The sound and smell of sizzling bacon and sausages filled the air of the kitchen as Alex tapped away dutifully at her laptop.

"So, after graduating from a super military school you only spent a handful of- highly classified- years actually in the military before leaving it for... corporate espionage?"

Arthur added sausage chunks to his pot of country gravy before checking on the biscuits in the oven and responding to Alex, "It's 'competitive intelligence', legally, and 'information broker', specifically."

"Okay, so what kind of information?"

"You know... patents."

His niece looked at him with narrowed eyes, "Patents? You left the military for patents."

Arthur shrugged, but threw her a small conspiratorial smile, "And maybe a bit of corporate espionage."

Alex looked about ready to burst with questions, but didn't manage to ask any before her dad wandered in. "I hope I'm not interrupting an uncle-niece bonding session?" he said with all the expectation of someone hoping for the opposite.

"Just working on Alex's assignment while I threw together some biscuits and gravy," Arthur replied as he heaped some food into a dish and held it out.

"With a side of bacon?"

"With a side of bacon."

Phil leaned forward and wrapped Arthur in a hug around the offered plates of food. "You're the greatest brother I could ever have."

"And you're a lot more into hugging than I remember," Arthur said, maneuvering the food onto the nearest counter behind Phil's back before returning the hug.

Alex snatched a piece of bacon from the pan and shrugged, "It's probably because he doesn't get much affection from Mom's side of the family."

Phil joined Alex at the breakfast bar, "And where is your mother this lovely morning?"

"Off on her daily jog." Alex dipped a biscuit in the gravy and turned back to her uncle, who was leaning against the sink with a steaming cup of coffee in his hand, "Back to my assignment, where exactly have you traveled to and has it all been for the job?"

Phil sat back and watched his brother and daughter chat back and forth, only partially paying attention to the actual conversation. "You know, Alex, you've always reminded me a bit of your uncle Arthur," he said, interrupting their flow of chatter without a second thought, "and, while I've got you both here, we should have a bit of quality dad-brother-uncle-niece-daughter bonding time." The two looked over at him as he continued. "I missed the chance to really sit down and talk about this with Haley, but last night's conversation made me realize that it's never too late to give The Talk."

"Phil, I am actually an adult man in his thirties. Don't you think-"

"Nope," Phil shook his head, "safe sex isn't something that just goes away as you get older."

Arthur edged towards the nearest exit, "Alright, I can see that you're trying to have a milestone conversation with your daughter so I'll give you a bit of privacy."

"Ohhhh no you don't," Alex threw her uncle a harried looked, "it was your'after school special' that started this whole thing."

"Look," Phil put up his hands in a placating gesture, "you're my baby brother and you're my baby girl and the thought of you guys having your own babies freaks me out a little."

"My last boyfriend was gay," Alex supplied.

"Gay man in his thirties," Arthur reminded.

"All I'm saying is," Phil started, placing one hand on his daughter's shoulder and momentarily attempting to simultaneously reach his brother halfway across the room with his other hand before accepting it as futile, "you're two of the most responsible people I know, but sex can be fun and recreational, believe me, I know-"

"-ew ew ew Dad, ew no please stop, this is traumatic."

"-just be safe and smart about it. That's all I ask."

There was a moment of silence where they uncomfortably avoided each others eyes before the sharp ring of the doorbell shocked them back into motion.

"I'll get that," Arthur said, quickly slipping out of the room.

Alex pushed her food away, "I'm gonna go hide in my room and never look at you guys ever again."

Phil pulled Alex's plate of food closer to him, "And I'll just finish this."

Arthur reached the front door just as Eames started making his way down the stairs. "One of your nieces just flew by me. Eventful morning?"

"You'd be devastated to know what you missed," he pulled open the door and came face-to-face with a red-headed man, beard neatly trimmed. "Ah, Mitchell," he looked past Mitch and towards the larger man standing behind him, "and this must be Cam? Phil did mention the two of you'd be here early."

