So, umm, hi.

I'm really sorry for not updating this for so long time, I had no motivation to write anything and when I finally wrote something it usually wasn't longer than 10 lines, so I kept writing those short bits on my phone when I felt somehow inspired. I wrote a lot of them…

So the good thing is I almost have next chapter finished.

Sadly I do not own any of MCR members etc.

When I woke up, Frank was still sleeping. Even though we slept on to different beds our faces were really close to each other. See, that says a lot about how shitty the sleeping area in bus is. No more than a meter distance between walls with beds.

He really is an angel while he sleeps. His pretty face, closed eyes and half-opened mouth, like a baby, and oh, so peaceful. He is lying on his right side, facing me, same position as he fell asleep.

His face is really pretty, and he doesn't move... Maybe? Oh I should do it, now when I have a chance. I grab my sketchbook and still lying down begin with basics of his face. I placed eyes, nose and his perfect lips in right places on the paper. Now detail time! Don't you move Frankie, don't move...

15 minutes of almost total silence, almost 'cause you can hear my pencil slowly moving around on my paper... oh yes his eyes are fuckin' perfect now! I don't think I'm gonna add any colors. Nose; oh that was easy. Hair... ok done!

And now my dearest Frank, if you wake up or move. I am simply going to kill you. I need to capture this exact expression. So don't you move if you want your heart to beat a little longer than 20 seconds. But hey, those would be some happy 20 seconds! You'd be looking at my face from almost no distance; it may hurt a little...

Oh how should I kill you Frankie? What is your dream death? No, no wait, I was drawing. Oh god... No, I can't do such a thing as killing Frank... Never! Drawing, concentrate! Slowly, don't make any mistakes...

I'm not used to draw so realistically.

But he is so perfect, so unrealistically prefect, like porcelain figure. Perfect lips, I need them. What's their structure? Are they soft? I've kissed them many times before but I can't remember. I place one finger on the lower part, press it slowly, and part his lips a little more than it was before. Then quickly return my hand back to drawing.

Every line must be ideal. Slowly, line after line I finish my drawing, well at least all the features on his face.

It's pretty, but it still needs shading. I find one if the softer pencils, one that will do a perfect blur...

"Gee?" I hear his sleepy voice, and try to not explode with anger "What are you drawing Gee?"
"Nothing"

Get up Gee, get up you little shit.

Hardly moving my hand I begin my first fight of the day. Slowly slipping my legs from under the warm covers and pushing my body up with my hands.

I finish the battle, just to begin next one. Putting some clothes on.
Black skinnies should be fine. Gotta find a T-shirt, drawers? No, nothing there. Well, there are some on the floor; I just don't really believe that they have any possibility of being clean.

Nah, who cares?

I'll go fix myself a nice cup of coffee, yeah, that sound good. Kitchen, kitchen, welcome me nicely, it's not my very best day, so please be nice.

Sticking my hand into back pockets I make my way to the kitchen.

There is something in my right pocket, something in a small plastic bag. My heart speeds up. Can it be? My hands are shaking, I'm holding this precious bag in front of my eyes. Yes. Yes. Yes. It is!

A bit of white powder is still in it, not much, but enough. I know they'll be really disappointed when they'll find out. I bit my bottom lip. Fuck it, I need, I need, I want.

I run to the kitchen board, and pour all of it on the board. A knife should be fine. I make a so not perfect line, there's no time for perfection. Oh gosh, there is enough for two lines! I form the second line a little more straight.

My eyes light up and a smile forms on my lips, as I slowly move my head toward my instant, fake happiness.

One. Deep breath.

Two. Deep breath.

Oh yes... Deep breath.

Oh no... Deep breath.

I lose my balance collapsing on the floor. Deep breath.

I feel a warm drop dripping from my nose. Deep breath.

I close my eyes. Deep breath.

Someone, please kill me. No deep breath this time.

"Slowly honey," his voice is unbelievably calm. Oh, what have I done, gosh why am I so stupid.
"I'm sorry..."
"shh, shh sweetie" he touches my forehead, how come haven't I noticed before how delicate his hands are?
"I'm sorry..."
"it's ok, it's ok sweetie. Sleep now, you're tried, you have fever. Sleep, I'll be here when you wake up," I wish I didn't felt this shiver when he said those words, I'm supposed to be addicted, not in love.
"Will you?"
"I promise. I'll take care of you"
I nod, will you kill me Frankie? This is probably the best way of taking care of me right now.
I open my mouth to say my last thought at loud, but I'm stopped by his "shh" and a hand on my chin.
"You need to sleep now" he says lightly pushing me on the bed. Smell of cigarettes hits me when he palaces a kiss on my forehead. There's no sexuality in his actions, not a bit. He's just worried, and sees me as a hurt child now. I'm okay with that. I need attention; he's giving me a perfect amount of it.
I do as he wants me to, letting him stroke my hair a little, in this soft comforting way.
"Goodnight Gee," he whispers, and I fall asleep to his melodic voice not even trying to answer back.

I wake up, fast breathing, sweat all over.

I push myself up to see my terrible reflection in the shitty mirror on the wall. Sticky hair still tired eyes with 2 days-old eyeliner. I look awful. I see Frank's reflection behind mine, he's smiling.

I'm gonna throw up. Overcoming all my fears of leaving my safe bed, I run to the bathroom.

I hate it; I really, really hate it. I push back my hair, holding my head just few inches above toilet. Sweet, really sweet… Oh the sweet taste in my mouth is going to be destroyed in 3...2...1... Die darling.

A knock on the bathroom door. I mutter something to let them know I'm still alive.

Second knock on the door.
"Go away... I'm fine!" I try my best to sound like I really am fine.

It obviously isn't working because right after my answer the door opens.