Other than to school, because I have to, I don't really leave my house. Well I do still see Orion and my friends occasionally and get touch ups on my hair, but those are necessities. And really, I can't stand going out in public and I'm not alone in this, so we usually meet at each others' houses. My father thinks it's perfectly fine for me to go out but he doesn't understand, even as the president of a major fashion company. The irony! He's a smart business man and I know food isn't the only thing he stocked up on but he won't let me have any new clothes because he says he needs to sell all of them to make any profit! As if he couldn't squeeze out silver from rocks.

Andy is going insane. All her colors are growing pale and she's sticking to similar hues. The only person who's unaffected is Daphne with vintage clothes.

What else has changed? Ah, I haven't made a single video in three weeks and my fans have noticed. They keep begging me to come back and ask what's wrong, or so Orion tells me, and if it wasn't for him they wouldn't get a response.

He's worried about me and tells me that everything is going to go back to normal soon, but if he really believes that, he's not as smart as I always thought he was. Even my mother is beginning to doubt President Snow's announcements about the temporal nature of the shortages. Shortages! I didn't even know what that word meant a few months ago and now I hear it everywhere, though it's whispered beneath the excitement of the Victory Tour. No one wants to undermine the great empire or our Caesar. I used to be afraid of the bitterness that started welling in me but not anymore. I've pretty much embraced it.

Orion doesn't really like the new me and for his sake I try to be more upbeat around him which seems to do the trick. As for an excuse as to why I haven't been making videos, I told him that I wanted to focus on school and that it didn't really matter if I made videos now anyway since the stations were doing a good enough job stuffing everyone with more Katniss and Peeta than they could handle, which is a lie. Yes, everyone's back in Hunger Games mode, but my broadcasts always have extra juicy tidbits that they don't air, but the explanation is enough to satisfy him. Orion's been pretty distracted lately working on his own projects and he sees a break from my weekly shows as an opportunity to throw himself into them.

Which is fine, he should have time to do his own thing and I want to be alone, but I'm still mad at him. I mean, we haven't had a conversation longer than 2 minutes for over a week, but whatever.

Penelope admitted to me that her family's started to hide food too and we're pretty sure we're not alone. There's barely anything left on market shelves and I can't remember the last time I ate out or was full.

When the Victory Tour finally begins, my parents call me down to watch with them. I'd rather not see the Victors but my behavior has not gone unnoticed by them either and I want to put them at ease. And we always watch the Victory Tours together, it's a family tradition and who knows, maybe it'll uplift my spirits.

Downstairs, I plop down between them and arrive just in time to see Katniss and Peeta all prettied up and pretending to fit in with us step onto the stage in District 11. The people there look sombre, but they always do, except in the winning District. I never thought anything of it before, but this year we're all unnerved by their attitudes.

Strangely, they cut out their speeches. We wonder together if they messed up, which is perplexing since Peeta is really a natural when it comes to being on camera.

The next few days of the Victory Tour pretty much go the same way, except this time they both get their speeches down pat. And really despite my fear and resentment toward the Districts, the familiarity of the Victory Tour and watching it with my parents does help to comfort me somewhat, though I'm still pretty tense when they air the dissenting Districts. You wouldn't know it looking at them though. No, my uncle has some really talented people working for him. Everything looks bright and cheery, save for pretty much everyone's faces, except the ones on stage.

After watching them finish at District 3, my father hands me two tickets to the party held in their honor at the President's house. This would be the first time I ever attended one of these parties, my parents thought I was too young before, and I've always wanted to go, of course, but I'm not sure if I really want to this year. But I know how expensive they are and my father looks too happy for me to turn him down. He and mother will be there too, as always. It's a great way to mingle and keep up business relations and make new ones.

I go upstairs and tell Orion about it. He's ecstatic. There are always big names there, past Victors, actors and producers so it'll be a really great opportunity for him too.

At my closet, I look through my rows of dresses and try and figure out what I can wear to this thing. I start to narrow down my options. This one's fairly new and I've only worn it once, but it's so popular I expect to see at least a dozen of them. Everything else is either too old or I've worn them on my shows. Besides being renowned for my Victor secrets I'm known for always being on top of fashion trends and I know some of my viewers will be there.

But just as I'm about to sink into utter despair, my father comes upstairs with the latest dress by Cinna.

"I couldn't let everyone else have it before my daughter."

