Story: When Everything Changed

Summary: Something inside begins to protest her actions causing Bellatrix to question herself and those around her. How will her world as she knows it be affected? BL/HG

Rated: M

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns everything. I am merely borrowing the characters to play my own little game with them.

A/N 1: Italics are a flashback. Also ** before a new paragraph after a break indicates a scene change. While xx means skipping further into that scene. I just wanted to clarify. Please let me know if these symbols aren't showing up.

A/N 2: Though I have edited this more than once I am sure there are still mistakes. This is unbetaed and all mistakes are mine.

A/N 3: Not the original. Revised and Reposted.

"Without trust, words become the hollow sound of a wooden gong. With trust, words become life itself."

"It is impossible to go through life without trust: That is to be imprisoned in the worst cell of all, oneself." –Graham Greene

Bellatrix's POV

I shouldn't have kissed Hermione; that I know, but I wanted it to the extent that I actually needed to kiss her. Now my feelings are out in the open for her to use at her own discretion, and whether that be against me I do not know. I wish I could trust Hermione the way that she seems to blindly trust me, and believe that she would never hurt me with what she now knows, but I can't. I have followed people blindly too many times, I have cared unconditionally too many times, and it each time I was left crushed in the wake of their betrayal.

I have been putting off my departure to spend time with my family and Hermione, but now I know I must go. Nothing good can come from the events of the past few days especially the kiss.

Turning over my eyes wander the peaceful features of her face. Her lips are curled into a small smile and her creamy skin is being caressed by the afternoon light that filters through the window. I can still feel her lips against mine. I can still smell her intoxicating sent and I know that I always will. She is the one that I will never be able to forget.

In a matter of minutes I will destroy the fragile bond we have so carefully constructed between us. Because I know she deserves someone who can trust in not only her, but in themselves. Someone who has the ability to love her and make her feel like she is on top of the world. Who lets her know how special she is, and that person is not me.

Cautiously I crawl out of bed. I quietly open the top drawer of the dresser and pull out the things I know I could never leave behind. Pausing I glance at her. I watch the rise and fall of the blanket caused by her gentle breathing.

There is a lump in my throat and for the first time I regret what I will be leaving behind. I refuse to let the tears fall. I've done enough crying to last me a lifetime, or maybe I have yet to catch up on the years where vulnerability wasn't an option.

I grab my picture of Teddy. The nephew I will never get to see grow up and the picture of my family who I will yet again abandon in hope that it will make their lives easier. I make my way to the door and freeze. My attention is again pulled to the slumbering form on the bed. Digging my hand into the pocket of my robe I pull an item that I have kept it with me through everything, but now I believe that it is time to part with it.

Silently I cross the room. Hermione's hand is resting by her head. I place my necklace in it: it has the Black family crest dangling from the silver chain. I fold Hermione's fingers over the necklace and hope she will understand what I am trying to say one day.

In the process of giving Hermione my necklace I failed to notice that her eyes have flickered open. "What are you doing?" Her voice is thick with sleep.

"Leaving." I reply and then turn around and exit the room. I hear her call after me and try to ignore it. When I am half way down the stairs I can hear her footsteps behind me. I have the compulsion to turn around and help her back into bed before I leave, but I know that will do no good.

"Bella." I have reached the bottom of the stairs and even though my mind is screaming not to I turn around. Hermione is leaning heavily against the railing and gazing at me with hurt and confusion. "I thought I was going with you?"

I can't bring myself to say anything. I all I can do is stand and stare at her wishing that I could go back to not caring, because this moment is breaking my heart. The heart I didn't realize I had left. I shake my head no and try to convey my emotions to her through my eyes. "Please don't do this again," She whispers and I want to run up the stairs and take her in my arms promising that I won't.

Slowly she comes down the stairs but I don't give her a chance to reach me I spin around and make my way through the kitchen. I am about to open the front door when a voice sounds from behind me. "Bella, where are you going?" I gaze over my shoulder at Dromeda.

