Story: When Everything Changed

Summary: Something inside begins to protest her actions causing Bellatrix to question herself and those around her. How will her world as she knows it be affected? BL/HG

Rated: M

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns everything. I am merely borrowing the characters to play my own little game with them.

A/N 1: Italics are a flashback. Also ** before a new paragraph after a break indicates a scene change. While xx means skipping further into that scene. I just wanted to clarify. Please let me know if these symbols aren't showing up.

A/N 2: Though I have edited this more than once I am sure there are still mistakes. This is unbetaed and all mistakes are mine.

A/N 3: Not the original. Revised and Reposted.
_

Bellatrix's POV

"Crucio," The word is whispered in a venomous tone. Inexplicable pain raced through my body; wiping out my senses, and leaving me with only the hate filled words being repeated in my mind. "Let's see exactly how loyal you are." Red and white pierced through my closed eyelids causing a single thought to run through my mind: death would be a relief.

Suddenly everything stopped. A high pitched ringing filled my ears as my chest erratically heaved up and down as I attempted to breathe through the flames licking the inside of my throat and lungs. Cold sweet covered my body in a slick blanket; drenching my cloak and hair.

Opening my eyes my vision slowly returned and I found myself staring into the eyes of the Dark Lord. Rodulphus was standing behind him with a smug smirk on his face. My eyes narrowed at the sight of my husband. Not a single protest left his lips, laughter yes, but not a single objection to my treatment. This reminded me once more that he was only my husband due to inconvenient circumstances.

"Have you had enough?" He was egging me on. The Dark Lord wanted me to speak; wanted me to prove that I can be unfaithful when faced with pain. I was loyal, and I would not speak. For the past five years I had devoted myself to doing everything in my power to serve the Dark Lord. It had gotten me, and my God forsaken husband, into the inner ring of Death Eaters. I needed to remind Rodulphus that without me he would still be invisible in Lord Voldemort's eyes.

I was the one who had endured the majority of the suffering, but I would not have it any other way. The Dark Lord kept his word; those who show unwavering loyalty shall be rewarded. I was the only woman to stand by his side. I was the only woman in his rank of Death Eaters.

I gazed up at my master with my jaw firmly locked and eyes emotionless. I received a sneer before I heard the fateful word uttered again, "Crucio." I could hear the men's laughter, their enjoyment at my treatment before agony engulfed me and removed me from the physical world.

**
Bolting up, I glance around the room. An unearthly cold has permanently settled in the cell. The sounds of the sea violently bashing against the walls of the prison cause uneasiness to settle within me. Thunder crashes above reminding me of the guards of Azkaban. Standing, the stone is cold against the soles of my feet. I make my way to the barred window and peer out into the darkness.

Memories that I have locked away, never expecting to face again, have begun to plague me. My past is more threatening to me than the looming promise of the Dementor's Kiss.

Lightning flashes and I sink down the wall as my mind takes hold of me once more.

**
Rushing up the stairs I was dying to see Cissy and Dromeda. I had just gotten home for Christmas break from Hogwarts. I couldn't wait to tell them what had happened so far. Opening the door to Andromeda's bedroom I stopped; paralyzed by the sight before me.

Dromeda was lying on her bed and my father was sitting beside her: rubbing her arm. At first glance it seemed innocent, but the atmosphere was heavy with uncertainty, fear, and lust. Dromeda's dark eyes flickered to me with a pleading expression. My father did not turn to see who had entered the room.

His hand moved from her arm to her thigh. I watched in horror as his fingers begin to move up her leg. My precious sister was too young and too naive for this. I had hoped when I left for Hogwarts he would stop, but obviously he hadn't. He had only changed his target.

I could have turned around and left. I could have pretended I didn't know what was happening, but then I would have been my mother and I refused to become her. She had the power to stop my father, but she chose to remain ignorant to what was occurring in her home.

