Why is he doing this? It's wrong. What he should be doing is marching right back into that console room and changing the coordinates. It must be done, this isn't right. He knows it's wrong, and yet…he's still sitting here, in the chair facing the ghost of her. Staring at the bed, where she would be. She'd be looking at him, studying him before she'd open her arms and he'd rush over to her. She'd hold him tightly and just let her love for him engulf him. They'd be quiet, because they didn't need to say anything. That was the greatest thing. The silence between them was never uncomfortable.

But now…she's gone. He's lost her. Well, lost may not be the right word. Left behind, abandoned, those would be words better suited to what he had done to her. It hasn't been that long, and he still aches for her, craves her, needs her because he needs everything and anything that is her. He's still raw, so raw; it hurts because he's still adjusting. And it isn't going very well. He remembers everything, as if it had just happened. The beach, her desperation, his reaction, Donna's reaction. Hell, everyone's reaction. And well, his room is still feeling the effects from the rage he'd displayed after; at least he's cleaned the glass up now. But not much of anything else. He just wants her…why can't he have her?

He continues to stare at the bed, wishing desperately that she would just appear. She would stop him from wondering who he is, she always did. Hold him, tell him what he needed to hear, when he could count on no one, not even himself, she was there. He desires her words again, to tell him what he had done was wrong, because he needed someone to tell him that, and he had always wanted it to be her. It's hell waking up alone, knowing the woman he loved could never come back to him. How he wished he could turn back time and take back what he's done to her. Hadn't done what he did. She wasn't with him anymore, because he ensured she couldn't be.

He stood up slowly, surveyed the mess before him and the memories flooded back, no, he didn't want to think about that. Hell, what he should be thinking of is why he's doing this. He shouldn't, it's wrong, it's risky and he's being a complete idiot for doing it, for even considering it. He panics a bit as the TARDIS lands and turns to leave the memories behind him, shutting the door.

He enters the console room and stares, vacantly at the controls. Why is he staring? What he needs to do, is march over there and leave. Why did he come? Because the sound of a cloister bell scared him. Four knocks, it had four rings and he ran. Ran to the only place he knew he'd be welcome. But that is no excuse, he can't be here, it isn't right. Yet he can't. He's still so shaken by the events that just transpired and as such, he needed her. Craved her comfort, desperately seeks everything she offered him. That's why he's here. Maybe, if he just observed, from afar, that'd sedate his cravings for her. If she smiled, he might be able to forget the troubles stirring within him.

No, he can't. He should just leave, he needs to deal with this on his own, and he didn't need to drag her into this. She has no idea about their future, hell, he knew she was just getting over their time at Farringham, and the step in which they had just furthered their relationship. How she desired to hear the words the human him had bestowed upon her. Her admissions of her love for them both, and how she wished he would reciprocate her feelings.

Oh, how he did, how he had wished he'd done it sooner. Sooner being sometime after they met. Yes, the Ninth version of him had realised far earlier than he did, and he always wondered what would have become of their relationship if he had acknowledged it earlier. But that was in the past now, and they were just beginning a new chapter. One he thought would never end. Only, it just did. And he ached from it still.

Even to think of her anguished cries as he locked her out of the TARDIS, drove him to near madness. Because she didn't deserve that, but he needed her. Oh, she wasn't happy with his decision for her. However, he still wants her just as badly. And it wasn't fair that he had to give her up, because of all the good she could do for him. But he wanted her more. His needs don't matter, they never do. It's always what's for the best of everyone else. And now, he wanted to be selfish. That's why he is doing this, just to see her, and this is the only time he can think of, where she is on her own.

Since they had taken that next step, he hadn't wanted to let her out of his sight; he just wanted to marvel at her.

He gave his head a shake and turned to look at the TARDIS door, she's there…if he is going to see her, than he should hurry up, or he'd miss her. He swallowed nervously and grabbed his jacket as he lingered on the ramp. Is he really going to do this? Is he really going to break his own rules like this? To cross his own timeline? Yes, yes he would, because he needs her. And he desires to hold her in his arms.

He pushes the door to the TARDIS open and shuts it behind him. He is only going to see her, nothing more he decides. He will not interact with her; he can't because it's too risky. He carefully walks out of the alleyway he'd left the TARDIS is and stands on the street corner. He ensures he won't be seen and crosses his arms; she'll be here soon.