"I'm leaving."

"Oh…" I can hear the hurt in her voice. "Where will you go?"

I shrug my shoulders and leave the house. I walk down the path and glance over my shoulder at the building I could finally call a home. Hermione is standing on the front steps. She is wearing a defeated expression and it is obvious that she is rapidly losing her energy. Dromeda is watching me out of the window. I send her a sad smile and then lock eyes with Hermione. I try to apologize but it goes unheard. Turning on the spot I wait for the familiar squeeze of apparating.

**
Wandering aimlessly through the surrounding landscape I think about the look on Hermione's face before everything around me disappeared. I could see in her expression that the weight of the world had just crashed back down on her. The guilt burns and scratches at every inch of my body. All I have ever done is hurt her.

I can hear laughing, carefree voices and I stop walking. I realize I am on the outskirts of Hogwarts. Without thinking I rush in the direction of the gate. It is not until my hand is wrapped around an iron bar and the flesh on the palm of my hand is burning do I remember who I am and how foolish I am being at the moment.

I quickly return to the safety of the trees, before glancing down at my hand. The skin is red and angry as blisters begin to form.

Taking out my wand I create a patronus and embed a message into it. I watch the figure soar through the sky. It is barely visible against the setting sun. I notice a student returning to the castle stop and watch the panther enter the Headmistress' window.

After about ten minutes of waiting I notice a shimmering object making its way toward me. A familiar voice flows from it. "Make your way to the edge of Hogsmeade Bella, and I will come and get you as soon as I possibly can. I dear say you do choose odd times to appear." I lightly chuckle and follow the instructions.

**
"Bella?" I can see the outline of a figure.

"Over here." There is a shuffling and then Professor McGonagall appears in front of me.

"Sorry it took me so long. I've been having issues with unruly students. I thought the Weasley twins were bad. Students try their hardest to leave the same kind of legacy that Fred and George did. We have to hurry; it will look suspicious if I am not at dinner. Rarely do I miss one." She takes out her wand and taps me on the head with it. The familiar sensation of an egg being cracked over my head and trickling down my back overcomes me. When I glance down I am not surprised to find that I have completely disappeared.

I watch as Professor McGonagall effortlessly shifts the wards of Hogwarts. Her magic crackles around us and all I can imagine is the look on Hermione's face if she could see this. "One day soon I will have to remember to recast these so you can get in on your own," she mumbles quietly. "Follow me."

The castle doors open automatically as we approach. The dim light of the Entrance Hall lands on us. As Professor McGonagall's features are highlight I notice that she appears tired and worn. The duties involved with being headmistress seem to be getting to her, but I have no doubt that she can handle them with expertise.

Filius Flitwick is crossing the room on his way to the Great Hall. "Filius," McGonagall calls out. He turns his attention to her and crosses the room to meet us. His eyes flicker up to me before moving back to her and I would swear he knows I am here. "Start the dinner without me, will you? I will join the rest of the school shortly."

"Of course, Minerva," Flitwick glances in my direction one last time before turning and disappearing through a door that leads straight to the teacher's table.

When I think I will collapse from the amount of stairs I have climbed in a jogging pace we stop in front of the stone gargoyle leading up to Professor McGonagall's office. She gives the gargoyle the password and we step into the moving staircase.

"Does Flitwick know I'm alive?"

"Not to my knowledge. Why?"

"He kept glancing in my direction."

"Filius probably sensed an unfamiliar magical presence."

I follow Professor McGonagall into her office. The silence between us is comforting; when she speaks the sudden noise startles me. "Hermione wrote to me earlier saying that you had left Andromeda's. She requested I send an owl if you chose to contact me. I think you should write to her while you wait for me."

"Maybe," I say quietly as the underlining sensation of guilt becomes stronger.