Briskly I walked across the room and put my arms around my father's shoulders. I pressed my chest into his back knowing the effect it would have on him. "I'm home," I whispered in his ear removing the disgust from my voice,

"Bellatrix," He said. "My little girl." His voice was rough and unwelcoming. His hands immediately left Andromeda.

I mouthed to her 'my room,' and she darted out of the bedroom. Before she shut the door behind her I caught a glimpse of my mom's silhouette at the end of the hall.

I sat on the bed and allowed my father to tuck my hair behind my ears. His hand grazed down my arm, over the small swell of my breast, to my thigh. Impatiently he ran his hand up my leg. He applied pressure with his fingers between my legs and I groaned in pain. He misinterpreted this for pleasure, and repeated his actions causing the rough fabric of my trousers to scrape against the sensitive skin between my legs.

I suppressed a hiss of pain. He took my hand and rested it between his legs. I knew what he wanted. I could feel him harden beneath my fingers. So far, I had been lucky, and this was as far as he would venture to go. Closing my eyes I began to rub him. I could feel the bile churning in my stomach, and I could hear his breathing becoming heavier. I tried to block out the noises. I attempted to remove my mind from the room and what was happening, but all I could feel was my father against me, and his hand furiously working between my own legs. His hot breath tickled my lips before he forcefully kissed me. All I could think about is the soreness I would feel in the morning, and the humiliation and the disgust that would tear me apart once again. The sensation of being trapped and violated would make itself present after I had tried so hard to forget.

His groans became louder and I knew what was happening. He suddenly was silent and I could feel the warm fluid underneath my hand through the fabric of his clothes. Quickly I removed my hand and pulled away. Getting under the covers of Cissy's bed I pulled my legs to my chest and kept my eyes squeezed shut.

My father briefly rubbed my back before leaving the room. I could feel the tears building, but I refused to let them fall. I would never allow them to fall again.

**
Turning my head to the side the bile burns my throat as it comes back up. Coughing, I lean my head back against the hard stone and stare up at the ceiling while I try to catch my breath.

The feeling of helplessness still lingers in my veins. It fills the silence and is occasionally accompanied by fits of madness released by the other prisoners.

The swishing of a dementor's cloak can be heard directly outside of my cell. An involuntary shiver runs down my spine. This place is more haunting than I remember.

**
Blasting the door open with my wand I felt a sense of thrill that was rapidly diminished by the searing anger inside of me. I was focused solely on my task. I was attempting to remove what was left of my pain by causing it in others. I wanted to see the look of horror on their faces. I wanted to smell their fear.

Rodulphus and Crouch entered the house behind me. Silence rang through the rooms. We knew they were there, but they were unaware of our presence.

The sound of panicking people informed me that they had noticed our arrival.

The shrill cry of a baby fell over the house followed by my hollow laughter. A flash of green light shot out of the room on my left. I dodged it and sent the Cruciatus Curse in the same direction. My companions followed suit.

I found myself standing over a woman, looking down into her kind face as Alice Longbottom contorted in pain. I observed as she silently screamed. Anger flared within me. I wanted to hear her pain. I wanted her to beg for mercy until I gave it to her by ending her life.

A cautious hand rested on my elbow and I whipped around. "Let's go," Rodulphus says.

"The boy."

"The Order has been alerted."

"Let's stay and fight!"

"That's unwise."

I chuckled. "Typical Rodulphus. Can't see past your own needs. Never willing to risk your life for the Dark Lord when it is not necessary."

"Let's go now." I turned and looked down upon my pray. She had lost consciousness long ago. I am unsurprised to find myself shaking with unused anger.

"Fine. She's lost her fun anyway." I raised my wand; the spell caused the Dark Mark to linger grimly over the Longbottom residence.

**
A small proportion of food is slid through the latch on the door. Glancing at it I decide not to bother.

I want to think of something pleasant; something that will pull me away from the insanity that I can feel tugging at the edges of my mind.

Anything I think of I know will be stolen from me by the creatures that guard this building. I want to think of Dromeda, Teddy, Tonks, and Hermione. When I dare to think of Hermione all I see is the anger that consumed her when I left, and the uncertainty she tries to hide when she is around me, but the most prominent memory is the tears that she has shed for me.