Footsteps echo around him and he turns his attention to them. There she is, looking lost. She remembered that the shop had been across the road from the motel, but in actuality, it was nearly two blocks away. So she's standing there, trying to figure out her surroundings. He smiles as she bites her lip, turning in small circles, trying to place herself. She started down one way, and than back the other way. Stopping again, she looks up and frowns, placing her hands on her hips.

He finds it amusing, while he's sitting, trying to figure out how they are going to get out 1969 in that motel; she is out here, confused. Trying to buy them both dinner.

'You look lost.' Immediately he cursed at himself. What had he just done? Is he truly that daft? He's done for now, he knew that this was a bad idea. This was exactly what he was afraid of. He'd engage her, and then he'd be forced to deal with his emotions for seeing her again, and tell her what had transpired on Mars and back on Earth.

'Yeah, I seem to be a bit lost. Can you…' She stops, as she realises who exactly she's speaking to. 'Doctor?'

'Yeah…' He holds his breath a bit as she draws closer, stopping in front of him.

'I thought you were back at the motel…' Rose studies him. No, he's different. He's so very different. 'So, how far ahead are you?'

She's intuitive like that, she can see it. 'Not terribly far ahead, actually.'

'Really?' She frowns like she doesn't believe him; she can't because he looks so worn down, defeated, and so utterly exhausted. There are dark circles under his eyes and he doesn't have the same wonder in his eyes anymore that she had first seen when he regenerated. She just sees sadness, perpetual sadness, like the light has gone out. She carefully places her hand on his cheek and she can almost sense his desperation. 'What's happened to you?'

He sighs a bit and places his hand on hers. Rose notices that she isn't with him. It must have happened. They must have been separated. Oh, no…

She's almost going to ask, her mouth is open, when she remembers that she can't. She simply can't. She never told him about how she had met his Eleventh incarnation. She isn't supposed to know, and he hasn't said anything, she can't let him know.

He doesn't answer right away. 'A lot has happened.' He turned away from her, he can't face her, and he's just remembering their last moments together. How angry she was with him, how she pleaded with him.

'Doctor…' Rose tries, and she carefully puts her arms around him. He doesn't move at first, it takes time before he embraces her in return. 'Talk to me.'

'It doesn't matter.'

'It matters to me. You look like hell, and you're not yourself. Now talk to me.'

'I did something…I shouldn't have.' He replied and looked to the sky. The stars shine brightly, and yet, at the moment, they are only stars to him. They hold no wonder to him currently, not since she's been gone. He can't stand the loneliness.

'And I'm not there anymore, so that's why you've come back.' Rose can't believe she's admitted that to him, but it's clearly evident she's no longer there. Why else would he go back in his own timeline to seek her out?

'How did you know?' The Doctor stares down at her. It's impossible that she'd know, she couldn't have…how did she find out?

'I can't tell you how I know…I just do.' She replied and gave a sad smile.

'How long have you known?'

'Quite awhile, but I try not to think about it,' Rose admits and looks to the sky. 'Where did you park the TARDIS?'

All he did was take her hand, he wants to talk to her, and he needs to tell her. It's eating him inside. That, and he just wants her near, he desperately misses her.

He stops in front of the TARDIS and pulls out his key, Rose notices long scratches on the TARDIS door. They look like a nail has made them, and she frowns. The hell has he been doing?

Well, at least the TARDIS looks the same on the inside, Rose walks up the ramp and he lingers at the door. It's so odd, to see her in the console room, and he misses her even more. She stands at the mouth of the hallway, but he still stands at the ramp. This is wrong, he should tell her to leave, and he could deal with this on his own. Even though he can't, he's going to die, he doesn't want to. That's why he ran into her arms. The incident on Mars had shaken him to his very core. Who was he to try and convince himself that he had complete authority over of all time? That isn't who he is. Rose studied him, he's conflicted, he's in pain and he's scared. What is going on? Oh, he needs her, she can see it, it emanates off of him. Yet he hesitates, because he knows this is wrong. Crossing his own timeline, engaging her and having her here in his TARDIS, is not right.

If he sought her out because he needed her, she is here, and she always would be, for as long as she could manage. Rose walked towards him, still standing on the ramp, conflicted, and wrapped her arms around him. He immediately returns her embrace, and he holds her tightly, and at one point, lifts her off the ground. Rose aches for him, what's happened to him? Where's the light behind his eyes? Has it gone out? No, it can't. Not for him, she won't let it. She waits until he sets her down and pulls away from her. Rose intertwines her arms around his neck and presses her lips to his. And he responds forcefully, pressing her to him. Rose eventually needs to stop, her lungs crave air and she inhales deeply.

