WARNING: drug abuse...

"Ichigo, Ichigo!" called out a worried voice.

My chocolate brown eyes slowly opened to see my father staring down at me with a worried expression; little lights danced through the room from the window and I knew it had to be morning.

"...Da-daddy...?" I mutter as pain shot down my wrist, I groan as my father hugs me.

"I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry..." he whispers as he lifts me up into his arms.

I just watch him, he was probably in his hangover state; looking at my hand, I knew my wrist was broken. Tears fell down my fathers face and I just relaxed in his arms.

"It's alright daddy... it's alright..." I tell him.

It's about ten o' clock now, I had just passed out at the bottom of the stairs for almost six hours now. A really bad migraine plagued my throbbing head and yet all I want to do right now, is enjoy what little of my fathers affection.

Lifting me up, he takes me to the couch and gently places me there.

"Is your body in pain? did I do that? Do you need to go to the hospital?" He asked all at once looking quite miserable and nervous.

I watch him and shake my head.

"I'm alright... I just fell down the stairs... I don't need to go to the hospital... I got school in the morning." I explain not telling my father of what had happened the night before.

He didn't need another reason to drink tonight. My father pats me and then lays a kiss on my forehead before leaving. Once the door closes, tears drop from my face as I closed my eyes. My body ached, but already I have too many accidents in my record... I can't live with myself if they were to take my dad away...

At about two thirty in the evening I wake up again and turn on the T.V.

My dads still out and I begin to strip; bruises lapped around my full frame, it covered me from head to toe. My legs are still trembling and yet I forcefully stumble all the way into the tub. Lying in the tub, I spend my time enjoying the cold water; despite the lack of heat, it was still soothing.

After the bath, I tossed on a large t-shirt before my underwear and just lied on the couch again. Shifting some of my things, I pulled out a first aid kit and slowly began to bandage myself... Since I have school in the morning, I'm not going to go out today... I can't afford anyone to make me look worse than this.

Finishing the last few touches, it was about six something when my dad came in smiling as he placed the six pack onto the table and then came to me with a strange bag in his hand.

"Look what I've brought you..." he said lovingly.

I looked at him curiously and smiled. my father lives off the government, but he spends all his money on drugs, crack and alcoholic beverages. He rarely buy's food, clothes or even things for school and so when he did bring me something; it was always a treat to me.

"What is it?" I ask feeling very excited.

Dropping the bag in my hands, I opened it feeling very jumpy inside. My heart melted and a smile graced my face... it had been such a long time since I felt this happy. A brand new school uniform... it was used, but it was the closest thing I ever got to receiving something new.

I hugged my father joyfully; he forgot the tie, but I wasn't going to tell him that.

"Thank you, thank you so much daddy..." I said happily as he gave me a gentle squeeze.

Giving him a kiss on the cheek, he gently lifted me up and placed me on the couch again. When he's sober, he is always much more loving than when he's drunk... Giving me a kiss on my forehead, he cupped my chin before making his way to the six pack.

How I hate alcohol, how I hate how it consumes my father and hurts me. My father doesn't abuse me, the alcohol does... I don't hate my father, I hate the substance... Looking back at the T.V. I close my eyes to sleep some more...

The sounds of laughing reach my ears and a dreadful stench fills my senses; coughing I wave my hand and lift up my head to see my father with his "Alcoholic" friends... Jin Kariya, Go Koga, Shusuke Amagai, Makoto Kibune and Kokuto... were all strange creeps that don't even give a damn about my dad.

My eyes narrowed as a scowl crossed my face, again they were smoking weed and sniffing crack; the smell made me sick, how I would love to just shove it down their throats...

"Ah your awake my sweet berry?" Kokuto called from his seat as he let out a puff of the weed.

I ignored him as I gave him a dirty glare; I wasn't sure if he liked me or just simply enjoyed making me angry, but he surely was good at pissing me off. Catching my glare, he chuckled as he drank some more of the bitter scotch he had in his glass.

My dad was completely drunk as he played cards against them, I stood up and didn't even give eye contact to any of them as I went to the fridge; again it was empty. Full of alcoholic drinks, but something to eat or something sanitary to drink... no.

