She spent most of the next two days in tears when no one was around.. overcome by grief and anger. There were no words to describe the depth of betrayal she felt. Was there any point to it anymore? To anything? He left her... despite leading her to believe she had at last found love. That it wasn't just sex... meaningless, cold sex.
She drank heavily, to chase away the memories of their short time together. All of the flirting and the time they spent together working on his 'experiments'.. sometimes she thought he just made up more work as an excuse to be with her. Yet she never minded. None of it could hold a candle to the night they spent together in each others' arms.. the feel of his hot breath on her body, and the feel of his soft, delicate fingers as they explored her in the darkness. She could feel his hands in her hair; the kisses he placed on her neck... how he made her feel safe, even when the world was falling down around them. How nothing mattered but the two of them... the sound of her heart pounding in her ears as fireworks streaked behind her eyelids. He was merciless.. a side she never expected to see... yet he couldn't have been more careful with her. Each stroke, each touch... filled with such intensity, such love...
As she screamed his name before the white, fiery, bubbly sensation growing within her body and mind washed over her, she could feel his labored breath at her ear.. "I love you."
Now... she felt nothing. She heard nothing. Nothing except for the sound of her heart shattering within her chest.
-
Daylight bled into darkness. His thoughts were of her.. well, the thoughts that were not screaming in pain within his skull. The pain was more than he thought he could bear. He felt for sure he might lose his mind if he didn't lose his life first. He wasn't sure how long he had been strapped in that cold chair, nor how long the gag had been in his mouth. He knew only that his ability to scream had been taken from him.. and that his blood was now all over the Governor's "tools" and the floor of the dark, grim room he found himself in.
His shirt had been cut open to reveal his bare chest, and what was once smooth and pale was now covered with deep lacerations. Trails of dried blood mixed with fresh led to his belly button and his pants, which had fortunately been untouched. He had grown increasingly pale due to the loss of blood and he shook from the cold; his lips trembled and he shuddered involuntarily, which only made the pain worse. Somehow, beneath the unspeakable pain and the sorrow... he grew angry. A violent anger. He refused to give the Governor the satisfaction of hearing him scream when he removed the gag from his mouth. He bit down on his dry, cracked lips, and held on to thoughts of her. There was strength in this small man, and he would show it, if he had to die trying. He dug his nails into the arms of the chair as the Governor slid a long blade across his chest, above his nipple.. his eyes watered, and he felt that holding back a scream would be impossible this time. Somehow he managed, and it only made the Governor more determined.
He had been followed when he left Woodbury. The Governor returned early, and watched as Milton crept to his own room, and he waited patiently to kill him when he came back out.. but when he heard them, he couldn't think straight. He wanted him to suffer. No, truthfully, Andrea wasn't half as important to him as Penny or his wife had been. He didn't understand how he could sleep with her and yet care so little about her life. Carrying on a conversation with her exhausted him and left him feeling irritated and on edge. Milton, on the other hand, spent each day waiting and praying for the chance to see her, even if he didn't get to speak to her... just to see her was enough for him. He wanted to hear about her day, how she felt about everything and nothing.. whatever was on her mind at any given time. Every word out of her mouth spoke life into him that he had never known of before.
Once again he removed the gag. "Had enough yet? When are you going to give up?"
Milton struggled for words as he was overcome with searing waves of pain.
"Why don't you just... kill me, if you're going to? What am I... to you?"
"You know I saw you. That I heard you. That I followed you. How could you? After all we've been through.. you hate me this much?"
Milton shook his head, "I do not.. hate you, Philip. Even as you slice my body.. and bleed me dry. We once spoke of a new start.. and we both wanted it more than we wanted our next breath. That man is still somewhere inside of you. This... it isn't you."
Philip held no remorse within him for the man in the chair. He had merely taken a toy from him that he was not done playing with yet. He had to suffer. Philip could be the only one to lead Woodbury to survival, and to greatness. How could he condone such behavior?
