It was another fundraising scheme of Narcissa's, for the fourteenth of February, that for a small fee that would go towards the Friends of Sherwood Forest Fund, a student received a small, fluttering piece of pink parchment shaped like a heart, on which could be scribbled a sentimental phrase or two. The little heart-shaped parchment would then fly onwards to its prescribed recipient, flapping its sides like a butterfly and leaving a trail of sparkles.
For a larger fee, the prefects would play the part of singing minstrels on behalf of some enterprising paramour to convey the ardent message of their heart's desire.
One day before V-day, Fabian was collecting donations at the booth just inside the Great Hall when he saw his twin brother approaching.
Gideon looked moderately vexed, and when he reached the booth he spontaneously squeezed himself onto Fabian's chair, so that Fabian had to dangle on a single bum cheek in order to maintain a seated position while accommodating his brother.
Fabian noticed some of the students looking up at Gideon with barely-concealed delight, and he swore at that moment some of them put in extra donations and helped themselves to a handful of parchments on which they scribbled enthusiastically while sneaking admiring looks at his brother.
"So uh," Gideon began in a low tone, "is there really no provision in the school rules allowing students to wear a combination of the official uniform as they saw fit?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean uh, we all have our robes, right, the ones lined in our house colour? And under our robes we wear a dress shirt and house tie, and supposedly, girls have to wear a skirt and boys trousers."
"Yes?"
"And is it against school rules for girls to wear trousers? What if, strictly, she doesn't consider herself a girl anyway?"
"What do you mean?" Fabian asked, unsure where this was leading.
Gideon looked at him accusingly. "I thought you would be well-acquainted with school rules! You seem to have memorised everything there is to know from the Encyclopedia Magica."
Fabian bristled with mild annoyance. "I don't care for pedantry of this sort!"
"You know Charlie? Charlie McKinnon?"
Fabian tried to remember. It was the younger sibling of Marlene McKinnon, Hufflepuff Quidditch Captain. Fabian suspected Gideon and Marlene had a thing for each other but had no idea how far they had progressed on admitting their feelings. Sometimes he wondered if he should get the word out on Gideon's behalf.
"Well Lucius Malfoy had him booked for wearing trousers!" Gideon concluded.
Fabian then recalled seeing Lucius Malfoy file in a booking just a couple of hours ago on Charlotte McKinnon-uniform breach. To the casual eavesdropper it may have sounded slightly confusing but Charlie dressed and acted like a boy, so it seemed natural to address a person by their preferred pronoun.
"So-this is actually Marlene's idea-, we were thinking that it's a really preposterous rule, because, come on, trousers and skirts are both part of the official school uniform, so as long as any person has either one, or even both on, it shouldn't be a breach of school rules. Wouldn't you agree that the underlying purpose here is that we do not have students running around in their underpants? It should be the spirit of the law that matters."
"Yes?" Fabian prodded, although he already had some idea of where this was going.
"So..." Gideon said again, "we're thinking of doing a protest tomorrow by encouraging students to wear the lower garment of their choosing, be it a skirt or trousers or both!"
Fabian took a deep breath before cutting in. "And you'll be in a skirt!"
Gideon feigned an expression of shock. "As always, you read my mind, dear brother!"
"I'm not done with my telepathy," Fabian said. "You want me in a skirt as well, you big old pervert."
Gideon grinned at Fabian lecherously, running a hand up and down Fabian's thigh. "Legs like yours," he said in a silky tone, "shouldn't be kept hidden from the world."
Fabian decided to retaliate with a grope in a naughty region and then realised too late that some first year girl was gaping at them. He hastily apologised and emphasised that it was all in kidding.
Evan Rosier turned up while Gideon still had a hand on Fabian's thigh, and gave Fabian a surreptitious nod that he found this hanky-panky a huge turn-on.
...
Later, Fabian informed Evan of his intention to cross-dress, after which Evan informed Narcissa of his intention to cross dress and it was imperative they borrowed her skirts for this endeavour.
Narcissa seemed to find the idea particularly exciting, and borrowed a pair of school trousers from Evan in exchange for two skirts. Being small in stature, Narcissa's skirts, when worn by the tallish Fabian, were of a rather indecent length, but due to Evan's fervent protestations Fabian was not allowed to increase the length of his skirt.
"You do know that at this length my skirt is completely in breach of school regulations regardless? "
Evan nodded with a satisfied smirk. Narcissa remarked that it was no different to the ancient Greeks in their togas. After that, she went back into scanning all the Valentine's messages for choice bits of gossip, which she giddily relayed to her cousin. Fabian protested that this was a breach of privacy, but Narcissa argued that since all messages were signed off anonymously, all she did was merely speculate.
...
Valentine's Day rolled around surely enough, and during breakfast time a sizeable chunk of the student populace turned up in irregular uniforms. The bolder students seized the opportunity to break even more school rules, wearing robes and ties of mismatched houses or fashioning school ties into belts and many girls turned up in trousers, a handful of boys in skirts, and many more boys with skirts over trousers.
Lucius Malfoy nearly threw a fit upon the sight, and was about to go on a mass-booking spree when he espied Narcissa Black gliding into the hall in a pair of curiously well-fitting school trousers, perfectly cinched at the waist and tapering down gently to skim the ankles. What confoundment had befallen the school! This was getting too far out of hand! A blurring of the lines between the genders, combined with blatant uniform breaches that signified irreversible moral decay...
Presently, Narcissa Black floated over to the Slytherin table and helped herself to a serving of eggs on toast. Upon noticing that Lucius Malfoy was looking at her she greeted him perkily.
Lucius Malfoy felt a pang of betrayal. He was fairly certain this cross-dressing caper was orchestrated by the pesky Quidditch players whose popularity had gone too far above their heads and believed they were above school rules. He did not expect that the cherished one of his heart should participate in this celebration of anarchy.
He looked across the hall to the Hufflepuff table, where Charlotte McKinnon was sat partaking breakfast with her older sister, who was also clad in trousers. From this distance he glared at them, emanating a silent resentment, swearing to himself that he would exact his revenge. He saw that blight on humanity of a Gryffindor Quidditch Captain approach that table and sit on the table, crossing his legs in a rather obscene manner for all the world to see.
He then saw that other worse blight on humanity, the twin brother of the Gryffindor Quidditch Captain, approach that very same table, clad in the most indecent of skirts it was barely a skirt and more like a thick belt. Had he no sense of shame? He was dressed like a hussy! Lucius felt bile rising to his throat.
So, that was the malignant influence on his cherished one! The déclassé freckled ginger Welsh boy and his boorish brother and his boorish brother's girlfriend and her morally deficient younger sister, who refused to accept what fate had dealt to her and was clearly delusional about her identity.
"Lucius!" Evan Rosier called, reaching uncomfortable levels of familiarity with the first name. Lucius noted that he, too, was clad in a skirt. "Why so..." Evan paused, searching for the right word. "Constipated!" he finally emitted.
All around him, students burst into cruel laughter. Rosier then bent over and flashed his bare bottom into Lucius's face. The laughter grew ever more raucous.
At this, he felt himself being gently scooted away. Looking over his arm, he saw that it was Narcissa and his heart quickened a bit. He suddenly felt guilty, like he didn't want to appear stodgy and humourless before her.
Having manoeuvred Lucius into a private corner, Narcissa asked him if he was feeling fine. Lucius began to confess that all this anarchy was a reaction to a booking he made yesterday, whereupon Narcissa gently chided him for being a dullard, and that he should watch himself before he got too Muggle in his thinking, when true wizarding ancestors of yore pranced around freely in togas and kilts and robes.