I close the fridge filling a bit frustrated as the group laughed and drank, the last time I had a something to eat was yesterday morning when I stole some man's breakfast bagel whom was sitting outside Dunken Donuts... and even it has been longer than twenty-four hours since I ate.

Going back to my couch, I laid there watching family guy as the guy's began to over do it again. It was about time for them to leave when they all started to talk badly about me.

"So when are you going to kick him out?"

"Has he made himself useful today?"

"You know, you could make a lot of cash if you use him as a prostitute."

"I'd buy him now..."

"Still grieving about your wife... I know it's sad when it could have been the worthless trash dead instead of her."

Closing my eye's I tried to block their voices out, my dad soon began to cry and whine about how his life is miserable because of me and how I should have never been born.

Bowing my head I finally stand up.

"It's time for all of you to leave!" I said as I pointed to the door.

Not one of them were staying tonight and seeing as though my dad was high, he wasn't going to beat me tonight.

The guy's moaned like a bunch of spoiled kids who weren't about to get what they wanted and then Kokuto stood up coming to my face as he bend a bit.

"Oh, but I think that the party has just started... I haven't heard you squeal yet..." he explained.

I glared as I gritted my teeth, my daddy was the only one I would allow say what he want's.

"Get out." I spat out like poison.

He grinned at me and suddenly held me down, I fused and screamed as Shusuke grabbed my arm and Jin walked on over with his lit weed. Jin alway's frightened me with his abnormal scarlet eyes and yet I only growled as he came closer and blew the wicked smoke into my face.

I coughed, he grinned.

"Squeal." he demanded as he burned my unharmed arm with the end of the lit substance.

I screamed in pain and they all laughed as they held me down and burned me some more; they burned me over and over again until suddenly, I panicked. Kicking Shusuke in the face, I head butted Kokuto before Jin slammed me in the gut.

Falling to my knees I gasped for air when they all came onto me at once; punching and kicking they literally forced me to squeal and squirm. A final kick to my face drew out blood, my eye was in so much pain I couldn't see; holding my face I soon began to sob as they then went for my clothes.

"No-no, no-no!" I screamed panicking. "Daddy, daddy please don't let them; not again, please!" I begged him as they swiftly ripped off my underwear and were about to take down their own pants when my dad finally came to some of his senses.

"Stop, stop!" my dad demanded causing the group to suddenly pause.

Seizing the opportunity, I quickly crawled out from beneath them and hugged my father around the weist, panting like I just ran a marathon I quietly sobbed in his chest. Great, just great; I don't go out so that I wont get beaten up and look bad on my first day of school and I still get beaten up anyways... how pathetic of me as usual...

Closing my eyes I don't really hear much of what they said as they left, but I do remember my dad slamming the door before pulling me off of him by my hair. I moan as he pulled it pretty tight, it really makes me want to cut it... I really do hate my hair, but then again I also hate myself...

Daddy drags me to the kitchen and throws me against the wall; it hurt, but I only yelp before hiding myself in the corner. My Daddy is strong, my body feels numb... something they said must have set him off again.

"I'm sorry..." I scream.

I didn't mean to scream... I-I can't stop myself right now...

"Your sorry, you think your sorry? You caused a full mess and you think your so sorry!" he screamed as he smashed the table.

Covering my ears, I start to bawl again... I'm so weak, it's disgusting... he begins to scream as he breaks my surroundings, he throws plates and glass and even a whisky bottle which nearly hit me in the head. Pressing myself against the wall, I pretended to be invisible; I want to die... I really want to die.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I hurt you daddy, I'm sorry that I'm a mess, that I disgust you, that I'm worthless... I'm sorry that I'm alive!" I screamed.

My face felt warm and I know I must have looked quite flushed, my daddy finally stopped throwing things and was just staring at me for just a moment. More tears fell from my face and my body rattles with another cry, I'm trying to stop crying... but it's so hard.

My daddy suddenly crawls over to me and puts his arms over me as he shushes me. I hug him back and bury my face in his chest; my loud cries soon turned to soft whimpers. Curling up into my fathers arms, we both finally laid their surrounded by a pile of broken glasses and a shattered kitchen...