Mitch sputtered for a moment, "Arthur! Hello, hi, okay. Neither Phil nor my sister mentioned you were visiting. What a nice surprise!"

"Honey," Cam nudged his partner, "why don't you introduce me to the attractive stranger?"

"Right, Arthur this is my partner, Cameron. Cameron this is Phil's brother, Arthur. And this is our daughter..." Mitch started looking around slightly frantic, "Cam, where's Lily?"

Cam's voice heightened in pitch. "She was standing next to me a moment ago, LILY."

Arthur prided himself on the fact that he didn't jump when a young girl's voice came from right behind him, "I'm right here. You loosey gooseys need to calm down."

Mitch looked torn between fluster and relief, "How did you get in there?"

"'Loosey gooseys'?" Cam muttered, "she's definitely picking that up from Gloria."

The little girl, dressed in layers of highlighter bright colors, rolled her eyes and spun around, letting out an exasperated, "The back gate was open, geez," before taking off to another part of the house.

Eames stuck his head out from behind the open door that had blocked him in at the foot of the stairs and said, sincerely, "Well, isn't she just a delightful little one."

Both Cam and Mitch immediately flicked their attention over to the new presence.

Mitch made an effort to not oggle too obviously, "And who might this be?"

"I'm Arthur's plus one, it's a pleasure."

"Accent's a bit lackluster," Cam said under his breath, much less subtle in his onceover, "but I think that can be forgiven."

Mitch quickly turned to Cam, "No, please don't. Your British accent is-"

Cam steamed right over the pre-emptive protest with a loud and roughish accent, "Off on 'oliday are we? Me finks you made a jolly good choice in comin' 'ere."

It had been a long time since Arthur had heard anyone criticize the forger's ability to pull on a persona, accent and all. That he was being called out now, and because of his natural accent no less, sent a grin splitting across Arthur's face despite his best efforts to stop it.

Eames took it in stride, as he always did, "I get that quite a lot, actually. My accent's a bit of a mutt, I do admit." He fully stepped out from behind the door, pressed close to Arthur's back when he stepped aside to finally let their guests into the foyer. "But you, Cameron, sound like a proper court jester."

Mitchell's face pinched into a pained smile that Arthur recognized as similar to Claire's and Cam tilted his head, mouth open hanging open just the slightest bit. "You think I sound like a court jester?"

Eames exchanged a look with Arthur, "I did, yes. Though my apologies if-"

"No, no, I'm honored. I went to clown college and to have a proper Englishman tell me that I sound like a court jester?" Cam covered his mouth with a hand and made what sounded suspiciously like a sniffle. "Honored."

"Clown college," Eames repeated.

"Clown college," Mitch confirmed, resigned. "I'm gonna go put this stuff out by the grill," he gestured to the bags sitting at their feet that Arthur hadn't paid much attention to, "and, Cam? I think maybe you should check on our daughter. She's been pulling that disappearing act more and more lately."

"Yeah, just," Cam gave both Arthur and Eames a final lingering look, "okay, we can go."

Arthur watched as the two men shuffled into the next room. Eames pressed a kiss to his cheek mumbling a cheerful, "Clown college can you imagine? And it's only just the start of Day Two."

"'Proper Englishman'-my-fucking-ass," Arthur turned around and pulled Eames in for a biting kiss, half-frustration and half-gratitude for his presence.

"Oh my god, seriously Uncle Arthur?" Arthur pulled away and looked up to where Alex was standing at the second floor railing, "You are on your own if my dad decides to give another impromptu sex-ed talk." She stormed towards the bathroom, towel hanging off her arm.

Eames gave him a blithely baffled look, "You're going to need to explain that."

"No, I really don't think I do."

A/N: I'm pretty surprised by the support I'm getting for this. I realize most people don't bother with crossovers, but I truly do appreciate it.
I'm really depending on you guys to let me know if I start going overboard with the characters/humor. I welcome and appreciate any critique, so please feel free~