"People aren't overcome by situations or outside forces. Defeat comes from within"

Banana Yoshimoto

CHOICES

"How are you, Enos?"

Miss Kate hugged him tight, and Enos felt ashamed of his absence along the last five years; sometimes he phoned to Ridge Institute, even during the time his mother wasn't there, especially at Christmas, to have a little talk with Miss Kate, and sometimes he sent her a letter and she wrote him back, but he knew perfectly well he somehow avoided that strange relationship and that bond with that place, and, moreover, he hid that bond to anyone (Daisy too) in Hazzard, and his hiding it made him feel even more guilty towards Miss Kate.

"Come on, your mother is goin' to have a very long talk with Doc Martin, and she knows where to find us", Miss Kate walked away from Enos, heading to the door, and Enos followed her, as many times before, his shoes cracking on the little pebbly lane leading to a wide area behind the central building. He walked slowly, looking at everything around him; nothing had changed: the little cabins were scattered in a wide space, between high pines and oaks, a sort of little village lost into the woods, a dreamy and enchanted view, a world outside the world.

And even Miss Kate's cabin wasn't changed at all, neither that scent.

"Apple pie?", he inhaled the sweet scent and he smiled. Was it a dream?

"Yeah, apple pie. Yesterday Doc Martin told me your mother was coming back, and, since I knew you would be here with her, I prepared my famous apple pie… for you", she laughed as Enos blushed, both because of happiness and because of his sense of guilty.

Sitting at the table of the little living room while Miss Kate stood in front of the cooking corner's stove, only the sound of water's boiling, Enos thought of how many times that woman prepared apple pie and tea for him, like a mother (even if she was only 7 years older than him). Was it possible the only place where he felt at ease was a psychiatric clinic? For sure it meant a lot, it meant his life's never been a normal and quiet life, except for Dukes (the only spark in it), and this awareness was what usually pushed him as much as possible away from that place, despite his affection for Miss Kate, away from that place to the real world.

As usual, Miss Kate seemed to read into his mind, "And how's 'bout life out of here, Enos? How's Daisy?", she winked, "and uncle Jesse… Bo… Luke?"

And as usual Enos started talking to her 'bout everything of his life, 'bout his last five years, 'bout his staying in L.A., 'bout his relationship with Daisy and 'bout their nearly wedding too. Sometimes he stopped and he answered to Miss Kate's questions, then his memories' flux kept on flowing and he talked and talked, a shy smile on his face as Miss Kate listened to him, his fingers playing with the cup in front of him, with his plate and fork and with everything they touched, but it wasn't his usual fidgeting, it was something more confident and relaxed.

She not only had a special gift to make him talk 'bout everything, but she had also a precious way to make his relationship with his mother easier and more relaxed, or, maybe, her mother simply changed in someone better when she was in that place (due to Miss Kate? To Doc Martin? To medicines? Or due to everything?).

Enos realized it was late afternoon when her mother finally entered the little cabin and he looked at the watch: 4 hours, he talked to Miss Kate for 4 hours, nonstop. Why did he talk to her so openly? Maybe 'cause she lived there, out of the world, and she wanted to stay there, so she couldn't have any contact with his world. He could totally open up to her but she couldn't talk 'bout him with anyone who knew him, so his inner soul was safe in that enchanted world. Was it the reason why he liked to talk to her so much? Somehow he felt like he was "using" her when he wanted to, and this pesky thought made feel him guilty.

"Rose…How are you?"

Miss Kate stood up and she walked to Rose Strate, hugging her.

Enos looked at his mother: she seemed already someone else, only after a long talk with Doc Martin. Did she feel at ease in that place the same way he did?

Now, they were still there: he, his mother and Miss Kate, like several times in the past, moving inside the little living room as they cooked dinner, talking of different things in a calm and friendly way, like a family. Miss Kate's presence turned Enos and his mother into a family; when he was there, like that, he'd have stopped time, whereas when he was away from there, he wanted to forget everything about that place, to forget also 'bout Miss Kate, and his sense of guilty was tearing him apart.

The sweet kiss of his mother on his cheek when she sat near him for dinner stirred his heart: why wasn't she always like that? Why couldn't they stay like that, all three of them, forever? But it was impossible, he knew it pretty well, that world wasn't the real world; anyway, he liked that world, a world where his mother was like he wanted her to be and where there was Miss Kate.