A set of eyes are piercing me and searching gently for answers. Lifting my head I lock eyes with Albus Dumbledore. Even though it is a picture, fear strikes me as I remember the raw power I have seen coming from the man on the wall. I know for sure that he can see me even with the spell cast that has been cast over me.

Professor McGonagall taps me with her wand and warmth spreads through my limbs. I return my eyes to Dumbledore. I nod at him, "Professor Dumbledore." Even though I do not respect him as much as Professor McGonagall know better than to address him without respect.

"Bellatrix," he replies in his soft, caring tone. That alone surprises me. He has always surprised me so should I really be surprised that I was surprised? "I can see what you were talking about Minerva." His gaze is making me self-conscious and nervous. I can feel a blush creeping onto my face. I find it odd that I have been blushing so often lately because I used to hold such an air of self-confidence. However, this is now, and with each passing day it is becoming harder to remember who I use to be.

"Albus leave Bella alone can't you see she is embarrassed? Look at her she is bright read." Her words do nothing to improve my state of extreme redness.

"Right, sorry Bellatrix," He says.

Professor McGonagall rests her hand on my lower back and leads me through a door in the back of the room. We enter her living quarters and I don't bother pondering the fact I have never used this door to get here before. "Sit my dear. Sit." She flicks her wand and the wood in the fire erupts into flames. "I'm afraid you will have to wait to talk to me for a little while longer."

"That's fine." She nods.

"Kreacher." There is a loud pop and the house elf is standing in front of the fire. He is looking much better than the last time I saw him. When his eyes land on me they go wide.

"Yes mistress?" He says his eyes never leaving me.

"Please arrange for an owl to be sent up here and have some food brought up to Bellatrix and anything else she may require."

He bows to her and leaves the room. "Do you think he will say anything?" She shakes her head no.

"He is sworn to a vow of secrecy for whatever he may see or hear in my presence."

"Wouldn't matter if he did would it?" I lock eyes with her. "I'm sure soon enough the word will be spread that I am not dead."

"Would you expect any less of Harry?" She glances at her watch. "I really must go." I nod. "I'll be back as soon as I can." I nod again and she exits the room in a hurry.

Kreacher reappears with an owl, quill, and parchment. "Madame Lestrange."

"Thank you, Kreacher," I take the objects from him. He is staring at me with disbelief. I send him a small smile. "Do you enjoy working at Hogwarts?"

"Somewhat," he states cautiously.

"That's good."

"What would you like to eat Madame?"

"Nothing at the moment. Fire whiskey would be nice when you have a moment."

"Of course." He disapparates. I look down at the parchment and sigh. Dipping the quill in ink I begin to write.

xx
"Sorry dinner took longer than I expected dear," Professor McGonagall says as she enters the room

"It's fine," I muster up the energy for a smile and send it her way.

"Hermione didn't explain anything to me so you will have to fill me in."

"There's not much to say. I knew Harry would turn me in to the ministry so I had to leave."

"Why would Hermione contact me if it was that simple?"

I look down at the floor. I can feel my body shutting down to block out information I do not wish to share.

"Bellatrix," With effort I manage to meet her eyes. Quietly she says, "Talk to me."

"We weren't on good terms when I left."

"I highly doubt that. Hermione cares for you a great deal. Though you are both stubborn I don't believe Hermione would ever truly be mad at you."

"She is. She has to be; last night she told me she was coming with me when I left and then this morning I left without saying goodbye. She tried to follow me out of the house, but she didn't have the strength. It killed me to see her like that but it was necessary."

"Why?"

"I'm not safe to be around; all I cause is trouble whether that is my intention or not. I was just trying to make her life easier."

"What about Andromeda, Tonks, and Teddy? Do you really believe you are making their lives easier?"

"Yes."

"Did you tell Hermione this?" I can see a spark of concern in Professor McGonagall's eyes.