I jump into his arms and kiss his cheeks. This is the best I've felt in a long time.

The day of the party finally arrives. Penelope and Andy begged me earlier to take videos and pictures of the event and especially of Peeta and Katniss so Orion comes saddled with a camera but he doesn't mind. In fact, he says that he'll try to show off his pictures to whoever there and perhaps get his foot in the door in his profession. I really don't know why he feels like he needs to do all this. His connection to me pretty much means he can do whatever he wants, but he says he likes to be prepared for anything. I don't like what that implies and with me already annoyed at him, it doesn't help.

On the car ride over, I sit silently while he chatters away with my parents. When we arrive, he pulls me eagerly inside and when we get separated amid the chaos he hasn't even noticed. I thought we were supposed to be Katniss and Peeta.

Making our way further into the room, we find them both circled by adoring fans.

"Look, there they are," he says, smiling brighter than I think I've ever seen.

"Yeah."

"Come on, you want to meet them, right? Our doubles."

He nuzzles my neck with his nose but I remain stoic. He doesn't notice.

Grabbing my hand, he again leads the way until we're in front of the happy couple.

"Hi, Peeta, Katniss, I'm Orion and this is Helena. We're big fans."

"Thank you," Peeta says.

He and Orion shake hands firmly.

Katniss smiles back and she looks really beautiful and sweet. We shake hands too.

"Thank you for coming to meet us," she says.

"How are you enjoying the party?" I ask.

"It's wonderful."

"You're probably getting used to things like this, huh? Isn't it exhausting?" I say.

I smile but it's obvious I'm annoyed. But she doesn't miss a beat.

"Yes, I love the Capitol but there's just no place like home. It's very peaceful."

That's right, District 12 isn't acting up. Maybe I should be a little less obviously hostile.

Peeta smiles winningly at me.

"Your dress looks beautiful. It was made by Cinna, right?"

"Yes, thank you," I say, and I mean it.

"Katniss is taking lessons from him for her talent."

"Yes, I know. That's great. I love Cinna's outfits. Maybe I'll wear your designs one day."

Katniss just smiles back.

Orion asks to take some pictures of them and with them and if we can do a little interview of them outside where it's less noisy. They agree to the pictures but decline the interview as they're feeling tired. He tries again and asks if they wouldn't mind being interviewed another time. They say maybe and Orion gives them his card. After he takes the pictures, we amicably part and Orion looks through them, trying to find the best ones to show off. While he's preoccupied, I go over to the food bar. It's practically drooping under all the food and I almost cry. I feel like I haven't seen so much food in my life.

I eat until I think I'm going to die. When I look up, I see that I'm close to the V.I.'s, or vomit inducers, but there's no way I'm giving up any of the food inside my body. Instead I wonder if there are any to go bags when I hear Katniss.

Turning, I see her and Peeta with Katniss' team, who are laughing hysterically. I can't hear what they're saying, but I can see Katniss' face and she looks apalled. At first I can't understand why, but then I do when Peeta takes her V.I. Glass and puts it back.

My face flushes in anger and embarrassment. Are they looking down on us?

I walk away and find myself spinning in someone's arms. Looking up, I see Orion.

"Hey, where have you been? I was just talking to Hef Chiang! He liked my photos and he gave me his business card!"

As he spins me on the dance floor I just lean against him, tuning him out. I stare out into nowhere trying to redeem myself in my eyes. Letting my guard down I'd genuinely started to like Peeta and Katniss and then I found out what they really think of us. I feel like an idiot. I can imagine them laughing at all of us back at their District.

Then I hear what has quickly become a familiar voice and looking around for a bit, I see Katniss and Peeta, also dancing. I wonder if I'm fated to spend my entire night in their presence and try to pull Orion away but he won't budge. I try to tune them out, but I can't. What exactly are they discussing?

"I know. I know that," Peeta says. "It's just sometimes I can't stand it anymore. To the point where... I'm not sure what I'll do."

After that I can't really hear anymore so I drag Orion back a bit and really lean in, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible. I just barely make out "wrong".

Wrong about what?

"About what?" Katniss asks, echoing my thoughts.

"About... subdue... districts."

My blood runs cold. Katniss' neck swivels around and I quickly close my eyes and pretend I'm lost in the romance of dancing with my boyfriend. I hear them start to whisper again and know they didn't catch me.