Sitting at that table with his mother and Miss Kate, he felt better, even better than when he stayed at Dukes's farm, and a lot better that when he stayed at uncle Opie and aunt Minnie's home, obviously. Even when he was at Dukes', despite his affection for them, despite that he thought of them as a family, he wasn't totally at ease: he felt "lower" than them, and he felt their kindness as a sort of pity for him and for his past ("the poor ol' and sweet Enos"), whereas his mother and Miss Kate were on his same level. His mother was right: he was a loser, like her and, somehow, like Miss Kate, who lost her fight toward the world outside in that place, choosing to stay forever out of the real world. On the contrary, Dukes were more at ease and strong in a world he felt instead somehow foreign and rejecting people like him, his mother and Miss Kate; Dukes were much above him. It was what he started to think any time he came to this place, and he was both scared and relieved by it, which was a really confusing feeling.

He wanted to stay there, but at the same time he wanted to run away, coming back to the real world and to … Daisy.

"I gotta go, now. I have to work tomorrow. Thank your for dinner"

He stood up and walked to the door, but stopped when Miss Kate started to tune up her guitar.

"Enos, if you want, you may stay here for the night and leave tomorrow. You know you're welcome, here"

Staying for the night, huddled on the couch, the scent of apple pie still in the living room, his mother and Miss Kate sleeping in their bedroom. He looked at his mother, a relaxed and sweet smile on her face, so rare but so beautiful, and then he looked at Miss Kate, the guitar on her lap. He had to choose between it and a night spent at the Boarding House, having loneliness as his only companion, and he chose.

"He didn't come back", Daisy stormed into the kitchen and she sat at the table, her arms folded, "I waited for him at the Boarding House, but he didn't come back, and if he's not there, yet, it means he's goin' to stay at the Institute for the night", she looked at uncle Jesse, "Why does he stay there? I don't understand why he wants to stay by his mother side when she treats him like… you know… He's starting to spend his time at the Institute like he did five years ago: the day he went to visit his mother he ended up staying there all day and all night long, coming back to Hazzard after driving for two hours early in the next morning in order to go to work. It's not… good"

Uncle Jesse let her rant, "Daisy, the point is that… Rose Strate is his mother, no matter how she treats him or how much she's hurt him. Enos loves her, and he really wants her to get well. I think Rose Strate is a pretty different woman when she stays at the Institute, or, at least, it's what Enos usually says", he sighed, "it's the ONLY thing he says 'bout the Institute".

"And then he'll start to be always absent-minded, more and more absent-minded after every visit with his mother, and more and more lacking in self confidence and shy. I really don't know what's worse for him, keeping on visit his mother, hoping for her staying there in order to get well, or bein' hurt by her leaving", without even listening to her uncle, she kept on talking.

"For him both things are bad, Daisy. We can only stay by his side, but we can't interfere with his choice to visit his mother nor with his hoping"

"But we all know Rose Strate's goin' to hurt him, again, and I can't stand it, I can't stand to see him suffer", she stood up and she headed to her bedroom, its door slamming behind her.

Uncle Jesse had a deep sigh and he shook his head.

"She's very upset, maybe too upset", Bo looked at her bedroom door slamming and then he turned to his uncle, "Don't you think, uncle Jesse, that we ALL worry about Enos, but she acts as if she's the only one who really worries about him, and that she's the only one who has the right to worry about him?"

Luke remained silent, his blue eyes thoughtful.

Uncle Jesse stood up, "Help me to clear the dishes", he took Daisy's plate (she didn't even eat dinner) and, after covering it with another plate, he put it into the oven in case she wanted to eat something later, but he knew she'd eat nothing 'till the next morning.

Moving inside the little kitchen with his nephews, his family, uncle Jesse started to think of Rose Strate and her words: "If I hurt him, and I hurt him again and again, he's finally goin' to hate me, living without waiting for me and worrying for me. Compared to the loneliness of losing everything, I prefer the pain of cracking up". Daisy wasn't the only one to be upset, really upset.

Huddled on the couch, between sleeping and wake, Enos slowly opened his eyes, enjoying the scent of apple pie and the moonlight entering the window, an old and good feeling. How long was it goin' to last? His heartbeat started to quicken and he erased that pesky question from his mind. THIS time it's goin' to last, it HAD to last, he wanted his mother always like that, like the woman she usually used to be when she stayed at the Institute. He wanted it with all his strenght.

He closed again his eyes and he tried to relax and to sleep, thinking of Miss Kate, his mother and him all together in that little room, their chatting and Miss Kate's guitar. How many times did he feel that calm and that happiness? And how many times did he end up hurt and torn apart?

He clenched his fists and he buried his face against the pillow: this time it's goin' to be different. He's goin' to save his mother from herself.