'Will you talk to me now?' Rose pleads; she wants him to talk to her, because he needs her. And she's here now for him.

'Yeah…' He won't tell her that he's to die; she doesn't need to know that, at least not right now. She'll be there, in time. She grips his hand tightly and leads him down the hallway to the only room the two of them felt safe in.

Rose pushes open the door and gasps slightly. The room is in disarray, the bookcases are knocked down, the books scattered around the room, the desk is turned onto its side, and loose papers flung about and lay strewn on spots of the floor. The desk chair has been picked up; it's facing the bed. The bed remains undisturbed; there aren't even any crinkles in the fabric. It tells Rose he hasn't slept, in who knows how long.

'What's happened?' Rose does a small circle to survey the destruction.

'My temper. Just…mind your step, I may have missed some glass.' The Doctor informs her and takes off his jacket, setting it over the back of the desk chair. Rose is drawn to the floor, watching her step as she tries not to step on the loose papers. What was is a result of…? Rose can only imagine. She looks over to him, he still lingers. He's remembering…what made him fly into this rage. He closes his eyes tightly and Rose sees his shoulders slump. She knows he's trying to push these memories from his mind.

'Doctor…come here…' She wants to take away his pain, and he strides over to her, enveloping her in a tight hug.

'Sorry you had to see this.' He replies softly in her ear. But she shakes her head.

'I'm sorry for not being there…'

'I didn't…' He stops, he almost revealed that he was the reason she is no longer here. She can't know that. She already knows too much. 'I miss you.'

'I know you do, I will too.' Rose admits, but he shakes his head.

'Please don't say that, it's…it's still…I still hurt,' He confesses and Rose holds him tighter. 'Rose, wherever you used to be in my life, there's a hole in my world. I find myself walking around that hole in the daytime, and constantly, without fail, I find myself falling in it at night. I miss you like hell.'

'I know, I know. It will hurt…it will. But, go to my room, whenever you need to smile. I have pictures, so many of us...being us,' Rose finds tears starting in her eyes, and she blinks them away. Not right now. 'Talk to me…'

He reluctantly pulls away and she leads him to the bed. She climbs in and holds her arms out. He gets in takes her hand, she positions herself and he rests his head on hers. He continues to stare off, remembering the many joyous moments here. He needs to talk to her.

'I…made a mistake. I changed a fixed point. While on Mars…recently.'

'I thought you knew the rules about fixed points. You always told me…never. Don't do that.' Rose replied, confused. He clung to her.

'I tried to leave, Rose, so many times I tried to. But I kept getting roped back in. Then I decided, after I saved three people who were supposed to die…I decided something.'

'What did you decide…?' Rose encouraged him.

'While I was talking to Adelaide, one of the women I saved, I decided that the rules of the Time Lords were only valid while our civilisation still existed. Now that I'm the last one…I decided that I had total authority over time…'

'Oh, Doctor…' Rose closes her eyes. He needed someone, it's obvious he's alone, if someone were with him, this may not have happened. He got too arrogant.

'Time Lord Victorious…' He said softly. 'And that meant I could save influential people like Adelaide, and others. And I told her that.'

'Except that isn't all…is it?' Rose imagined that woman's horrified look. Because he'd tell her she was supposed to die, but she had to be happy to be alive when she was supposed to die. Except, something else happened.

'She didn't like that response. She didn't like my arrogance, because it wasn't up to me to decide who was important. She told me I was wrong. Wrong. Except I didn't want to believe her then…' He straightens up slightly. 'It's only when she returned to her house, that I saw the energy blast from her gun.'

'She killed herself…' Rose widens her eyes.

'She did, and by doing that, she reverted the changes that I made to the timeline. It was then that I realised the full impact of my actions. There would be a price to pay for my interference. So, did I go too far…?' The Doctor wonders aloud, Ood Sigma never answered him. How was he to know? But the reaction to his actions indicated that he had. And he should have known better.

'Doctor…' Rose manages after awhile. 'I'm so sorry…but you know you can't decide who lives and who dies. How they die, when they die…you know that.'

'Yeah…I know.'

'This is why you can't be alone…' Rose informs him and he shakes his head, clutching her tightly to him.

'I don't want anyone else…I don't need them, and…' Rose abruptly cuts him off.

'Oh, Doctor…you do…'

'I just want you…' He interjects, immediately he falls silent.

