Hey guys, this is easily the hardest thing I've written on here. Suicide is such a terrible thing, and so writing this 'note' was actually really difficult. I don't know how this chapter actually panned out, I think i'm relatively satisfied with the letter on the whole, but it's not really up to me, it's up to you guys :3! I hope you guys enjoy this, It took me a lot longer to write this, just due to the amount of freaking retyping of it I did, I know that Leonard's pretty damn OOC in this story, but I still wanted to try and get some of the 'show' Leonard in to the letter, and hopefully I did OK :S

I just wantt to thank you guys for all the awesome feedback from the bottom of my heart, especially to '5Missisippis' for the support every chapter, your words are so kind and really make me want to keep writing :3 (Will PM all you guys thanks though, when the story ends :3)

So anyway, enjoy! :D

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, not 'The Big Bang Theory', nor 'Fade to Black'/Metallica or anything associated with either party.

Penny 3

Two pieces of crumpled paper fell onto Leonard's bed, she grabbed for the first. It was folded in to, with the writing on the other side, it was addressed to her.

Even seeing his font on the paper made her heart leap, knowing that Leonard was thinking about her. More hesitantly this time, she slowly opened up the lined A4 sheet of paper and started reading from the top, after taking several shaky breaths.

'My Dearest Penny,

There is nothing left for me here anymore. I can no longer stand to live the way I do, and knowing that my situation isn't going to change, it means I can no longer live full stop. This isn't easy for me, writing this, I've never regretted a decision more than the one I'm making now, I just don't see a way out.

I want to thank you, Penny. Just for everything you've done, for just being in my life. You've shown me what being cared about is like, you've shown me what laughter and fun is, and you've shown me that I'm not just a pathetic loser, and for that, I'll forever love you more than anything. They say that suicide is a coward's way out, and up until now, I've always agreed. But now I see the truth, when you're backed into a corner where all positivity is being torn from within you, there isn't anything else, darkness creeps into your every thought, sadness and sorrow wheedles its way into everything you do, smiles become non-existent. Happiness is but a distant thought, a dream.

I'm sorry. Sorry for getting angry at you, I'm sorry for keeping you in a relationship which you detested; I didn't mean to be overbearing and protective. I'm sorry for not being there enough, and for not being able to give you everything you needed from a relationship.

Oh, and mostly I'm sorry for leaving you with Shelbot, that's gonna suck!

Penny cried, she cried a lot. She couldn't will herself to read on, it hurt too much. He had tried to be funny, tried to make her smile, to make her happy, even on the day of his death. Leonard was the embodiment of selflessness, always giving, physically, emotionally, materialistically. He'd never been the best comedian, but now, seeing him pen a joke, here; smashed her heart into a million pieces. She couldn't believe the man that Leonard was, he was put down by everyone, pushed around, taken for granted. And he took it, took all the crap more than Penny now believed possible, it was heartbreakingly incredible. But as much as it pained her to read, she did, because she had to be selfless, she owed Leonard so much, and so she had to finish that letter.

I just hope that, when you meet a man that's worthy of you, he realises it. Because if he doesn't I'm going to be turning in my grave I'll be so pissed off. Although I always dreamed of being at the altar while you walked down the aisle, I know it's never going to happen, I've always known it wasn't going to happen, I guess I just couldn't bring myself to admit it, just know that I'll be smiling proudly at you, and if you have children, I'm sure they'll be both smart and beautiful.

I'm sorry I won't be around, I'm going to miss kicking Sheldon's ass at Halo with you on a Wednesday, but I just don't see how I can go on like this, having my heart broken every time I stupidly believe I have another chance as soon as you show any interest in me. This will never be your fault Penny, it's mine. I'm a fool; I always have been, over analysing and always hoping for too much.

I can't explain the regret I hold within myself for not doing this in person, but you have better things to do than listen to a suicidal maniac ramble. I beg of you to forgive me for what I'm doing, and I pray that maybe you understand why.

I love you Penny, I always will.

Leonard.

Penny looked up in disbelief, he blamed himself. He blamed himself for something that was her fault in its entirety. Something within her had died at reading the letter, it was Leonard's only way to vent, only way to speak, and he didn't even want to bother her with his troubles, because he assumed them to be trivial compared to hers.

Penny the letter still in hand, stood, wobbling around on her feet for a short while, before stumbling back towards her own apartment, only stopping to lock Leonard's door behind her. She saw the world in a whole new light, the veil of arrogance and vanity was lifted from her head, and she saw life for what it really was, worthless, if it weren't for Leonard, everything she strived for, Leonard had encouraged her to do, any issue she had, he was there, day or night, in person or on the phone, as her boyfriend or not. She truly wouldn't be who she was, if it weren't for him. Leonard had given her the self-confidence to do anything she put her mind too, as well as the funding for some of it! And how had she repaid him? When she thought it through thoroughly, she realised that not everything she had done was terrible, she had brought Leonard out of his shell, given him friends, shown him love, even though she'd never brought herself to say it, she very well knew that that was what she felt for him. She'd also given him the self-confidence to stand up to the people that used to push him around, she remembered when he'd mocked Kurt at her Halloween party, no one had ever messed with him, not even jocks, let alone a physically sub-par scientist. She had wanted to be with him so much that night, but he still respected her too much to let his own feelings get in the way. Penny would've done anything to just tell Leonard that she loved him, but she was too late, as always, a step behind the rest. Her own needs had come before his, and it had resulted in the worst possible situation, and it was all her fault, no matter what he'd written.

'God I'll make them pay
Take you back one day
I'll end this day
I'll splatter colour
On this grey.'

The lines of the song played chorused through her head, aggravating her tear ducts all the more.

'You did it Leonard, you showed them who you were, and you beat them.' Penny cried out hoarsely as she reached for an object on her bedside table. 'You did it.' She repeated.

The last thing that Penny remembered was staggering about her room, and holding the 'Immortal Snowflake' up to the dim light.

I promise to update more often :3 Please review! Love to hear what you guys think! :D