"Regardless. Andrea is devastated at your betrayal of us both. How can I possibly let you live now? We could have been like brothers.. but you just couldn't keep it in your pants, now, could you? I know you're a pathetic, nerdy little virgin... but really, do you have to screw the first woman who shows you even an inkling of kindness?"
"I love her."
"Bullshit."
"I do... I... God, I do. I left her... I couldn't see her eyes.. her.. she would know she made a mistake..."
"Oh, she knows it already, Milton. She hates you. She's disgusted with herself for letting you touch her. I can't tell you how much it torments her, thinking of you inside her.. as little as you were. It's sickening."
Milton's cheeks burned.. he could never degrade what he and Andrea did in such a manner. Philip didn't care. Sex was sex to him. It held no love; no purpose except to please him and offer a release. To Milton... it never mattered before he fell in love with her. He had made love to her, and it was a display of their love for one another. His heart soared for one moment in time, before it fell to the ground, surrounded by his self loathing and doubt. How could it matter so little to the Governor?
"Is.. it not enough, for me to love her? Do you... have to have her, too?"
Philip laughed, "She's mine, Milton. Maybe she doesn't necessarily want me at the moment, but she'll come to see that I can protect her. I can offer her a future... what can you offer her?"
"...I..." Milton closed his eyes and lowered his head as the tears fell down his cheeks. "...Nothing. There is nothing. I can't... even protect myself... There's... nothing for her with me..."
This brought a smile to the Governor's face as he cleaned the knife off on a cloth. The knife that had just pierced Milton's flesh... that would surely do so again.
But what he did next surprised himself and Milton at the same time.
"You can walk away from this. There is one way, and one way only... the path to forgiveness is filled with self-sacrifice. Are you willing?"
Milton's eyes were still closed; his head, still lowered. Suddenly, his head moved up and down. He was willing.
"Save yourself, my friend. Leave Andrea. You may remain within Woodbury, but your time with her has reached it's end. You will let her move on from the disaster you caused.. let her pick up the pieces and forget you ever existed.. you will fade back into the pitiful, invisible little coward that you are. You will exist solely to serve whatever purpose I have for you at the time. Does this seem like an acceptable life?...Hell, it should be, it's all you've ever known."
Milton met his eyes with his own, and could not hide the tears that now flowed like waterfalls from him. "I... will never exist for her... again." he choked out, and his heart ached for every second, every emotion, everything that had ever truly mattered.
How long passed? He didn't really know. He had been released from his torture chamber, and locked inside of a room. There was a bed.. he knew that much. He knew this because he passed out on it some time before. From the blood loss, perhaps... he couldn't be sure. He awoke to the feel of warm, buttery sunlight on his sore skin and he found that he had somehow been bandaged while he was unconscious. As it sat up, the impact the torture had on his body was all too real. Everything was ripe with pain, no matter how much time had passed. He looked to see a fresh change of clothes waiting for him on the dresser across the room.. and he noticed immediately that they were his clothes. Not just something the Governor picked up on one of his "supply runs". He thought surely he must need to bathe... he must have smelled awful, yet when he sniffed himself, he found that he must have been given a sponge bath as well.. because he didn't stink at all. He tried to push his embarrassment to the back of his mind as he changed as quickly as possible to limit the pain.
He got ready in record time, and couldn't wait to escape the room.. he needed fresh air more than he ever had before. He needed breathe the world in, no matter how terrible the world was.
It wasn't long when he saw her. She was walking his way, and he knew she saw him as well, because she stopped walking immediately and looked incredibly hurt. She started to walk in the opposite direction, but he ran as fast as he could to catch up to her and pull her into a nearby alley. She hit him in the chest, and he resisted the urge to scream in pain. But he wouldn't let her know what happened to him. He couldn't. She would only blame herself. Or, maybe she would be happy. She was probably angry he actually survived. She was disgusted with him, and he couldn't really blame her anymore.