We need to get out. Now. I pull away from Orion and tell him I'm tired. Either there's some sort of look in my eye or he's accomplished everything he set out to do tonight, but he doesn't argue and follows after me.

Outside I find my driver and tell him to take us back and then he can swing back around to pick up my parents.

Inside the car, I lay back and try to keep myself together. I'm frantic and although I'm trying desperately to make sense of everything, I can't. All I can think is that a full blown rebellion is imminent and Katniss and Peeta will be leading the charge. A break out in a cold sweat and I can feel bile in my throat but I swallow it down and pretend to sleep.

When we stop in front of Orion's house, he kisses my forehead before leaving and then we're moving again.

Back home I throw off my clothes and scrub my makeup off until my face is raw before I jump into the bath. It doesn't help and I get out after a few minutes. I lay in bed, I pace up and down my room, I hold myself tight but nothing helps. I try to be reasonable.

So what if they rebel? What are they going to do? They have limited resources and we have technology and weaponry and an army. I start to calm down. Right, and all the fighting would just be at the Districts, none of it would come here. Probably before any real fighting could start, we'd just do what we did to District 13. But then another thought hits me. We can't do that to all of them. We depend on them for food and clothing and transportation... I'd never realized how essential they were to us. If we destroy them or they rebel, what will we do? We'll have nothing. We're already running out of supplies.

"I don't want to die!"

I collapse to the floor and sob. It takes a long time for me to calm down and when I look up there's a warm cup of tea in front of me. Afraid that my parents might have heard me, I quiet down but don't hear anything. I still feel miserable and scared and all I want to do is talk to someone. After running through a quick list of possible confidantes, I decide on Daphne and call her up.

Immediately she asks me what's wrong.

"How'd you know?"

"You sound like you've been crying."

And then I let everything out, everything that I've more or less been keeping to myself all these months. I tell her about the Districts dissenting and what I overheard tonight. She listens to everything until I lapse into a silence. There's a pause where I wait for her to respond and then she does.

"Thanks for sharing this with my Helena, and for trusting me. And I hope I can trust you too?"

I'm stunned. I was so caught up in myself that I couldn't imagine that anyone else would have an important secret too.

"Yeah, what is it?"

"I've hated the Capitol since they turned my brother into an avox."

"But..."

I knew she had a brother, but I hadn't ever given him a thought. Of course, it made sense now. No wonder I never saw him. But if he was an avox, who cared? He was a criminal and deserved his punishment. I had been about to say that but decided it was too cruel.

"But the Capitol is our home. It gives us everything."

"No, it takes everything from the Districts. And then we kill their children."

"Daphne, what are you saying?"

I hear her sigh over the phone.

"Helena, I love you, but stop thinking in Capitol terms."

I remember Katniss' expression at the V.I. bar and color.

"What does that mean?"

"I hope you can figure it out. Good night, Helena."

And with that she hangs up.

Hating the Capitol? I can't understand it, and I'm upset all over again. Is she seriously sympathizing with the Districts?

On my phone, I dial the number for the police but hesitate. Daphne has been my good friend for years and she's never hinted at anarchy before, but all this time it's been stirring in her? It's dangerous, but how can I betray her? Maybe if I talk to her I can make her see sense, I can unite her with me, with us, against the real enemy: the Districts.

I put down my phone and think back over what she said.

We take everything from them? I go online and look up recordings of the Hunger Games. Most of the Tributes are tiny and thin. I'd always been jealous of them, but was it because they didn't have enough food? But why wouldn't they? They're the ones who produce it. What was Daphne talking about?

And the way she described the Hunger Games... well, that's right, it started out as punishment, but, but now didn't it unite us? And we rewarded the winners... the image of District 11 gathered for the Victory Tour play through my thoughts.

I shake my head vigorously. No, no, no, no, no. What am I thinking? They deserve it. They rebelled! If anyone's the wrong, it's the Districts, not the Capitol... isn't it?

My tab rings out and I see I've gotten an email. I think to ignore it but then I see the address. Am I reading it right? I bring it up close. Is this really from the President?

Opening it, I find a short note from, indeed, President Snow. He says that my videos are a delight and asks that I resume making them as usual, as people need the morale it brings, especially during this time.

I read and reread what he's written. 'During this time'? What does he mean? Everyone is pumped up about next year's Hunger Games right now. Is he talking about the shortages? This gives me even less hope that things can be turned around and suddenly very weary, I take my sleeping pills and am thankfully consumed by darkness.