometimes be, those eyes could hide nothing, not even his magic.

Perhaps it was a good thing that words weren't always needed, that sometimes there just wasn't a right thing to say, because what Owyn saw on that earnest face had him at a complete loss for any of them. His eyes widened a bit as he stared at an expression that was nothing short of understanding. Everything he had said and everything he had felt was being mirrored back at him. He couldn't help but wonder if he was only imagining it. Merlin had every right to blame them. He had every right to be angry about what had happened—surely they had all wronged him in one way or another—but just like with Arthur, he wasn't showing any of that. There was no blame, no anger, no fear or animosity or sorrow.

It felt like he was being thanked, but not for his apology. It was almost enough to seize his heart for a moment, to make it difficult for him to breathe. He couldn't help but wonder if this was how Arthur had felt when hearing those two simple words, when being faced with the one thing he hadn't expected to see.

Ah…perhaps I was wrong after all.

Acceptance, gratitude, understanding…

So Arthur, this is what you meant.

Not for the first time, he found himself wondering just where Merlin's capacity for kindness came from. Forgiveness wasn't supposed to be easy. Surely no one could possibly be that kind.

I think I understand now.

And yet somehow, somehow, Merlin just was.

A/N: Well, that's all for now. Tiny bit shorter than the last few, but still rather lengthy. I hope you all enjoyed it!

As always, I want to say thanks to everyone who took the time to read this. And can I just say quick...oh my gosh, over 1,000 reviews. I've never gotten that many for anything before, so thank you so much! You've no idea how happy you've all made me. Thanks so much to everyone who has favorited, alerted, reviewed, and simply taken the time to read this. I really appreciate it, so thank you :)

That's all for now. I'm heading off to bed (gotta be up in five hours...sigh).

Until next week!