"...I know you're angry-"
"You have NO idea what I am feeling, Mr. Mamet. You know nothing about me."
She was hurt. There was no hiding it. He knew it the moment the words left her mouth. She tried to hurt him because she was hurt. He left her, and he should have expected it to have the impact he was seeing now. "Don't do this, Andrea. You have to know why I left.."
"Oh, I do! Philip told me. You're disgusted with me? Really?! So is that it? You make a girl fall for you, and then refuse to catch her?"
"You have every right to feel the wa-...wait.. what? I... I could never, ever be disgusted with you. How could you think that?"
"...He told me you left because you were disgusted with me. That you couldn't bear to be around me anymore.." tears now fell down her face, and his heart broke a little bit more. He couldn't stop himself from reaching out to her and wiping them away with his thumb.
He held her face in his hands.. how could he make her see?
"...My dear, sweet, naive Andrea.." he chuckled "..How can I make you understand how utterly, inescapably in love I am with you? Mind, body, and soul. You have my heart. I have regretted so many things I've done in my life... but no matter how long I walk this earth, I will never regret this. You. When I made love to you... I did it because I loved you. I needed you. I had waited patiently, but that time had passed. I had never touched a woman in that way before.." he tried to ignore her look of shock.. clearly she didn't know he had been a virgin. ".. but it felt right with you. I felt home. It wasn't just a fling for me. It was everything I've ever wanted.. everything I've ever needed. I've been so lost for so long... never knowing where I belonged. Well, I belong with you. Tell me I can come home... please, don't make me spend one more moment in the dark.."
There. He did it. He poured his little nerdy heart out to the most beautiful woman he had ever met. Whether it would matter in the end... well, maybe it just needed to be said. Damn the consequences... nothing could be worse than a life without her.
She kissed him, and for a brief moment, it was as if his wounds were completely healed. Nothing more mattered to him than the softness of her lips, the taste of her kiss, and the way she ran her hands through his hair and pulled him closer to her. "... Leave me again, and I swear I will shoot you, Milton Mamet." The threat was very real, but she wore a genuine smile that nothing could erase.
...almost nothing...
There was something she needed to see.
It was hard for him to go back there... but he did. Somehow, he plucked up the courage. He led her to a room above the little torture chamber he had been kept in. He lost count of how many hours passed that the Governor watched him from up there. The horror and disgust on her face was evident.. she realized now how sick and twisted he really was. Little did she know, she was looking into the room that Milton was meant to die in.
He didn't know what else to do. Seeing it all again brought everything back. She wasn't safe. It took one false move for him to be in that chair... how could he allow her to take that risk? Just being with him put her in danger. ...But, she could go to the prison. He could try to convince her to leave.. it was the only way now.
"Leave, Andrea... Tell the people at the prison to get out of there. In time, he'll move on... forget about them.."
"No." she hissed, anger rising inside of her... "I have to kill him."
"You'll never get close to him. I won't let you.. besides, they would gun you down first." His voice shook with nervousness. If she tried anything... God... he didn't want to think about it..
"Only if they see me coming... Milton, this is sick.."
She had no clue how sick it was. He knew what went on in that room.. she only had to imagine, and he doubted she imagined him in that chair. At least, he hoped she didn't.
The door creaked and opened, and the Governor entered the room below them.. Milton hid immediately and tried to shove her out of sight, but she wouldn't be moved. Minutes passed... the Governor was restocking his little workshop. And then something happened that forced vomit to rise up in the back of Milton's throat..
Philip began to whistle. A sickening, eerie tune. The same damned tune he whistled to Penny. The fact that she was dead; murdered by Michonne, only made it all the more horrifying.
He couldn't see what was happening in the room below, but he saw Andrea pull her gun from its holder and aim it at the Governor through the bars. She cocked it and everything stopped... his heart.. his mind... even time, he would've bet. He moved quickly to get the gun away from her, and as quietly as he could.. which proved to be no small task. She was angry that he would stop her... she had no idea what danger she was already in. He had to keep her safe.. no matter the cost.