'I know you do, and you have no idea how much I wished I was there for you. You never deserve to be alone. That's one thing you should know by now, if ever we can't be together, I want you to find someone.'

'But they won't be you,' He repeats and looks at her. This is what she feared, that losing her would shut him down completely from the world around him. She can't have that. 'Besides, I don't know how much longer I'll have.' He admitted.

Rose frowns at that statement, what did that mean? Is he alluding to his regeneration? Well, she already knows he will. He doesn't know she knows, in fact, she's already revealed too much to him. Telling him she knows that she isn't with him any more. No, she silently pleads he'll find someone; she doesn't want him to regenerate alone. Thinking about this is breaking her heart, looking at him, is breaking her heart. He's so worn down, exhausted and just not himself. So vastly different from the man who is waiting for her back at the motel. Surely losing her can't be the cause for all of this…of course, she doesn't know the way in which they are separated. It has to be truly awful, for him to look like this. This defeated.

Impulsively, she kisses him. It catches him off guard, and it takes him a moment before he reacts. He pulls her on top of him and she steadies herself. Look at him, Rose offers him a warm smile, and for the first time, he genuinely smiles back to her. The light is back behind his eyes. It encourages her to go on, and she kisses him passionately. And he responds with the same intensity as the first time. His hands wander all over her body and she lets out a soft moan. That seems to be the sign he was waiting for as he switches positions with her, ensuring she is under him. Frantically she's starting to unbutton the jacket, throwing it to the side. She moans quietly as starts to kiss her neck. She stops undoing the buttons on his shirt to take off her own as he resumes kissing her neck. Just with the same attitude the first time, the same passion and Rose has a feeling, this will be the last time for him. He won't be seeing her again after this.

Slowly, he moves off of her, releasing his hand from the headboard, and shakes it slightly to get the feeling back in it. He settles down beside her and Rose pushes her hair out of her face. Panting slightly, Rose closes her eyes until she feels his arms around her. She opens her eyes and smiles, pulling him for another kiss. For their last time, it was just as intensive as the first.

'You need to get back, I'm sitting in that motel wondering what's taking you so long.' The Doctor says quietly.

'You know my sense of direction…' Rose tries.

'Yeah, I do, but I also worry at the state in which you come back in.'

'Why…' Rose frowns.

'You look sad, and I wonder what you've seen to make you that way.'

'Then I'll try to seem normal.' She tries to reassure him, but he smiles.

'You try to. But you don't. Not after how you see me. I know you think about how different I look, when you get back.' The Doctor kisses her head.

'I worry for you, you know that.' Rose states.

'I know you do.' The Doctor replies and sits up. Taking his cue, Rose stands up and searches for her clothes. The Doctor moves behind her and kisses her neck from behind and she smiles. Eventually, and rather reluctantly, he pulls away from her, and she hands him his shirt as she does up her jeans.

He takes her hand tightly in his as he leads her down the hallway and back to the console room. Rose doesn't want this to end, it can't. Not for them. She doesn't want it to. It hurts her to see how worn down he looks, everything that made him who he is appears to be eroded over the time they've been separated and events like the one on Mars.

She has so many questions she wants to ask him, but she doesn't want to bring up the painful memories. She's not meant to know those things.

Together, they stand by the console and admire it. He's already told her to act normal, but how can she when she knows a bit more of his future. Now she just wants to make him happy again, because he so desperately needs it.

Rose pulls him back down to her level and kisses him fiercely. He seems to have been thinking along the same lines as her because he kisses her back with the same intensity and ferocity. She backs up slightly until she's bumped into the console, using it to balance herself. He spreads her legs with his knee and she wraps her legs around him. She smirks a bit as he pulls away first, inhaling deeply, and she slowly unzips her jeans once more.

Rose is never going to be able to look at the console in the same way again as she stares at it, pulling her jeans up. The Doctor has come back from his room with his jacket and again, there is genuine happiness in his smile as he sees her. He still looks worn down, there are still circles under his eyes, but the weight of guilt seems to have been lifted off his shoulders. He quickens his pace and hugs her, so tightly.

His universe has never been the same since he met her, and he would never trade it for anything in the world. He believed that nothing would stop them. Nothing. But, their forever couldn't be. Because he made sure it wouldn't. That choice haunts him, and he hopes it won't carry through in the next regeneration. It's a crippling guilt, that's the reason he went back to her. He'll always need her. Always.

He walks her to the TARDIS doors and Rose smiles at the familiarity. This time is different. He gets out with her and locks the TARDIS behind him. Taking her hand, he leads her down the alleyway and stops where she had first noticed him. And she turns to face, placing her hand on his cheek.