"No. I couldn't face her after last night." I stop as I debate whether or not I should tell Professor McGonagall about the kiss. Though it is relative to the situation it is personal. I wonder if she knows how I feel about Hermione. I bet she does. She seems to know about everything that happens in the world: wizarding or not.

"What happened last night?"

"We kissed." I watch as she carefully swallows the swig of scotch she has just taken. I note how the muscles in her hand tighten as she strengthens her grip on the glass.

"You…" She nods her head, but doesn't finish. What alarms me most is the straightening of her back and the slight change in her tone. "Well I highly doubt that Hermione will remain upset with you for long if indeed she is, Bellatrix. Now if you'll excuse me I have letters to write regarding the school budget and other Hogwarts matters. You are more than welcome to stay here for as long as you need."

I watch in shock as Professor McGonagall gets up and leaves the room effectively ending our conversation.

**
My leg jiggles nervously as I sit in the back of the small pub. I pull my cloak further up to shadow my face and glance toward the door once more. For a moment I take in the sight of the carefree muggles in the surrounding booths and at the bar. I can't help but smirk at the irony of my current location.

The door of the pub opens and as the new patron steps in butterflies flutter in my stomach. I could slip out; I still have time. My fingers curl around the edge of the table tightly. I can do this. I have to do this. I owe it to Hermione. As her eyes dart around for me I notice how tired and thin she looks. I cringe at the thought that her appearance could be my fault.

Her eyes land on me in question as she makes her way toward me. It pains me to see the slight limp in her stride.

"Bella?"

"Hi, Hermione." She slides into the booth across from me and I watch her carefully place her hand on the table in front of me. She is peering into the shadow of my hood; her eyes meet mine even though I know she cannot see me.

"Should we go somewhere else? Your face is plastered everywhere in both the muggle and wizarding worlds."

I wondered if the word had gotten out yet. "We should be safe here. It was Professor McGonagall's suggestion." Cautiously I reach out and squeeze Hermione's hand before placing my hand in my lap. "How are you?"

She shrugs, "I'm fine."

"Are you lying to me?" Now that we are closer I can see exactly how dark the circles beneath her eyes are.

She shrugs again but doesn't respond.

"I'm sorry, Hermione."

"You say that, but if you mean it then you would have stopped leaving me by now."

"I…"

"Do you know how much I worry about you? Because I do; and I thought you would have figured that out by now. "

I gaze at her not knowing what to say.

"Well," she says in an exasperated tone, "Are you going to say anything?"

"I know that you worry about me."

"That's it?"

"I don't know what you want me to say."

"You could give me a reason for leaving. Especially after all that's happened," I can feel the warmth of her magic as it blankets us in a silencing charm.

"I needed to go. You said so yourself; my face is plastered everywhere. I knew it was only a matter of time before I would be discovered."

"I told you I was coming with you."

"You weren't strong enough and I needed to leave."

Hermione bites her bottom lip. I can see anger and hurt boiling in her eyes.

The waiter appears at our table, "Sorry to keep ya waitin'. What'll you be havin' to drink?"

Hermione orders a tea and I the same as her.

She recasts the silencing charm and looks me directly in the eye. "You may have needed to leave, but I needed you."

My shoulders slump at the weight of her words. "I'm sorry, Hermione. I really am."

"I know," She says softly. Her eyes hold unshed tears.

The waiter brings us our drinks and Hermione doesn't bother removing the silencing charm. Instead we nod our thanks and pretend understand him when he says he'll give us a few minutes before ordering food.

"We kissed," Hermione states.

I nod. I shouldn't be surprised by her bluntness but sometimes I am, and most of the time it drives me crazy because she has a knack for bringing up the topics I am trying to avoid. "We did."

Irritation crosses her face at my response. I wish I could express more, but I'm not like Hermione. Words don't come easily to me. "Do you regret it?"

"No," I answer quietly. "Do you?"

"Of course not!"

"It can't happen again."

She bites her bottom lip and nods. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let it happen. You were vulnerable, and I should've known you only wanted it in that moment."