Back at the house, she tried to understand why he would stop her from ending the whole thing.
"How can you still protect him? He doesn't give a shit about you or me. He LIED to us both, Milton.. or did you forget that?!"
"..I knew philip... before he became the Governor... That man... he still exists."
True, he was grasping at straws... even he didn't believe what he was saying. It didn't matter. He just needed HER to believe.
"Okay, so you kill the Governor.. then you get shot, then Martinez takes over.. what then, Andrea? What is your brilliant plan? To have me bury you!? Killing the Governor doesn't save your friends.. it doesn't save anyone."
She sighed, "Then... I have to go back... warn them..."
He tried to hide his relief. How did it come to this? Would he actually be able to keep her safe?
He nodded nonchalantly.. "Uh huh."
"..And you're coming with me."
Well.. that was unexpected.
"I can't leave Woodbury." Because it would look too suspicious. If she was leaving on her own... wouldn't it be more acceptable than if she were leaving with him?
"You really want to be a part of this!?"
Lie. Lie, Milton. "I..I... I don't know anyone at the prison."
"So what? you know Merle! he fit in.. you'll be fine.."
He saw her determination.. while he loved it dearly.. it also caused more problems than he gave it credit for... he had to do something.
"Like it or not, Andrea.. I belong here."
She seemed to be thinking hard for a moment... maybe he really was a coward..
Hell, whatever it took. He would pay any price..
"Then...if you stay...You can't keep looking the other way."
He couldn't force the words out. So many he wanted to say. He wanted to break down and tell her about the torture.. about the horrible injuries still fresh on his body... but he could do no more than look at her, helpless... begging for a solution..
She kissed him on his cheek, and he knew he had won. Sure, it sucked...but he won.
He felt her absence already. It seemed like things were neverending with them. One problem right after the next. He heard a door close behind him, and the Governor exited.. looking rather displeased. He decided that since he had been successful in getting Andrea to leave.. perhaps he should try his luck at the innocent lackey again.
He walked with the Governor, and tried his best to seem uncaring, even though he was fighting back tears.
"Is she gone?"
Silence.
"...Are they going after her...?"
"No. I am."
Oh, no, no, no.. that was a bad idea. He could feel that familiar sick feeling begin to show its ugly head.
"Oooh..." he breathed.
"You have a problem with that too, I assume."
What could he do, really? Beg for her life? get on his knees and crawl? Because at this point, he wasn't beneath it.
"Let her go...?"
"Why would I do that?"
"S..She just wants to be with her people."
The Governor stopped walking and looked like he might shoot Milton on the spot.
"You talked to her...?"
No, because that would be bad...
"N..No.."
He really wasn't buying it. God.. what would it matter? she was safe now.. probably already at the prison..
"You did... You knew she was leaving, didn't you?"
"...She told me.."
The Governor grabbed him by his coat and shoved him against a metal rail.. he supposed he was lucky that he didn't have his trusty knives on hand..
"I don't believe I suttered when I told you to leave her alone. What else did you two talk about, huh? Did you tell her about the deal?" He jerked him violently.. "Did you tell her about Michonne?!"
After all this time, he still couldn't fight the fear.. his face told the Governor all he needed to know.. and he knew, he was in very very big trouble...
"She knows.. doesn't she." he threw him back violently and Milton felt a rush of relief as he stormed off down the road.
A line had just been crossed. He knew that his actions would not go unpunished. That his days were now numbered. But he decided right then and there.. if he had to die... he wouldn't be going alone.
He'd take the Governor to the grave with him.
It was over. There was no more pretending. Now Milton had to act.. the time for thinking about it had passed. He was ready to protect Andrea. He was ready to do what needed to be done.
He was ready to kill.