Hey guys, chapter 5 is here, and it's just angst-ridden :P So, sorry for the delay again, and next chapter, is a big one :L So if you want to drop a review and let me know what you think, that'd be awesome! I really appreciate them, and I read them whenever I feel down xD

P.S: This was once again written in a very short time frame of about 25 minutes, so it's short, and it may be laden with grammar mistakes, I haven't checked! :S

See you next chapter, where we finally see what he wrote in that letter! :O

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, not 'The Big Bang Theory', nor 'Fade to Black'/Metallica or anything associated with either party.

Reality pulled Penny back, hard.

She could hear the voices around her, they sounded warm and comforting, inviting. But Penny couldn't will herself to open her eyes and lock on to another pair. She wanted nothing more than to be with Leonard, whether it meant her being alive or not. She had always known that she could rely on him, and even take advantage of him. But Penny now wished she hadn't. She knew that she could sleep with as many men as she wished, and still string Leonard on, feigning interest in him, just simply pouting his lips or putting on some tears for him, and he'd melt like butter. But had it been just a game? Why was she deluding him, she didn't want a relationship with him after all, did she? But deep down she knew that if she truly let Leonard go, she would lose a chance of ever being with him again. And now, as Leonard lay on his deathbed, she was only just realising that it was her actions that caused Leonard to kill himself. She had been too late, her ignorance and churlishness had overwhelmed her, and now an innocent man was paying for it, he had taken the bullet for her.

'If you love something, let it go. And if it comes back to you, it's yours.'

But she didn't want to let him go. He had been her back-up plan, and it had meant to stay that way. Anger suddenly welled inside of her, 'how could Leonard have done something so selfish?' She had thought to herself, 'didn't he think of anyone else when he took his life?!'

But Penny stopped herself, she realised that she was blaming Leonard for this, just because she couldn't handle what she'd done. She was making herself ill. Although it pained her she dug deeper into her feelings, wandering about within the chasm's of thought in her own mind. Penny looked back at their relationship, their ups and their downs, the tears and the smiles of pure ecstasy they had shared, and the dates and night's they'd spent together. Never had she felt safer than when she was in Leonard's arms; but today, when Penny had touched his arm, he was cold, deathly still, and as pale as a ghost. She thought about the fights they'd had, over trivial things, and the way Leonard would always make it up to her, even if it wasn't his fault.

Everything had contributed towards this day; she had been slowly chiselling away at his reserve, his nerve, his sanity. And it had broken, he had snapped and set himself alight with rage, and she'd done nothing but anger the blaze, forcing Leonard to put it out himself, forever. But however much of a fire blanket she could be now was irrelevant, because the flames had already been doused, with Leonard's blood.

Penny pulled herself out of her nightmare, she was doing no good, for her or for Leonard just moping over what she'd done, all she could do was pray that he'd be ok, and that she could make it up to him after he had recovered. She had forbidden herself to think about the other possible outcome.

She stood, and without saying anything walked out of the small waiting room in which the six friends had sat cradling each other, trying to put plasters on each other's broken hearts. But as Penny walked away, she heard footsteps rushing up behind her, when she saw Bernadette catching up to her and putting an arm on her shaking shoulder.

'Hey, where ya' going, sweetie?' Bernadette said, in little more than a whisper.

'Home,' Penny croaked 'I'm doing neither Leonard nor I any favours by just sitting here, I need to shower, I need to-to think.' She finished, just getting the words out made Penny's heart weigh a little less.

'Do you want me to come with you?' Bernadette asked, with sincere concern in her voice.

Penny managed a frail cracked smile, 'No. I need to be alone, but don't worry, I'll be OK.' She said, before turning and heading towards an exit, without even saying goodbye.

~4B, Penny's just gotten home from the hospital ~

Penny stepped out of the shower, shivering uncontrollably. She didn't know whether it was due to the temperature drop from within her shower to her bathroom, or whether it was just her nerves, but she didn't care, the scalding water had helped, and Penny had managed to stop crying long enough to wash, either that or the tears had become part of the stream of water, but it didn't matter. As she dressed, her mind wandered to Leonard again. It had been so long since she'd been in his apartment, to eat dinner or to play Halo with the guys, because since she'd broken up with him, Penny avoided spending time with them, to try and keep the awkwardness to a minimum.

But now, something drew Penny to go over to where she had spent the happiest hours of her life at. She grabbed her spare key and headed out of her door, not bothering to lock it, and in two steps she was already at the door of 4A, struggling to get the key in the lock.

She fumbled for maybe thirty seconds before she heard a clicking sound and the door swung open to an eerily dark and quiet room. An air of angst filled the apartment, and it was deathly still, not even Penny dared to make a sound, until the sound of heating pipes clanking brought her back to reality. Without thought she headed Leonard's bedroom, as she had done so many times before, but now it was with an aching heart and a guilty conscience that loomed over Penny like her own shadow. She turned the knob and stepped inside.

Everything was in its place, all the knick knacks and memorabilia scattered neatly around the room. His bed was made, and his hypoallergenic pillows had been fluffed. She caught herself smiling with tears in her eyes, and snuffled them away. So many memories were captured within this room, and Penny remembered every one. Her gaze slowly caught the letter at the end of his bed, and she leaped for it, the last words ever written by Leonard Hofstadter lay within a simple paper prison, and Penny tore it apart, grasping for the penned letters on the tear soaked paper.

Oh shyyttt, leaving it on a cliffhanger ;P

Haha, see you guys soon! ;3