'You know I can never do this again…right?' His statement is quiet.

'I know, I'm glad you came to me…in your time of need.' Rose replied and he gave a small smile. The sadness has returned, she can see it. In his darkest hour, he came to her, broke his own rules to seek her. She knows he doesn't regret it, but it's a bittersweet feeling.

She is all he knew; he sought her out when he needed her comfort, her love and her absolute understanding.

Their separation hung over him; she can see it, the way he clung to her as he told his story.

'I'm so glad I met you.' The Doctor stated and Rose smiled, feeling the tears in her eyes. He brushed them away for her and kissed her head.

'Me too. Always, and forever. I'm just sorry I couldn't promise you that…'

'Don't ever say that. Not now…please.' Her words still cut him, deeply. It hasn't been that long since he left her. It hurts; he's still so raw from it.

'Okay, I'm sorry,' She kisses him but he pulls away. 'It's time?'

'Yeah…I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,' He looks up to the sky, still stars for now, hopefully that will change. 'You're the best thing that I've had happen to me. And I'm sorry, I am.'

Rose smiles, the same type of apology as the first time. He's apologising for the separation. Just like the last time, or the first time. It scares her slightly, what is going to happen. But she can't know.

'Promise me you'll take care of yourself? Please. And find someone, you need someone. So we don't have a repeat of Mars, yeah?' Rose pleads and he nods, but his face remains expressionless.

'I'll try to…' He smiles at her and she kisses him. 'Take care of yourself.'

'You too, seriously.' Rose points her finger at him and he nods.

He watches as she walks back out into the now quiet street, and looks around confused. 'That way Rose, two blocks. And get some for me, I know I said I wasn't hungry, but I lied.' She turns at grins at him.

He watches as she disappears around a corner and is gone. He doesn't regret what he's done. He was right to go to her; she is what he needs to feel safe. It was everything he knew it was going to be. Time is a funny thing, it can give and take away in a matter of seconds. A moment in time can change one's life. It had for him. All because a little pink and yellow human wandered into the basement of a department store. And yet he chose to build a wall around his hearts, it was a voluntary imprisonment. Only he had the key, and he was so glad he used it when the time was right. He wanted to thank her. He didn't want to think of it as a goodbye, it hurt to think of it like that, so he decided to thank her, silently. It's a thank you for her coming into his life, at just the right moment. A thank you for changing him for the better and giving him joy. A thank you for her loving him, and her for receiving his love back. And perhaps the most important thank you of all, is the memories she gave him. He'll cherish those. Forever. Of course, she knew all of that already. She always just did.

He unlocks the TARDIS and looks behind him, but she isn't there. He knew that as he is sitting in the motel, wondering what's taking so long, he'd understand when he started the cycle of his own. She's all he's ever had, and he isn't sure how he can adjust without her. Clearly not very well.

He was happy he could see her one last time. He hears bangs on a door that come in four increments and he hastily steps inside. Even here he can get no reprieve...even here. He quickly starts the console and the TARDIS dematerialises.

Rose watches from around the corner. She frowns, four knocks have scared him. What does that mean? She starts off to get that food, realising it's just shy of an hour and a half, and she'd better hurry. She lets out a soft sigh as she remembers she's left her jacket in his room.

She turns her gaze to the stars and hopes he'll be all right. Because he sure as hell didn't look like it. Try to act normal, she reminds herself as she catches sight of the little take out place she had spotted earlier in the day.

All she wants for him is to be happy, even if it's without her. He needs to be, he lives such an extraordinary life, and he can't spend his life in perpetual sadness and depression. She had faith that he'd find something worth believing in, although she figured it'd always be her.

Rose collects her food and clutches the bag to her chest as she starts the trek back to the retro hotel. He wouldn't understand when he saw her, and she couldn't tell him. It's his own future, and he isn't supposed to know. Act normal, but she can't. She'll need him this time, to comfort her. Even for reasons unknown to him.

Hey!

So this is my sneaky idea I was inspired to write. I've fixed my story 'Blink' from last story to match up with the events in this chapter. I'm giving a little more insight to the eventual separation. Especially the remnants of the Doctor's room. I already have that scene mapped out in my head. Actually most of that entire last chapter is mapped out.

What do you think? Did you like it? Adjustments I need to make? Don't worry the next major chapter will commence soon.

Thank you all! And sorry about the angst the past few chapters.