I could tell her the truth: that she is wrong, but like I said it can't happen again. "It's okay."

The weight on her shoulders increases and she slouches and crosses her arms over her chest. "Are we still friends?"

"Of course."

"Could we go somewhere where I can see your face? It's strange staring into the darkness where I know it should be."

"Do you have somewhere in mind?"

"Not really."

"I do. Let's go."

We pay and leave the pub hand in hand. I pull Hermione into a side ally to avoid curious eyes.

"Could you apparate?" I ask. "I wouldn't be surprised if the ministry is tracking my magic at this point."

"Sure. How'd you get here?"

"Kreacher."

"Where do you want to go?" Hermione moves closer to me as the crisp fall wind fills the alley.

"Hogwarts."

"Is that safe?"

"Hogwarts will always be safe."

Hermione squeezes my hand before we are pushed together by her magic and our surroundings fade.

xx

Hermione looks down at our hands when we reappear in front of Hogwarts. She pulls my palm up as she examines the wound running across it. "What happened?" Her eyes are full of concern.

"I went to open the gates the other day." I say nodding toward the barrier to Hogwarts. "Here, I'll show you." I pull away from Hermione and move toward the gate.

"What? No! Bellatrix, stop!"

I don't listen to Hermione. I crave the pain to dull the turmoil of emotions that constantly plague me. They increase their intensity every time I look at Hermione and see the pain I have caused her.

Hermione rushes in front of me as I reach the iron posts. Her back is resting against them. I go to move around her and she grabs my wrist. Struggling against her I watch as my hand almost reaches its destination and then is yanked away.

Looking at Hermione I stop moving. Our faces are inches away from each other. Her hand loosens its grip on my wrist and slips into my own while her other hand comes to rest on my waist.

My eyes are glued to her lips. They are so close to mine. My eyes flutter shut as I remember the feel of Hermione's lips against mine. When I open my eyes Hermione is watch me with a shy smile on her face. I lean forward as I allow my resolve to break. There is a burning sensation in my fingers and it snaps me out of my trance as my lips are about to connect with Hermione's.

Pulling back I notice Hermione's hand resting against the gate, and in turn so are my fingers since they are laced with hers.

"Just friends," I whisper to Hermione who's head is back against and iron rod with eyes closed. She nods. It breaks my heart to see her attempting to compose herself.

Ignoring the pain in my hand I bring my free hand up to Hermione's cheek and lightly run my fingers down the side of her face. Her eyes open and meet mine. I realize that despite the distance I put between us we aren't as far away as I believed.

Leaning forward I kiss Hermione's cheek. My hood is pushed back by the action. "My hand, Hermione."

"Huh?"

"Can I have my hand back?"

"Oh. Yeah, of course."

As she lets go of it I pull my hood back over my face and glance up at Hogwarts. Hermione inhales sharply and my eyes are brought back to hers, however, she is preoccupied with looking at the back of my fingers.

"I'm so sorry, Bellatrix. I didn't realize."

I shrug. "It doesn't bother me." Her eyes lock with mine and I find myself trying to fight back my urge to kiss her once more.

"I'll go get Minerva." Hermione states abruptly and opens the gates to Hogwarts.

Xx

I watch as Professor McGonagall strides across the grounds without Hermione. Frowning I wonder why she stayed behind.

Professor McGonagall opens the gates and shifts the wards so I can enter. She automatically grabs my hand and takes a potion out of her robes and pours it over my wounds. She then taps me over the head with her wand and I disappear. "Follow me, Bella."

I am taken aback by the sharp edge to her tone. She has been acting oddly distant since our conversation the other night. I follow her debating whether or not to say something. I want to know what I did wrong. I must have said something, but what?

"Professor," I grab her wrist and she stops, "Did I do something wrong?" She sighs and turns to me. She looks directly into my eyes causing me to wonder if she can still see me.