This has caused me to realize I don't want to think of Hermione.

**
The days go by, blending together in a whirlwind of time. Never having a sense of being, because you never have a sense of time. That alone could drive a person in Azkaban mad after a while.

There is no word from the outside world. The only human presence that occurs is from the prisoners around me along with the occasional Ministry member.

I long to know how my family is doing, but know it is better if I don't possess that knowledge.

It's better if I am no longer a part of their lives.

**
The room was blurred by alcohol. The people around me were enjoying the celebration that followed the victory of Slytherin winning the House Cup. Stumbling a hand grabbed me steadying my balance.

Turing around I could make out dark, hollow eyes. Rodulphus.

He guided me away from the party. Through a portrait into the boys dormitory. I heard a faint whisper, but could not make out what he said. He laid me down on the bed. I watched in horror as he places himself on top of me pinning me beneath him.

"What are you…?" His lips crashed against mine. Stubble scrapped my skin. His teeth bit into sensitive flesh as he frantically made his way down my neck.

"Stop." My protested caused him to laugh.

I struggled against him and his grip tightened on me. I wanted to get out of there. I couldn't stand his strong scent, or rough hands. I couldn't breathe with his body pressing down on me.

"Get off of me."

"Shut up," He growled. By this point I was completely sober. I continued to struggle, but it only aroused him more.

I screamed, but my efforts were in vain, because nobody that cared could hear me. It was better that way, because my weakness would remain hidden from the world.

I gasped in pain as Rodulphus pushed inside of me. I could feel myself tear, and warm blood trickled down my leg. Unskillfully he thrusted inside of me. I shut my eyes wanting to disappear. Flashes of my father crossed in front of my closed eyelids. I told myself then no more tears, and there would be no tears shed now.

He climaxed and his warm, sticky fluids were dripping out from inside of me down my legs and on to stained sheets.

Getting off of me I watched he pulled his pants back up. Glancing my way he laughed hollowly and then unsealed the entrance leaving me alone.

Starring up at the canvas I wondered why I let them do this to me. Why did I allow myself to be so weak and helpless?

Rolling off the bed I exited the room. I held my head high even though Rodulphus' scent was still invading my senses and staining my skin.

**
"I'm pregnant," I watched as Rodulphus' face dropped. I prepared for him to strike me as his hand twitched.

"You're lying." His words flipped a switch in my brain.

"Lying? You think I want this? I didn't even want…"

"Don't you dare say you didn't want to have sex with me. You liked it!"

"Liked it! You forced yourself on me. Do you really think I would want to be with you?" I glare at Rodulphus and he backs away from me.

"What do you want me to do?"

"What do you think?" I watched as the possibilities rush through his mind before one stuck and an expression of sheer disgust settled on his face.

"I'm not marrying you, Black."

"Do you think we have an option? Trust me if we did I wouldn't have bothered telling you. It's not like marrying you appeals to me either. But what do you think will happen when the Dark Lord…"

"If the Dark Lord." He corrected.

"Oh no, Rodulphus. When the Dark Lord learns that his only female Death Eater is pregnant with your child and you haven't bothered to take any responsibility. How do you think you'll look then?"

He clenched his jaw and his fist flew at my face. I didn't bother moving. In fact, I enjoyed the throbbing that appeared when his hand collided with my temple. A bone chilling, empty laugh escaped me. The sound was new and delightful to my ears.

"What's your decision?" I asked in a menacing tone.

"I'll marry you; under one condition."

I raised a disbelieving eyebrow at him: he wasn't in the position to bargain. "What?"

"No one finds out about the kid, and when it's born we figure out how to get rid of it."

My jaw tightened, "Deal."

**
"Do you miss him?" Her question rings in my head.

"Who?"

"Rodulphus."

I wish I could answer her question, because I know what I would say. I would tell her 'No, I definitely don't miss Rodulphus, but I do miss you Hermione.'