"Call me Minerva, Bella, and no you didn't do anything wrong."

"I must have done something you've been acting strange since our talk the other night."

"You have done nothing my dear. I have just been tired."

"Are you sure? Because I would want to know if I hurt you."

Professor McGonagall…Minerva turns back around. "Take care of her," she says so quietly I almost miss it. Maybe she wanted me to.

I follow Minerva to the Transfiguration room and watch as students file out. They nod to the Headmistress as they walk by. When I move toward the entrance to the room I can see a few kids lingering inside. It is a familiar sight and I remember when I used to do the same thing to speak with Professor McGonagall.

"Who's the new Transfiguration professor?" I whisper into Minerva's ear.

"There isn't one."

"Then who's in…" I stop mid-sentence as Hermione exits the classroom surrounded by four or five students asking non-stop questions. She says goodbye to them before coming over to us.

"How were they?" Professor McGonagall asks.

"Great," responds Hermione. "Not a single mishap, but that could have been because I was only their teacher for fifteen minutes."

"You'd be surprised," Professor McGonagall smirks. "Let's go to my office. I have an hour and a half break before my next class."

Once in Minerva's private quarters the spell is removed from me and I slip off my cloak before I take a seat on the couch next to Minerva, while Hermione sits in the arm chair to the right of the central coffee table. I remain silent as I listen to Hermione and Minerva discuss Transfiguration articles and books they have read.

I enjoy watching Hermione's features light up with passion as she talks. Her eyes sparkle in the glow the fireplace casts. I wish I could have these types of conversations with her too. If I tried they would be limited due to my disconnect with the scholarly world once I left Hogwarts. I should start reading again. I used to love it. Some of the titles they discuss are familiar, and a few I'm positive I've read. However, I choose to remain silent.

Hermione's gaze meets mine and she smiles at me. In the moment she appears so carefree and I wish that expression grazed her features more often. Jealousy flares within me for a second as I wish I was the one to make Hermione feel that way and not Minerva. Yet, if anyone else were to do it I am glad it is her.

I brought out of my musings when Hermione says, "Bella, what do you think?"

**
I wince at the noise made by my arrival. I know I shouldn't be apparating, but I couldn't resist the urge to catch a glimpse of my family any longer. It has been two weeks since I left Dromeda's. I haven't seen Hermione since I sat in Minerva's living quarters with her about a week and a half ago. She sent me a heart breaking letter after I did not respond to her previous letter and I have not written back. I'm not sure what is stopping me, but I can tell I have again managed to hurt Hermione.

Quietly walking in the shadows my sister's house comes into view. I stop and stare at it. I long to go up to the door, but I can't. I can't bring myself burden her with my presence again. Who knows how much trouble she is already in. Last week the headlining article of the Daily Profit was Bellatrix Lestrange Back From the Dead? by Rita Skeeter. That woman always had a certain style of writing that made me want to hex her.

I realize I have been wandering out of the shadows as I think. Suddenly ten aurors have appeared from nowhere. Harry and Ron are at the head of the group, and there are a few more familiar faces in front of me. I turn around but they have enclosed me. My hand automatically goes to my pocket and wraps around my wand, but I know it is no use resisting.

The sound of all of the apparating has brought Dromeda, Hermione, and Tonks out of the house. Tonks' expression is unreadable, Dromeda's is worried, and Hermione's is horrified. "Bella!" She calls out to me. Dromeda wraps her arms around Hermione. I send them a small smile, and take out my wand. The aurors that are closing in on me abruptly stop. Glancing around, I notice that even Shacklebolt has left the office to witness my capture. I turn my wand around and hold it out to him.

He looks puzzled but immediately takes it. I feel rope snake around my wrists. There will be no trial since there is no question of my guilt. Hands are on my wrists pushing me forward. I wince as I am roughly grabbed and pulled into side long apparition.

At least I will be in Azkaban: it's where I belong.